Remember when I was so strange and likeable.

Sigh...

I'm sitting here in the living room at Carmin and Chad's. I watched Tori this evening, who was super well behaved. I was texted right after I got out of work. They should be pulling in here any minute but you know how it goes; I told them they could stay out as long as they want.

It was incredible to watch Tori today. She's gotten so much bigger and she looks adorable, I love her very much. It tripped me out because I watched her so many times as a baby and then to not see her for a year.. She's got her own little personality! She's so cute and bright, it makes me actually look forward to having kids someday.

As expected, I'm suddenly in contact with Jack again, what a huge surprise. He's not going to be moving back to the tri cities this summer though so I don't see us spending any time together. I've been sort of bitchy at him, honestly. I just find it almost impossible not too after my angst and frustration toward him in the past. At least we're on a communication basis to where I'm not trying to avoid him anymore.

Because I guess you could say the reality of Western is setting in with my whole family, and I just don't think it's in the cards for me. It's 8 hours away, which is a long ass drive that I don't know my car can handle. I probably couldn't transfer my job because its in an entirely different district. I could potentially feel quite isolated there, and the depressing weather doesn't help. Speaking of which, I JUST got over my depression, making the Western situation seem so overwhelming...

Central really is the best option. I know this, and I've known it all along but I was so worried about not having my own experience because the fear of Katharine "showing me the ropes" and not being able to figure things out on my own. Well, Katharine is leaving down to LA soon and if I ever need some advice on how Central works she'd be a great person to call, and I can still have my own experience even if I do know some people there. My Dad knows a lot of people in the business department at Central. I'd be majoring in business administration with a specialization in Human Resources.

I wanted to go to Western when I was so desperate to get away from everyone, but I've realized that maybe I don't want to leave Katelynn, Samantha... these people in my life in the tri-cities that I love so much. Granted, yeah I'm not going to be around nearly as much but going to Central will allow me to return home for the holidays when Western probably wouldn't of. Driving over the pass is dangerous as Hell, so scary.

This is a brief reminder to myself that I got a video request. I'll probably do it in one of my cosplay wigs. I've got four days to do this:

Cosplay Interview Questions

How would you define cosplay?

What factors led you to start cosplaying?

When and where did you first cosplay? What was your first costume? How did others react? Was it a positive or negative experience? How old were you?

How have you changed since you started cosplaying?

How do you obtain costumes? Do you make them? Buy them? Alter?

What do you understand as understood rules of cosplaying?

How do you feel about other cosplayers?

Who do you look up in cosplay? Why?

Do your friends cosplay? How do those you know react to your hobby?

How do you feel about cosplaying? Is it a social taboo?

What has been your best experience with cosplay? Your worst?

How many costumes do you have?

Do you prefer doing costumes by yourself or in a group?

Do you have any other interests/hobbies?

How do you think people who don’t cosplay view cosplay?

It's for Khillian, she's doing a school project. Great excuse to make a video.

It's 12:00 am. I'm getting tired. I should probably try to get a little shut eye before they get home.. I've got work tomorrow but I feel restless. My head is just swimming right now.

peace.

Even if I experience it, not believe I did it? xD

My mind works in funny ways.

It's Saturday, 9:00 pm... haven't got an idea what anyone is doing tonight, nor do I *really* care,  though if someone did bring it up I can't say I wouldn't go out. I saw Josh a couple times at work today and he insisted I swing by his house after work but he couldn't guarentee he'd be there because he had to run his nephew home or something. I don't really know, but he wasn't home, which made me look creepy to his mom who was outside watering the plants. He's going out of town tomorrow. Errk, he's busy like I am, so I don't want it to seem like I'm coming onto him too hard or something. Idk, best lay low for awhile. I am really starting to like him though. He's chill, really easy to talk too.. likes the same kind of music as me, huge plus.. doesn't take himself too seriously but isn't insecure. Also major plus. Meep.

Alright so guitar! Fourth day of this bootcamp schedule and going strong. I almost find it hard to believe that I've already gotten in two hours of solid playing today. I measure this by setting a stopwatch online.

