Thursday, October 31, 2013

It's Hallows Eve

Wow, here we go again, midnight blog entry.

My day was not great but not completely useless. After having such a hectic study day on the 29th I admittedly slacked a little bit preparing for my money and banking quiz. I'm probably going to have to face the nasty effects of that tomorrow because I can honestly say I guessed on quite a few of them. There's a good likelihood I got a crappy score on this quiz and this weekend will be spent doing a lot of studying for my Money and banking test on Wednesday and my public finance test on Monday.

Before I had checklists I now realize on days that I did bad on quizzes and tests I wouldn't usually do anything. Like I'll usually feel drained, end up sleeping to not stress about it, then spend the rest of my evening on the computer and tidying up. Tonight came really close to that but instead I really forced myself to read not just one but two of my public finance chapters. Didn't get everything done that I'd ambitiously planned this morning on my checklist but at least did SOME things.

As always, the more I get done tomorrow the better, even if I do have to get some other stuff done like grocery shopping and make sure I pay Jake for the second half of October and the first half of November.

Today is Halloween and even if I missed the boat entirely when it comes to partying I'm still planning to wear that wig to class tomorrow and will probably do my makeup a little overboard. I'll make sure to take a picture tomorrow morning for you all to see.


Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Icing addict

Hey, it's 12:02 in the morning.

I really should be sleeping right now but I drank a grande coffee about two hours ago. My friend Randy and I had a plan to study Money and banking in the library but after studying for three hours this morning for my managerial test, plus taking the test itself... My motivation wasn't really there this evening, I had to relax. So I ended up meditating for about an hour.. probably dozed off a couple times but set a couple alarms to make sure I'd wake up in 30 minute increments or so. I knew I had to meet Randy at the library at 8'.. I texted him at about 7:35 saying that I'm "superrrr tired" and he offered to come pick me up! I really appreciated that...

I was also hungry... and there's not much to eat in my house right now because I've been so busy with studying I literally have not had time to do anything. Not even play guitar. Any time spent these past two days that wasn't spent preparing food, cleaning or otherwise taking care of myself was spent studying. I barely even went on facebook today which made me pretty proud of myself... sometimes that can create such a waste of time.

...Anyway Randy and I drove over to Arbys, which as you guys know is my favorite fast food place, mainly because of the cherry turnovers being so f**king heavenly but rarely ever actually available. I love that icing on top.... Come to think of it I've been eating a lot of foods with icing on it lately. Like the other day my mom came up and we had Dominoes and I got those cinnamon sticks with icing... Then I've got these weird oatmeal "whole grain" poptarts that have crunchy icing on top.

They're called "Oatmeal Delights." I got some strawberry ones at Bargain market.... for a Bargain, ha ha durrrr
No but seriously they are quite good. 

The managerial test was not as hard as I'd expected it... Granted I say this but could be eating my words when they get handed back to us but I will say that it was more understandable for me than the last test because this one relied more on formulas and finding outputs then theory.

I have my money and banking true/false quiz tomorrow. I'm *planning* to get up early in about 6 hours to squeeze some last minute reading for that in as well because I've been neglecting my other subjects almost every day since last Thursday. Studying with Randy this evening was probably pretty frustrating for him because I was *super* ADHD for some reason.. Like there was this guy listening to a song that I knew by Dream theater SUPER loud on the computer. Or maybe it was Megadeth, I don't know, it frustrates me because I knew what the song was and when I heard the solo started like jamming out to it in my seat and singing along with it....

Ha ha I've started doing this a lot lately, like I'll start "singing in guitar" without realizing it if I get a riff going through my head out or like today when I heard a solo through someone's muffled headphones. GOD I love guitar... 

Night folks


Monday, October 28, 2013

Babysteps getting me through.

Hello everyone.

Let's see it's 10:40 pm, I've studied a total of 4 hours, 40 minutes today on a single subject. My goal is 7. Why seven? Today when I was studying in the hallway I heard one of Ghosh's students come out of a test they had today. He said to this other girl sitting there cramming, "I studied for like 7 hours and I still don't know if I'm ready..." Taking all my time combined this previous weekend I've spent 6 hours but I felt like most of it was playing catch up to where I should have been had I been keeping up with the material and my mind not in the clouds on prozac.

