Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Pageants are just a sea of bitches

This is an Ibanez RGT42 in slate grey, fucking nice $750 guitar that I'll be getting for $350 in a few days if all goes right. I want to get that thing so bad, I'm so sick of the sunburst one that I have right now. Granted I'm sort of happy that I did learn my foundation on a Les Paul style neck my hand is killing me every day.

May is almost over. I planned my party way too early and there's still 16 more days. People have probably forgotten about it by now. Heh.... I feel like a big nerd, still. But I don't think it'll matter. Hopefully people'll show up.

Guitar lessons went well today. Got some new material to work on, and I have to start working on the 2 string patterns backward and forward. Jacob seemed sort of pissed off about something, he just seemed exhausted or something. This last week I did 23 hours. Pretty solid week, though I don't feel I got a substantial amount accomplished. I should probably start playing less with Netflix in the background.

Yup, Wednesdays are my favorite days. Everything just seems nice.. I'd like to go take a walk but I have nobody to walk with. I feel like I need to get out of here, though. Do something social.

Good GOD! Okay I messed up this morning, big time. On Friday night or something, I had called Connor and Zach (along with a few other people) to see what people were up too. I was just bored. Zach texted asking me if I'd called, but I thought it was Connor, so we had this conversation with what I WOULD have said with Connor, and it was sort of suggestive. Once I realized who it was I felt super lame!

It'd be nice to spend some time with Connor tonight because I'm not doing anything else and I don't have to study or get up particularly early tomorrow. The new grammar in Japanese is pretty straight forward, though I do have a quiz next Tuesday that I should get studying for. Oral exams were moved to next Thursday so I've got a little time to dwell. Me and Hannah both have 106% in that class, I'm sure we'll get an A.... ha ha it's almost gotten humorous. I will continue to work hard at it though, until the very end!

Samantha's graduation is in three days, and I'll be missing it. It depresses me to no end because I really want to go and see her. I'm really proud of what she's done; she got good grades, didn't get pregnant, never did alternative school. Sometimes I just never knew with her when we first started being friends if she would make it through school.

I'm looking forward to all the bomb food on Saturday, too. My sister's boyfriend Jimmy is graduating, but she was unable to get the day off so I'm pretty sure she'll just be going to his party. This means I'll be getting a chance to meet Jimmy's parents. OH! By the way, remember the pageant blog that I wrote a long time ago? My sister totally decided not to do it after the first meeting.

I'm happy, pageants seem like a swarm of bitches. My sister doesn't need approval from a bunch of creepy middle aged women living vacariously through their daughters. She's already got plenty of activities going on.

I've got a nasty stomach cramp.. I think I'm going to lay down a bit before dinner


Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Finger chops

Ha ha I made this meme today. I've been sitting in my room watching Netflix (well, TV essentially) and practicing the guitar since I've got home. ..I did a load a laundry and did the dishes but other than that. I really should've studied more than I did in the breakroom today.

I also made some delicious peanut butter cookies. I've never made them before. Right now they're sitting in the freezer hidden in a vegetable bag.

Today I worked. Work was bland, boring. It's sort of funny, everyone thinks I'm so serious because I don't laugh at their jokes. I'm not serious at all, I'm just very professional in my job and don't like to risk having problems with people. I just like to do my job and go home. Jay gives me a lot of shit but just to joke around. I really get the feeling that Jodi doesn't like me, but sort of puts up with me. It doesn't matter anyway, I'll just continue to try not to get on anyone's bad side. Being quiet and smiling at people is always the best policy in retail. People can't get mad at you for things that THEY say themselves.

I caught up with Robert and Dale last night, that was intense. I haven't talked to them in ages, since I was 16 at least. They seemed very happy to hear from me, but they're very depressing to talk too. One of the first things Robert said to me was that he wishes he was seventeen again. He deals with the loss of my Grandpa by saying he was always on drugs but at the same time clearly deeply misses him. My grandma takes care of Robert and Dale for the most part, as my Grandpa did at one time.

Tomorrow I've got guitar lessons. This has been a good week, I certainly practiced a lot. The only day that I didn't meet my quota was the 26th, and did 2 hours 40 minutes instead of 3. This is intense, I'm pretty proud of the amount of practice I'm putting in. I still don't feel like I've got much to show for the practice though, song wise. I've got a few under my belt, but it still needs work. Learning songs by System of a Down had to be put on hold because I needed to break away from the weird tunings.

It's almost like, my fingers are now almost fully trained to do the work that I want to do. Jacob called them "chops," though I thought the wording was weird because "chops" makes me think of singing range. It's true though, I need "Chops" in my fingers to have the ability to pick at difficult speeds, make different stretches, etc... I feel like I could learn a very wide variety of songs now. It's just a matter of picking the songs, getting the right tabs, and having the patience to learn something new even if it's not ideal.

Because of course before learning a song was a huge committment because it would take hours and hours to even make a tiny bit of progress on it. Now that I've improved somewhat it's easier to pick up new tabs and some easier songs I can get the hang of in an hour or two. Unless they're songs with chords, those are a challenge for me because it requires some amount of your OWN rhythm versus copying the song exactly.

My art has always been copying, from my drawing and now with music. I hope that I get good enough at guitar to sort of experiment with my own stuff. I remember even when I got really good at the trumpet I was never able to solo or anything like that because I was never able to let go with it. If I keep working at this though maybe it'll be better.

My manicure has already been chipping off all over. That's okay, I got sick of the red quickly. I should of gotten a pastel color but I was really out of it that day. My sister has a tendency to emotionally drain me, especially when I'm trying to just have a good time hanging out with her and she's ragging on me about every damn little thing. "OH Emily don't leave those leftovers in here, it'll STINK my car up!" ...Anal, much?

Gonna get going, going to work out for a little while, probably play some more, study some flashcards... do what I have to do to get set up for the week ahead. Tomorrow is my favorite day of the week, and then Thursday I get paid. Just not looking forward to working again all weekend.


Monday, May 28, 2012

I'm probably really smug.

You know what's sort of funny?

I used to sort of secretly joke about Ashley Stubbs and how obsessed she was with practice, getting perfect grades, etc and never understood how she could be such a perfectionist. Today I posted a status saying I've become a bit of a slave to my own routines and she "liked" it and suddenly I didn't feel so alone. We're very much alike; not nessasarily in personalities but what we do. She's a musician; way more than I am.. I imagine she's been practicing for hours a day for years and years and I'm just jumping onto that bandwagon again. She made me feel way more normal today. People like Katharine and Hannah Sun make me feel normal too because they're the same way.

Today I intend to practice for a few hours, study Japanese, get a lot of cleaning done, and keep my head busy. The loneliness factor has become increasingly more of disturbance and its very important now more than ever to hold it together and not relapse into a depressing slump. Today is Memorial day, and having this day off will do a lot of good for me. Tomorrow I work, and I doubt sensee would have scheduled a quiz right after the day of the chapter 8 exam.

I get paranoid that my parents think I'm annoying and smug lately with all my routines and not being depressed anymore. For some reason my own personality brings me shame because I feel abnormal to most people that live more relaxed lifestyles. I just can't sit around playing video games all day, and I don't relate to people that do. Yet at the same time I'm not that different from them because I do sit inside for long periods of time... just not gaming.

