Saturday, December 31, 2011

22. New Years Resolutions and other stuff.

Sup guys?

Just got back from a very long seven hour shift at work. Jay informed me that I will be getting paid for those 30 hours.... in another two weeks. Fuck, I'm getting really tired of this. He told me I'd be getting paid for those hours on my last paycheck. Thank God I don't have an apartment or a family to feed otherwise they'd be pretty irritated and hungry. haha

So, that Zach (a.k.a.Berry, Brenna's friend from awhile back that stopped talking to me abruptly) guy really proved himself to be a complete puke, but luckily had some closure with him. Last night he spontaniously texted me after not talking for four weeks, "Wanna hook up again?" I had deleted his number, so I texted him back "Who's this?" and he's like "Berry." Five minutes later, as I responded when I was on break he writes "Well?" Ugh. Obviously, zero respect for me. Have I wanted to hook up with him again? Yes. But do I have dignity? ..Or am I at least working on it? Yes. First, sort of dumbfounded, I said "Dude don't you have a girlfriend?"
After driving home, pissed off that he texted me about it in the first place, I also wrote, in a nutshell: "And honestly, I don't want to hook up with you again. I didn't want the "hookup" to be just that but you manipulated me by acting like you actually had feelings toward me. Fuck no, I'd rather not make that mistake again." <- That's actually a little nicer than what it said, but it was basically the same thing. Also, I sound a lot less pathetic than that. Anyway, he told me he didn't have a girlfriend and that he didn't have a committment of any kind with anyone. Yet you post statuses with that gross dumpy girl all the time? Errm, I'm sure she wouldn't be thrilled if she knew he was trying to hook up.

Anyway, he didn't respond until this morning at like 6' am. I was up because I was getting ready for work. He told me that when we hooked up he didn't know I was moving. What a cheap ass excuse. I told him I wasn't moving until September, but regardless he shouldn't base his opinions of someone around when they're moving or not. This went on for awhile with long time stretches in between texts. I had to go to work, so we were having this conversation throughout the day. This is why I hate texting.

Long story (well, not really) short, he made the excuse that he's moving in June. Great, good ridance. Seriously I could give a shit. I really wanted to bitch him out but at this point, but I offered to still be friends to be on good terms, though re-reminded him that I don't want a fuck buddy or any of that bullshit. He responded "nah." Great! 'Have a nice life :)' is what I wrote back. I didn't bitch him out because I'd rather he didn't spread any garbage around about me.

This might sound like a sob story, but for me it's actually a story of strength for me. Yes, I didn't nessasarily tell him straight and bitch him out like I would of to almost anyone that gave me shit online or via text, but this is a huge step for me. I DIDN'T hook up with him. I went on a night walk with Lindy after work, and stayed home. I TOLD HIM NO.

Which leads me to my New Years resolutions for 2012.

2012 Resolutions
1. Be more of a bitch. Bitches have self worth.
Now, a bitch in a sense that I will no longer be a pushover toward men. I will save my kindness and patience for work and the people that I actually care about. This year I was manipulated, and had a vicious cycle of bad men and rejections, making my trust in men very VERY slim. But I'm still alive, STD free, and I still look pretty damn good even if I've gone through an emotional hellride.

2. Get more sleep. 
This is really important. I haven't been getting a good amount of ZzZ's in forever. Especially with my school schedule starting so early in the morning. I'm gonna be waking up at 5'. Barely made it to work on time (scheduled at 7:45) when I woke up at 6:30.

3. Learn all the System of a Down songs on guitar.
Well, probably won't learn all of them, but I'll get the best chunk done that I can. I've already got two down (Hypnotize and Soil), and I'm working on a third (Holy Mountains).

4. Have Faith in myself.

I need to stop wasting so much energy on putting myself down because of the mistakes I've made that have left me sad and humiliated. I have nothing in life to be humiliated for. Those weird fat coupon ladies with their toddlers? They have something to be humiliated for, and they have way more self confidence than I do.
I have really spent too much time in my life being miserable, and it's time to make an effort to be a happier person. Because I'm 20 years old, that's like a 4th of my life that I've spent miserable. I don't need anyone to give me the happiness I deserve. I have to find it myself. There's nothing a man can give me that can make me genuinely happy. It's all lust, it's all short lived. Most relationships are complete bullshit and people just get in them for the attention and admiration/envy of others. I need to find this happiness myself.

5. Develop a closer relationship with God.
I'm tired of being afraid of dying. My anxieties are worsening and I need help.

Pretty powerful goals. But I am feeling like this year will be a breakthrough for me. No, things might not nessasarily change that dramatically, but I can only try and improve my life one step at a time. And I really think these goals will help me. I've been trying to keep a possitive outlook on things. Guitar and hanging out with Jake has helped a lot.


Thursday, December 29, 2011

20. crazy, silly.

Gotta head to work in 30 minutes so I gotta make this short and sweet.

Haven't gotten paid yet. Checked my balance and called the bank this morning and the Rite Aid check isn't even processing at this point. I'm guessing I'm gonna need to actually go to my job and get the physical check. That'll be a bitch because that means I'll have to deposit the check tomorrow. Thus, again, I will be broke tonight. My Christmas break is slowly drawing to a close. I'm happy, though, it's time to get back on track again. A new quarter is a new opportunity, and I'm content with exactly where I'm at.

Saw Katharine last night for the first time in awhile. We had a lot of good laughs about things, with Katharine it's almost always a reminicent night. All we really talk about is things we've experienced, yet we're now creating new memories. It's weird. She is staying with Brian still I'm pretty sure, I guess Christmas together was really good too and his mom got her some really cool stuff. Like a legitamite teaset from Goodwill. Bitchin.

I need to start rumaging at thrift stores but I can never seem to have the patience. My mom is a champion. Idk whenever I go in there I feel awkward, like people are looking at me. But they're totally not and that's what's hilarious about it.

I've slowed down on the Bronkaid. Actually I hadn't taken it in a few days, but I took one today to help my focus at work. They're a lot like ADHD pills.... And I'm not the only one who uses them for this. They're powerful, cheap and in combination with one caffiene pill do the trick for easing getting up and studying for long stretches of time. I've been taking two Bronkaid in the morning with one 200 mg tablet of caffiene about twice a week or so, sometimes less; sometimes more. I honestly think I do have minor ADHD and on days where it's extremely difficult to get anything accomplished, it's very helpful.

I'm not stoked for work today but at least I'm gonna see Michael Zhang afterward. :) Always nice to catch up with these people on breaks. Something else that's interesting is that Nathan and his boyfriend broke up, and he's starting school at Central in the Spring. Yet another person who's getting out earlier than I am. I'm sure the breakup really pushed him out of here. I guess that's the main reason I choose to not be in a relationship right now. Because if I really actually like him, then he might cause me to stick around longer than I should, and a breakup would make me want to jump the gun too quickly.

The gun needs to be jumped. It's starting to get dusty.

Oh, Ashleigh struck again, and I caught her. Check this out:

Alright, obviously you can't see it very well on here. The best way to view this would be to go to the link on my facebook:

Or if you can't access it save the image and open it up and read it. : ) Lol I don't want to spread my page out.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

18. Wind keeps me up.

Not because it scares me but because I love the sound of it. It makes the mood a lot more interesting.