I didn't talk to Terry at all in Money and Banking and I noticed him kind of lingering after class and I thought he might ask if I wanted to study. I looked at him then shifted my glance and he asked Kevin P. I felt sort of this silent understanding that neither of us benefit much from studying together. It doesn't help either of us because Terry usually just tries to coattail onto what I'm doing and when I'm not 100% on the material I usually get too distracted by Terry's looks to think clearly.

Granted I still like sitting my Terry... being next to him always sort of gives me that "teenage crush" feeling even if I know it's not going anywhere. I have noticed this other guy in my econ class named Sam who I think is kind of cute though. He's blonde, nice build, seems really intelligent, doesn't have a facebook and once inquired about my tattoo... I sort of built up the courage to make small talk with him upon leaving today. We made small talk about the tests and I probably sounded like a paranoid goober as always.

So I totally missed the boat on halloween this year! 
(well I'll still get trick or treaters.... hopefully)

I mean I'll still be giving out candy on halloween and what not but everyone got wasted in costumes this last weekend. I missed my chance again!! Graaaaahhhhh!!! But for a good reason.. I know if I didn't rest and get work done this weekend I would have been freaking out right now. 

I do plan to wear my blue wig to Money and Banking on Thursday though, that will be really hilarious. I'm just planning on walking in like it's nothing. I also bought some blue tights. Maybe I'll wear my wig with black shirt, the blue tights with my black skirt... would that be too much for class? Probably. I'll have decided on that by Thursday morning I'm sure.

God I have been NEGLECTING reading my public finance book... Luckily the stuff that Sipic has talked about this past week or so has been really straight forward. I never feel lost during his lectures like I do during managerial.. I hate that feeling so much. I've planning on doing all of my homework for that class Wednesday night... Then I've got probably three hours of studying AFTER my big Managerial test to study for a money and banking quiz on Tuesday.

So yeah really all I've been doing is working today. Work, smoke, sometimes a little guitar, work, eat.... Last night I got invited to my friend Tyler H.'s house to enjoy some drops and watch South Park. His roommate was really cool too and their place was super pretty and clean on the inside... No offense to Tyler but I didn't know what to expect-- he's kind of... earthy I guess. 

Lol I don't tell him this but he also kind of reminds me of a hobbit... He's just really happy with his life, simple things, loves the outdoors... 

Happy he's my friend. I hope I get to hang out with him again soon. Little kickbacks like that are very much preferred to me than going and drinking with a bunch of loud people. 

Alright guess that's all I had to say, people. Wish me luck tomorrow... Having done over 4 hours I'm definitely feeling more confident than I did yesterday but I still have a ton of technical problems/applied problems to do before I'm ready.

 I'm planning to try another couple hours tonight... I know that the marginal utility of my studying diminishes the more hours I do so I don't know what good it'll do me but any work I do tonight will save me work I have to do after Money and Banking tomorrow.


Saturday, October 26, 2013

What do I need to do NOW to get where I need to be.

Things have gotten a lot better academically since I cut back my dose of prozac. I definitely feel more "with it" than I did before and able to comprehend the material more easily. At this point in time however I do feel like time is against me and that I'm going to have to really fight this quarter to pass one of my classes. 

Managerial has gone from bad to worse. I studied for the quiz for 4 1/2 hours on Wednesday and really thought I had the material down but the way the multiple choice questions were worded you almost had to have mastered it to know the correct answer. 

Like here's an example...

Going into the test I knew that oligopolies are markets that are dominated by a small number of sellers selling slightly differentiated products. Pricing decisions that one firm makes effects price that other firms in the industry makes (an oligopolist company lowering prices would cause demand for the other firms to drop, therefore the other firms would be forced to drop their prices too...)

You think that would be enough to know about one concept... Here's the question I got on the test about Oligopolies (*might not be the exact wording but this is basically what it said)

Which of the following is true of oligopolies?
A. Oligopolies are large companies that are few in number and sell standardized products.
B. Oligopolies are large companies that are few in number and sell differentiated products.
C. The price decisions made by oligopolies tend to effect it's competitors.
D. (*...another answer that seemed true)
E. All of the above.