I still have this problem that I have no roomate up at Western, and I've been thinking a lot about if I really want to have a Japanese roomate or not. A lot of partying white girls piss me off, so finding a good one to live with would be more difficult then finding an Asian person that I can get along with. If I could find an intelligent, hardworking, quiet (but still enjoys having fun) girl, then I'll be set. Might take a couple tries, though.


Sunday, May 27, 2012

Well, this weekend was pretty productive I suppose.

Tyler D. came over last night and we uploaded some games onto my computer. He uploaded over 600 classic video games, they're all really retro 64' games that I can run on with my keyboard. Should be pretty entertaining to mess with one of these days. We had a nice visit. He came over randomly when he had to pick up Julie from a party. He had to sort of sneak in the house because my parents were sleeping. I don't feel Tyler like *that* anymore, and it's funny to think of a time that I did. We're really just good friends now, and ironically of all those guys I talk to him more than anyone. We might be going to see this movie next week with the guy from Borat.

Work today sort of sucked. I am so tired of kissing people's asses all day, but that's retail for you. After this whole weekend of working 20 hours, imagining going to work again on Tuesday is pretty icky. It's okay though, I'm just going to try and relax for tonight and tomorrow. Gotta try to memorize this damn Japanese vocabulary tonight but I really don't want too. I'm just so tired of all of it. I will never regret taking Japanese for as long as I did because I made a lot of friends in the process but God damn I'm ready for it to be over.

I made myself some chicken and boiled potatos. It's bland but healthy and I was so hungry it didn't even matter. I was tempted to have a slice of pizza, which of course my mom and Dad brought home a ton of. There's hardly any actual groceries that can be easily prepared (I'm not saying instant food, but relatively easy things that just require boiling, microwaving or baking. I usually cook for myself once or twice a day, especially when I've got the house to myself. I like to eat food that contains only what I choose to put in it; my own cooking never makes me feel nauseous after I eat it like a lot of other food does. I imagine when I go off to college I'm going to be eating very healthy, but I need to be careful not to starve myself.

Literally, I have a bit of a problem... I'll often go long periods of time throughout the day where I'll barely eat anything. I'll usually graze on healthy snacks, like fruit, boiled veggies, granola, bowls of cereal, etc. I'm not anorexic or anything, but so much food just doesn't look appetizing to me, and it's been like this for awhile now. I don't like eating anything that I think is unhealthy, so if I cave in and eat something that I deem "unhealthy," I'll often take a few bites and throw it away. Like I just caved and ate half a piece of pizza and threw the other half away. Because I know that if I eat the whole piece of pizza I'll feel too full, thus unmotivated to get work and practice done.

So for tonight my goals are (it's 4:00 pm)
-3 hours of guitar
-Write up Japanese flash cards
-Make bed
-Clean kitchen

I'm not going to work out tonight because I was running back and forth today at work the whole time.

Yesterday evening I called Connor because I felt lonely but he didn't pick up, thus making me feel even lonelier. I told him that I'd called to ask to borrow his guitar, but really that's not true.. I just wanted to see him. I just don't want him to think I have any suspicion that I *need* him, because he'll bolt. Fast. And right now he's my.. errm, rock, I guess you could say. He unknowingly keeps me from doing stupid stuff because he's that tiny bit of contact with the opposite sex that I need to keep from making mistakes again. Of course, even if Connor wasn't there, I still wouldn't do anything, but I would get more and more pent up over time and eventually snap and do something stupid. This keeps me align. He respects me, treats me with courtesy for the most part (I mean we joke around, but he never tries to hurt me), and we enjoy spending time together. As I've said before though, all on his time... so I feel like crap when I call him-- which I hardly ever do, last night was a rarity. I had thought about it for about five minutes before I actually did it because I was too afraid too. How very pathetic.

Jessika told me that I find specific excuses that I don't like EVERY guy. This might be true, sort of.. I mean I have ruled out a LOT of guys for one reason or another. But that's just because I don't want to be with someone that's either:

1. A loser. Doesn't drive, has no money, has no car, has no job. You'd be surprised how common this is. I'm fine with just one or even two strikes here if it's a temporary thing, but it seems like lately it's all four! Since when is a guy my age held so highly if he only has ONE of these things?

2. Way, way less attractive than I am. Now, this varies a lot because personality can make a huge difference. Like if a guy has an ego and has his own life going on, I'll find an average looking guy much more attractive than say an even better looking guy that has all these emotional issues and baggage. I don't know what it is, I've always had a thing for cocky guys. Insecurities are very unattractive to me because I've dealt with so many.

3. Unclean. Feeling as if he might have herpes or something because of his history. There's no way to tell for sure of course, but if I know a guy has been with a ton of girls, I will not touch him with a ten foot pole now. I've made mistakes and came out of my partying stage disease free, I do NOT want to get some sketchy ass STD now.

4. Way older than me. I'm talking 25+. I do get older guys that'll try to hit on me once and awhile, and unless they REALLY have their shit together. I can't date someone that's over 25 because I don't want kids for five years at least.

So yeah,  I guess I've got standards.

Here's a picture I took this morning. It's uneditted aside from the contrast. I was pretty ready to work this morning, even though I had a handful of stale goldfish and strawberries for breakfast.  

I'm gonna get going, gonna practice.


Saturday, May 26, 2012

some weird fanatic metalhead.

So that guy that subscribed to my posts added me as a friend.

Turns out he's got a pretty serious girlfriend and Josie hangs out with him all the time. Nooo thank you, I think I will back from contact with this person. I've got no problem with Josie-- we respect eachother and don't give eachother shit, we just don't hang out and have some weird history. For that reason, I choose to stay out of her life and she does the same.

I hung out with Michael Z. for a bit today. Always nice to catch up with him. He's always under an incredible amount of stress with his parents pressuring him to succeed. It's funny, I put the amount of pressure on myself to the degree that an Asian parent. Ha ha, self motivation is key with my family because everyone is so wrapped up in their own business.

I love to talk to Michael though, he's so smart and understanding. He's a little intense at times though, like he almost intimidates me with the way he dresses. Like, his hair and clothes are always so freaking perfect and name brand, he's always super clean. It's admireable when a guy can dress like that because it's not common. Most guys are kind of gross with their habits and don't try at all. Trying now isn't really a standard because girls are so desperate with the continual texting. It's put guys entirely in control so the standards are lowered.

But anyway, Michael looked really pretty today! It was a nice visit, but I got so freaking exausted that I couldn't hang out for long. I felt bad because I really wanted to talk to him more and he did drive allll the way from Pasco. Man, I do so much more driving then most of my friends. But because it's normal to me, it doesn't really bother me much anymore. Actually with Spotify Premium now, the drive home is pretty enjoyable because I can listen to virtually any music I want.

I've been of course listening to a ton of Dream Theater, just like on my Zune.. except now it's public how much I'm listening to them and it makes me feel a little silly. I just turn on my Spotify premium every time I'm in my car so sometimes I like to listen to the same songs in the morning. Right now I've been listening to the Train of Thought album. It's incredible.

It's 5:00... I'll probably play guitar til around 10 or 11 or so and go to bed. No intention of studying Japanese tonight, because really who am I kidding. My brain feels fucking fried from work and I'm going to ask sensee if I can take the vocab quiz on Wednesday. I don't know if I mentioned this but I actually got scheduled on Tuesday to cover for Claudia. My schedule was all fudged up this next week but hey, extra $70.


Friday, May 25, 2012

If people would just stop reminding me of this...

It's 12:04 pm. This time a few years back I'd barely be out of bed by now.

