Thursday, November 20, 2014

Creating moderation for *myself* for once...


Cutting back on something that you think keeps you happy (and motivated to do things) can be a difficult process; a process that I started yesterday in order to get a better handle on my life.

I feel like my weed consumption hit a plateau recently... I mean the combination of not working, feeling stressed about my accounting class, arguments with my family, etc.. sort of drove me to looking for ways to escape depression but I'm almost certain now it was making it worse. I felt like my thought clarity wasn't as good as it could be which gave me this insatiable feeling that I could be doing so much better and probably feel more successful if I'd just cut this crap out.

I did get in a big argument with my parents the other day that made me feel extremely sad and worthless-- feelings that I continually bring about myself, again probably subconsciously dealing with the fact that I'm addicted to something and feel unable to stop it regardless of consequences that could potentially ensue if I continued this road.

I've just gotten lazy... My car and room is almost always a mess because I'm so focused on trying to accomplish large projects that I will allow myself to spend hours and hours doing because it's comfortable. Sitting around playing guitar and doing art is what I do for fun. I smoke marijuana and it enhances my creativity and focus on my artwork and guitar playing-- to some extent.. The last year I'm sure it's actually zapped a lot of my inspiration to play in the first place because I've been doing it too much.

Back in 2012, I remember practicing guitar for 3 hours a day, still managed to get good grades and had a job at Rite Aid. I remember smoking maybe 4-5 bowls a day and it seemed to be the perfect equilibrium of using it to my advantage but still having the clarity to do well in school and at work.

That is the level of smoking that I'm at right now and plan to stay which is a huge improvement from where I was before. I tried essentially quit cold turkey yesterday (going from my regular smoking once about every hour regularly to only smoking twice in one day) and was a complete bitch to everyone and I was fucking miserable, not gonna lie.

BUT ALAS...

When I was studying my accounting book yesterday I noticed a huge difference in clarity. Today I was able to finish my homework in three hours instead of the regular alllllll day ordeal. When I'm sober it's easier to remember basic mathematics formulas used in accounting...

This quarter is coming down to the wire. My final is around the 30th, there's only 3 more chapters in my book and I've still got time to really study and knip this shit in the butt and pull a solid B in that class. It's just a matter of doing the hard work and keeping in the right state of mind. And that goes for the rest of my time in college.

I mean I've only got two quarters left and I'm coming to serious crossroads and decisions in my life. Do I really want to remember my entire college experience at Central as being stoned? Because honestly I feel like the combination of stress/anxiety that came with my classes and having the freedom to do whatever I want allowed me to bury my head in the sand and let it become a more and more frequent habit where whatever I wanted to do in my mind it'd be better if I was stoned..... when ironically I'm sure it what was causing a lot of the anxiety and depression in the first place.


Yeah that's really all I've got to say. I know it might come to a surprise that I would talk so openly about this problem but what better time than when I'm no longer in denial of it and am willing to make the changes?

peace.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Hot saunas, booze and panties


Hello,

It's 11:35 pm. I slept practically all day after not being able to sleep and getting up sick multiple times last night and I know if I don't get to bed again soon my sleeping schedule is going to be really messed up. I know my bad sleeping habits are normally caused by drinking. When Travis and I party together I can rarely get a decent night sleep so I don't think I slept much while I was over at Wildhorse those few nights. Still, what a great time that was.


I didn't take that many pictures while we were there. 

In my experience taking pictures in casinos is quite discouraged so I only snagged a few in the hotel. My packing for the trip was really crummy-- We stayed three nights and I only packed two pairs of underwear!!(not counting my bikini bottoms)...So I literally had to wash my panties in the sink and hotel soap and hung them to dry so I'd have something to wear each day. I also honestly didn't pack enough clothes-- one of the pairs of jeans I brought was too tight on my ass with all the squats I've been doing. That or I've gained weight. I think my body looks pretty good right now but I'm definitely more comfortable in a size 11 than 8. 

Wildhorse was SO fun! I didn't gamble at all but I brought stuff to keep me busy like my art supplies, DS, etc.. Travis spent a lot of time playing poker and won a lot more money than we came with, which was expected because he's a great player and tends to have a horseshoe lodged in his ass on most occasions. Unlike me. I seriously don't bother gambling because I Lose. Every. Time. 

Not even exaggerating. Whether it's scratcher cards, slots, pull-tabs, a drawing for prizes, whatever... I am the unluckiest person I know. That's why when I was there I spent all of my time on things I could control like selling my artwork and using the crap out of all of the hotel's awesome facilities. I used the gym room every time I was there which felt fabulous. I have missed the cwu gym from day 1 moving home. I also enjoyed the pool and tried to enjoy the sauna.

Saunas are f*cking scary!! 

I remember one night I was at the hot tub and it was starting to get a little crowded... five or six adults in a tub feels a little awkward. I decided then I'd cool off in the pool then try the sauna. I'd made the mistake of opening my big mouth and saying, "Can you watch my stuff while I go get a glass of water for the sauna?" 

By the time I got back half the people in the hot tub were now in the sauna using it at full blast heat of 190 degrees -- yeah Hell no I wanted to try it at like 160. So I hung around in the pool for like an hour. One couple that was in there left and right after a huge hairy man went in and sprawled out out on the seats. After waiting and waiting for him I said screw it and stepped in myself. He hadn't lowered the temperature but he looked so relaxed in there I figured it couldn't be that bad. 

OHH my God I was wrong, hot hot hot... Water from the pool immediately started dripping off of me and I felt like I was in a boiler room in a concentration camp. I held onto the wooden door tightly trying to figure out what was relaxing about this. The guy laying on the seat said "Hey if I'm botherin' ya I'll move" and I'm like "No, you're not bothering me at all..." Of course I LOOK clearly bothered, my legs are like shaking out of anxiety. "I just don't know how anyone can sit in here and not feel like they're dying...." And I left.


Travis and I had really good food and drinks at the Wildhorse and he paid for practically everything so I was floored by his generosity. Dating Travis has made it practically unnoticeable the past few weeks that I've been unemployed (being broke usually has a way of making me depressed on top of whatever else...) because treats me so awesome. 

We decided to "Facebook officiate" our relationship even if I've been calling him my boyfriend to people for the past two weeks now. I'm just going to try to make him happy all I can when we're together. Nobody knows what the future holds and being with someone always gives me this underlying fear of it abruptly ending in hurt and pain because that's how it's always been. Even with guys that I trusted like Joel who completely abandoned contact with me my last week in Ellensburg when I only wanted to see him and broke my heart. 

The thought of the transition back to Ellensburg is seriously bringing tears to my eyes because I feel like my life just pushes me with the current and the second I get comfortable something pulls me away and I dive into a sea of stress again. 

I don't know. This is not where I wanted this blog entry to go. I just need to be thankful for what I have today and not take any day for granted like I did today. I am so comfortable and happy with the way my life as is right now there's no reason that I should want to mood alter with alcohol because it just makes things worse. 

peace. 

Monday, November 10, 2014


This is a blog entry I'm writing from Travis's computer. We're going to Pendleton until Thursday for an awesome poker tournament and it's going to be a really fun time. He laughed when I packed like four bags to ensure I had what I needed for the days ahead...