So of course I'm just sitting here like Wtf. A and B cancel eachother out... When I think of standardized products I think of oranges or something in a perfectly competitive market so I ruled out A.. But then I thought B and C were correct so I didn't want to just choose either. I should have chose B because I know for sure that one is right but I ended up choosing E because I was convinced that B, C and D were all correct... 

There were a lot of questions on the test like this. Two answers look right, and then sometimes you have the choice of "all of the above" or "b and d" or something like that. I'm hoping, hoping, hoping I passed and got over a 70%... Seriously passing is what I care about in this class. Ghosh and I just don't connect... I don't like the way he lectures-- he goes way too fast and makes me feel like I don't belong there.. He makes me feel like I picked the wrong major. Which is the worst feeling imaginable...

So I have to fight. I want to be an economist. I want to have managerial skills and understand marginal analysis! I want to speak this language and be able to use economics terms correctly and confidently when I have to do essay questions on his tests. I know that in order to do this I have to work like I never have before while not neglecting my Money and Banking and Finance classes-- neither of which are cakewalks by any means.

But for some reason I always feel more initiative to read Sipic's material first, even if technically I'm doing the best in his class of all three and should be putting that last on my list. I think once again it just shows that my motivation is based a lot on the authority figure that I'm trying to impress. And I WANT TO do well in Ghosh's class too... (Jake would have me reword that to "I will do good in Ghosh's class") But it's the hardest class I've ever taken. 

This weekend I've dedicated almost entirely to studying. My Mom should be coming up this evening and we're going to go shopping tomorrow for the career fair. I think she's also going to get me a winter coat to survive the nasty wind and cold coming up here in less than a month. 

YangHaiYing made this video that really inspired me yesterday. It's true, school and work is chaos! When you have someone telling you what to do you feel out of control. That's why when you're alone and it's quiet (when you naturally want to be lazy because you can) you have to "create chaos" to continue making progress. 

The most important thing is to never give up... Ghosh has honestly been the first one that's made me question if I really belong here. I called my Mom yesterday and she said "Well maybe you don't need to do two majors, just do one..." I was like "Wtf? No!" That's basically like saying "Too hard, well fuck it I'll just half ass this." 

I will get that double major. I have this image in my head of how proud I will be to have both of those degrees and how ready and confident I will be to enter the real workforce at that point. In order to get there I MUST understand the logical theories that accompany MARGINAL ANALYSIS. I need to eat, sleep, breath marginal analysis... lol. 

Brad came over the other evening which was really nice, I made him chicken linguine with vegetables and he really liked it even if it turned out kind of spicy for my taste. Lol I'm not used to cooking for two people. We watched South Park and the Office and talked for hours. He's definitely one of my best friends, I feel like I can talk to him about anything and he won't judge me. He's very complimentary of me so he helps boost my self esteem when I'm feeling depressed... Yup, even if Brad's in his 30's I can relate to him much better than most people my age. Hanging around Brad has also made me more interested in men in their late 20's early 30's because I realize the maturity difference there.

Ha ha of course you all know one guy in his 30's that I'm absolutely crazy about.... Sigh, he's so amazing, funny, handsome and intelligent... If I could ever find a man like that I'd be set and live happily ever after. 


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Some thoughts on prozac.

I've realized that I no longer want to take my current dose of Prozac and move back down to 40 mg. I thought that taking 60 would make me feel happier but I'm realizing it has a way of making me feel slow. It's making it hard to have everyday conversations with people because I feel extremely uninterested. Granted my moods have been pretty stabilized. It's taken that "longing" feeling away for the most part which has been nice and I've felt less of a need to communicate-- which can be a good and a bad thing.

I guess my main problem with prozac is that I've noticed an increased difficulty in connecting ideas. Like I'll be talking to people and forget where I'm going and just trail off and get really quiet... Like I forget where I'm going with an idea completely.

So yeah, hopefully cutting back to 40 mg is going to be something that will help me further advance toward where I want to be. I'd like to be more confident with my schoolwork so I can allow myself more freedom to have fun and experience my time here. Being more confident requires planning ahead of time and being proactive on a timely manner. Procrastination is still a problem I have, mainly attributed to facebook.