Well, if it was the weekend a few years back... Yeah, lets just say there was a time that on the weekends or during the summer I'd get in this routine of not getting out of bed until 1 pm because I was up the previous night until 1 or 2 am. This is a very bad habit that I choose not to do anymore, and it's benefit me a lot. For instance, I no longer have much acne. I don't know if it was mainly due to the Differin or the fact that I've stopped staying up late. A combination of the two has helped, we'll say.

Thus far today I've played guitar for 110 minutes, almost a couple hours. I'm getting better at time management with this. It doesn't seem hard to take a solid three hours out of your day but it is, it makes you feel very shut out. Facebook and Japanese class really do keep me somewhat sane socially, though. That and work. That creepy older Mexican guy has been coming into Rite Aid a lot and bothering me with his almost obsessive loitering. I didn't see Josh K. at all yesterday. I'd sort of forgotten about him until one of my managers mentioned him "checking you out." I don't know if that's true or not, or if she just heard from Tammy or Jodi that I liked him and they pointed him out when he came in.

It makes me sad and sort of irritated that they all know about him. I wish I hadn't told anyone in the first place because now it makes me twice as sad when he comes in. He's got NO interest in seeing me outside of work, he's got his own thing going on.. he's dirtbiking, hanging out with his friends, being a 22 year old guy. And I don't blame him.

If it gives you an idea of how much of a lost cause Josh Kilgore would be to pursue, here's a picture of his default on facebook. His most recent status was that he doesn't want to leave the bar but he has to for "work and sutff."

That's okay though, it's perfectly normal for him to want to go out and party, have fun with his friends, etc etc.. Especially after what he told me. Josh wants to have kids here in a couple years. That surprised me a lot to hear when we spent a little time together, because most guys don't just up and say that, but it's pretty normal. I mean just look at Zach March, Jyle, Jaye Crow, these guys that I've had contact with and have pursued me at one time or another that all have babies and have MAJOR responsibilities now.

That being said, if Josh was being honest there, I don't blame him at all! When you have a kid your life becomes their life, and if you're not ready to make the commitment yet you'll end up going behind your wife's back and probably causing the child a ton of grief. He's doing himself a favor, and then when he decides he does want a baby he'll be ready to settle down for it. I don't think he's going to be going to college or anything anytime soon, and if he does it'll be CBC.. which of course I'm done with. I probably make him feel sort of intimidated.

I know I make Connor feel sort of intimidated. He's the only guy I've been spending any time with off and on, and we've hung out a few times in the past four or five weeks. Connor on the other hand probably has ZERO intention of kids anytime soon, but he's sort of in the same boat Josh is in. He wants to have fun, fuck around, not be tyed down to some girl. It's not that I'd be trying to tye down Josh or Connor or anybody.

 I'd just be nice to spend time with a guy that cares about me that I'm semi attracted too, I really don't think that's too much to ask. But it doesn't ever seem to happen. I don't think it's because I'm not attractive or anything, but ever since I've gotten over my depression I've been so scared to give any guy ANY of my feelings because I don't want to get back where I started. Believe me, I'd LIKE to have someone to talk too when I just feel like talking, or someone to spend time with during some of these many, many, many hours I spend playing this instrument to ease some of the pain I experience from loneliness.

But it only happens when I'm alone, which is when I'll try listening to some Dream Theater or Metallica, something about the pain love brings. I jam, smoke weed, watch documentaries about war and lives that are worse then mine. It numbs the pain and makes me feel normal, and very humbled. Happy about my life and everything I have. I have friends, I have people to talk too. I feel like with everything I have I shouldn't need a man at all, which I DON'T. And I know this very well, but I can't help when there's something inside me that occasionally yells at me "HEY!! WHY ARE YOU SO ALONE. YOU'RE 20 YEARS OLD, YOU'RE HOT, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??" At least it's gone from my mind saying "You're worthless, you'll never be with anyone." I really don't feel that way anymore, but it's hard to think otherwise when nothing has proved any different. At this point it seems to need a fucking miracle.

Today has really been a good day so far though. I did a load of laundry and washed the dishes. I think I look really nice today. As for guitar progress, I am getting the hang of the distortion part of cemetary gates. I'm going shopping with my sister, buying some clothes. I want to get my nails done so that they have music notes on them. I tried doing it myself but it looked like shit (haha of course, I never said I was good at manicures!).

I'm going to play my guitar some more and hopefully get another hour in before we leave. We're not leaving until Denae leaves the school, goes home and gets ready so that'll be plenty of time for me! I'll hang in there, everything's fine. I think it's normal for me to feel the way that I do. This hopelessness has sort of allowed me learn to cope otherwise.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

A very hungry blog entry.

Here's my minutes for this week. Not fantastic because I actually had a bit of a social life...

Wed, 5/16: 195 min
5/17: 130 min
5/18: 230 min
5/19: 150 min
5/20: 130 min
5/21: 230 min
5/22: 190 min
1255 min
20.9 hours

So I did reach my "at least 20 hours" goal, that's good! I got a decent grasp of the intro to Cemetary Gates, so I assume by the end of next week it'll sound a lot better. God, I'm getting sort of sleepy. Didn't take any Bronkaid today, which is good.. I haven't taken it at all this week so I'll take it tomorrow and be good to go for my longggg shift after my lonnng Japanese test.

This is going to be the last Japanese test before the final, how exciting to be almost done!

Today there was a Taiko drumming event for the CBC Japanese club and it went very well overall. I participated and made a complete ass of myself, but I had fun so everyone else did too. :o) This was the last Japanese club event aside from the sushi feed at Sensee's coming up.

Getting hungry, time for a bagel!


Monday, May 21, 2012

No time for pity.

As somewhat expected nothing with Jessika ended up happening.

I texted her about it after work around 4, asking her if she still wanted to jam and she responded "Yes ma'am." I remember thinking, "Okay, good deal.." and responded asking her what time it would start. No response for awhile, then she told me that her friend had flaked. As in the guy she was telling me has been helping her out with the guitar and so eagerly wanted to me to meet a few weeks back. I then offered for just us to play, I mean why did we need this guy to jam together? She then told me that she was at her parents house and that she had no guitar there.

I then offered the resolution of bringing both my guitars. I mean I have an acoustic. She was the one that brought it up in the first place so I figured she'd appreciate the offer, but then she sort of snapped at me that she's "With her family doesn't doesn't want to ignore everyone" and that I'm the one who HAS to play guitar. Ugh. Again, she was the one who wanted to, so I just wanted to give her options outside of what she had intended. She really wanted me to jam with her a few weeks back, but only under the circumstance that some guy is there who is, according to Jessika, a pro at guitar and can "help us out." (I put this in quotes because this is what she said, not out of tone)

I'm not really seeking much help outside of what my current routine. My habits are getting worse, this week I didn't meet my 180 mark three times. :( Better do a little extra tonight and tomorrow.

Last night I hung out with Connor and we had a very nice time together. He's gotten really laid back around me, and we respect eachother to an extent. Like, we're both very stubborn people and we can both be such assholes to one another but we click very well. I don't know if there's any feelings there necessarily. We're physically attracted to eachother and have similar personality types, but actually dating again would be sort of silly and out of the question. He's got a lot going on and so do I, but he might actually be moving up to Bellingham at the same time I will be.