-Duffel bag full of makeup/hair products, blow drier, shampoo, etc...
-Suitcase FULL of clothes. 3 days is a long time.
-My guitar... tabs in my backpack ready to go.
-Backpack with accounting homework.
-Mom's laptop for DOING accounting homework tonight or tomorrow.

So yeah, more than ready to go. I'm in a pretty good mood and excited to get out of the tri cities for a little while. I'm gonna take a few pics while I'm there too.

The other day I went out to Megan's house for a slumber party.

It was exactly like this.

lmao eh not really, I'll tell you more about more about that night later though it was a good time. That's actually her on the right though I shit you not.

peace.

Monday, November 3, 2014

"michelle!! baby where are you??/" Here's a story worth telling.




The other night after babysitting my new friend Megan's son I went over to Travis's apartment complex to crash for the night. Travis lives in a small apartment complex with about 6 units and Travis lives on the bottom floor with his long time friend Vinnie that he works with at the casino and his girlfriend. Neither of his roommates were home the night that I showed up at 1:45 am (2:45 am if you include the hour from Fall back. It was weird, I felt like I lived 1 am twice that night.....) so I was sitting in my car waiting for Travis to arrive home from work.

Lmao, here's a goofier picture of us taken on Halloween.. 


When I was sitting there with my lights off trying to go unnoticed by anyone who might be around I was startled to hear two drunks yelling at eachother in the parking lot. Travis pulled in pretty shortly after and helped me load my junk back to his house. I spotted the people that had been yelling at eachother and overheard the swarthy looking man probably in his late 30's whining, "Your friends were talking so much shit about me!!" and this blonde woman like desperately pleading with him, "They would never do that, baby! Seriously!!" Sprinkle in lots of slurred 'shits' and f-bombs in there too.

Travis and I go back to his room and I'm super zonked so I just laid down and started telling him about babysitting this super adorable 2 year old that was also a total handful.. Mind you, it was definitely at least 2:20 am by then. Suddenly out of nowhere, we hear a man's voice at the top of his lungs:

"MICHELLE...?! Oh my God baby, NO!" Sound of running frantically, stomping feet and slamming doors... 

Silence. I hopped up and told Travis to turn off his fan and open a window.  Travis was of course like, "What the f&*^?" peeking through the blinds and said he thinks it was the drunk guy from earlier. Drunk or not, he seemed like there was something very wrong. 

Already I had begun hypothesizing what had happened and quite honestly the first thought was that someone walked in on their girl or daughter who had hung themselves and they were in shock/disbelief. A couple minutes of silence past. You could occasionally hear stomping around from upstairs. 

"Michelle?! Where are you baby?! MICHELLE!!.. MICHELLE...!!.." Yelling her name then proceeds a few more times (not sure what good that's doing at this point but hey?) before a calm sounding older guy walks out of his own apartment and says, "Everything alright..?" 

The drunk guy responds, "I'm like so sorry man, I'm just looking for my girl, she's short, blonde... She was just here earlier and she walked off. She like disappeared. Oh God, Oh God no!!! How could this happen?" 

So basically this dude's drunk, pissed off girlfriend left the apartment complex on foot at 2 in the morning (presumably to walk down the street to the mini-mart) and he was acting like it was his helpless daughter that ran away in the night and he was too drunk to go get her. I'm glad it was neither of my hypotheses about what was going on and it was just two drunk people....... one of which was being WAY over dramatic.

Ha ha hope you enjoyed my story, when something as weird as that happens I don't think most people know how to respond. I kept thinking the cops were going to show up but it would have obviously just made things worse for the two involved. There didn't seem to be any evidence of abuse happening, just loud idiots making a scene. 

peace. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Coke in a vitamin pill


Evening. It's 11:38 pm. 

I've been trying to diet and exercise more efficiently by avoiding night eating and originally had a plan to not eat after working out but low-and-behold I caved. On something healthy though, a bowl of Crispex with the other half of a banana from earlier. My mom made breakfast burritos for dinner with real chorizo spicy sausage that were fabulous and carried me through the second half of my 3 hour study session today. 

I have my first midterm in accounting coming up on the 30th. It covers a really wide range of chapters-- 1 through 8, and I've been reading each chapter a second time (some third) time around and just hope for more clarity which has been helping a lot. Reading a chapter without the pressure of a time constraint has been very helpful because the stress of *having* to stay awake to finish the assignment by a certain time is the WORST time to be reading.

So yeah, studied quite a bit today after getting home from staying at Travis's for two nights. Originally I hadn't anticipated being gone that long but the accounting assignment that I thought would just take me a few hours took me the entire day-- from around 1:30 pm to 9 pm when it closed. Of course I'd be lying if I told you that entire time was spent working. Travis and I talk just to give my brain a break from it which is nice because he makes me laugh and takes some of the pressure off. 


Lol so this afternoon Travis and I stopped at the Wal Mart pharmacy on our way back to my house to get a few things. I bought Bronkaid as well as something I'd remembered seeing on TV that stuck in my head. In these Nature's Way "Alive!" vitamin commercials you see these women feeling great with all this energy so when I'd remembered this when the pharmacist was logging in my information I'm like "Oh!! I have to get some of those crazy vitamin pills! Hang on Travis hold my spot.." (Because we'd been waiting in line for at least 15 minutes and had a huge line behind us...) 

I almost didn't find them. When I did I was overjoyed and kind of slammed them on the counter and said to the pharmacist and Travis, "If these things don't get me as amped up as those bitches on the commercial I'm bringing these back, Kamal!" Kamal was the name of the pharmacist at the Kennewick Wal Mart that was ringing us up-- all I could think when we were standing in line trying to read his name tag as we got closer was "interesting name for a white guy."

I have actually felt really great today, but I'm not sure if it's as much from the vitamins as it is accomplishing most of what I wanted to do and not drinking any alcohol at night. I did like 200 crunches, 50 squats and some leg lifts. I just can't stand not having a gym membership and it being too cold to have much ambition to run. Maybe I should just get over it and find some. Without a job and leaving in three months I definitely can't afford to blow $200 on a temporary gym membership unfortunately.... 

peace. 

Saturday, October 25, 2014

We're just talking about the future, forget about the past.


Hey all.

It's Friday and my day started out like my last few Fridays; waking up at Travis's house. This time last week I had an assignment due so I was up super early but today we were able to sleep in nice and late. He's soo nice to cuddle with, I feel so comfortable and relaxed with him.

Today he, Vinnie and I went to Fujiyama in Kennewick. It was a really fun show to watch your food being made in front of you! Our chef that came out to make it for us was this really cute guy from Czech that reminded me of Toni (you know me and my fetish for Eastern European men, lmao...) Anyway I'm pretty sure I was blushing the whole time when he was talking to us and doing all the cool tricks and sh*t... It was a fun afternoon.


I dealt cards at the Tin Hat last night and I'm getting better at it every time. There weren't as many guys there this week so the winning pot wasn't as big-- aka less tip $$$. Oh well, I still had fun and Travis bought me two Bloody Marys, which has become my favorite drink ever.


Looking at this picture makes my mouth water. Seriously I could drink myself sick on these things at a bar if they weren't so expensive. 

The bartender at the Tin hat makes an awesome one too.... mm.

So yeah, as you can read I've been feeling pretty good about things. I like Travis a lot. He's funny, intelligent, has his own friends, life, hobbies, etc... The only "issue" (barely) is the driving.The fact that I won't be working at Little Caesars anymore because that'll cut the driving down a lot. Going back and forth to Kennewick to Travis's and then Pasco the next day or worse the SAME day was not working for me. That and it has cut way into my profits.