This daily goal checklist that Jacob recommended I do has helped quite a bit over the last few days though. Today I just found myself sort of lazy... I think Prozac at this dosage has a way of making my mind sluggish in general, like as I write this I'm just thinking "Wrap this up so I can be done..." and haven't had the motivation to write much at all lately.

F*ck, not cool... Just now am I realizing that these past two weeks I really haven't felt like myself, and starting tomorrow I'm going back to 40 mg to see if I feel more clearheaded.

Tomorrow's a new day.


Sunday, October 20, 2013

Can you be any more endlessly helpful? ...And sexy dresses.

Look at all that.

Okay I know you guy's can't really tell what all that is but that was my to-do list today and everything I've gotten done and it's only 7:30 pm. I studied a total of 3 hours today, including a solid hour on Managerial and I'm not even done yet. I also read the entire chapter on Public goods twice this weekend. 

This last Thursday I was feeling really discouraged about my time management lately... Like having gotten a 72% on that Money and Banking test made me realize that I had to change some things to more evenly distribute my studying for my classes instead of just focusing primarily on one course for an upcoming assignment. By writing out all that I need to do at the beginning of the day makes me feel obligated to accomplish them, this really does work.

Jake also sent me this packet called "Live Your Legend" weekly planning which is going to help me reflect on the progress I'm making each week as well as set goals for upcoming weeks. So yeah, this has been great.. This weekend I've been more productive than I was all week and I plan to continue to use these methods this week to feel more confident both academically and the guitar, and this confidence will evolve into happiness. 

Jake told me that the power of perception is everything too, and by simply forcing myself to think "I CAN read this chapter..." instead of "Damn I don't want to read this..." or "I will do this" instead of "I wish I'd do this.." This has helped me a ton this week too. Whenever I find myself getting stressed over not understanding the material I'm reading I think to myself "I can learn this" and it sort of pushes me to move forward. I know it sounds silly but it works. 

Uhh let's see, Friday I just stayed in (did get invited to go out but have been hacking my brains out all weekend and wanted to heal). 

Yesterday evening when I felt a little better I decided to go to Kyle's house when he'd invited me to hang out. I had already told Kyle like twice that I wasn't really into him that way so I was surprised that he invited me to hang out in the first place. I saw his friends that he lives with from the other night, one of them was sooo wasted and loud and borderline scary acting... I definitely was not into any of the guys there that way either. Originally when I came over I thought we'd be going to the bars but we ended up staying because there was a party going on next door. 

Short, tight party dresses.  I can't say I own any of these. 

Their neighbor that was having a party was this girl named Lyndsey who seemed really nice, of course it was late and who knows how drunk everyone was. She was really pretty and her friends were too. They were wearing these teeny-tiny dresses that I always see girls wearing at college parties.. Of course I'm over here in jeans like always. I was really stoked to have met Lyndsey because she lived in on her own in a house too, is a senior and we seemed to have a lot in common so I was trying to talk to her. Her boyfriend showed up though and she wandered off so I don't know if I made a lasting impression.

 I think I was pretty friendly there and it was nice that I got out and be around people though I doubt I'll see any of them again. The more Kyle came onto me the more I pushed him away and now that he realizes he can't get anything out of it there's no point in having me around. 

Meh who cares. I'm not here to build relationships, I'm here to grow intellectually and confidence as an individual. 


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Bad end to Round 1. Enter Round 2.

I did pretty horrible on my money and banking test (74%) and am finding it really hard to not feel extremely guilty because I partied this weekend. Had I just stayed home and reviewed the material on either Friday or Saturday night I would have done much better.

I just wanted to find some sort of balance in my life between school and having fun and thought that taking a break on the weekend would actually help me but it's only making me worse. My major is so difficult and the only way I'm going to get through it is to focus solely on myself and my understanding of the material. I've been so sick and worn out this last week it's been a struggle to get anything done....