That's one thing about Connor though is you really don't know what he's up too. He sometimes seems like he's majorly talking out of his ass, but then he manages to ACTUALLY DO what he says he was going to do and has proof of it. He's not stupid, either. Regardless of having the appearance of being a rather lazy hippie with his dreadlocks and beanies, he's really intelligent and manipulative. We get along well, but I'm not sure how much time we'll be spending with eachother during the summer. By the sound of it, he's going to be travelling all over the place.

I'm sort of nervous about this summer. Not because I'm moving or anything but because I think about last summer and how lonely it seemed. Man, it's really been a year since the Guy Stevens fiasco. It was about this time last year that I was hanging out with Cory Bunn, Josh Fischer and that Ed guy. It was back then that I was packing those silly bento lunches for myself and trying to figure out some stupid identity for myself. It was all so fake. I'm happy I'm no longer like this. ANYWAY! Looking to the future now...

I'm assuming this summer I'll continue to just do my thing. But without much of a purpose on the weekdays, I'll have to either find more hours of work somewhere, or maybe just stay home and apply for a bunch of scholarships I don't know. Summers are tricky because it's a lot of time to consolidate. This is definitely going to be my last summer living in the tri cities, which is an interesting thought. I think I think about this kind of thing too often and shouldn't be so high strung.

I hope something magical happens this summer. I've been pretty patient. >:(


Saturday, May 19, 2012

My hand hurts like a son of a b*tch.

I've been working on the acoustic solo of Unforgiven on the electric. I think the distortion solo is also very good but I have not tried playing it yet. I hope I can really solidify and chunk through this entire song. I know a good portion of it because I've really cleaned up the intro and chorus. It's the weird verses and solos that I'm having problems with.

There's this one measure that goes....

...that I've been trying to clean up for awhile. It's really hard to do a pull-off and then jump to the next string for me. Again, it'll get better with practice and time. It's definately coming together though and I've got a good bulk of it done. As for Cemetary Gates I've barely gotten started but I want to figure it out a little.

Tomorrow I was invited to jam with Jessika and her friend. This plan has been going on for a couple weeks now because last weekend was mothers day and the previous weekend I was feeling a little bit snuggly. So most of my plans lately, when note with Samantha, have revolved around jamming or sitting with people and watching videos while I discreetly get my picking exercises and junk done.

Honestly, makes me appreciate people like Manuel that play violin... When they sound bad they sound BAD and it's very hard to conceal. It takes so long to get a clean note out of the damn thing, I couldn't have the patience. Luckily I'm not a huge fan of the violin, it feels sort of sharp on my ears. Don't get me wrong, it's a very cool instrument, but it's just not my favorite.

Jimmy just pulled up with my sister. I just realized it's almost 10 and I still have an hour to go. My head feels heavy.

Today, Samantha came over. Well, I picked her up again after work. It was a short visit. Second day in a row visits tend to be short, especially when there's plans with other friends involved. Samantha wanted to spend some time with Leslie. It's cool, no worries I wouldn't be offendid by my friend hanging out with a different friend after me (hahaha that'd be silly, but sometimes I really think Samantha thinks I'm mad at her about the weirdest things).

Shawn and Samantha have been dealing with a lot of drama lately and I'm sort of just following along and witnessing her hardship. I know I shouldn't be writing this because Samantha said Shawn gets more angry when he discovers people are talking about their whereabouts. But it sort of becomes part of my life too when she has to deal with Shawn's fighting and then coming to me about it when she's hurt.

Katharine came over yesterday and introduced me to a fantastic cult classic called Troll 2. It's sort of the kind of movie that attracts the Rocky Horror Picture Show crowd. It's painfully bad, completely crazy, made no sense, you just have to watch it! I decided I'd show it at my party. Scar everyone for life before heading out into the world, haha. It's known for being the worst movie in existance. It's so shamelessly bad that you have to see it.


Friday, May 18, 2012

Bad guitar habits and pinky straining

I'm sitting here eating some really nasty fried rice. It's one of those microwave meals. Probably not going to finish this. ...Nope, tossed it, got go lean crunch and yogurt instead and I feel like I'm getting a better breakfast even if it's not to my appetite right now.

It's 9, I got up early to make sure to designate enough warmup time before my friend Dylan comes over and plays. He's very good I assume because this is like his *thing.* Way more experience under his belt than I do so I'm going to try and learn what I can from him.

Jacob told me on Wednesday, "I never take advice from someone who isn't an expert at something. Why would I listen to someone about how to play football if they're not an expert at it?" He told me that I should really only take guitar advice from him because he's an expert and doing otherwise will probably just cause me bad habits unless THAT person is an expert at it too. He has a point, but I feel like I can learn a little something from anyone who's my superior at this.

He had told me this after I explained a bad habit that I'd developed by doing a "pinky stretching exercise" that someone had posted online. The exercise is somewhat like my assigned chromatics exercise where you play a set of 4 notes that are right after one another on the fret board. But instead of four notes, the sequence is five notes and you're told to stretch your pinky to reach that 5th note when really in most cases you would want to shift your hand.


E ___3___4___5____6__________________________________

This is part of the chromatic scale that I worked on for a week but I did it completely wrong because every time I would try to stretch and strain my pinky to get to the highest note instead of just sliding my hand up slightly. This chromatic scale can actually be visualized as stairs, over four notes, down one string, play four notes, shift one fret, play four notes, down one string etc.... It's so easy when you shift and I'm planning on trying to perfect the shit out of this to destroy my pinky straining habit.

Last night I FINALLY really got the hang of the two string arpeggio. I usually just practice it with notes for the most part but last night really stopped to focus on the picking aspect of it. Spent about 10 minutes on just the picking (*note that this is after a month of playing it for 20 minutes a day for the past month) and suddenly, out of the blue, I did it! Got JUST the right hand positioning, the strings pulled themselves to the next string just as they should when you practice sweep picking. This is definately an achievement, sweep picking is f*cking hard to get started on. Baby steps!

I should probably get started practicing shortly. I've still got until 12 and it's barely 9:30 so I'm okay. I feel like rambling for awhile.

Let's talk about people.

Graduation is coming up here in just a couple weeks. Samantha graduates on the 2nd of June. I think Katharine graduates on June 8. That's... 21 days.  I guess you could say I'm keeping a somewhat close eye on Katharine's graduation date for a number of reasons. I'm not going to post one of them, but if Katharine read this she'd know the pathetic enough reason why.

BUT that's beside the point! I don't know if I've mentioned yet that Katharine is moving to LA almost immediately after graduation but she is. I'm going to see her one last time at her graduation party with her family. God, that's sounds horrible. ONE LAST TIME of her living in Washington that is. It's actually not going to make that much of a difference, her moving down to LA I mean... We only really see eachother once every couple months or so if that. But with her moving down to LA and me moving up to Bellingham, our distance is going to be much, much more and something about it makes me both very sad and very excited.

Excited to be far from a friend? No. Excited for independence. Because I always feel like Katharine has always been a large part of my "nest." Nest meaning, what's comfortable to me because it's home and it's what I know. Things that are sacred to me because they are familiar and make me comfortable, and pose little to no threat to me.

 Other examples of my "nest" are:

- My walking path. Same ol' walking path that I take with Lindy or whatever friend I'm hanging out with to take some time to be outside, get exercise and chit chat. I'm going to have to figure out a new place like this when I leave.