Todays been slow, but productive. My sweets consumption has been lowered, at least somewhat. It's still pretty bad though, the holidays make it so hard to stay away from chocolate. You guys know me, I love chocolate. So yummy, delicious.. but bad for you, so I've been exercising a lot too. That being said I haven't really gained any weight, in fact my mom says I look pretty thin, but I still feel gross if I eat too much chocolate or whatever other sweet things are around. It's hard for me to go into the kitchen without grabbing a little 3 Muskateers bite (those little tiny 3 Muskateers bite sized that usually come around the holidays. About the size of 1/8th of a bar). Guess it's not the worst thing I could be munching on if I only have one or two, but still. Way more than I eat during the spring or summer.

That planner worked wonders for me today. I wrote out everything that I needed to do, and got it all done. I have to say, I've been getting a lot better at the guitar. I have Hypnotise completely 100% down, aside from that stupid chord transition during the bridge. I'm working on Holy Mountains right now. The only unfortunate thing about SOAD is that their tuning is really specific, and it makes me nervous when I switch back and forth between this Drop C weirdness to Drop D for Rammstein. I only have five strings on my guitar right now... my littlest one broke when I was tuning-- AGAIN. Ugh. It snapped really hard and hurt my hand. Its been like that for a week but I very rarely have to use that small string so I don't worry about it too much.

My mom actually overheard me playing tonight and flipped out because she said it actually sounded really good! That's huge for me.

When I get paid I'll get a new string, among other things that I really need to buy. Like my Visual Basic book from Delaney. School is coming up so quickly!

I studied a little Japanese today, reviewed. I remember a lot more than I expected, especially grammar wise. It's starting to come semi naturally to me now. I really need to work on my katakana packet tomorrow. That'll be my goal, really make an effort to study five out of the next six days before school starts.

Madoka Kugimiya from Negima!
Student Number 11: Madoka Kugimiya (釘宮 円, Kugimiya Madoka) Birthday: 3 March 1989. She is the serious one of the three cheerleaders in the class. She makes sure that the other cheerleaders (especially Sakurako) do not get into any trouble. She likes gyūdon and silver accessories and generally into Western music (currently is a fan of Avril Lavigne from notes), but hates playboys and is mildly obsessed with her husky voice
I've found that another sort of fun way to study my Japanese is, as clique as this sounds, watch anime.
This actually works because I can semi understand the grammar now and it helps me remember old vocabulary.

I'm really excited that I might be going to Sakura con this year! I think it would be really fun if I got a group together that was really into the cosplaying aspect of it. Maybe do a Sailor Moon group or something. Fun fun fun. . . But expensive, I should have enough by then though.

This morning I got called into work at 7:30 and I was there at 9'. Worked til 2'. Quick and easy shift, and I look forward to getting paid in 24 hours.


Monday, December 26, 2011

17. Apple Cider is good.

Today I met up with Brier at the Barnes and Nobles in Kennewick and we got this apple cider with whipped cream on top from Starbucks. delicious and amazing! He gave me credit for "Calling" it. Calling that it would be more delicious than one of those heavy, 400 calorie coffee drinks. We sat and looked at books for awhile, including that Post Secret book that has a lot of depressing, disturbing postcards in it. It was pretty crazy crowded in the mall today.. people making returns and stuff. I ended up buying a new planner. It's about the size of that big one that I had in middle school so I shouldn't lose it, and it has LOTS of space to write and rant about things if I get spare time to do so. It's nice to blog on the go once and awhile.

Tomorrow I'm going to call up the lady at 101 Cleaners and see if that job is still in mind. Tomorrow's Tuesday, thank GOD, which means only two more days until I get paid. I do work on Thursday and Friday but luckily school is starting soon. Let's see here, when does Winter quarter start...

Wow, winter quarter starts TUESDAY, JANUARY 3RD. That's in exactly one week! Woohoo for Christmas break being almost over. I've almost spent my entire time either running around up to no good, eating junk food, doing frantic pilates or getting high. It'll be nice to get back to the old grind. After I get done practicing tonight I think I'm gonna study some Japanese. The irony of this break is that I haven't been playing Sims 2 at all because I've either been going places or doing things or don't feel like it. So I guess this Christmas break hasn't been all unproductive. I got my shopping done, got lots of cool stuff for Christmas, and I'm super excited for New Year.

I can start being more proactive with my Japanese... tomorrow. I'm definately going to make that a priority. I don't want to go into Winter quarter unprepared. This planner will help me a lot with that. It can help me keep a routine and get done what I need to, as well as keep my work hours in check.

Anyway, better get going. : )


Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmasssssssssssssshita


It of course is Christmas today, and we just got done unwrapping gifts and all of my lovely haul is sitting out on the coffee table. I got some great stuff. before I forget, here's what I got and who bought me what:

1. Bottle of Differin from Mom and Dad. Costs about $65, glad I didn't have to buy it.
2. Webcam from Mom and Dad
3. Fitness tube and fitness band from Mom and Dad
4. Bottle of MAC Studio Sculpt foundation from Mom
5. Colorsilk hairdye from Mom
6. SYSTEM OF A DOWN POSTER!!! from Avery
7. Long socks from Mom and Dad
8. Eyeliner and mascara from Mom and dad
9. Wool hat from Mom
10. Candles, a bath set, and a big chocolate pop from my secret santa at rite aid
11. A bento box from Avery
12. A green purse from Mom
13. A big insence set from Avery
14. A really nice razor from Mom and Dad
15. A metallica bass tabs book from Robert, along with fortune cookies (I loved this)
16. CUSTOM artwork by Samantha, I love this too!
17. A really neat t-shirt from Katharine, along with a hilarious book called Go the Fuck to Sleep.
18. And of course the beautiful pink pipe from Katelynn
19. $50 gift card to Target from Grandma.

Overall, great stuff. I love all of it. The only return I intend to do is the purse that my mom got me. I can't tell if I like it yet. Well, it's nicer than my current purse. I ended up giving the glamourpuss wallet that it came with to my sister though. It's zebra print with sparkles, eww. I do need a new wallet though.

I really don't like that my Grandma got us gifts when she told us she wasn't buying us anything. I would of bought her something as well. She got my Dad a $150 card when my mom only got a $50, hahahaha.

Robert wrote me a letter in Japanese with my gift, I freakin love it. It makes no sense and that's why it's awesome. He copied it from Google Translate. Katharine and Robert both outdid me this year, big time. I'm stoked that Katharine likes her lipstick though.

Samantha's gift didn't end up working out... apparently the scanner doesn't work. This still sort of makes me depressed and I hope we can figure it out later. Her custom artwork is painted and it looks so much like me. Samantha got a new phone!

I'm super excited for tonight. I get to see Brier who came to visit his family for christmas. He texted me last night when I was at Rhiannon's house. It was SO LOUD in the background that he just told me to call him today. He's cute, I'm stoked and hope he doesn't flake out or something lame.

I'm not disappointed that Christmas morning is over. I used to get all sad about it when I was a kid. This year the spirit of Christmas was sort of dead to me, but this morning I was uber happy to get all this great stuff. I'm gonna get my hair dyed today and i'll make my first webcam video with the new camera. : )

Merry Christmas everbodyyyy


Saturday, December 24, 2011

~15~ HURRAY NEW YEARS IS COMING, ..oh, and happy Christmas eve!