I'm now nervous as Hell how I did on my public finance test. Today marks the beginning of Round 2-- I'm going to study harder, smoke less, not drink, go to bed on time, spend less time on facebook, take vitamins and eat healthier to get A's on my next tests to raise my overall grades to normal. I do not consider myself a person of "average" intelligence and when I got a score that reflected that it was like a stab in the heart and a slap in the face that I need to change my current habits.


I'll write more later after I get some work done and have a better idea of how I'm going to do this. I'm planning on writing a new practice sheet, weekly assignment schedule and priorities list today and hopefully get myself back to the confidence level of where I need to be...

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Most extreme uphill battle.

God damn I don't say this enough but I am proud to be me right now.

I just finished perhaps the most difficult test I've ever taken, aside from those horrible accounting tests I took the first quarter here where I had no clue what the hell I was doing. Of course this test was for Money and Banking so there's no excuse for me to not to be able to comprehend the material. If I were to do bad on a test, it means I didn't study hard enough. Period.

And even if I've been studying money and banking pretty consistently for the past week yesterday was a rude awakening that I still had a lot of work to do. Terry and I met up in the library yesterday around 6 after both of us had studied on our own for a couple hours. I brought the multiple choices questions (Terry didn't.) and we tried studying from that but there were so many answers that I didn't have that the process was slow.

I'm really lucky that this guy named Randy came up and started studying with us because he had a better grasp on the material than I did and was able to work with me on the material better than Terry. I feel like Terry wasn't prepared, he didn't even have his handouts with him and I had to reprint mine. It wasn't actually until Randy showed up that I realized the handouts match so closely with the multiple choice questions which saved me a lot of time. Even after we made this discovery Terry still didn't print them out so unless he went home and studied a ton last night and this morning like I did I think I might have beat him on this one.

Though I could be eating my words later... I'll let you know what my first Money and banking and public finance test scores on Thursday. Tomorrow I have NO CLASS! (Perfect timing...) I'm not out of the clear for the day yet though, I've still got to write that essay on risk for managerial which means I need to read Appendix A and B over again...

So yeah man my senior year's been tough so far and I've never feel so challenged yet so fulfilled with myself when I push myself as hard as I do to understand these theories and concepts.

On test days I wear my hair like the Tomb Raider because it makes me feel more confident for some reason. Girl power! lol

I haven't even practiced my guitar in two days, doesn't that suck? Sometimes you just have to do what you've gotta do though to accomplish your most important priorities... last night if I would have chose to play my guitar when I got home from studying at the library instead of studying more I probably would have done a lot worse today. 

That assignment for managerial opens up at 3 and it's 11:39 right now... I feel like going back to bed. I can always practice guitar after I do that writing assignment because I have no school tomorrow and will have plenty of time this evening. Oscar did invite me to come out and drink but that's just a weekend thing for me..... meh I want to hang out with people that are trying to be my friend though. 

This last weekend I did go out to the bars on Friday and Saturday. On Friday I went with Bruce and his friends after Abe ditched me and Saturday I went over to Allie's then to a bar. I was originally really on the fence about whether I wanted to go out on Saturday because I did have a lot of reading to do but looking back I'm happy I did. Allie's friends were quite nice to me even if when I first got there I know I was putting off kind of a sad vibe-- I don't know that night I just wasn't in the mood and it was really hard for me to get there. I think it's because I felt guilty and was debating whether I wanted to drink or not. Once I did start drinking I loosened up, and ended up eating a big dinner so the hangover on Sunday wasn't bad. 

Pita pit drunkies is the best. Lol I swear to God I eat WAY more when I'm drinking than when I'm smoking. "Munchies" have never really existed for me but "Drunkies" definitely does. Ha ha it's like the more I drink the more I can actually relax about enjoying food... which is why I gotta keep drinking to a minimal if I want to keep my frame.

That night I danced with a friend of one of Allie's friends named Nathan at the 301. Nathan was a super cool guy who kept me company that night, took me to go get food when I was hungry at shooters and everyone else had eaten-- you know figured I'd dance with him. But I wasn't like into it romantically at all and I remember him kissing on my neck when we were dancing at the bar and I remember thinking "Damn it'd be so f*cking funny if Terry happened to be here and see this.." because I know he would have been jealous as Hell. He's always so vague when it comes to talking about this (dare I say) "relationship" we have and likes to act like he doesn't give a shit but I know that if he were to see something like that it would bother him because he's never perceived a threat of me losing interest in him. 