-The ready supply of food in the kitchen that I didn't have to buy. I can always pretty much count on my dad to bring something home if there's nothing to munch on, so I'll sometimes just not eat even if I'm hungry and wait until dad to get home from work with groceries or little ceasers. This is something i'm going to miss because i'll have to fend for myself entirely. Shouldn't be too bad, I really don't eat much anymore.. but my dad has a good taste for snacks sometimes. I'm too restrictive to buy a lot of the stuff that he does that I'll sometimes pinch off of and still act like I'm "above" it.

-Samantha, she's like a warm blanket to talk to at times because even if I have something completely irrational that's bothering me she'll have an open heart about it. I've come to her about a lot of things that I wouldn't nessasarily want to burden Katharine or Katelynn with. The availability factor with me and Sam is huge too, because it's so easy for me to just go pick her up and take her wherever with me because she lives right in town. I know I'll have friends at Western, but not having her by my side so easily makes me sad.

-My almost obsessive routines that I act on everyday. I'm hoping I can create a system of a routines once I move up to Western. It's just a matter of keeping organized, getting needs met and creating time to practice. That's what my entire day revolves around now. Not around love or anything spontanious. I'm sure this will change at Western, but it scares me to think of unpredictability...

-How my parents are always there to save my ass. I think this probably the most scary to me. Anytime my car has broken down, locked my keys in my car, etc etc... I've been able to rely on my parents to save my ass. Now that I'm going to be eight hours away I don't have that luxary. I have to figure shit out on my own and save MY OWN ass if my car breaks down. I think I am going to get AAA or something. I don't know why my parents have never had it, it's only $10 a month or something.

Okay, NOW I need to go practice. Katharine is coming over this evening so that'll be nice. I'm guessing Dylan is probably still sleeping, it is Friday after all.


Thursday, May 17, 2012


Apparently the guitar I picked out yesterday isn't appropriete for the genre of music that learning. Jacob told me that he'd help me pick one online and send me links and stuff of ones that would be good options. I couldn't remember the specific type that I wanted, but I told him that the design of the instrument would be similar to that of the one that I have now (Special II model Epiphone).

He was like, "WHY?! That thing is like for if you're playing..." and then he played some Soundgarden type song. "You need an Ibanez..."

Ibanez RG7321 7-String Electric Guitar
Around $500.

Gibson, Fender, and most other top brands apparently suck for metal, as does pretty much anything else except for a brand called Jackson. I look forward to having a guitar with a thin neck because it will allow me to do a lot more than I'm doing now. Still have a month or so to train on this hunk of junk though.

This is the guitar I have now, cherry sunburst Epiphone special II.

They advertise this thing pretty highly, regardless of it being a beginner guitar that falls apart if you play it to much like mine is. I don't know, maybe I just take crummy care of it and that's why the paint is coming off.

I want to buy a shredneck. This is basically a portable neck that you can whip out and practice with anywhere. I could practice on breaks at work (sort of, without the right side of the guitar it sort of limits what you can and can't do obviously) or in my car when I'm bored waiting for something or whatever.

They cost $50. I just got paid and put some of my money in the bank so that I just have $300 in my checking. I have $2000 total now, and I've been doing a pretty good job at saving. Maybe this would be worth the investment. I get a lot of joy out of this. Maybe I'll just skip on buying the Jane for a couple weeks.

Alrighty well, gonna get going!


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Kramer Assault 220, new guitar maybe

Iiiiiit's WEDNESDAY!

Week 5, check. This week was the first week of my second month of lessons. My minutes this week total: 1352 minutes, 22 hours 59 min. I'm pretty sure this is the most I've ever done. My poor guitar is sitting in the hot car right now probably getting more messed up. Oh well I guess, my Mom told me this morning that they might get me a new one as a graduation present because they never really got me a present for highschool graduation.

I think getting my AA is an achievement in itself, and deserves a present! :o) The present might be partially to myself though, like I might chip a little money in for it if it's expensive. A nice guitar sits at around $500. I'd love it if Jacob could help me pick one out because I don't know much about which ones are better than others.

Here's some guitars that I like. I haven't even decided what brand I want, i'm thinking Gibson and for around $500-$800. Of course if it's $800, i'd probably be chipping in $300 or so myself. that's an entire paycheck of money and will take FOREVER to earn back but it'd be totally worth it.

color wise i'm thinking either black, gray, white or navy blue. Nothing green or red or anything. i'm really sick of that stupid sunburst color.

Les Paul Standard, about $800. These are freaking beautiful but very expensive. Maybe this would be something i'd get myself after a couple years of playing... I can only hope that i'm not broke because of student loans two years from now. Anyway if I could ever find a deal on one of these, this would be my first choice. Not likely though.

Kramer Assault 220, about $650.
Not with this lining, but I really really like the guitar style itself.

In white, so pretty

This would almost definately be the one I would want. It's so sleek. That and I'm pretty sure it'd be in my and my parents price range.

Before I go, let me just say that I'm pretty grossed out by someone. I can't mention names because I wouldn't want his fiance and baby's mother to somehow get wind of it, but I got a text last night asking to hook up. I've never had sex with this person, but I did have feelings for this person off and on for a long time and I can't believe he'd try going behind her back...

Clearly, he must not be completely satisfied with her in some way. But I don't want to be the girl to be the one to ruin the stability of their relationship-- ESPECIALLY when there's a baby involved. I've never personally been the cheat-ee (from what I know of), but it would be horrible to have that happen. So regardless of the temptation there because I do find him pretty damn hot, I will resist it and back away slowly. I sort of bitched him out a bit last night for the attempt, and it sucks because I'm not against being friends with him at all.

Ugh, I find it very insulting when guys try to mess around with me behind their girlfriend's back. I never want to be that girl that causes that much pain.


Monday, May 14, 2012

I'm feeling pretty fabulous tonight, not gonna lie. I had a great day today.

Had a good day of Japanese class, my studying this last weekend paid off because I felt quite prepared for what was ahead. It's funny, the entire class sat TOGETHER on one side of the room today. It made me feel happy, it didn't feel nearly as desolate anymore and Japanese class actually feels quite fun now. For the time being, hopefully it won't get annoying.

I hung out with Taylor today for like two hours after class. We sat and talked, regardless of annoying the shit out of me at times in class, he's an awesome guy. Very cool to talk too. He was telling me about being "friendlisted" a number of times by girls and I told him more about myself and such. It was interesting getting a chance to actually get to know him rather than what I've seen on the surface in class. It was fun to kinda "Hate" on him at times (not literally, you get what I mean), but he really tries to be cool toward me and I do like him a lot as a person.

I cannot become a complete bitch this late in the game, but sometimes burnout has adverse affects on my behavior in class. I admit that I've gotten lazier, regardless of working as hard as I do. Tomorrow, I will get up early to study the kanji for the quiz tomorrow. I hate kanji quizzes and it seems like there's been so many of them. I just need to remember that it's just this one and then I'll finally be on the LAST kanji and then BOOM! Done! Jon wasn't in class today. Neither was Ashley. I wonder if we will keep the seating arrangement tomorrow, I hope so, sure did make things more interesting and less segregated.

This is old and there's a big glare on my face so we never uploaded any of these, but we took some pictures awhile back. Ah, my room looks so much better now!

Today me and Samantha spent some time together. This is always nice because she's so fun to rant with. She's also got a very interesting life with her fiance and "House" (the house that Shawn is living in with his roomates). It's almost become a funny sitcome that I hear about periodically. The goings on at house. Will there be an engagement this week? A breakup? Stay tuned. Ha ha.