This is what the stopwatch looks like. It's so ugly I can't help but love it.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/world-games-running/

I also usually have a songsterr tab up as well as a metronome. I've yet to figure out exactly the proper way to use a metronome, but I've been doing the picking exercises for 80 minutes a day... they're extremely tedious and unsatisfying.. and I'm hoping it's benefitting me in some way because it gets so painful, too.

The hand gripper IS helping, though. Like my left hand feels a little stronger than yesterday and my fingertips aren't hurting as badly when I play. I know it sounds silly to worry about this, but it really handicapped my ability to play for long periods of time. The impulse purchase is becoming pretty handy.

I'll continue working at it.

Tomorrow I also definately need to study some kanji, vocab, etc etc.... I'm not gonna lie guys, I'm getting pretty tired of Japanese. I just feel like my mind is now openning up to other things that interest me more, like music and exercise (what I've been doing in practically all my spare time for a couple months now). I'm also getting really excited about my new discovery, the Human Services major that is. I think it might also be wise for me to pick a minor that more specializes my degree and puts me ahead of the game for hiring purposes. Like if I specialized in drug and alcohol dependency. Very excited for things to come, and as this old chapter in my life ends a new one will begin. Still going to have a little bit of trouble getting rid of the bento stuff, and if it comes to it finally cutting from the Japanese thing once and for all.

Will I ever regret it? I don't know. It's a second language, should I just continue to take it just because the knowledge will benefit me later in life? As my interest for the cultural aspects, anime, cosplay, whatever.. gets thinner and thinner, it's harder for me to learn it. Shit.



I'm not stressing guys, no worries. I feel fine, very good in fact. I'm gonna work out for awhile.

peace.

Human Resources Major!!!

http://www.wce.wwu.edu/Depts/HS/degree/Major%20Requirements.shtml

I'm dropping accounting 202, but check this out!!

Why?

I was having a horrendous time with my accounting homework tonight and my mom tried sitting down and helping me with it. It was getting so hard and tedious and I had literally broke down into tears. My mom and me then started talking and she told me to take some time this week to look at majors. She then out of the blue brought up Human Services, and how much of an awesome career it is for women.

I looked into the major requirements and course descriptions... Interpersonal systems, case management, interventions, hiring and firing practices, conflict resolution... NEAT!! Those all sounds interesting to me. And it uses my greatest skill-- being analytical and a good judge of character. I'm also a good writer so that will come in handy. It's employable AND involves people! I think I've found my calling!

So yeah, no more accounting for me, no more counting columns of numbers. I enjoy money, and someday I'm sure I'll have a great credit score, but I don't think I want my life revolving around numbers and if they add up correctly. My Dad will understand. The more I got into my accounting classes, the more I realized it wasn't for me.

I intend to spend my last months at CBC taking the time to figure out what my plan is. I'm still going to take Japanese, but I'm going to create a plan of action for Western and what courses I'm going to take per quarter, just to make my Dad happy. Tomorrow morning I will happily drop my accounting class and that weight will be lifted off my shoulders. There's absolutely no reason for me to be taking it if there's no way for the credits to transfer.

I'm excited you guys, completely thrilled.

peace.

58. Shouldn't planning to leave be more exciting?

Why does this feel more to me like prison than anything exciting?

I'm afraid that in this application I seem way too stuck up about things, but I answered as truthfully as I could. I want to have fun while I'm up there but at the same time I can't have a super annoying bitch for a roomate that's always having people come in and out. I applied for a Japanese roomate, too.

I really, really hope I get into Buchanen Towers. Reason being, I absolutely need a kitchenette for my orthorexia. If I don't have one, I'll be pretty miserable having to go to some public kitchen thing and have to wait in line to use a microwave....

Idk this whole thing just sounds like prison, I'm not excited to go at all. I don't know if it's just how much it's going to cost that stresses me out or the fact that I've never even gotten the opportunity to go to the campus. That and I have no "connections" or friends up there, and I'm really paranoid about being on my own. My mom has somehow really taken the air out of this whole thing by being so gung ho about college but in reality I see how fucked up the system is. It's extremely expensive and they're going to expect me to declare my major right after the first quarter. My dad is all pissed off that I want to continue to take accounting courses at cbc until I leave but I need to make sure I'm good at this before jumping into some business major that I may or may not do well in.