It could happen. I do meet other guys. But with Terry being there all the time it makes it difficult for my romantic interest to shift elsewhere... and because there's no way we'll actually be in a relationship in college because it's too close for comfort I just have to be content with the way things are now. 

I need to start writing more so I have more patience to write about the details of these nights out because they're the nights I'll want to remember. Right now I don't feel like telling much more about it 


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Wellll I slept a lot today and....

Hello, evening everyone. It's about 8:30 pm.

After Money and banking today I came home and took a three and a half hour long nap... Not really what I'd planned for the day, like I dragged my big basket of laundry downstairs and had plans of taking care of that today but that didn't happen. When I woke up from my nap it was about 3:30 and I had to eat something and practice guitar before my lesson with Jacob. 

That went well, I'm excited to be making progress and moving forward with master of puppets. I've successfully accomplished the first 200 measures at around 95% (without palm muting, but because the concert isn't until Christmas I have quite a bit of time to hammer out this imperfection). One reason that skype sucks is because my camera can't usually catch my entire fretboard as well as picking hand so Jake can't critique them simultaneously as well as if we were in person. Also we can't play together because of the camera lag. Still, it was a good lesson. 

We're moving into a finger picked clean acoustic part that is basically a sequence of chords for a solid minute. It's one of my favorite riffs in the song so that's gonna be my project this week. I need to make a new practice sheet.

Tomorrow I have my public finance test which I am feeling so-so about at this point. Today I've only studied an hour, and I should really be getting more done especially when I've got plans to have fun tomorrow night. I saw Abe P. recently in Shaw and gave him a hug, he's always been so nice and cool towards me and I've really wanted a chance to hang out and catch up with him. We're hanging out tomorrow, yay! 

Tomorrow I am also meeting up with one of my classmates to go over this obnoxious article that I have to write a paper on the 15th for Managerial. Blegh the font is so tiny and there's so much jargon it makes me nauseous. I also need to re-read the chapters of my managerial book for my best next Thursday in that class. Not something too urgent now thankfully...

Yesterday I met with Sipic and got my policy analysis subject approved. That's been hanging over my head bad and I want to get it done on Sunday so I can stop thinking about it. Lol Sipic asked me how I liked my classes this quarter and I told him I liked them all but there's definitely a hierarchy of favorites... (yeah somehow I think I just wanted to say "you're" my favorite without actually saying it.... ha ha ha) 

After we made some small talk I stood out to walk out and he got up to open the door and he asked me if I'm going to the career fair thing. I just remember pausing there like a dumbass because he was standing like a foot away from my face..... then of course I have some stupid frantic answer 90 mph like "Well I still haven't figured out who's all gonna be there so you should tell me 'cause I don't know...." (Wtf? God damn it, ha ha ha.... I swear sometimes when I try to talk to him my intelligence and confidence is seriously impaired.) 

Lolll only for my faithful blog readers, here's how I'm looking tonight, insane. 

This doesn't leave this blog entry.


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Awessommme day, great stuff on the horizon

Evening err-body...

Well technically it's morning... 1:20 am to be exact. I had a really good day overall. Not having Ghosh's class at 3 made it feel like today was another Saturday. I only had Grandpa Carbaugh's* class at 10 and I was done. (Lol "Grandpa Carbaugh" is what some guys in my Finance class were calling him the other day because that's how he is to us-- he's like the superrr nice professor that every student likes to have one of on their course list because it makes the quarter less stressful.)

My money and banking quiz went well, 30/36, 83%.. I missed the highest possible amount to be satisfied with my score so it came really close but I'm feeling happy with it. When I'd glanced through the stack of papers I noticed a lot of 32's and even 36's so I figured Terry more than killed my score...... He didn't, in fact he did much worse than I'd anticipated considering how well he really knows the material.. Like he was able to name the different types of financial intermediaries off the top of his head and stuff that I was trying to absorb from the material turned out to be less useful then the funky conceptual things that I remembered on the True/False yesterday.