The past couple days have been hectic, mainly with work.

Thursday and Friday were the only days I was scheduled this week, but the shifts were long and tedious. Luckily, yesterday I was in a FANTASTIC mood and it made things go by quickly. I recently acquired some good Tilapia from a friend of Jake's, and it's been good company for me during this boring Christmas break. Well, it hasn't been terribly boring, just broke because my job still owes me money. I'll probably just get it on Thursday. Wait, today is... Saturday. That means I get paid on the 29th of December. That's in five days. I can survive five days without spending a terrible amount of money right? And the best part is....

New Years is coming!!!
2012 baby!

Usually, New Years doesn't mark that much of a new beginning for me. Last year it was just a nightmare because I was with Michael, and then shortly after was in the hospital for a kidney infection and saw myself look the unhealthiest and ugliest I've ever seen in my life. I wish I could of gotten a picture. It was horrific.

It really is exciting for me. 2011 was a pretty awful year in a lot of ways, it was a year for a lot of growing. Though it wasn't the worst year I've ever had because I learned a lot of Japanese, met a lot of great people, had my first actual year of "college." Well, the crappy CBC version of college but still college regardless.

You know, lets make a list of all the good and bad things that happened in 2011. Just for the nostalgia of it.

Bad Things that Happened in 2011
(we can end on a good note)

1. Well, Michael Kaminski situation. He made my family not trust my judgement and gave me paranoia of sleeping next to guys. That wasn't good and still makes me feel a little queesy to this day.  Still also continues to be embarrising when I'm around Katelynn.

2. Getting a kidney infection and feeling like I'm legitamitely going to die for the first time in my life. That was frightening.

3. Being manipulated by two huge dumbasses in a very short amount of time. Got manipulated, felt used, etc etc. Those mistakes left two more scars that I have to live with. This year, I'm going to change and not let that happen again. Ever.

4. Having my first panic attack and felt like I was legitamitely going insane around my 20th birthday. My fear of death sort of erupted. Temporarily lost touch with the purpose of living. Also temporarily lost faith in God. I'm still trying to find it again and I think for the first time in my life I so badly want to believe.

5. Had, and still frequently have, major anxieties over what people think and say about me based on what I've done and embarrising things I've said. I think about it every day, and sometimes it gets harder and harder to brush off.

6. Lost most of my trust in men, and even spending time with them now is a struggle for me because it makes me feel prone to anxiety. I tend to reject my own feelings towards people because I feel hopeless in the matter. This has also made me want to try dating women instead. This whole year has just been continual slaps in the face by men and their ridiculousness, and it makes me think that all the other girls that are dealing with it might be getting sick of it too. That's why, when I move out, I plan to change my interested in to "men and women." I've always been bi but never particularily attracted to many women and their bullshit, but sometimes I think I'd be happier on a different road.

The mediocre, some-good-some-bad learning experiences in 2011
1. Guy Stevens this summer. Even if he drove me nuts with his shady ass plans, constant partying and lack of sincerity, he had his good points as well. Believe it or not, he helped me become WAY better about my body because he continually let me know how nice it is. That was really important for me.

2. Started taking Brokaid. Helped me focus all spring quarter and allowed me 3 hour + study blocks. Got amazing grades. The bad part is, Robert claims it's damaging my lungs and I'm too scared to look it up.

3. Started smoking regularly. This helped me calm down and be overall happier, but I sometimes feel like now I catch myself doing things and thinking "This would be so much better if I was high right now.."

The Good Things in 2011

1. Got a new computer that is 100% mine! Finally got to download the Sims 2 and it's become a great escape for me.

2. Started drawing realism in May. Dropped drawing anime all together.

3. Saw SYSTEM OF A DOWN!!!! Greatest day EVER!!

4. Also saw COHEED AND CAMBRIA! So basically, I saw my two ultra favorite bands in 2011. That does count for something huge.

5. Learned a ton of Japanese! Now when I watch anime or a Japanese television show, I can actually understand some of what they're saying. My speaking abilities have been improving as well. It's very impressive to me but I need to continue to practice a lot in 2012.

There's probably a lot more that could be named, but for now I'm going to get offline. I need to go to Wal mart to buy something. It's going to be a nightmare in there, considering it's Christmas eve, but it's really important that I buy this.


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why does everything have to be a competition... ~14~

Because it has to be. Being around Robert was semi frustrating tonight because it seems like he's always trying to show off to me for no apparent reason other than to show me that he's better at guitar then I am. Like the second he comes in, he has to grab it and start playing with it. That's great Robert, you have huge fingers so it's easier for you to play. I've been trying to play more, and with the amount of hours that I have I've gotten semi better than before, but I've just never been able to get particularily good at it. I want to be better than Logan.

Anyway, Robert asked me to come over and hang out with him and Logan but I told him that I don't want to be around Logan if he's going to be all competitive with me, which I know he will-- so he said "Why does it have to be a competition? I'm clearly better than both of you." I'm like... okay, uhm, yeah I'm just gonna stay home. Which is what I'm doing. But now I feel like I should play for the next couple hours just to do all I can to be better than Logan. Fuck, if that's what it takes. But why do I even care.

...Because the guitar to me has always been something thats DEFEATED me. I've never been good at it, and I can never let something do that. I can never start doing something and then not care that I never got good. That being said, I gotta keep trying. Robert's bragging makes me so turned off by his personality lately, and he corrects and critiques things that I say and do. Has it always been like this? Or does he have a chip on his shoulder? I have no idea. I don't really like it.


It's almost hard to believe. BeBeautiful by GNC is AMAZING

It's almost hard to believe this blog is as old as it is. I've been writing on this for quite awhile now, though I still feel like it's new and I've barely said anything about my actual life. Maybe I spend too much time on here ranting about my emotions rather than talking about what happens to me from day to day life. Because oftentimes, I'll be at work, and I'll think of something that I'll really want to rant about on my blog, but the time I get home and sit down to write it my head is entirely somewhere else and I can't seem to focus on writing.

Typically, I wouldn't rant about something that I like, but my God this is the greatest product I've ever used besides Differin in helping with my skin that I've well, never really felt comfortable in because of acne and other garbage.

BeBeautiful by GNC, seemed like a funky product. One of those vitamin boxes that makes false promisses about forgetting about your healthy diet and just taking a pill and all of your dreams will come true. Ha, okay maybe I'm exagerating a little bit. But I decided to splurge. Go out on a limb and buy something that I don't really need. Still got $600 or so right? Right! Okay so, the main reason I bought this is because it was ON SALE this week for $29.99 instead of $50! I know, expensive right? Especially when you only get 30 vitapacks. That's like estimated $50 a month to use these on a day to day basis. But it's worth it. Differin is over $200 and lasts a few months. These vitapacks are $50 for a month. Very expensive, right? But you know what, it's totally worth it. My skin feels so incredibly healthy and soft. I can't believe how the acne scars have just  been disappearing on their own before my eyes. I don't even feel like I have to wear makeup to go out anymore. I mean yes, makeup DOES help, but I wouldn't be humiliated if I had to rush out the door and go to school or something. Good skin is IMPORTANT, and I am planning on achieving it because someday I'll have to worry about wrinkles and that garbage.