Oh, I practiced 90 min of guitar today. That was nice, I got really inspired when I heard "Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution" by ACDC on my way home from stopping at Brad's house on my way back from Travis's this evening. Unfortunately for who-knows-what-fucking-reason considering it's one of the most recognizable riffs EVER.... a good copy of the tab is NOT available on Ultimate-guitar. But feeling some ACDC I picked up Back in Black today!

And Harvester of Sorrow. Also 97 rock inspired. Thanks guys. 

peace. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

23rd year picked me up like a whirlw....


Hi. Wow, it's been awhile, hasn't it?

Of my handful of dedicated readers, I'm sure at least one of you felt concerned about my absence and an explanation is deserved. I guess I felt rather concerned about the direction things one area of my life was going and wanted some time to just focus on that and let time pass. I was hoping that by now I'd be telling you: Hey! Guess who's getting 30 hours a week as a poker dealer now, whatwhat?!

Nope, I didn't quite correctly gauge the time it would take to master picking winning poker hands with no prior experience. However I do plan to seek employment at Lucky Bridge and hope to God they put me on somewhere so I can A. Continue to learn poker and be in that environment and B. ..Be with Travis, who you guys don't know about right now. . . will go into that later.

I'm putting on my makeup to meet Travis's boss at the Casino this afternoon. I plan to deliver two resumes: One for a server position and one as a cashier. Being a cashier paying out winnings would be totally awesome but I'd be great as a server as well and it earns tips.


I'm getting ready back and forth as I write this so I will post the transformation here.
Here's me with hair half blow dried and only liquid foundation. I look pasty and kinda greasy from the moisturizer I'd put on.

I'm of course more determined than ever to get the ball rolling with this because by this upcoming Friday I will technically be *un*employed again! (gasp!!) I know right?! It's okay, it was more than over for me at Little Caesers by now. I think the fact that I could no longer stand my job kept me from writing too, because oftentimes after shifts I'd come home, drink and.... might not have much nice to say on a blog at the moment.

When I turned 23 on the first of this month I almost couldn't believe it. I felt I'd done my best with my 22nd year but also thought about how much I am going to need to learn and strive for this year. I'm getting older. People around me that are my age are getting married or having children. I'm really only interested in making money and learning every God damn thing I can squeeze out of my classes at Central to prepare me for the real world that has a tendency to either kick people's ass or make it the greatest time of your life in early adulthood depending on your preparedness.


Makeup brushes out in the car. Oh well, get it later. Hair blow-dried, foundation matted but no color.... 

I started hating my job at Little C's for a number of reasons. One, I was constantly being reprimanded, about anything you can think of, by the female managers and a handful of people I worked with.. It put me on eggshells big time because I felt like I couldn't do anything right there. But at the same time I know a lot of the things they were critiquing me on were either extremely minor in regards to the final product (like stacking the sheet outs the "wrong direction" for the person next to me to stretch them, or not turning on the faucet a certain way while I was doing the dishes-- just an accumulation of stupid shit like that) or weren't even my fault in the first place (like someone made a stack of bad sheet-outs and I get blamed for not being able to stretch them right.

And no, I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes there. I made a pretty good amount of them, especially when I was trying my hardest at dressline because I rarely gave myself a chance to work there. Like I went to work thinking if I did just sheet outs and dishes it'd be cool, but it got super redundant and I started to hate it really quick. This last month I did make a little more effort to work at other stations but would always hate it because I would forget and screw up at little things on dressline like which cup to use for a certain meat on a certain pizza..... and get caught. And feel stupid because yes I've been working there for a few months now.

Anyway, my last straw there was my Friday shift. For me and the management (and the management with me, lol). I had driven from Travis's house to Benton City and back to get ready after dealing poker at the Tin hat the previous night. It was a good night but I was exhausted. I came into work about ten minutes late, and I can't say that was the first time in the last week considering how stretched I felt on time lately with accounting and trying to learn poker with Travis. Rita pulled me outside and gave me a 20 minute rant about how I'm too slow, have a "snarky" attitude, and that she had "people complaining" about me.

 I'm like wow, I'm shocked to hear that you think I have an attitude... I try to rarely talk to anyone and usually wore earplugs at work to avoid hearing other people's conversations because I found it annoying when 90% of it was in loud Spanish. Of course I did always say it was because of my anxiety which was also true. The "people complaining" was identified as "other management" so it no longer concerned me. I always knew my male manager thought I was cool so I knew my suspicions that my other manager didn't like me were then identified. Not surprising what-so-ever.


So here I am sitting with all this new insight and wondering whether or not to go back into work or fold my hand and get the hell out of there. Rita told me she was going to "put the ball in my court" and I agreed to try harder but was admittedly pretty shook by it. I was nervous of what the consequences would be, however, if I came home at 2:45 pm saying I quit my job on a Saturday when my Dad was home. I stuck it out.

My final decision to quit there was made the next day when I saw the schedule and noticed I was scheduled for a whopping 5 hours this week. Okay, you've successfully pushed me out the door, I was more than ready to go anyway. Thanks for the paychecks.


The face I made at work a lot because I was so bored I could rip my hair out by the end. 

So it's very nice to say I'm now out of that place and am feeling more determined than ever to facilitate a comfortable transition to employment elsewhere.

peace.



Saturday, September 27, 2014


There are certain people in your life that you meet and feel so lucky to have happened to cross paths with because they're the masters of what they do and are willing to take the time to teach you.

That's how I felt when I met Jacob, feeling desperate to learn the guitar and he had the tools to teach me how to do it. I spent a half an hour each week with him and he'd give me as much information as possible to practice and process the following week. After doing this for months and months I finally got to the point I was able to teach myself new songs and didn't really need lessons anymore. But those ten months or so that I did put my all into-- writing down and following every detail of the lesson, practicing three hours a day, not letting anything discourage me... is what got me to where I am today on the guitar.

...Another random person that inspires me, "Deelishis", not only because she has a bodacious a** but because of her amazingly confident personality in Flavor of Love (I've been watching that since it's leaked onto Youtube recently, nostalgia crack much?)


So I will of course be eternally grateful to Jacob for getting me over that intial "hump" that gave me the tools to teach myself. It makes me shudder to think of what might have happened if I hadn't been at that music store that day and met Jake in the first place. I could have ended up with another dead end instructor that had no idea what kind of motivation I needed. It's luck.

And in the same sense I feel this way about Ed. Back when I was 19 or so and had Math 96 with him I could see he was a good person and he could see that I was intelligent. After that class we of course lost touch but I added him on facebook. About a year ago he'd randomly came up on my news feed when I saw he had his first daughter (which led me to checking out his facebook to see that he'd fallen in love with a pretty girl about a year back, was still managing at some casino, etc..) and I messaged him to congratulate him.

Maybe that's been why he's been willing to take me on as a dealer at Lucky Bridge Casino. Because I absolutely suck. The other night Ed had me come over to his Dad's bar and help them out but having a *very* mediocre knowledge of the motions of the game and what winning hands are made it a very slow (and stressful) process. On top of that I had these really nice dudes that wanted me to chill out buying me drinks which I happily accepted and ended up getting too drunk to drive home until I threw up in the bathroom.* Beautiful. 

