Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Why does everything have to be a competition... ~14~

Because it has to be. Being around Robert was semi frustrating tonight because it seems like he's always trying to show off to me for no apparent reason other than to show me that he's better at guitar then I am. Like the second he comes in, he has to grab it and start playing with it. That's great Robert, you have huge fingers so it's easier for you to play. I've been trying to play more, and with the amount of hours that I have I've gotten semi better than before, but I've just never been able to get particularily good at it. I want to be better than Logan.

Anyway, Robert asked me to come over and hang out with him and Logan but I told him that I don't want to be around Logan if he's going to be all competitive with me, which I know he will-- so he said "Why does it have to be a competition? I'm clearly better than both of you." I'm like... okay, uhm, yeah I'm just gonna stay home. Which is what I'm doing. But now I feel like I should play for the next couple hours just to do all I can to be better than Logan. Fuck, if that's what it takes. But why do I even care.

...Because the guitar to me has always been something thats DEFEATED me. I've never been good at it, and I can never let something do that. I can never start doing something and then not care that I never got good. That being said, I gotta keep trying. Robert's bragging makes me so turned off by his personality lately, and he corrects and critiques things that I say and do. Has it always been like this? Or does he have a chip on his shoulder? I have no idea. I don't really like it.


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