I originally bought this just for the collagen that they advertised in a youtube video that I watched by an asian beauty guru. When she said it's a good idea to add a little collagen to your coffee in the morning for smooth, beautiful skin, she immediately had me searching for collagen powder, capsules, something! Collagen is now going to be part of my spending. I love makeup, but it's going to be nice to spend a little more money on taking care of my skin from the inside out. I just feel amazing!

I don't know, there aren't many reviews of it but I find it to be really nice. Maybe next time I'll just buy collagen powder from Japan. Collagen is a huge thing over there for youthful skin. I've also noticed that the scar on my arm is healing significantly. Hmm.

well, I need to get sleep.

Gnight, peace

Monday, December 19, 2011

Historical Imaging, development over the years...~13~

Alright, so I'm on google earth and I found this really neat setting called Historical Imaging. This is where basically you can look at images of aerial views and how they've changed since 1996. In 1996, I was five years old. I of course had to look at Benton City and how it's changed, as well as my house.

This is the most recent image of my street. I'm pretty sure it's from 2009.

Google Earth image from 1996. As you can see, hardly anything has changed. And if the photo quality wasn't so bad, it probably wouldn't be noticable.

But as I started to search out other friend's house locations in Pasco and Kennewick, I noticed some major differences. This is Jessika's new house location today:

Here's Kingsbury Drive in Pasco, from 2006.

Road 100 in 2006

Kingsbury, among other streets over off Road 100 in Pasco. No wonder I get so confused. These are little McMansion houses, pretty nice, pretty modern.

In 2004.

Off Road 100 in 2003.

And last, 1996. Unfortunately there were no images between 1996 and 2003.

All farmland. Anyway just thought that was interesting. I'm sure the quality of images will get better over time. Crazy how fast places can change.


Wednesday, December 14, 2011

~12~ Facebook hiatus day 2.

So I can't believe the response to my facebook hiatus.

I wasn't trying to be crabby or draw attention to myself, yet it seems like whenever I post something that people might take as being depressed, I get an incredible amount of support and attention. Honestly, I am just trying to make a point.

A couple days ago when I was with Katharine, we were in the car chatting and it was all good but she mentioned that her dad said, "You sure you'll be able to get her away from Facebook that long?" Okay, I know it sounds silly. More than likely her dad doesn't have that many friends on facebook so he gets alerted of my posts a lot, so I pretty much said "I don't post that much..." and then Katharine told me that I do. I DO comment other people's stuff more than most people. I go through the wall and comment people's stuff because it makes them feel better about what they're writing. Nobody likes to post something that gets unnoticed. . . But if people DO get the impression that I'm a facebook addict, I'm going to make a point that I can drop it any time. So there you go. i'm taking a few days off. People are acting like I'm not going to post anymore period. Noooo I never said that.

My god, my sister has destroyed this laptop that my mom lended her. It keeps on blinking to black screen every like 20 seconds, and says "Display Driver Stopped responding, it has been Recovered." It's annoying as Hell. The computer that I was using that my mom took back wouldn't be this destroyed.

I'm gonna go back to the computer in my room in a few minutes. It's 12:30, I have a bad headache and i'm gonna take a shower and try to rally for the day. Jake keeps inviting me places, but it's wednesday so there's nothing to do again. Work hasn't called me in. I've just been getting blazed, going into town, spending money that I probably shouldn't, going on walks, playing guitar, playing sims, hanging out with friends. I feel like a loser because I'm not busy all the time....


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

It's annoying when my computer won't run at all when I'm either uploading or saving a video.
Yesterday I made it a goal to be more productive, which is when I ended up cleaning the entire house. I have really been trying to lay low, yet I keep on spending money.

Yesterday wasn't as boring as I'd anticipated though, when me and Katharine went to the mall to buy some Christmas presents. I didn't really have anyone planned, but ended up buying like three things for myself. I bought this really cute camisole, an eyeshadow and a lipgloss. The lipgloss and eyeshadow were practically free at Victoria's Secret, I just had to use that $10 off card and it was $3 total. The camisole was from Burlington coat factory, and it was $10. It's so cute!

Katharine and I walked around the mall a lot, and I must of said "Don't worry, we've got time.." like 5+ times because we would be rummaging through sections for a long time and Katharine seemed more and more stressed out by it. The main reason for this is, Katharine was looking for a really good homecoming outfit for Brian and she wanted something that was both classy and pretty. This would obviously be at Victoria's Secret, if everything wasn't over $45 there if you want something REALLY pretty. Camisoles to me are somewhat pointless because guys don't care that much, but if it is a special occasion, you don't want to wear a piece of trash either. Katharine quotes, "I don't want to look like a Hollywood stripper..." we found a LOT of hollywood stripper tease outfits in Spencers. Weren't digging those either, they're more trashy than sexy.

We went to Macys and JCpennies, both of which had big selection but everything was way too... idk, forty-year old woman trying to look sexy. Too much pasty colors. That and their prices are only like... $10 less than Victoria's Secret on average.

The last stop was Burlington coat factory, which is always a madhouse during this time of year but they actually pleasently surprised me with their huge selection of CHEAP camisoles. Katharine almost immediately found one that would be perfect for me and I fell in love with it, but finding one perfect for her was a little more difficult. Katharine is more classy than cutesy, so we had to find something that was sexy, classy, and a color that's really flattering. The classy aspect of it was really what Katharine seemed to be going for because we had to weed through a lot of cheap looking ones. She ended up finding a really pretty red one.

Anyway, Jake is coming over. We're gonna battle it up. haha


Sunday, December 11, 2011

~11~ As expected, Christmas break 2011...

..Is really boring and pointless.

I just got done playing around with Waidmann's Heil on the bass and I couldn't even get through it without my wrist hurting me.

Todays been slow and boring. Nothing really interesting going on around here, but I tried to make my time somewhat productive, even if I got up pretty late.

Check out this video SNL video that makes fun of Japanophiles.

I'm not saying I take myself too seriously to the point that I don't find this funny at all, nor do I not see the grain of truth in it. Actually, it's a huge grain... it's like, the real deal, minus the fact that a lot of Japanophiles aren't in your face about it as much as these two. It makes me feel a little humiliated by the fact that some people probably see me like this, but I'm not too concerned. I enjoy cosplaying and learning Japanese, and the two hobbies don't overlap. I think it's when you take the people that are REALLY anime obsessed and mix them with actually learning Japanese at school that you get this strangeness. Luckily, the people that just study Japanese for translating anime don't make it passed 2nd quarter.

I actually did take a look at my Japanese year II Genki book. Wow, advanced stuff... it's going to get a lot harder over the next year. I just need to study as hard as I did when I started and I'll be fine. Today is Sunday, which means grades are coming out TOMORROW! Hopefully I got a 4.0 in Japanese IV... I'd hope so.

I'll tty guys tomorrow, I'm actually gonna dance around in my room a bit to get rid of some pent up energy and get some sleep at a reasonable time.



I hate my job because lately I've been "on call..." I don't even really have a work schedule (assigned 7 hours for next week, what the fuck?) for next week and they basically call me when they need me. Today I got called, but couldn't hear my phone because my parents were screaming in the living room. So I missed my work opportunity, and I'm out probably $60. Fuck!

So I called back, Damon got the job, I'm sitting here in my room with nothing to do again. Damon gets 25 hours a week. I could really use a little christmas money. Getting WAY less money than I got at Toys R Us last year. . .