I just wish I knew for sure what I wanted to do. I know what I enjoy doing and I know what will make me more money. Money is the number one priority but at the same time I don't want to be miserable in my profession. All I really know is what I don't want to do... Still. I don't like anything science or medical. That eliminates a lot. I don't think I have the mental capacity to memorize all that's required for law, though I love learning about criminals I wouldn't want their lives in my hands. I know I can't major in Japanese, because unless I want to live in Japan the rest of my life that's pretty much unemployable. I don't want to take the easy way out with some psychology degree or something because there's no jobs in that. all that being said, business is my only option, and accounting seems to click well enough. It's just really boring.

BUT better be stuck in a boring job and make good money than have a lame degree that can't get me a job and have hardly any money. That to me is a nightmare. The worst, WORST case scenario is being financially dependent on a man, and this is my only way to make sure that it never happens. This is literally my worst nightmare. I see these pathetic ass women that rely on their husbands financially and because of it stay in abusive relationships. The way that my luck has been with relationships, I want to make sure that I always have the option to divorce and still take care of my kids and give them everything they need. hell, that is if I even get married someday.

Yeah, I'm in a bad mood and feel like crying for some reason. I always feel super sick and overwhelmed when I think about leaving it doesn't excite me much at all. For awhile there I was EXTREMELY ready to get out of the tri cities, and I'm not saying I'm not... but the idea of moving to some cold ass place that i've never been before scares me. I'm afraid of losing the familiarity and comfort of my friends and my routines. I'm also very afraid of not having my parents to come rescue me when my car finally blows up and I'm stuck by the side of a highway somewhere. I'm afraid of paying bills and being broke all the time. I'm afraid my job won't transfer. I'm afraid my professors will be extremely hard and I won't do nearly as well as I'm doing here.

There's just a lot on my mind and on my plate right now.... I'm gonna smoke some good herb and play guitar.

peace.

26. O-OVERDRIDRIVE

My brain is on overdrive lately.

I've been doing really well at not procrastinating lately because of my work and school schedule colliding and not really having any time to procrastinate even if I wanted too. The to-do list helps a lot too because it helps keep track of my goals for the day. Yesterday I didn't get done with as much as I'd like too, but I've been really proactive about studying accounting today to make up for it. Gotta make some flash cards for the accounting vocab, cards for Japanese vocab, and it's definately on my to-do list tonight to download and fiddle around with the Visual Basic program at home. That's how I'm going to learn to use it. The book is pretty complicated, but the program itself is interesting enough to me that I know I'll be able to figure it out. It helps that my teacher is totally helpful, too.

This weekend is going to be a lot of working at Rite Aid, unfortunately. I don't really want to work I just want to study and keep caught up. I am so afraid of failure this quarter because so much is on the line for me. My parents are really rooting for me to do well in accounting, Visual basic is my last requirement to graduate, and I'm trying to absorb as much Japanese as possible before I start going to Western. Reason being, the sensee up there might not be so nice.

Last night I had a somewhat interesting adventure, though I'd rather not post about it. . . Probably shouldn't of gone out late on a Wednesday but I managed to get home around 1', get a few hours of sleep, and I've yet to get hit with the exaustion yet. I'll probably be really tired when I get home, though.

I work until 10' tonight... Dana is on vacation, so I'll be more relaxed at work knowing I don't have anyone watching my every move waiting for me to mess up. I know she so badly want to throw me under a bus and it makes me sort of anxious. No use worrying about it though, it'd probably just make matters worse. I've been getting good hours lately, so I know my next paycheck is going to be decent, but SURVIVING until that paycheck is going to be a challenge. I don't even want to look at my bank statement because it'll just make me depressed. After the first few days of school I know I've spent at least $200 on books, gas, etc... But I've been trying to think of school as an investment. Yes, it's expensive, but it'll make me a HELL of a lot more money in the long run if I play my cards right. Accounting might be my major, after all, depending on how I do in this class. It makes a decent amount of sense to me but it's going to take a lot of practice to get the hang of it. It's just a matter of getting used to all of the new terms.