We talked about... everything, as usual. I get nervous that I often repeat what I say around her because she's such a nice person that I doubt she'd tell me if I had. I really hope her stupid boyfriend gets a job soon. Okay Shawn's not "stupid," he's just lazy at times and he needs to get his act together if his girlfriend's going to be moving in with him. I've been rooting for him to get a job on the sidelines for months. Samantha said he's got one in the bag right now, so that's good.

We went on a walk and chit-chatted, like always. Not much changes around here, but sometimes change isn't nessasary.


Saturday, May 12, 2012

Yesterday's post was really poorly written. I guess I had so much to say I didn't take the time to look over what I'd said. The post will stay though. If I can't write freely on this blog, there's no point in it.

Today was good, work was smooth enough because I worked with Shelby and her and I work very well together. Tomorrow Leslie is going to split up our shift so that I can work the floor for a couple hours. I'm never one to complain about my shift routine, but at times the running back and forth on Sundays can get really annoying. I just get nervous that I won't get MY stack of tags done. How silly, like it even matters at all. I'm a hard worker, I'll get stuff done. I'll try to do as much as Shelby's tags as possible so that maybe next Sunday I'll get a nice two hour break again. Because to me being on the floor is a break, their job requires so much less interaction with idiots than mine.

Ugh, the plants! The fucking Rite aid plants that dirty up the counter tops! It's so annoying, I'm continually having to wipe the dirt of off the counters and use hand sanitizer to clean from the soot. It's made my hands dry, and I've never had a problem with dry skin. I admit, I do not take the greatest care of my poor hands. They're still young and pretty and I should take better care of them.. but work and my hobbies are a lot more important than how my hands look.

The calluses on my left hand have almost entirely developed to the point that it doesn't hurt to play, even with my pinky. Right after I play my fingertips are usually black from the strings so I wash them every hour or so. This makes them *really* dry. You can't really see the calluses when my hands are clean but you can when they're dirty from cash or something. Reminds me of my Dad's hands when he would work on the farm and he'd have to use that funky hand solvent.

Today I bought a lipstick by Rimmel london called Summer Angel but I called it "Dead angel skin" this morning when I saw it. After I tried it on though I knew I HAD to get some, it's a brilliant color! I also picked up some tanning lotion for Mother's day. That's tomorrow, but of course I won't be around to serve breakfast in bed or whatever.

Man, I always sucked at that sort of thing when I was a kid. If I was serving the breakfast in bed on my own, it'd be cereal or something lame like that. Yeah, cereal in bed is just what everyone wants, what a privilege to relax and get Crispex in the sheets. If my sister was involved, I'd be pancakes or waffles but my sister would want to do everything which would inevitably lead to a fight. Oh! And of course if I DID try to make pancakes myself I wouldn't know how to to make the damn things so my mom would have to take out the Bisquick and show me before going back to bed.

Hehe, ohh yeah I can see why my poor Mom got frustrated with me! I was such a dork sometimes. Well, that's all I wanted to say. I've got 40 more minutes of practice time to do and it's already 9:00 pm. I'll probably be up until around 11 tonight. I ate a big dinner and my stomach feels grody.... No red meat for me unless it's roast beef. It seems like that's the only beef that doesn't disgust me anymore.


Friday, May 11, 2012

I now admit what I've held back before

Today, I sort of had to talk about this with my Mom, and felt a little stupid about it. I find myself growing more and more humbled now days. I wake up in the morning with the daily task of three hours of guitar practicing, so I have to be smart about how I plan my day ahead to make sure I get that responsibility done. Then I also have the chore of helping out around the house; maybe helping out with the laundry and make sure I do a load of dishes every day and clean the kitchen.

My day starts out taking a shower. I step out, dry off a little, go into my room and add my miracle conditioner product. I then do my makeup, get completely ready and play guitar as long as I can before I have to go. Usually I'll go early and attempt to study but things are getting harder. I really need  to spend more time studying Japanese but lately I hate it and I just want to get through it so bad. It's getting harder and harder to keep up with the grammar and I don't see it slowing down. The way I see it, there's no stopping, I just need to sit down, get some God damn studying done, and figute out the material.

Anyway, my weekends, every weekend, for the past month now (officially as of yesterday I've been taking guitar lessons for a month, go me!) have been just working in the morning until 3 then coming home and playing guitar until about 9:30, working out, maybe playing some more, bed.

This same routine is over and over again so the point that I don't really see a need to break it. I feel content in this life. I feel healthy, strong, my head is in the right place. I feel my body is precious and I don't want to hurt it. I won't go into details, but I'll just say I've done NOTHING in the past month, with anyone. This hobby, along with my almost comical string of final dedication to CBC classes, new found self confidence. . . has left me totally abstinent. And I do not see myself doing anything anytime soon because I don't want anything to do with most guys that way. Why be with some weirdo right before I leave? Ha ha, seriously!

So to me, a kiss is once again sort of significant.

I remember when I heard he was dating her when Katharine was over. Somehow he gets brought up when shes around but never any other time. My mom told me out of the blue and initially I felt shocked because I hadn't heard about it; though I sort of assumed... I remember we had talked and then suddenly stopped talking thus he had found someone else. I have hated Jessica since middle school when she dated Sheldon Brock (who, at the time, was COMPLETELY out of my league so it was silly for me to think otherwise), because I was envious of her. Then she ends up dating Jack, the only guy I've ever really liked in my life. It was a huge slap in the face.

Though I honestly came to the realization recently that there's no reason to hate Jessica for "what she did." She dated Jack because she probably thought he was hot or something, woohoo they probably had sex and Jack's mom probably thinks she's SO fantastic! My mom was convinced they were going to get engaged, which I brushed off and thought that'd be just precious. Jessica didn't think of me when she dated him, and she probably had no idea that I had that any intentions of wanting to be with him again when we hadn't talked for so long.

Jessica's admittedly a very attractive person, she's got a great body, she's athletic, has a beautiful smile, and her ditsiness makes people feel  smarter and thus better about themselves. She has a lot of qualities that I don't that I could see WHY Jack would want to be with her. Jack has his own insecurities and I'm sure being with a steriotypical bombshell must be a huge ego boost.

But why is it that he continues to add me on facebook after I delete him and send me periodic text messages if he never commits to any plans or seems to have any intention of talking to me? Don't people understand how confusing this is to me? I have a right to be confused. Make up your fucking mind.

That being said the next person I kiss will be someone I really care about. I don't want some nasty ass creep kissing me ever again, I don't want some weirdo violating me. My health is at stake. I have no STDs. I survived my naughtier times.. I think a lot of girls go through this. But now, I feel almost completely numb to it. I don't have much interest in sex anymore, and it only took a month of not having sex.

Thank god I had this realization, I feel free. I don't care about what Jack does at all, and I don't think he has any intentions of talking to me this summer. He's single now but he'll probably find some other girl before he moves back into the tri cities with his family.

Though I felt freed from this, I also felt myself being very lonely. Lost hope in that aspect has left me feeling really stupid for ever thinking otherwise. I try not to get emotionally involved with anyone and I tried not to talk to him at all but when he texts me first and adds me first it's sort of hard to avoid him.

That and, I have absolutely no interest in anyone else. Josh was cute, I guess, and I see him at work all the time, but he's still way behind me in the path he's going on versus my own. He's still trying to get his roots planted, you know? I've already got my roots planted and I'm ready to grow the fuck out of here. I have a hard time publicizing this here on my blog but I feel it's necessary to have this in writing to get down exactly how I feel. It's not right for people to NOT know why someone hates them. If Jessica has heard that I hate her, which maybe she has maybe not, she probably still has no idea why.