..Always feels good to beat my rival. Ha ha, Terry's still listed as "Gary Oak" in my phone. I got a phone call from him when he went to class not knowing that classes this week in Managerial were cancelled because he skipped the second half on Thursday.

I personally just think he's crazy to be taking 25 credits. I would much rather thoroughly study my 15 credits then try to race to my diploma.... I feel like Terry is much more confident than I am which is going to make him more prepared to go out into the world faster. I feel like I want the next year and a half to build my own confidence and improve my people skills before I can have that same confidence in my intelligence. Terry is just so shamelessly sure of himself about everything, which can be frustrating to me because even if it is clear that I am equally as intelligent as he is he always feels he's got the upper hand somehow-- this is where my rivalry with him stems from and I enjoy it.

Let's see what else... Oh, I met this really cute guy today just out of the blue. After money and banking I'd gone to the surc to study for an hour and got hungry. I bought this $5 chicken bowl thing (Alright I might be exaggerating just a bit, but "Pan Asia" sweet and sour chicken was nooo bueno. It was so rich and dense, I could barely eat any of it) and sat across from this guy who looked like he was studying. I was originally planning on studying too before I realized that eating this messy chicken bowl and studying wasn't possible so we ended up talking. His name is Nathan, he's tall and athletic, plays bass and likes the band Alter Bridge (which is PROG.... just imagine what other bands he's into ha ha ha)....

He's now got my number and we're facebook friends. Who knows maybe we'll never talk again but that was still nice to meet someone today.

Uhh, yeah did lots of studying today and redid the assignment for Sipic's class from the lovely 5/15 score to a respectable 14. Freaked out about nothing.

I'm trying to join the archery club.

Solid hour of guitar tonight too, on top of everything else. Fantastic day, hope I'm not completely exhausted tomorrow.


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Terry came over to study for the Money and banking test and when I was unable to answer many of the questions from his notes he's like "Wow what'd you do, party all weekend? You never get this many wrong." The irony of the fact that I actually did study this weekend.... But did spend a lot of the time dwelling on the fact that I was sad that I wasn't doing anything fun because I was flaked on.

The past few days I've started to think about my lifestyle and who I portray myself as to the world. I want to make myself this person that I want to be. I want like to have friends, stay active and have fun on the weekends like a normal person. I want confidence in my ability and a clear thought process. I feel like I haven't had any of these things since I've moved here again and that stops tomorrow.


Saturday, October 5, 2013

People and their lack of ability to follow through with plans...

Wiley S. had asked if I wanted to drink this weekend and I was like sure, let's do it! You know honestly I haven't drank since I moved here and last night I actually felt like having a good time, whatever.. Friday comes around, I had been messaging Wiley about this and he had made no indication that these plans weren't happening. At around 8 pm I sent him a text like, "Dude were you still planning on coming up here?" and he's like "Sorry no I bought a gun instead." Alrighty. Wish I would have known that sooner so I could have at least attempted to make other plans this weekend-- Usually Friday is my reserved day for messing around if I'm going to.

I ended up going to Happy's and picking up a quart of Corona anyway.

I saw Kevin P. there and he was like "Why am I not surprised to see you buying alcohol?" I'm like "What? This is the first time I've drank..." and then some other people standing next to him were like "Wow Kevin do you know anybody who doesn't drink a lot in Ellensburg?" I was like what the f*^&, why do people always get on my case when I drink when I never do.... I always feel weird and guilty when I drink at all, and it doesn't help that people always act like it's an enormous deal.

So  yeah, normal Friday night. Abe texted me at 11 pm-- by which time I had taken off my makeup and drank almost the whole quart, asking me if I wanted to meet him and his friends down at the bars to get messed up. Ugh! No, obviously I couldn't drive and had just taken my makeup off and gotten ready for bed,  I was just like, damn it I guess not tonight.

In retrospect I did study and clean up my house quite a bit yesterday so that's always a good thing. I'm gonna have to do my laundry here soon. My shirts, underwear and bras are completely disorganized in my drawers upstairs and I have been too lazy to fix it.