So yeah. I've just been practicing poker online against the computer any chance I can. I've been working at Caesars a lot lately and started my accounting 305 class so I've been keeping pretty busy.

In other news my birthday is coming in three days. Two days in two hours. I get paid tomorrow so I'm considering planning a party but I've gotta figure out what my work schedule is for the next week. Having a party should really be at the bottom of my priority list when I've got so much at stake right now. Like tomorrow I've got my first accounting homework and quiz due at 9, I got invited to a birthday party at 4 pm and I might get asked to come in and job train more. I don't know. tomorrow is going to be an interesting day.


peace. 

Friday, September 19, 2014


Today was a hard day.

You guys know me, I'm a perfectionist. When it takes longer than I want to get things up to the standard I expect, I get frustrated. Today was kind of one of those days. It was my third day receiving poker dealing training at the casino and I grew anxious and frustrated when I felt like I wasn't getting things at the speed I should be.

Alright I need to back up. . .

My friend Ed invited me in for an interview a few days ago for a dealer position. My parents and I both assumed it was Blackjack so I did a lot of research on that before the interview. Ed then informed me that I would actually be auditioning for a position dealing poker. I have never played poker in my life. Or dealt with cards, really.

So everything was (and still for the most part is...) totally new to me and I'm trying to process a ton of information at once as well as use these little tricks required to deal in this game. I'm really lucky though because Ed is like... the coolest guy ever. He's someone I went to school with at CBC (nostalgia moment: we actually briefly hung out after class at some neat park in Kennewick and smoked a couple times. . . Back in like Spring 2012. At the time I was taking math 96 with Professor Zhang. Shawn sat next to Ed and in front of us sat the *probably* autistic guy that used to stick his hands down his pants in broad daylight. On my left was Josh F., who I now work with at Little Caesers-- small world. That's where I -also- met Cory B.... who led me to meet Guy S. which led to a *very* interesting summer.)

Anyway like I was saying about Ed, he's like this 30-some year old guy that recently got married and has two daughters. He's worked for a lot of different management because he's really good at what he does. He's also a good teacher. He's been really good at teaching me the game itself. Technique on some things he's been really helpful on, like this neat card fanning trick for aesthetic purposes. It's way harder than it looks.

So challenge #1, aside from being able to quickly shuffle the cards, organize the cards, and understand how to play the game when I'm still get confused on the terminology...


MAKE THIS PRETTY RAINBOW


From what I've seen all of the poker dealers are men but Ed brought me and this other girl Maria in to train for awhile. Maria has been messing around with cards since she was 9 so she knows how to properly pitch them, shuffle quickly, knows how to play etc etc... She's pretty and seems really intelligent.

Anyway I'm gonna hit it. Today was a shitty day at Caesers because I had to stay for 6 hours and didn't have much food in me so I got really cranky and down on myself. Now that I've eaten and talked to my mom I feel better. This is just another one of those things that if I really work at it I can achieve. 

peace. 

Monday, September 15, 2014

"You just amaze me" What an incredible day


Wow, today was really great. I wrote down my goals and was able to accomplish all of them.. And had some unexpectedly good things happen during my errands.

First of all, this morning I practiced a solid hour of guitar, breaking the hour up into 3 segments instead of just boring myself to death playing Aerials all the time. Diversify my playing, I remember Jake stressing that.

Recently while tuning down to System's weird tuning I broke my high e string, that's always the first one to go. I bought two packets of strings today-- both of which are Slinky's but I've decided to move up slightly in string thickness to maybe provide more clarity. I need to get that stupid Tremelo removed from my Ibanez. It's sitting there collecting dust because I never play it anymore. Now that I have two batches of strings that would be a great project to restring both guitars but I don't want to bother with the frustrating tremelo on my ibanez. The thing that fucked up the tuning on my guitar for all of my recitals that I remember playing.

ANYWAY.. I went to the music store today at the Uptown and picked up strings, picks and an awesome Metallica tab book that will let me play a LOT of my favorites... Including FRANTIC! I could NOT believe Frantic was on that song list, it's an underrated song but I've loved it forever. It reminds me of racing my bike around campus to get to class....

Prayer tick tick tick tick tick tock, prayer tick tick tick tick tick tick tock...
In case any of you forgot what song this is:

MY LIFESTYLE, DETERMINES MY DEATH STYLE... RISING TIDES, THAT PUSHES TO THE OTHER SIDE... 

Such a great song. Getting that book is going to be just the push I need to start practicing 3 hours a day again. 

Okay what else. 

My payday was two days ago so I deposited my check. A big ole whopping $167, ha ha. Granted my hours were really scarce two weeks ago, but since I've become faster at sheetouts and can really make a difference when I'm there Rita has started scheduling more hours at a very consistent time. I like that. When I went to the bank I took $20 out in $5's and checked my available balance to see if I'd managed to save something from my previous paycheck on August 21. Total of $189 in there, not too bad. I have some potentially lucrative opportunities coming up in the new future... maybe, I'll explain that later..... 



YangHaiYing said something really eyeopening today when she said that it's important to go different places and window shop to find what you need. I took her advice when I found this pressure cooker after going to like 4 places.


The first place I checked was Rite Aid. It's fun going there because I always see at least one familiar face of the women I worked with. Tammy and Traci were running the tills when I went back to look i in their small appliance aisle for the pressure cooker. Nope. No surprise there. I actually checked there briefly after going to Goodwill to no avail. The only one there was broken and I asked a larger Grandma looking lady in the aisle if that was indeed a pressure cooker. She said "Yeah it is but it doesn't have the plug on top to vent it." I didn't want to risk spending $7.49 on a used piece of crap so I checked the next place. 

When I went up to say hi to Tammy and Traci I was like "Oh you guys don't have what I'm looking for! I thought maybe you'd have this weird thing!" They actually told me that a pressure cooker is not that weird, people still use them and they work very well when my Dad had convinced me they were almost completely obsolete. I personally had certain.... "alternative" uses I wanted to experiment with that I'd seen in a YouTube video by a Canadian. It worked tremendously and haven't smoked all night. The tea tastes like Thai tea, oddly enough! 

I did try looking at Fred Meyer. There are a lot of beautiful appliances and things there, especially huge coffee makers, oh my gosh they are lovely. Only one pressure cooker for sale, $69.99. I couldn't spend that much and left. While cutting through cosmetics I caught a glance at a clearance bin. Tanning lotion for HALF OFF... Like I got two for the price of 1 today on my favorite tanning lotion. That's nice because I was starting to run out. I think I'll use some tonight.

ANOTHER reason today was awesome is that Jonny C. said something profoundly nice to me that made me smile. . .

I went to the grocery store today with a sole purpose of getting a small 1 serving bottle of whole milk. I ran into the Raider clan (Ken and Kathy) and as always they're so friendly and make you feel really special when you talk to them for some reason. They're really cool, entrepreneurial people that have always been their own bosses. 

After I picked up my milk I sort of meandered around to find something to improve the taste of the tea. I found Mexican chocolate milk mix that worked surprisingly well. It was a great discovery. Anyway when Jonny checked me out he immediately laughed at what I was buying. I told him how much I appreciated him always liking my drawings and he told me how much I'd been improving. He said he did it because I amaze him. And he meant it in such a sincere way, I was just like, wow Jonny thank you...