My thoughts are so all over the place today. Just so much going on. I need to go do some mindless work for awhile.

yours,
Emily

The horrendously annoying yet simultaniously catchy song that's an accurate representation of how I've been feeling lately. I am not using cocaine. I've just been so high energy lately... maybe from not being on anti-depressents and finally coming out of a 20 year depressed slump? I have no idea.

Maybe I'm not even close to being done with math.

Thick fog on the highway last night almost completely froze my windsheild. It made driving really scary and I really hope this doesn't happen to me when I'm driving to school this winter.

Today I'm gonna do a really quick overview of what I've taken again to make sure that I'm graduating after this next quarter. I do this before every quarter to keep track of everything and make sure there's no loopholes that I'm missing. Plus it's sort of nostalgic for me, haha. I also need to think about what I'm gonna take during Spring and Summer to start working on prerequisites for my major.

Communication (13 Credits) 13/13-English 101 with Figueroa, 3.6. 5 credits. Hardest English class I've ever taken, and it seems like FOREVER ago that I took this. Fall 2009.

-Speech Essentials, 3.2. 3 credits. Learned that I really hate speech classes and hate presenting things. Did a bunch of weeaboo presentations on Japanese things. Spring 2010.

-Technical Writing--English 235, 3.9. 5 credits. This one looks really nice on my transfer degree. Winter 2011.

Quantitative/Symbolic Reasoning (5 Credits) 0/5
FINALLY getting this crap done this quarter with CS 102.

Humanities (15 Credits) 15/15

-English 111, 2.5. 5 credits. Some stupid intro to literature class that I took as a highschool requirement for my senior English. Required a ton of reading of boring ass material and the teacher was way too strict. He didn't like my writing, he would get on my case about not getting the symbolism. This class is why I decided not to be an english major. Lowest grade at CBC. Winter 2010.

-ICS 130. Survey of Asian American Culture, 3.2. 5 credits. For a class that could of been fun, this was really boring. Luckily it held my interest enough that I read the material and did the work. The teacher wasn't very nice. Spring 2010. Running Start.

-Japanese 121, 4.0, 5 credits. My first ever Japanese class! Fall 2010. Worked so hard to learn that damn hiragana alphabet, the set phrases, super basic grammar, and about 20 kanji.

Social/Behavioral Sciences 15/15

-Anthropology 100. 3.2, 5 credits. This class was HARD. So much reading!! I bet Michael Kelmel in this class, who's now transfered out of CBC. Liked him for awhile and used to sit next to him before class and play pokemon on DS, haha. I said some stupid crap in this class and I feel sort of embarrissed by it even today. I've hugely become more mature and less obnoxious since then. Fall 2010.

-Sociology 100. 3.3, 5 credits. This class had hard tests, but overall it was really laid back because there were a lot of extra credit opportunities. Jared Johnson was in this class. Fall 2010.

-Psychology 101, 3.7, 5 credits. I was such a dumbass in this class and used to participate way too much because I thought that's how you get a grade in there. I'm pretty sure anyone who had a class with me in there thought I was a complete moron and needed to shut the fuck up. Again, I've matured since then, thank God. I was like the Jaime Vera of the class..... Fall 2009. Running start.

Mathematical/Natural Sciences 15/15

-Nutrition 101, 3.7, 5 credits. Met Shavonne in this class. Learned a LOT in this class, even if it was pretty ridiculously easy. Also met this guy named Taylor Knipp that was awesome. I remember being really disruptive unintentionally once and felt bad. Spring 2010. Running Start.

-Biology 100. 4.0, 5 credits. Totally humiliated myself on the first day, and felt like depressed and HORRIBLE for like 5 days because of it. This was during the time of Wellbutrin, where almost everything I said made me feel like people were staring and laughing at me every time I walked in. The paranoia was too much and I ended up dropped Wellbutrin shortly after. I did well in this class and kicked ass at Jeopardy. Summer 2011.