Friday, December 9, 2011

Maybe I'm not even close to being done with math.

Thick fog on the highway last night almost completely froze my windsheild. It made driving really scary and I really hope this doesn't happen to me when I'm driving to school this winter.

Today I'm gonna do a really quick overview of what I've taken again to make sure that I'm graduating after this next quarter. I do this before every quarter to keep track of everything and make sure there's no loopholes that I'm missing. Plus it's sort of nostalgic for me, haha. I also need to think about what I'm gonna take during Spring and Summer to start working on prerequisites for my major.

Communication (13 Credits) 13/13-English 101 with Figueroa, 3.6. 5 credits. Hardest English class I've ever taken, and it seems like FOREVER ago that I took this. Fall 2009.
-Speech Essentials, 3.2. 3 credits. Learned that I really hate speech classes and hate presenting things. Did a bunch of weeaboo presentations on Japanese things. Spring 2010.
-Technical Writing--English 235, 3.9. 5 credits. This one looks really nice on my transfer degree. Winter 2011.

Quantitative/Symbolic Reasoning (5 Credits) 0/5
FINALLY getting this crap done this quarter with CS 102.

Humanities (15 Credits) 15/15
-English 111, 2.5. 5 credits. Some stupid intro to literature class that I took as a highschool requirement for my senior English. Required a ton of reading of boring ass material and the teacher was way too strict. He didn't like my writing, he would get on my case about not getting the symbolism. This class is why I decided not to be an english major. Lowest grade at CBC. Winter 2010.

-ICS 130. Survey of Asian American Culture, 3.2. 5 credits. For a class that could of been fun, this was really boring. Luckily it held my interest enough that I read the material and did the work. The teacher wasn't very nice. Spring 2010. Running Start.

-Japanese 121, 4.0, 5 credits. My first ever Japanese class! Fall 2010. Worked so hard to learn that damn hiragana alphabet, the set phrases, super basic grammar, and about 20 kanji.

Social/Behavioral Sciences 15/15

-Anthropology 100. 3.2, 5 credits. This class was HARD. So much reading!! I bet Michael Kelmel in this class, who's now transfered out of CBC. Liked him for awhile and used to sit next to him before class and play pokemon on DS, haha. I said some stupid crap in this class and I feel sort of embarrissed by it even today. I've hugely become more mature and less obnoxious since then. Fall 2010.

-Sociology 100. 3.3, 5 credits. This class had hard tests, but overall it was really laid back because there were a lot of extra credit opportunities. Jared Johnson was in this class. Fall 2010.

-Psychology 101, 3.7, 5 credits. I was such a dumbass in this class and used to participate way too much because I thought that's how you get a grade in there. I'm pretty sure anyone who had a class with me in there thought I was a complete moron and needed to shut the fuck up. Again, I've matured since then, thank God. I was like the Jaime Vera of the class..... Fall 2009. Running start.

Mathematical/Natural Sciences 15/15

-Nutrition 101, 3.7, 5 credits. Met Shavonne in this class. Learned a LOT in this class, even if it was pretty ridiculously easy. Also met this guy named Taylor Knipp that was awesome. I remember being really disruptive unintentionally once and felt bad. Spring 2010. Running Start.

-Biology 100. 4.0, 5 credits. Totally humiliated myself on the first day, and felt like depressed and HORRIBLE for like 5 days because of it. This was during the time of Wellbutrin, where almost everything I said made me feel like people were staring and laughing at me every time I walked in. The paranoia was too much and I ended up dropped Wellbutrin shortly after. I did well in this class and kicked ass at Jeopardy. Summer 2011.

-Environmental Science, 3.9, 5 credits. Again, humiliated myself. Learned that I need to grow the fuck up. I was a super perfectionist in this class and worked really hard, and did extremely well on every test/assignment. it was a really depressing class though. Winter 2010. Running Start.

Math Proficiency: PASS MATH 98 WITH A 2.0 OR HIGHER. 5/5 credits
DONE. Got an 87% in Math 98. That's like a 3.3. I feel fortunate that the 2.7 that I got in Math 97 will NOT count on my GPA. Fall 2011.
Health/P.E., 3/3
-Fitness Center I, 4.0, 1 credit. I didn't like this class because I had to get gross and sweaty before going back to Ki-Be, so I didn't work out TOO hard. Fall 2009. Running start.

-Fitness Center II, 4.0. Two credits is a LOT of hours. I was in there a LOT. I always worked out with Nathan Ling, and got pretty bulked up unintentionally. Fall 2010.

Electives 24/24
-Music Appreciation, 4.0. 5 credits. I loved Mr. Bourrough's class! Learned so much about music, and spent a lot of time working on homework from other classes during the reallllly long videos where he'd just bail into his office. Great lectures though, loved it. Winter 2010. Running Start.

-Japanese II, 4.0, 5 credits. I remember this class was pretty difficult because we really got into adjective/verb conjugation. I feel like I studied harder in this class than I ever have before. Winter 2011. Didn't have Japanese with Hannah and I missed her. I sat next to Jon Stewart, which was good because he studied as much as I did.

-Drugs and Health, 4.0, 3 credits. Just an easy class that I took to make my credit load 13 instead of 10. Spring 2011. Spring 2011 was probably my easiest quarter because Math 96 was cake and Japanese III wasn't horrendously hard either. I had a LOT of fun that quarter.

-Japanese III, 4.0, 5 credits. The class size weened down to just one big class instead of two, and overall this was the most fun quarter of Japanese. We all got to be pretty close friends in this class, and this was when me and Brad became good friends. I remember going to a bunch of events and things at Brad and Chris's houses. Spring 2011.

-Japanese IV, 4.0 (hopefully), 5 credits. This class was hard because I was so focussed on passing math this last quarter. I had to cram at the last minute a lot, and Hannah had to put up with my less than perfect proficiency. Overall, I still worked really hard though and managed to get great grades on my tests and quizzes. Even kept up with my homework. According to sensee, I'm the best at keeping up with homework in the class which makes me really happy. So technically, credits were done this quarter.

-Jogging I, 4.0, 2 credits. This class drove me CRAZY because the teacher never responded to emails! Actually DID the running though, and got in great shape. Spring 2011.

That being said, all I technically NEED this quarter to get my AA is Visual Basic. I have 90 credits as of this quarter, which is the "at least" value to be able to graduate. I'm not excited to take visual basic at all.

So accounting 201 and Japanese V are just going to go to my business major and Japanese minor.

On the Western Business Degree Requirements:
All students intending to earn a degree in accounting or any area of business (except economics) must complete the foundation courses comprised of ACCT 240, 245; ECON 206, 207; MATH 157; DSCI 205; MGMT 271, or their approved equivalent, with a grade of C- or better.

That being said, in the Spring 2012 and Summer 2012 before I transfer, I really need to choose wisely on what I should take.

IF accounting this Fall goes well, and I don't completely hate it and end up changing my course, I plan on taking Accounting 202 and then 203 in the summer. Math 157 is Calculus with Applications to Business. It requires a prerequisite of Precalculus I. That... looks extremely hard. I honestly don't know if I'd be able to do it which makes me wonder if I'm just wasting my time. Maybe I should look into Finance and Marketing. I don't know. I need to talk to a councilor or something to figure out what I need to do.