But probably the best news of all today is that I got an interview on Wednesday at 1:30. Surprisingly this person actually knew that I worked at 3 on that day which will save me the drive into town which is lovely. 

My night ended with my mom bringing home KFC, which is like Christmas for dinner (*Lol I love that Japanese tradition) that I very rarely enjoy but when I do it's super delicious. I did workout by playing Just Dance and doing the splits video on Youtube. I feel like my stomach is getting a little flabby though and need to work more on my core. Today was a day of awesome food in general.. When I got the $20 in 5's one of them was designated for a delicious carne asada burrito from my favorite taco establishment of all time here in town. I used the word "siempre" today which means always to joke with Mrs. Lopez because I always order the same thing. 

It's nice living in a place where you know people around you and can more or less keep in touch with people's lives on facebook so when you see them you typically have something to talk about.


Goodnight all, what an amazing day. Tarparnum and the new moon has started and the spirits are on the earth plane according to my favorite spiritual instructor on Youtube. Now is a great time to pray and think about your dead ancestors and they can help you. The fact that it just so happens to be the day before the new moon and I recognized tarparnum for the second year in a row makes me a believer. Coincidence? Maybe. Who knows. 

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

I'm Too damn honest.


Hi.

Well it's Wednesday and I'm anxiously waiting my paycheck that's coming on Saturday because I've got about $70 to my name and want to save as much as that as possible before that day comes. Why? For the satisfaction that I am saving money and that I didn't just spend all of my last paycheck getting through the last three weeks or so. Literally the last time they paid us was Thursday the 21st of August. Tomorrow that'll be 3 weeks ago.

I've done a good job saving my money by just not taking random trips into town or going out much. I've also had to abstain spending money on food while at work (not a hard thing to do considering there's usually free pizza out at one point) by making sure to eat beforehand. Spending money on snacks dries up your bank account like trying to kill someone by pelting them with little rocks.


..That was rather morbid. You'll have to excuse the fact that I'm not in the most optimistic mood right now. Yesterday I did get good news but at the wrong time and this morning I got bad news that put some things into perspective on my job search but also made me the target of my Mom's criticism and put me in a shit mood.

I am an honest person. I have a hard time lying to people and naturally won't unless someone asks me to specifically to cover for them and even then it's a challenge if people start prying. My honesty has now gotten me into trouble twice because I was automatically filtered out after applying to Macy's and Ross because my answers didn't make me seem friendly enough.

When I was asked in the two surveys how "important it is that you make friends on the job" I thought it was a trick question. In my mind I think "Not important", duh, you're there to do a job and get work done, not find people to hang out with on the weekends. But after getting screened out twice that's CLEARLY a wrong answer. Though thinking about it now it was probably stupid to have selected that answer in the first place.

Kayla told me, "You have to make yourself sound perfect on those things." My response was, "How is wasting time perfect?"

But then again, it's retail. You're expected to be super friendly toward everyone including your coworkers. For some reason I just think of "being friendly" and "making friends" as two completely different things. My Mom was really pissed at me this morning because that distinction kept me from getting an interview at Macy's. All I could say was, "Well how about you go work at Macy's," lol.


Here's a picture of a Russian cathedral on a lake in St. Petersburg for no reason.


Now for the good news!! Kayla referred me to her boss at Subway and he actually gave me a call yesterday after receiving my resume. Unfortunately I spaced putting Little Caesar's on my resume so it made it seem like I was trying to mislead them to think I had full availability. Kayla has explained to her boss that at my current job I only get about 11-15 hours a week and would be more than willing to work mornings. He called me yesterday at 2 at work.... whoops.  

So my mom has also been hassling me this morning about calling him back. I've tried to call the restaurant twice and nobody picked up so I'm just hoping I get a call from him before the end of his shift. He works from 5:30-3 pm so I'll try again around 1:30 when the lunch rush is going down.

Working at Subway would be great because I could potentially even get full time hours if I do well enough there. We'll see what happens. I'd rather have two part time jobs because of the change in environment but it might become a hassle when my class starts. Doesn't matter, I've been pretty much broke and useless way too long now. 


I haven't heard from the guy that I had recently taken interest to in about 2 days, which sucks because he seemed really interested in spending time together about a week ago. Jared's snapchat indicates he was drinking and eating pizza with some ugly bitch last night. Of course they're taking selfies together on his phone. You never did selfies with me you prick!! 

Lmao. Okay that's enough with all that. I want to take a run.

peace.


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Partied like it's 2008


Hello.

It's 10:14 pm and as I sit here writing this I'm being swarmed by fruit flies for who knows what reason. They're probably attracted to the smell of my diet coke or the M&Ms that I'm having for dessert after an awesome tamale dinner that my sister made. Tonight I ate dinner before and after my 3 mile run... lol it's a little progress day in that respect.


I went to a pretty fun party the other day over at Justin's mom's place again. This time it was a pretty different crowd, many of which I hadn't met before. It was a going away party for Lexi who's moving up to Olympia for school soon. She seems like a pretty cool girl-- her girl friends she invited were really pretty; but had all left by the time this picture was taken. The party dragged on really late. I wasn't paying attention to the time and I swear I wasn't in a bed on the floor until 6 am-- crazy!! 

One of Lexi's pretty girl friends was dating a guy named Khai K., a guy I remember being friends with on MySpace and commenting a picture he had posted of Dimebag thinking it was Claudio Sanchez.... As you can imagine it was a roast in response, even stupid bitches that probably couldn't name two songs by Pantera were like "wow ur stupid, its dimebag RIP". Of course I didn't mention the extent that I remembered that interaction on MySpace probably more than 6 years ago.


Today I went into town and delivered a resume to Rue 21 in Kennewick that seemed pretty booked for employees so having Tiffany as a reference wasn't going to help me much. This would have been really discouraging had I not gotten awesome news from Kayla that her boss is considering hiring me if I come to meet him and he likes me. I submitted an application to the Subway she works at earlier and I have a good feeling about it. Tomorrow I am going to meet her manager "Jr" face to face.

Yesterday I was really irritated and depressed when I'd gone to work and asked Brianna if we were getting paid soon and she said that we weren't for another week. I'm almost sure she's wrong.. Like I don't recall getting my check on August 31, but unfortunately because I rarely wrote that month I can't use my blog to recall what I did that day.

I was tempted to call Caesar's today to ask if the checks were there but decided not too. Regardless of being flat out broke cash wise and having no idea how much is in my bank account (it can't be much) I've got enough gas to get me into town tomorrow and to my next shift. I'm hoping Brianna is wrong and I'm stressed out over nothing but if not I'm going to be forced to ask my Dad for money again in the next few days which I'd really like to avoid.

Today I tried again to get a good recording of Aerials but it still sounded muddy. My mom helped me tweak with the amp settings to see which ones sounded best on camera while I was playing and she ended up really liking the "Tweed" sound because it sounds the cleanest-- though seems too twangy sounding for what I'm trying to perform.

I'll show you the attempt I made today that's still not up to my uploading standards as far as sound quality goes. I'm considering trying to dig up the POD out of our shed and try hooking it up to a speaker tomorrow instead of even bothering with the amp anymore because it's clearly not working as well as I want it too:



I have a new crush. I actually thought I might see him today because it was his first day off in awhile but he ended up too exhausted.

peace. 

Thursday, September 4, 2014

..Gotten good enough that even my "haters" want in..?!!