-Environmental Science, 3.9, 5 credits. Again, humiliated myself. Learned that I need to grow the fuck up. I was a super perfectionist in this class and worked really hard, and did extremely well on every test/assignment. it was a really depressing class though. Winter 2010. Running Start.

Math Proficiency: PASS MATH 98 WITH A 2.0 OR HIGHER. 5/5 credits

DONE. Got an 87% in Math 98. That's like a 3.3. I feel fortunate that the 2.7 that I got in Math 97 will NOT count on my GPA. Fall 2011.

Health/P.E., 3/3

-Fitness Center I, 4.0, 1 credit. I didn't like this class because I had to get gross and sweaty before going back to Ki-Be, so I didn't work out TOO hard. Fall 2009. Running start.

-Fitness Center II, 4.0. Two credits is a LOT of hours. I was in there a LOT. I always worked out with Nathan Ling, and got pretty bulked up unintentionally. Fall 2010.

Electives 24/24

-Music Appreciation, 4.0. 5 credits. I loved Mr. Bourrough's class! Learned so much about music, and spent a lot of time working on homework from other classes during the reallllly long videos where he'd just bail into his office. Great lectures though, loved it. Winter 2010. Running Start.

-Japanese II, 4.0, 5 credits. I remember this class was pretty difficult because we really got into adjective/verb conjugation. I feel like I studied harder in this class than I ever have before. Winter 2011. Didn't have Japanese with Hannah and I missed her. I sat next to Jon Stewart, which was good because he studied as much as I did.

-Drugs and Health, 4.0, 3 credits. Just an easy class that I took to make my credit load 13 instead of 10. Spring 2011. Spring 2011 was probably my easiest quarter because Math 96 was cake and Japanese III wasn't horrendously hard either. I had a LOT of fun that quarter.

-Japanese III, 4.0, 5 credits. The class size weened down to just one big class instead of two, and overall this was the most fun quarter of Japanese. We all got to be pretty close friends in this class, and this was when me and Brad became good friends. I remember going to a bunch of events and things at Brad and Chris's houses. Spring 2011.

-Japanese IV, 4.0 (hopefully), 5 credits. This class was hard because I was so focussed on passing math this last quarter. I had to cram at the last minute a lot, and Hannah had to put up with my less than perfect proficiency. Overall, I still worked really hard though and managed to get great grades on my tests and quizzes. Even kept up with my homework. According to sensee, I'm the best at keeping up with homework in the class which makes me really happy. So technically, credits were done this quarter.

-Jogging I, 4.0, 2 credits. This class drove me CRAZY because the teacher never responded to emails! Actually DID the running though, and got in great shape. Spring 2011.

That being said, all I technically NEED this quarter to get my AA is Visual Basic. I have 90 credits as of this quarter, which is the "at least" value to be able to graduate. I'm not excited to take visual basic at all.

So accounting 201 and Japanese V are just going to go to my business major and Japanese minor.

On the Western Business Degree Requirements:

All students intending to earn a degree in accounting or any area of business (except economics) must complete the foundation courses comprised of ACCT 240, 245; ECON 206, 207; MATH 157; DSCI 205; MGMT 271, or their approved equivalent, with a grade of C- or better.

That being said, in the Spring 2012 and Summer 2012 before I transfer, I really need to choose wisely on what I should take.

IF accounting this Fall goes well, and I don't completely hate it and end up changing my course, I plan on taking Accounting 202 and then 203 in the summer. Math 157 is Calculus with Applications to Business. It requires a prerequisite of Precalculus I. That... looks extremely hard. I honestly don't know if I'd be able to do it which makes me wonder if I'm just wasting my time. Maybe I should look into Finance and Marketing. I don't know. I need to talk to a councilor or something to figure out what I need to do.

I think taking pre-calc during the spring or summer might be a good option for me.I'll think about it more when the time comes.

yours,

Emily