I think taking pre-calc during the spring or summer might be a good option for me.I'll think about it more when the time comes.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Finals Day!

My slow ass computer is making me mad tonight. The internet just hasn't been running properly, maybe because it's a busy night or something. Who knows.

Anyway guess what?! We can all (well, I..) rejoice now because MATH 98 IS OVER! Which means that ALGEBRA is over and I am officially college level, which means I can get my AA! Aren't you all proud of me? It's pretty fantastic. Studied for hours and hours and hours this quarter, and I passed my final today and it almost brought me to tears. Granted, I haven't taken it three or more times like some of the other people in my class that I'm sure were happy that they passed, but it doesn't matter. I worked so hard, and Mrs. Lambert even said she'd be surprised if I didn't pass it. She's so sweet to us, she used the scantron to match answers before we left so that we didn't have any rude awakenings next week.

Also, Japanese IV is now complete! I took the final this morning, it wasn't too terribly hard and I almost wung it. Like, I didn't overstudy too hard because I was too concerned about my math.

I'll just back up to this morning with a play by play.

I got up somewhat later than I'd anticipated, and got to school around 9:30. I sat down with Betsy, Caitlin and Nathanael, and started making random chit chat until I finally decided to stick in the earplugs and start studying. That didn't last long before Hannah showed up and sat down, saying she was nervous. I asked if she wanted to practice, leisurely looking down at my phone thinking we had an hour to study at 10:15. Then Hannah says, "We have 15 minutes.." WOAH,WOAH. I suddenly frantically start going through things like "Crap, speaking activities, now." haha. We worked together for about 10 solid minutes, which is a lot more than 40 regular minutes of study when it's with Hannah, before "Tay Tay chan" showed up blaring some rave music.

Not to mention he was wearing stockings and a headband? I have no idea. He always cracks me up but this morning I wasn't particularily amused when I needed to cram. Me and Hannah ended up getting another good 10 minutes of study in the classroom before sensee handed out exams.

Tay Tay chan is always trying to out-TayTay himself. Check out my sexy arm there on the desk. Lol you can just see the intensity.


Anyway, got that done, even if I was the very last one in class to complete it and felt like a boob. Oh well, I bet I got a pretty good score so that's all that counts right? The kanji on this one got me though... I could barely remember anything and had to use deductive reasoning to figure them out.

Okay so onto math. After Japanese I headed over to the S building with Brenna, and ended up taking to this Mormon kid who was sitting at the couches. No Shavonne or Lily today, though I did give Lily the present I made her. Neither the necklace nor the bracelet fit fantastically, but I hope she likes it regardless. She made me a bracelet and caught me not wearing it... shit. i'm sorry I just can't wear too many things or it'll bug me! I've already got my hemp necklace that I'm still getting used too. It's sort of itchy right now.

The conversation with the mormon guy was interesting, and turns out he's related to the Norman family here in Benton City. He reminds me a little of Lindsey, super gung-ho (enthusiastic, never actually wrote that word before) but also very sweet. Didn't talk to Thomas much because he was talking to Colin about... something, weapons.

I went to the S building, and about halfway there I realized I'd forgotten my math book at home. D'oh! I didn't take too much notice though, went into the tutoring center, and got the last bit of instruction on the last few things. They always help me so much, though one method they used today confused the Hell out of me on the Final later, but it's just one problem. Without them, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't of passed this class. Them and of course Brad Pitkin who showed me all the math rules initially.

So yes, very happy and accomplished that I got through algebra-- math 96, 97 and 98. And I must say, I did a pretty damn good job. I got an 87% overall in the class, which is almost an A and won't bring my GPA down! So I didn't just barely scrape by, I kicked ass.

In other news, looks like as expected I'm postponing my college goals again. I'm going to go to Western in the fall to give my parents more of an opportunity to save money. I just realized that the only reason I wanted to go so bad is just... to GO. To get out of here. And that's not a good enough reason to up and leave when nobody else transfers in the Spring. Brenna had the same plans, and just like me she comes from a white middle income household and it's hard for us to get anywhere without a lot of saving. I am very happy though that my parents are supportive of me, because my life would be a lot harder if they didn't. I don't even know what I would do... it's not like financial aid is easy to come by, middle income or low income. So i'm just going to enjoy my time here. Enjoy my last year that I don't have to pay bills and such and have food in the cuppords without having to think about it.

So it's Christmas break now. For at least the next week I don't have work, that is unless my boss calls me to add hours to my schedule which I doubt he will. Jodi asked me if I wanted to be part of the secret santa. Yeah, on what money? No I don't think so. The only extra money that I'm getting is going to my actual friends.

In totally unrelated news, Guy added my sister on Facebook and today he "liked" a comment that I made to Daisy. Interesting. Of course at the time I commented the photo I didn't realize it was his promotion page, thing... or at least I think it is. Again, I don't get the whole raving thing. I don't even think that picture was taken on halloween. But yeah, really strange that Guy added my sister. Probably just because she's involved in the clubbing scene, but Avery does hip-hop dancing instead of raves. I've honestly been kind of wondering what he's up to, where he's living now, how his daughter is doing, etc... but I'd be pretty weird for me to message him when I pretty much told him I don't want to be involved with him in ANY way back in August or so. I don't dislike him, we had some really fun times this summer (and some *not* so fun, the Abby situation continues to make me feel a little sick) and I'm glad he kept me busy.

But yeah, errm... He's got a lot on his plate. All the time. Though it'd be interesting to know what he's been up too, and why he's adding my sister. Probably because he's adding everyone in the tri cities to promote his thing. Just weird that he's popping up everywhere suddenly.

I'm too lazy to continue my count tonight but I will again tomorrow. i'm excited, me and Katelynn are gonna hang out and I got some KILLER tilapia that is just, sticky and insane. The person that gave it to me surprised the hell out of me today.

I'm gonna get some rest, can't get on too vicious of a sleepless cycle.


Sunday, December 4, 2011

Rave kids, oh my! ~10~

I don't know, I tend to see these same people in the same pictures all the time. This guy Jesse Ex Valentine or something that wanted to come and DJ at my Japanese club party and invited a ton of people that I didn't even know. I bitched him out, blocked him, and he probably wouldn't recognize me if I saw him. But I know I pretty much don't like him because of the situation. And it still kind of bothers me that there could of been a possibility that my party would of been ruined by a bunch of people I don't know. They probably would of been complete assholes saying that there's no alcohol or whatever.

I have no idea what that is with the blue hair. I'm pretty sure it's female, explaining something very matter-of-factly. I wonder if that's a wig or if her hair is actually dyed blue. She must of just freshly dyed it if it is that color of blue, because actual blue hair like that fades out ridiculously fast and looks like garbage. Her eyebrows are blue too. I wonder what she's trying to pull off there?

That's another thing. Why does it seem like girls are purposefully making themselves look like shit here in the tri-cities? They'll look nice and then suddenly they decide to do something crazy like guage huge holes in their ears, fry their hair with some disgusting dye,... yeah.

Maybe I'm being too negative. I talked to this guy Brier on the phone last night for like an hour about how he just had this need to get out of the tri cities like I do right now, and once he got out and moved up to Bellingham with his girlfriend he absolutely loved it. He did say, however, that when things got way to serious with him and his girlfriend, he sort of regretted living with her like that. I was joking around saying that it was probably like they were playing "house," her cooking them dinner, etc etc. I also said that I bet she prepared some really disgusting watered down speghetti with Prego sauce. It was the funniest conversation ever. I really like talking to him even if he lives all the way up in Bellingham. I hate long distance shit, but there's nothing really going on here so it doesn't bother me.