Today nothing really out of the ordinary happened until about 5 minutes ago.

I checked my portrait page and had gotten a message from a girl who I've actually wanted to draw for quite awhile-- perhaps because I knew for a fact she's not a fan of me which makes it slightly more fun but also because she's slightly exotic looking. She asked I do a picture of her sons but because one of them is a newborn and the only available photo to me was from June I realized I'd have to receive more input before I start this project.


This was the only picture I could access of her son (likely because we're not friends on facebook. Lol which is fine like I've said before I don't expect everyone to like me or be my friend, that's not how the world works) 


Anyway, I'm personally stoked as heck I'm drawing her with an actual request!! Had it been otherwise I would have felt the pressure of the fear of her calling me out as a creeper because I'm pretty sure she hasn't liked me for a long time. Why? It could be any number of things. When I look back on middle and highschool that we all went through and how we acted toward one another I wouldn't be surprised if I said something offensive. I think about the insecurities I felt at that age and how some things that people would say that would stick in my mind for hours or even days afterward contemplating what it meant-- and who knows if that person meant anything by what they said! 

Regardless of whether or not she likes me I always thought she was an interesting person. In middle school she was in the honors English classes with me as well as took Mr. Zorn's class in 6th and 8th grade with the 30 or so notorious "smart kids" from my class. She was new at school that year and was sharp and outspoken from day one. She was of course very popular because she was new as well as confident. I remember she was the first one in our class daring enough to wear those 80's style leggings. . . .

Yup, definitely an interesting person that I remember going to school with very well. Though we've never been "bffs" (ha ha ha) I'm stoked as Hell to draw this pic tomorrow, going to be fun.

I also got a request from James L. who wants a drawing of him as Superman. This drawing is going to be EPIC and I plan to do it here in the next few days too. These are drawings that I'm very inspired to do right now but as my page gets more hits I'm getting more and more requests that have been sitting on a list or in a pile for months...

That being said the only way I can give priority to people that really want drawings is by charging a small fee for my time. I'm going to charge $15 and have people send cash by mail I think.. I'd rather not deal with the online payment bullshit. Anyone can stick some cash in an envelope.

peace. 

Monday, September 1, 2014

Last night run turned nightmare.

Evening.

Today's September 1st, the Monday of labor day weekend. Every year of school I recall this being the 3 day weekend to follow the first week of school or the last day of summer.. In both cases it was usually kind of a melancholy feeling knowing I was about to enter another arduous year of having to spend 8 hours a day at Ki-Be surrounded mostly by people I never felt comfortable around.

Luckily now that I'm in college I look forward to Fall, it's my favorite season. This fall is going to be unlike any other in the past 18 years of my life because I'm not going to be going to school full time but instead working and keeping my brain active by taking an online accounting class. The fact that it's not going to be frying hot out anymore is more than welcome, especially now that I'm not going to take any more night runs.


Okay what you're looking at is actually a picture of a picture on my phone of my leg after an accident while out running last night.
 ...because I am too lazy to log-out of this account to log into my gmail.. stupid Google accounts. 


This is what happened:

I was up by Maeleena's house and there was a creepy car parked idling on my side of the street. I didn't want to run passed either side of the car on the sidewalk and decided to just run on the other side of the street. On the other side there is no sidewalk and not wanting to ride on the side of the road I decided to run on the land by the curb, assuming it was part of someone's yard.

I'm sure it was because my leg suddenly dropped into a 2 foot deep hole full of goathead plants. Shocked, I quickly pulled my leg out of the hole, feeling my other knee dragging against the ground. I got up and looked down and not only saw my leg bleeding but also some little bundles of bristles stuck to my shoes and other knee.


How this looks now, after cleaning and adding Neosporin to reduce the pain this morning. 
You can clearly see how my other knee was used to pull myself out of the hole because it also shows having been irritated by the poison in the thorns of the goatheads. 


For those of you that aren't from the desert, these are what these nasty little bastards look like. They grow in green weeds that grow in bunches on the ground and require very little water to thrive. So just imagine a 2 foot hole full of these plants and that's what I fell in last night. It was not a pleasant experience. 

My mom said it was bound to happen because running in the dark I'm just asking for problems. I know she's right but all August I was doing it anyway because it would always be too hot and muggy during the day-- that and it was always the last thing I wanted to do before bed to avoid late night calories. Unfortunately the exercising itself caused me to be so hungry when I arrived home that I'd normally eat too much anyway! 

This fall I'm going to really work on having a healthier lifestyle and getting in better shape instead of just trying to maintain my current shape. Jared and I got together the other night and he actually managed to make me feel like shit about my body because he's obviously into girls that are obsessed with their physique. Like he always "likes" female bodybuilding models on facebook and never even compliments my looks or body. That and he's so obsessed with his own physique and fitness that he makes me feel lazy or that I'm not doing enough even if I run 3 miles a day 5 days a week. 

I wish I could afford a damn gym membership but I can't right now so I'm just doing what I can. But seeing him reminded me that I should be doing more. The more he talked about working out and showing me pictures of girls with perfect bodies (like not just perfect washboard abs and muscles but ALSO big butt and/or boobs... like how do you know those aren't just implants?) the more insecure I felt and wondered if he was even attracted to me at all or if I'm secondary in his eyes to these girls? 

Another thing that bothered me is that he acted like I was somehow hindering on his time. Like he made it very clear to me numerous times that I had to leave early in the morning because he had to buy military gear and that was the main reason he was here. Not that he was happy to see me after 2 weeks of zero communication, but more that he was doing me a favor by seeing me. 

Yeah if that's the case don't do me any f*cking favors, lol. I realize if I continue to pursue this it will only lead to pain and disappointment because he doesn't seem to care about me at all. In fact after the vibe I got during our last visit I almost doubt we'll even talk again. As a little experiment to see if I'm right and he'd welcome the chance to no longer talk to me I will not text him from this day forward unless he sends me a text or Snapchat first. If he does my perception might have been distorted by my own insecurities during this last visit. 

I just don't know or really care right now, whatever happens happens. I've gotten to know myself well enough to not let some guy's standards modify who I think I should be.

peace. 



Friday, August 22, 2014

Fun little day off


The flies in our basement that get in through the garage and fly around the family room have been the biggest pain in the ass living here. They're so obnoxious when they land on you because it feels so dirty, you just don't know what kind of shit that fly had gotten into that day.

So today was a pretty good day. I finished the drawing I did of Jenipher, Kline and their baby and believe it's truly one of the best portraits I've done yet. I got my hour of guitar practicing in as well and am getting so close to having Aerials completely mastered and can be uploaded to YouTube. I've really been focused on NOT reading the music while I'm practicing-- taking off those training wheels that are separating me and guitarists that can just drop jaws wherever they go and pick up an instrument with 0 reference.

Katharine is coming up on Tuesday for her friend's wedding and we're planning on going to the Benton City bar for the first time ("the Tav" now I think, originally the Palm where I swear to God I'd never step foot in, ha ha ha). It's apparently a lot less of a dive now that there's new owners, but my mom said she and my Dad ordered a pizza and two beers there and their tab was about $30!! Lol that's means that their large pizza probably cost 4-5 times what the pizzas I'm making at Little Caesars cost and likely have the exact same ingredients. That's economies of scale at work-- we're creating a mass number of pizzas so we can sell them for $5 each and still make profit where at a bar if they sold them for that cheap they would make no money because of the time and effort a single person would have to put into making the pizza when they could be selling drinks. How business works is so fascinating to me.