I hope this all doesn't make me sound crazy. I guess I just sort of feel in a rut. I expressed this to my mom today and she told me to calm down and not worry about it. I try not too, and she tells me that she doesn't blame me for feeling the way that I do. People are in relationships everywhere, it's like some game. It's really hard for me to find anyone that I particularily like, and a lot of the time when I do really like them I didn't really have any game or anything. Well, now I'm no longer trying to have game with anyone. I'm just myself. I don't want anyone to touch or mess around with my body because I get NOTHING out of it anymore.

My self esteem is now completely satisfied. I no longer seek sex or men to give me anything that I can't get from sitting down and playing for a few hours and smoking a bowl, maybe going on a long run. And this has been satisfying my life for the past month now. So things are going well. I feel I have found my center. Though I don't have any love in my life, that's okay. There doesn't need to me. I am sexy, funny, beautiful, intelligent, now somewhat musically talented (or getting there) and I love my friends and people I'm closest to in my life.

But sometimes, I do get sort of lonely. Sometimes it'd be nice to spend time with someone. It's been a really long time since I've liked anyone, and I think the only reason I focus on the Jack thing at all is because it's not like there's really anything else going on. Jack seems to have his own junk going on, as always, and I'd rather not play into it.

going to bed now. night.


Monday, May 7, 2012


Ah, goodnight everyone.

It's 11:26 pm, I'm waiting for one of my favorite videos to save to my hard drive. It'll be nice to have this particular video because I use it all the time and I always notice that the video loads EXTREMELY slow. Well, videos on youtube that have a particularily large amount of traffic (like, 4 million views +) tend to load a lot slower than regular videos. This was pretty frustrating because I always thought this was from a bad internet connection.

I guess that's what I don't like about the idea of Google's computers that have no hard drive. I like actually having the information saved outside of the internet because there are occasional times when there IS NONE. Yeah, no internet, how frightening! But it does happen, sometimes days at a time.. which is why I'm being prepared, haha.

Guitar pro 6 came in the mail today! I'm so happy it shipped fast, and it's already an incredible program to work with now that I'm getting the hang of it. It's not just a tab editting software, it has all sorts of neat little settings like a speed progression mode that really makes the user feel like they're in a race with themselves.

I did get quite a bit of Japanese vocab study in tonight, but I'm getting very exausted and I'm gonna call it a night here shortly.


Friday, May 4, 2012

Prostitution Massage Parlors Illustrated

I get irritated with how social networking works nowadays.

You're expected to be available 24/7, either via phone or online. People want to talk to you when you want to be alone, and people never talk to you when you feel particularily social. I guess this is my own perspective, but I've lost patience with the whole game.

I put up the event for my party this summer, how exciting! I invited... seventy people. Crazy right? I've never had a plan that could potentially include 70 people! Hopefully I'll get a good turnout and it's not too painfully crowded. I just want everyone to have a good time and start off the summer on the right foot. I'm always afraid my parties will be lame. I was DEFINATELY impressed by how last year's party went, so hopefully this one will be twice as good.

In comparison to last year, this year I'm much more confident and excited for what's to come. Last year sucked because there was no end in sight to the life I was living. Now, I'm pleased that I still have three months here, but I'm also content with the fact that a lot of my relationships will potentially change. These people at home will go there own way, and I'll go my own. Katharine told me to savor the time I have left here, and use these hours the best I can, make the best choices etc... I've been trying. I do my thing; take lessons, learn Japanese, get college stuff in check. Avoid wasting too much time. Get in the best shape of my life. Grow hair out, keep it healthy. Don't stay out all night. Don't drink. Don't pop pills. Smoke herb to relax, practice a lot of guitar. Do exercises online. Listen to music. Learn how to do my damn makeup. Do chores.

Yeah, I like my life right now, so I find my blogs are getting boring. So I'll tell you what else has been going on.

At work yesterday some weird blonde guy came in, he looked strung out or coming off some drugs or something. In very bad shape. Looked like a meth head to me, of course I wouldn't say that to Tammy. He came in to buy some stuff, and I showed him the same respect that I would anyone else. I sent him on his way, and he started going on and on and wasting my time talking about all his problems and I'm like "Wow, I'm so sorry... I hope your night gets better..." blah blah blah. Same garbage that I say every day. He comes back, like 20 minutes later, saying he needs me to call an ambulance for him. Note that we're like... a freaking block away from the hospital. He's standing, he's FINE. He told us he felt weak and that he felt like he was going to pass out. We called the ambulance, they came in 2 minutes, and we went on with business as usual.

 I bet medics have to deal with these type of druggies all the time. That trip in the ambulance probably cost $4,000. You think he has insurance? Probably not. That's the type of dumb bullshit our tax dollars go to. How pathetic.


Today I want to talk about prostitution.

I watched a documentary about human trafficking in America, titled "Trafficked: Slavery in America." I've watched many documentaries about prositution before, but they always had your steriotypical white trash trucker prostitutes. Whenever I saw these documentaries I'd always think to myself, "Why in the Hell would anyone be that desperate to go for a women like that?" Scummy truckers on the road who have dollars to spend, probably a wife at home, but is willing to settle for pretty much anything.

But what about inner city prositution? This was the first documentary that gave me an inside look at an illegal Asian prostitution business. I'll post some pictures and talk about how inner city prostitution works.

Disguised as massage parlors, prostitution establishments seek selling sex for cash. The better the disguise, the longer the business has potential to run before being shut down by the authorities. Prositution is illegal, therefore it is a shady and dangerous business. The pictures below are taken from a business called "VIP Massage" which only appeared to last a small amount of time before it was busted.

When prostitution is suspected, authorities go to the establishment dressed as "Johns" (a codename for men buying sex. Nameless, impersonal. They pay, they have sex, and leave). They look for signs of prostitution such as....

ATM machines in the lobby.

It'd be unusual for a legitamite massage parlor have an atm right there where people can access quick and easy cash without the paper trail of using debit and credit cards. Cash is the most liquid asset that can be used practically anywhere, which is why illegal trafickers only use it.

Cramped living quarters.

This is where the girls sleep and spend most of their time when they're not selling their bodies. Their makeup bags and suicases hold all of their belongings, just in case they have to make a quick getaway.

Simple products converted into capsules to hold condoms. They buy condoms bulk instead of individually wrapped.

The clorox bottle above is filled with used condom wrappers. The investigators cut it open to illustrate this. Notice all the disgusting toilet paper all over the ground.

Lack of identification. None of the so-called "massage practitioners" have their license or I.D. This proves someone else is in control, probably holding any information the girls have and threatening them that the American government isn't going to help them without a passport. The girls then live in fear, selling their bodies and working 20 hour days, hoarding all the cash they can to bring home to whatever country they're from.  

In the documentary authorities raided the building and tried interviewing the woman that seemed to be in charge. The girls that were caught are scared and refuse to cooperate.

A few of the girls and a "Mama san." The girls let her do all the talking, as they're probably instructed to do.

Many times the foriegn people play dumb, as if they don't see the evidence right in front of them and drag out the cherade all they can. The girls appear very scared, though play along.

The problem with "playing dumb" is that the authorities had been to the salon previously disguised as Johns and the girls spoke perfect English to them. Fail. Once they get the girls away from the Mama San, they often ask to be taken home.