Tomorrow Terry is coming over to study for the econ test. I'm planning on doing a lot of studying tonight beforehand to make sure I can 1 up him on everything, ha ha ha...... and of course get a better score on the quiz on Monday. Now that Terry and I sit next to eachother there's no way he can avoid showing me his score and visa versa, so for both of us the stakes are really high to not screw up. 

Our "relationship" has gotten so fun, I'm actually pretty excited to have him come over tomorrow because things will be a lot better now that I don't have that awkward roommate situation. We can sit out in the living room instead of being confined to hanging out in my bedroom (ugh, awkward....). 

Alright it's 9:30 pm. Got some caffeine in my system, ready to go. 


Thursday, October 3, 2013

Ears ringing teeth clicking ears ringing teeth clicking

My 22nd year is off to a good start.

I'll back up a little. My Mom came over for my birthday and we had dinner, talked, laughed,.. had a really good time. She also brought Miranda and I got to see how'd she react in my apartment. She was fine of course, it's definitely a good place to own a pet (if it was allowed) and she'd probably even be safe going outside and playing down by the river. But yeah, no, not gonna happen. I realize that I don't want the responsibility of having a pet here either because it's just one more thing to distract me.

Classes went well today. I've got an upcoming quiz in money and banking, which is luckily the class that I'm feeling the most confident in aside from still behind on the wall street journal articles. Tomorrow I plan to cut the articles that I need out and paste them somewhere for easy reference. Something about messing with a newspaper makes me frustrated.

I had managerial econ with Ghosh today and I guess we're not going to have lecture for a couple weeks so I'll have even more time to understand all of this reading material he's assigned-- excellent. I also realized today that I'm going about his classes wrong-- I need to print out his overheads that he explains in class so I can spend my time actually listening instead of trying to keep up with him with notes. It's impossible, he talks too fast and changes subjects frequently. Now that I understand this I'm actually looking forward to his next class (Thursday the 17th) to actually hear everything he's trying to tell us.

Fan 4ever. 

Terry of course sits by me in that class and I've noticed that he gets especially bored and likes to draw ugly pictures of weird muscle guys and write things to me on my textbook. Today he also started a tic-tac-toe game with me. I lost and he wrote "Rookie". I responded "I didn't waste time playing that stupid game growing up" and he's like "You missed out." I'm like "Bullshit. Pokemon is awesome." Ha ha ha.

Oh speaking of Pokemon! That X and Y game is coming out soon... Damn I didn't even play Black/White, can't believe they're coming out with a new gen already. I'm over here still playing SoulSilver because of my painstakingly slow method of playing this game (I take elite four training with exp. share to a new level... I'm pretty sure I've been through that shit 115 times) that I'm still partially convinced might be my last because of changes that will come in the next few years....

Anyway Pokemon X and Y graphics are sooo beautiful, in battle you can actually see the moves being cast. Charizard apparently now has a 4th evolution which I am indifferent about but hey.

I did an hour of successful meditation today after my economics class and afterward studied Managerial for a solid 30 minutes and practiced guitar for so I was happy about that. Usually I'm unable to get anything done between classes. I either sleep or waste time on the internet.

Some people (or just my friend Wiley, not sure yet) are driving up to Ellensburg tomorrow and we're going to hit the bars around here. Should be fun. Wiley brought it up to me out of the blue and I'm like Hell yea if you're willing to drive up here please do. I'm hoping he does bring some people along because I always enjoy a crowd but if it's just us that's fine too. Wiley's such a chill and enjoyable guy to talk to, Hell if he's the only one that comes I'd have no problem just bullshitting over some beer at the Tav. Sounds like a great time to me.

Guitar lesson went really well. Jake said I've improved significantly since I've started forcing myself to memorize music. He also send me this article:

Law of Attraction. He'd mentioned this before and I thought it was just supposed to be used for attracting the opposite sex but it's WAY more than that. It's so incredible and simple, I feel enlightened by reading it but cannot describe this further until I try to experiment with it tomorrow....


Listened to Purity ring on a couple of my bike rides today. Lol I don't know what it is about her music, it's just enjoyable yet creepy and alluring and weird at the same time-- kinda like me. : )