So yeah taking a Benton city bar run will be a funny ass time, visiting with Katharine is pretty enjoyable in general and we've got a lot to catch up on.

Kayla and Kevin were going to the fair tonight and Kayla wanted to know if I was going (unfortunately, no. It costs $25 to just park and get in the door, not to mention the gas to get there and the fortune I'd have to spend to go on any rides). A part of me wanted to go of course but it just wasn't gonna happen. I've been trying to live as cheaply as possible lately to save some of the money regardless of the money I spend on gas just to get to work.


Here's the kitchen from the Brady Bunch. Veda W. posted this and it gave me a nice fuzzy feeling to look at this. I love the 1970's decor, reminds me of estate sales and time spent rummaging through dead people's stuff with my Dad! Happy memories. 

peace.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Just close your eyes, and pretend that everything's fine




Just close your eyes, and pretend that everything's fine
Just close your eyes, I'll tell you when 


Best. F^%$ing. Line. in this Mastodon song "All the Heavy Lifting" that I absolutely love to listen to when I need an extra push during my runs around town. I joke that with all the pizza and beer I've consumed this summer I'm not even running to get in better shape, I'm running to stay in the same shape!! 

Anyway, what's up guys? It's Wednesday morning. I had the last two days off which I spent doing the usual, but did have a nice evening last night for my cousin Graham's going away party so I'll start out by telling you about that. 


This might look like any other picture of cousins taken over the years (Minus Rachel who's in Mexico for a mission) but there's more behind the fact that it's being taken. 

I feel like things have changed for the better  in our family because of the effort I've made to keep in touch with my grandmother regardless of the painful situation that occurred primarily between my Dad and Ty a few years ago that basically took my Dad out of the picture entirely. I know my Grandma didn't intend for it to go as far as it did. I just think it more or less has comes down to my Grandma not wanting to deal with life alone after my Grandpa died and when Ty was willing to come in and take over the finances she was all for it. 

For about a year after that last cherry harvest where Ty wanted to fire me for messing up our already inefficient ticket system, I had no contact with anyone on that side of the family. I remember passive-aggressively making a point to my aunt how much I didn't like them by posting a status a following Thanksgiving when my Mom's side was visiting that it was "The best Thanksgiving ever." My aunt Teri and I got in an argument over Facebook shortly after and I deleted and blocked everyone on that side of the family for about a year. 

It wasn't until about Winter of my second quarter at Central when I started dealing with some major anxiety that I started trying to patch things up with my family. I started calling my Grandma when I was trying to come down from major panic attacks and her talk of mundane, day to day life would kind of put me at ease. She loves to talk so that kind of helped rebuild our relationship after not talking for two years. Since then my relationship with the rest of my family has been pretty good. We just entirely
avoid talking about the kind of sad and obvious stalemate that has occurred between my Dad and his family and just hope there can be some kind of resolution someday. 


Graham's going away party was actually a send-off for bootcamp with the Navy. He's going to Illinois to get his ass kicked, basically. But we're all really proud of him and he seems more than ready. It's pretty incredible, Graham lost 90 lbs in the last year by keeping a food diary and exercising in order to suit his recruiters needs. Only someone who really wants something could do that because losing significant amounts of weight is so hard, especially when you've had kind of the same build your entire life. So yeah I have no doubt he'll do great. 



The party was at my aunt Teri's house and she was cooking a lot of Dominoes (here I am eating pizza again!! I swear to God this summer I've been on the pizza diet...!). Teri, Traci, Grandma, Tiffany, Avery and I were all standing around the table chatting. One thing that came up a couple of times that stood out to me was the sudden death of a young Benton City woman that suffocated sleeping on a memory foam mattress. My Grandma went to the funeral because the family of the woman that passed is LDS and she is actually the older sister of a guy I graduated with. Very sad. 

....I can't help wonder if they'll file a lawsuit against temperpedic. 


I think the biggest highlight of the evening was that my uncle John and I actually related on something-- and this is a family member I've honestly never talked more than small talk bullshit to in my life! He asked me if I was returning to Central in the Fall and I told him that I'd decided to stay back and work full time for a quarter instead. 

When I told him I'd be "returning to business school in the Winter..." he asked me "So are they going to raise or lower the prime rate soon?" He was trying to see if I knew my shit and I wanted to seize the opportunity. I paused for a second... my mind was like 'God, think, Prime rate, interest, Carbaugh's class..." and I responded "The interest rate the federal reserve charges to borrow money? I'm not quite sure what they're doing now." 8-) Ha ha ha, Hell yea. I could have just bullshit and said they were going to lower it to increase spending if I wanted to sound like a real hotshot but I honestly don't know the REAL answer to that question. 

I told him that someday I want to go into forecasting stocks and portfolio building and he said he wanted to be an analyst himself if he hadn't become an engineer. He's bought and sold stocks before so I could probably learn a lot talking to him about his experience with it. 

I'm just dying to start playing around with buying and selling stocks on E-trade but before that happens obviously I've gotta MAKE some money. As of right now I'm flat ass broke and have been for a couple days. I've got a paycheck waiting for me at Caesar's but it's not worth the drive to Pasco to get it when I can just pick it up today when I go to work. 

With my little 3 and 4 hour shifts my paycheck is going to be puny as all Hell. I'm probably just going to keep out $40 in cash, try and stretch that as long as possible and put the rest of it away. I really need to start applying for other jobs. Things have just been coming up so I haven't had a chance yet but I think seeing my first paycheck will *really* motivate me. 

peace. 

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Has it really been two weeks already?


Goodmorning.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat down to write and have to stop to do something.

Today is Saturday. I'm working at 2 pm which means I've got some time to practice guitar this morning and what not. Days that I have to work tend to be more productive because it motivates me to not sleep in because it puts me in a better mood to have accomplished things before I go. Anyway lets talk about what's been going down in my life lately.

Not much has changed between Jared and I since he returned to work. After we'd hung out I had wondered if he'd continue to be as interested in me as I was in him after that night and I felt happy that meeting didn't make him reconsider. We have been texting and snapchatting off and on for the last couple weeks. Jared always tells me about the crazy shit he does and the military has him do to maintain his physique and become a killing machine if nessasary (10 mile runs, hours of target practice, etc...).

Anyway he sent me a text a couple days ago saying he was going to be MIA for two weeks because he's going to be guarding potential world detonation machines and isn't allowed to have his phone. I won't lie, not being able to talk to him at all is going to be a bummer and test my patience a little bit. But at the same time I know that this is what I signed up for having feelings for someone in this line of work and I should just be happy he's still in Washington and not shipped off to Hell somewhere. He's too handsome, smart and sexy to have his head blown off in Afganistan, you better keep him here God damnit (lol, but seriously...)


Alright enough about Jared. Let's talk about work and some of my new friends a little bit.


Me and Kayla W. have become pretty good friends this summer! Ha ha I never realized how much we had in common until I hung out with her a few times and saw some of her badass interests. First of all she has a great taste in music. She's also the type that likes to listen to music a lot which I think is admirable. She listens to all kinds of badass old rock like Rush, Pink Floyd, Rob Zombie, The Doors... She also likes to watch the same cartoons that I do. The Simpsons is listed on her top TV list on facebook and my Dad just gave me this Simpsons drawing book which I've got really no use for. I'll probably give it to her if she wants it. 