Ahh, well, better play for awhile, do pilates, put the wet laundry into the dryer, maybe play a little sims. Whatever I feel like doing until tomorrow, cause it's gonna be a hellish long week.


Hey blog! -poke-~9~

Day 9. Couldn't do much, felt sort of resistant toward it tonight. I lack inspiration, nor do I want to focus. I just want to sit here and relax and be warm. I really should lay down and go to bed soon though, it's so late-- almost 2 am.

What is it with me being unable to sleep before 2 am lately? It's awful but I just love the night... I love how peaceful it is, how it's dark outside and I don't feel like I'm being watched or expected to do anything. Nope, just me and my computer. The outside world is sleeping, but I'm still in here wide awake. So I guess that's why I stay up late. To enjoy things that I don't really have time to sit down and do during the day. Rightfully so, I'm not really accomplishing anything at this computer. I mean accept keeping in contact with people? Like, it's funny, if Facebook weren't here.. which, for a long time it wasn't, I wouldn't be able to contact all of these lovely people that I do (and, well, don't...) keep in contact with in my daily life at school and work! Wow! So that means if I didn't have facebook I'd only see John Stewart four times a week in Japanese class but with facebook I can see what he's doing or talk with him anytime?! WOW!! Lol, okay okay, sarcasm aside...

So, let me actually talk about my day a little bit.

Let me talk a little about my job and what I've had to do there pretty much every week.
This is a rite aid tag. Every Sunday we put up new tags for the new sales. Every Saturday we take down these tags. Some of them are attached to the tags themselves, and every week you get sheets of those that you have to locate the item on the shelf and stick the new label onto the old one. Those you have to rip off one by one and they make a loud snap sound.

The other tags are plastic and typically come in HUGE batches with WAY too many tags for the number of items in the section. That's sort of like the one above but those waterbottles would only have a couple tags so those wouldn't be as annoying. The makeup section on the other hand, has a TON of little items and a TON of these sticky tags that have to be put up with them. These are irritating because oftentimes, all the tags for a certain section will say the same thing, i.e. "Covergirl Buy 1 Get 1 50% off" and then under it says "All Cosmetics." I have no idea why we have to stick up 50 of the same damn tag in the same damn 6 foot long section. Do people really need to see that same little tag on three different mascaras in a row to know that the fourth one next to it is ALSO on sale as well?! These tape ones suck to rip down too because they often rip off the scanner tag if the ad sticker is put on there too tightly. I had to deal with a shit ton of those in the Physician's Formula section tonight. We were so behind on tags too that I couldn't do what I normally do-- stack the tags in a square one by one until they form a neat hockey puck looking thing out of ad stickers. . . . which leads me to my next point.

HOW could someone work at that place for so many years?!?! Work today was fine, originally I was scheduled from 5-10 pm but then Ted or-- Terry, idk, I forgot what his name is. My manager.. he called me and asked me to come in at 2 PM or "Asap" because Dana called in sick and Damon needed to go home. I was going to give Katelynn a ride to work today, but needing the hours I had to bail on her. Ugh, bailing on Katelynn again. God damn it. Anyway, I went to work, everything went fine for the most part. It was just me and Tammy; and then older Tami. We pulled tags, I put stuff away, was cashier for a lot of the same people that I cashier to every day. they've gotta be getting used to the routine there.... NOT to scan your card before I get a chance to tell you the amount you owe.... we do this every day people!

So the night went on, whatever. I didn't expect anything too weird. This woman walks up to me though, after being rang up by Tammy and asks me, "Hey did you work here last night?" Immediately for some reason my mind jumped to me being in trouble somehow, haha, how sad. I was like, "Yeah..?" And she told me, "Yeah this one lady that was your supervisor last night was completely talking shit about you to the person in front of me! Like a customer, it was completely ridiculous and innappropriete."

I for one cannot believe this customer had my back like this and informed me. I think it's good that there's still good people in the world. Last night I did the dirtiest job ever, which involved with little instruction from Dana to take down and match up metal shelves. I had to lift and sort through hundreds of these fucking shelves, some of which were like over a hundred pounds and I couldn't lift them to look under them.. Which I ended up completing, and having to stay 30 minutes after my shift. Anyway, now I know that even with that when I turned my back she started talking shit about me? That two faced bitch! She's all trying to be sweet with me and ask me all these questions about how school is going and all that like she's actually interested. What the hell, seriously. You know honestly, a two faced bitch is the worst. Like, I'd rather deal with someone who's actually a bitch and acts like one toward me so at least I know what to expect. Vintictive, two faced bitches. They can suck it, I'm onto better things. Eventually.


Saturday, December 3, 2011

Ahh, good times. ~8~

Hung out with Nate Scott and watched A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas. This was such a funny, stupid movie. The 3D part could of been entirely avoided though so I didn't have to spend an extra $4 because the 3D had no real purpose at all. Like, they FORCED the 3D part. They also had a few scenes where this little girl was drugged and it sort of creeped me out. Kumar got fat! ..Yeah, okay, I admit the storyline was really stupid. Don't see it unless you're totally blazed. But it was still fun to go with Nathan, he's cool! Ha ha, another gay friend.

I'm really glad I got out tonight. I came home from work at about 7' after working my lovely 4 hour shift at the intense hell that is Rite Aid. Actually made a good impression with my boss though, I'd think... I did a really good job at cashier today, even if I had Dana over my shoulder which sort of scared the living shit out of me.

I'm just trying to do a good job. I go in every day, I work my ass off. Today we got our work schedules for next week. My name wasn't even on the list. Jodi was showing Tami her hours, and I told Jodi-- "My name isn't even on there," and she looked at me and very coldly said "Well that doesn't mean you have any hours." Like, I'm not working ANY hours next week. What the hell, that's bullshit, I either work there or I don't-- you can't just give me NO hours. Anyway on the boss's way out he asked if I was working tomorrow and told me I did an awesome job today, so I told him that I did but I had zero hours next week. He then told me that he doesn't have my school schedule.

Woah, wait. Pause a second. Nobody even mentioned to him that i'm going to school but I get OFF school at 12:30? Hours are getting cut back. It's becoming dog eat dog for the most hours, so of course it wasn't mentioned to him. well, it will be tomorrow, and in order for me to get hours someone else might lose a few of there's. That's.... shitty, but at least I'll be getting *some* hours next week. If I can just get 12-20 hours a week, I'll be perfectly fine. But this 8-10 hour a week isn't working; my last paycheck was $200. That's not very good at all, especially when I'm paying for gas and books and crap. Oh! AND on top of it, it's the holidays. I'm glad I got a lot of my shopping done early. The little there was anyway.

Haven't been able to continue my count for a few days, things have just been too busy. It's really late but I'm going to continue the count tonight. I gotta get these Victoria's Secret cards activated. Even though they're probably just $10 each, I'm happy I've got them. It's like free money.