The demand for the sex is often fueled by men of all different backgrounds. From what I've seen, the most common customers are older middle aged men seeking sex with much younger women then their wives are likely to be. For this reason, it's often hard to shut down the bigger name "massage parlors" because they have so much money. 

Below are some pictures from the Sunflower Massage Parlor in San Fransisco, a place that blatantly went against the law but hired good enough lawyers that it took three times to shut them down.

The front. Advertised on their website as being open 7 days a week, from 9:30 am-11:30 pm. That means the girls here are having to work those rigorous hours with little break. On the website people can customize their experience down to choosing the girl's bra size.

Inside Sunflower Massage. A dimly lit room where women of various ages wait for their services to be provided.

Girl that was recorded during a raid of Sunflower. She doesn't appear particularily afraid like at VIP massage, she looks more irritated that it's happening again.

It was a "House of prosititution" right in the shadow of city hall. Could you imagine walking into this place expecting a real massage parlor? Woops!

Another view of their living quarters. Their are hidden cameras everywhere so it's very hard for a girl to escape if she wants to. The people that run it know exactly where the girls are at all hours of the day, having been convinced to get involved in their business. You wonder how many of them actually enjoy what they're doing.

Just thought that was interesting to share on this blog. The documentary was fantastically done and I give full credit to them for these pictures of course. The Sunflower massage parlor got shut down by the authorities and left San fransisco immediately. They now reside in Worthing, in the United Kingdom. 

I'm going to call Lindy and see if she'd like to take a walk.


Thursday, May 3, 2012

My thoughts on pageants...

Payday is sweet.

Today is especially sweet because I don't have too much to spend money on except for some dorky kahki pants that I have to wear for the uniform change. Right now I've got approximately $1,700 in my bank account. My mom informed me yesterday that I need to be saving THOUSANDS by the time I leave and should get more hours, which I intend to do during the summer. Spring quarter has sort of been my vacation, I guess you could say. Not from CBC entirely, but I feel like only having one class at cbc is nothing to stress out over. I get my Japanese homework in, try my best to learn all the vocab... Yeah, my interest isn't there anymore but of course I'm still going to try my hardest.

I'm not the only one that's only taking one class this quarter.. then some others are still on the regular hard class load. I know that Andrew is taking another class, but he seems to skip it to hang out with us in the morning. Alex is only taking one cbc class I'm pretty sure but she's still in highschool so has that to deal with. Poor Hannah has FOUR classes. Taylor I'm not sure, he told me that he's planning on taking 21 credits this summer in order to graduate before transferring elsewhere but that sounds like Hell! Especially during the summer when time is limited.

I'm dying my hair right now. I accidentally went to bed really early last night but I'd already gotten my guitar playing in so it was okay. Jacob didn't give me TOO much new stuff to work on this week, aside from starting Under a Glass Moon. It's going to be quite a challenge but he told me we're going to "chunk through it." His favorite album is  Train of Thought, and I think he knows all the songs on that album along with a ton more but never really got into Images and Words. He's facinating.. I want to pick his brain for a lot of music.

STOP. I don't have a crush on him. Don't go there. I respect him and look up to how brilliantly he can play and I'm super stoked to be getting lessons from him (which is why I talk about this a lot). Well, that and it's taking up almost all of my time. But do not think I have any interest in him that way. Aside from that he has a girlfriend.

I ordered Guitar Pro 6 for $40. It's going to come in the mail. I'm going to abandon songsterr for the most part, though the idea of dealing with the guitarpro website and downloading tabs from there is going to be a huge pain in the ass. Guitar pro 6 is SOOO cool though, you can actually play along with the SOUND of the guitar instead of that dumb MIDI shit.

High Glitz pageant girl.

In my house we periodically watch Toddlers and Tiaras or that other pageant show with the annoying flamer as the host. I always thought my Mom and sister were just watching it to laugh at how ridiculous it is like I do but actually...

"National American Miss is an opportunity like no other. You’ll gain poise, self-confidence, and valuable communication skills. You’ll feel good about yourself and gain the competitive edge to succeed later in whatever field you may choose, from modeling to business. Check it out now!"(by the official website,
My sister is planning on entering this pageant soon.

It's called National American Miss. She's wanted to do it for awhile, and I'm pretty sure the first round of auditions is happening here in the tri cities.

It's a pageant so they grade you on:
-How good you look.
-How good you look and how much poise you've got in Formal wear.
-How good you look and how much like a machine you can speak while you introduce yourself.
-How well you can answer some stupid questions.
-How much community involvement you have WHILE looking good.

Ha ha okay, maybe not so much on the last one.. but honestly, pageants are the most objectifying things I have ever seen. They're old fashioned and ridiculous in my opinion. At least this one doesn't appear to be high glitz, good God. The prizes are a not-so "all expenses paid" trip to Disney Land, some scholarships are available, cash, etc... Typical pageant prizes that are completely ridiculous because you spend a FORTUNE on the pageant itself so it's not like you're making any money when you earn $1,000 cash. In fact I've seen pageants where the dresses cost at least 5 grand.

BUT! I will be the first one to admit that I would fail miserably at a pageant, thus I have respect for my sister doing this and I will be entirely supportive of her decision. If she's happy and gets something out of it then great. If she wins and gets a huge amount of confidence and gets even more cocky than she already is then great. If she loses and gets knocked down a few pegs from her high horse ALSO great.

pageant photos have ALWAYS  creeped me out. This isn't the worst one that I've seen. I just hate how parents try to make their daughters look like something they're not with a bunch of makeup and other bullshit. To me, little girls should be outside playing in the dirt, playing dressup, being imaginative... being kids!

Nothing like sexualizing your kid with fake tans, hair extensions, revealing clothes and layers upon laters of makeup.

Because in my opinion, unless a young girl WANTS to do pageants and enjoys the primping, pageants the closest thing to rape. All the pain these girls go through to get their eyebrows plucked, their face skin burns from the makeup changes, the uncomfortable costumes, the bitter taste of the glue from their fake teeth.... All this work to be judged on whose kid is prettiest, it's sick and wrong! Makeup is so wrong on a little girl, so unnatural.

As for my sister's pageant, if adult women want to spend a fortune just to have four people that mean absolutely nothing tell them they're the best then be my guest. I actually look forward to watching this pageant, wherever it might be... It all sounds really scammy, like they make you pay a ton of money at each stage. Sort of like that "star search" deal that they had at the Red Lion every year where they "search" for models when really it's just a way to get people to pay a ton of money to get their kid's picture taken. Never trust talent agencies, modeling scouts, etc... especially if they make you pay money up front. Luckily, I was never very poised or had any interest in that sort of thing so I never had to go through that kind of disappointment.

On the bright side, my sister would be doing this with Katie so if it DOES turn out to be really scammy, my sister won't be alone when she dumps it. Katie is freaking beautiful but I worry about her. She's got a lot of the same orthorexic tendencies that I do-- obsessive working out, extreme caution to what she eats; I think she's actually worse than I am. Pageants like this where there's super skinny girls everywhere probably isn't going to help that situation...

Sarcastic smile, ahh! Here's what my new hair dye job looks like, I actually did most of it on my own. Lol notice how when I'm faking a smile it doesn't look good, thus I could not do pageants, hahaha.

It's 9:20 am. I'm in really no rush to get to school so I'm gonna play a half hour of guitar or so, take the laundry down and eat a little before I go. Gotta work til 10 tonight so I'm enjoying my time here.