Last Sunday I also had a good time hanging out with Brianna and her friends (almost all coworkers at Little C's) at Justin's mom's place in Richland. Being able to hang out with and get drunk with some of the girls from work was cool because I got a chance to get to know everybody in a relaxed scene versus while we're all trying to step over eachother to get stuff done at work.*

*Since I've just started my boss has been scheduling me when there's enough people that there's not a huge amount of pressure on me to be speedy. Now that I'm getting better at my job it occasionally seems like there's too many people trying to accomplish the same goal and I end up doing busy work like washing the dishes and scrubbing furniture to ensure they don't send me home early. 

I know they're doing their best with hours and I wholeheartedly appreciate just having the job as it is but unfortunately because I'm the newest my head is on the chopping block first when they get slow and start sending people home. That being said I'm probably only getting about 10-12 hours a week and need to start looking for a second job when I get home today. Right now is a really good time to be applying because a lot of people are leaving their part-time jobs for school or whatever.

I'd still really like to get a job at the Conoco in Benton City. I know they've got students leaving and they said they would keep my resume on file so I'll try to drop by before work this morning and let them know I'm going to be around until January. This is for sure now. 

I finally got the courage to drop those three classes on my "perfect" schedule-- I say perfect because I was signed up for the best combination of professors: Finally getting a spot in Tenerelli's not impossible Finance 370 class and Human Resources with Avey who's won awards. But it's just not gonna happen this Fall and maybe if I'm lucky I can take them in the Winter or Spring.

The good news is however that I'm going to be taking Cost accounting online in the Fall so I'll be better prepared for Finance 370 when the time comes... That way if I DO get stuck with Young "the anal orifice" I'll be waaay more prepared this time. Because a Finance class is basically the same thing as cost accounting class, but requires arithmetic and doesn't give very thorough explanations of the concepts because they assume you already know. This cost accounting class with help solidify these concepts and give me working knowledge for working for the State auditor next summer.

So yeah, regardless of that fact that I'm still going to be living at home trying to master the perfect pizza crust I'll also be slaving over my accounting book and taking these babysteps every day to continue toward my major goals.

peace.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Dazed and exhausted


Today's been kind of a useless hangover day.

I had quite a long and interesting day yesterday for Andrew C.'s birthday and simply felt exhausted today. Not surprising considering how much I actually drank and was still coherent enough to make conversation with Andrew's kind of serious mannered friend. I had talked to a number of Andrew's friends that night who would go in and out to smoke cigs but it wasn't awkward or anything because it was kareoke night and I was a little preoccupied picking songs.

Here's some of the songs I can sing relatively well:
Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood
Good Girl by Carrie Underwood
White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane
Redneck woman by Gretchen Wilson (*Granted I haven't actually sang this at a bar before-- last night the bartender sang it and it gave me the idea)

And I'm going to keep an ear out for other songs by female country artists and maybe Hailstorm. I've never even been a country fan but I can sing it a Hell of a lot better than my whack at any female pop voice I can think of. It would be even worse if I tried singing practically any of the metal music I've known the lyrics of for years.

Oh! Out of the blue I got to meet Jared.


Bllllaaghhh I admit I really like his pictures.... He posted this the next day before going on a 5 mile run and swim with his friend. 


Taken by Maeleena D. who I know also took a pic of me and my Mom at her vendor stand that I've been waiting for her to upload. Still, look at the mayor of Benton city, ha ha ha ha..... God my home town cracks me up. I didn't actually make the parade but I saw Little Miss Benton City Daze that was pretty damn cute this year. It was a lot longer than usual, pageants have become popular enough that some of those girls seemed VERY well composed. 


This is Cody V.'s wife and daughter, Koty that won second place in her "division"-- that's new, it used to just be one group of really little girls but now there were three separate age brackets, including preteens. When her name was announced that she was the daughter of Brittany and Cody V. it was kind of a "woah" moment because I went to highschool with both of them and now they have this beautiful little daughter with her own personality and dreams. 

She was the first contestant announced so I was excited to see if there would be any other parents names I'd recognized like Courtnie H.'s daughter or Chrissy's but I didn't. I can't remember saying 2 words to Cody V. in highschool but because he was popular and I took yearbook pictures I'm sure I did at one point or another. Anyway yeah, the pageant was too cute, I'm sure I'll see more daughters of people I recognize in the next few years which is fun to see. 

Anyway.

Jared came into the tri the day before "Benton city daze" (Yes they've been spelling it that way for years). I was excited last night to hear that he was driving here and hoped we'd get a chance to see eachother but for obvious reasons I didn't have my hopes up. Kayla, Koty, Kevin and Austin came over for a little while when I'd invited Koty to come over and play guitar. We originally had the plan to walk around town but it started raining crazy hard. 

Kayla took Austin home pretty quick after they got here. I understand, I had turned on the TV but me and Koty were really wrapped up in guitar. Koty told me I'd gotten a lot better since that last time he saw me which made me soooo happy to hear. Getting a compliment like that from a fellow guitarist is huge, especially someone who loves it as much as Koty. I really need to draw him one of these days, he's been asking me forever but I always find a girl I want to draw more... lol, no offense to Koty, guys are just more of a pain to draw.

After hanging out at my house for awhile waiting for Kayla and Kevin to get back I made a Digorno's pizza that we had some of before heading over to Kayla's with the intention to all hang out and drink a little. I'd picked up my favorite red beer and a Steel Reserve that I didn't end up drinking until going to Jared's later. I'm glad I'd brought it because he was drinking Corona extra that I think tastes like the smell of piss (I'm sorry that's a gross thing to say but it's true). Modelo all the way if you're going Mexican.

Jared texted me pretty shortly after getting to Kayla's place saying he was drinking beer and watching movies and that I was free to join him, this was at about 8. I did stick around at Kayla's for about an hour longer to talk and laugh while chillin out on the front porch and Kevin was working on his motorcycle. Kayla and I have a great time. They were sad I was leaving because they were gonna make mixed drinks. Kayla then had realized they had no soda which kind of gave us a better reason to drive back passed my house. 

I touched up my makeup again (I had a long day so I was by no means looking my best at this point but didn't have time to start my makeup all over). It didn't take long to drive to Jared's Dad's house in the nice part of Richland. I was really impressed by how nice his Dad's place was, but what's funny is Jared and I stayed in their guest room because he hasn't actually lived there.

Jared and I get along pretty well. When we were hanging out in the kitchen downstairs we started talking about Dragon ball Z and the adrenaline I used to get from watching it as a kid. It has the same effect on him but he started watching it when he was 16, ha ha ha. We ended up watching it upstairs and it was like nostalgia crack. I was laughing so hard and having a grand time.

I hope Jared and I get together again but I won't hold my breath. He's a busy dude with all his military stuff and I don't know how often he gets days off. Still this is kind of perfect for me because there's no pressure. He lives on a military base surrounded by other men so I know he loves it when I send pictures on snapchat and texts. I get to see what he's up too and get some of that attention I've been craving without worrying about whether or not we're going to see each other anytime soon.

Alright that's all I had to say tonight. I'm going to see if I can get a blogspot app on my phone tomorrow. I have so many google logins on this computer half the struggle of writing is just getting into the right account.

peace.