That guy Zach is a dick, and I wish what had happened didn't-- especially now that he's very blatantly posting pictures and statuses that I keep on getting to my wall feed about his re-kindled affection for this fat, Asian emo girl. I'm really just wanting to delete him off my friends list on Facebook but at the same time I don't because then it'll look like i'm pissed off or even cared about what happened. By playing it off like I don't, maybe it'll make things less awkward if we ever cross paths again. Doubtful. I'll just block the wall feed. Or "Unsubscribe." Whatever the Hell facebook wants to call it.

I'm not gonna let it bother me. It's whatever.

Okay so, turns out Victoria's Secret cards value only can be redeemed AT purchase, so I'm gonna have to use it when I go buy something. They work until December 21st, so I've got a little time. Who exactly can I shop for at Victoria's Secret? Maybe I'll just be lame and buy something for myself. I could use a really good bra. Nahh, not that selfish.

OH! Speaking of which, I bought Samantha's christmas gift today. I got her the tablet, it only costed like... $26 on amazon. Don't get me wrong, I know that sounds cheap, but the thing has really good reviews and I know that she'll love it.

Happy Holidays all.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I like hipster guys with tattoos, beards and cats.

Custosy of this blog that has pictures of guys with beards and cats.

not only is the concept hilarious, but the guys in these pictures are gorgeous.

bah haha, that is all.

Hung out with Jake tonight and had a big long discussion and had a good time.


Meeting a brilliant person is a rarity. ~7~

I met probably the coolest person today.

His name is Thomas and he's my friend Lily's (or Cece's, either way, she goes by a couple names) boyfriend, and we got into a conversation today and ended up talking for two hours on all sorts of philosophical things. Lately, for some reason, I've become really philosophical... wondering why we're here, how people interact with one another, how people get ahead, why people associate with others the way they do.. And nobody really wants to hear me rant on about these things though I find myself doing it all the time. But this guy Thomas was totally interested and we had a fantastic conversation. He's a really good listener and talks about as much as I do, so you can imagine it was just.. talktalktalktalk. He's a person that *always* has something to talk about and told me, "My brain doesn't have an off switch. I'm always thinking about something..." That's just like me!!! It was exciting. I am sure we are going to be good friends.

Subtle things like this in my everyday life are what keep me going. Knowing there are people I can relate too. Knowing that I'm not alone. That I'm not a complete weirdo. I'm intelligent and being around other intelligent people makes me happy. No, I'm not saying I'm particularily "super smart," because that would imply that I think super quickly and can regurgitate a bunch of facts because I can't. But meeting other emotionally intelligent people makes me really happy.

I'm so thankful for my friends and I'm happy that occasionally I make new ones. : )

Man, what am I going to do today. I should of been studying Japanese earlier but instead I ended up in this huge conversation. I've got time, considering I go to bed at 11 pm my day is just starting.

My must do list for today:
1. Check out this book that Thomas just told me about that I really want to read.

2. Play for an hour.

3. Study Japanese for an hour and a half to two hours.

4. Work on math finals packets for an hour or so.


Monday, November 28, 2011

Let the Climax begin! ~6~

I had to post this picture that posted.
I swear to God whenever i'm in a crap mood (and just happen to be at home on my computer which is pretty often when I'm pissed about something if I'm not at work...) this site will make me laugh my ass off.

I didn't realize that his blog entries actually post MP3s too. I've been openning them with my zune software all night. Basically, the guy that runs this site lives up in Canada and finds the humor in tacky vintage shit. He goes to thrift stores and even finds old hard drives (like, Windows ME old) and upload the priceless stuff he finds on them. He's got two youtube channels: and His blog has a lot more variety than his Youtube. I'd really like to someday support his site by buying stuff from his "Crap" shop, but I still don't have $10 to blow on a Merna cup. Gasoline, gasoline, gasoline. . . I'm so tired of spending money on it.

Tomorrow is going to be nice, I don't have work practically at all this week except for Friday and Saturday. Granted, this paycheck that i'm getting this week is going to suck and the next one is going to be even worse, but I have spent about $150 in the last couple weeks and as long as I make more than that I'll be happy to be back up at $750-$800 again. That money that I made will be out of my hands in seconds with that damn tablet though. When I hinted that I'd be getting something she really needed, I wasn't aware of how many hours I'd be getting cut from the 28 a week when I said it.

My studying sort of alternates. I study Japanese on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and math on Mondays and Wednesdays. The problem with Japanese this quarter has been that I prodominantly work on Tuesdays and Thursdays so I haven't had nearly as much time to practice speaking. My speaking right now, ugh. Just awful when we start the new grammar. I just freeze when sensee is watching me speak, and it makes it worse. Today when I was in a really good mood things came at least a little more naturally, especially when I'm talking to other students. But with sensee, not so good. : / i'm not excited for the oral exam, but as always, I can do it! I just gotta beliiiiieve!

Day 6. Damn, already I'm getting a lot better at this. It's taking time to get used to this new relationship. It makes me happy every day that I'm commited to it. But nobody has to know about it. Probably better if they don't. People are just too damn competitive, and it's obnoxious.

Still haven't wrapped those presents. Dad's vest is sitting in a bag next to my clothes basket. Remind me to put away the rest of those clothes and wrap my dad's gift tomorrow.

OH! I had a math test today! Chapters 11 and 12 baby! You know what that means?! I've officially gotten through an ENTIRE math book. I don't think I've ever done that before. Chapters 1-12. And it's almost time for the exam and I'm not as nervous as I am excited. I've studied so hard for this freaking thing, with the help of a lot of tutors and a LOT of patience.

I think I did pretty good on the test. I only got stumped on one of them-- she had to make the interest problem with an interest rate that compounds "semi-annually." Granted, I had the formula memorized going into the test, but because I didn't know what semi-annually meant I didn't know how many times a year it compounded! Shit!! What a stupid thing to miss. God damn it, semi-annually means twice a year. I was thinking bi-annual meant twice so what did semi- mean? Three times? It made me mad and during the test I just needed to go forward so I just did the basic compounding interest formula. At least that'll get me partial credit I hope.

Kim made me sort of irritated today, though she didn't intend too.. I got to the classroom at about 2:45, which has become more of a study room for me because it's quiet and warm and nobody comes in until 4:45 when class starts. So usually I'll go to the S building to the tutoring center for an hour, then come to the W building at 3:30 or so and study more. Anyway, I decided to skip the tutoring center today because I was running a little later and didn't want to deal with all the schlepping, so I sat down and realized I didn't have my book. This is a big problem in math because my notes aren't very cleanly laid out and I very rarely refer to them-- I go straight to the book for reference and for problems.

I texted Kim, asking if she'd like to study with me early so I can get a chance to look at the Chapter 12.2 (I had no idea how to do some of the f o g (x) crap which turned out to be pretty simple). She told me that she wouldn't be able to until 4'. A little desperate, I asked her if she was using it and if I could walk there to meet up to use it while she's in class or whatever. But she wasn't in class, she was in the Hub studying math. She didn't invite me to come study with her or even offer to let me take a peek at the section. Idk, it just made me a little hurt when I've lent her my pink calculator twice when she forgot hers. It's okay though, I admit I can be really talkative and distracting, and I know the importance of studying alone.

Regardless, I ended up getting what I needed to get done. Pretty sure I did well. I look forward to seeing how I did on Wednesday and I hope it's good enough to give me a good feel for the final. I've been doing the packets too... they're lame. I'm lame. bah haha

Shit it's almost 12.