No time for pity.

As somewhat expected nothing with Jessika ended up happening.

I texted her about it after work around 4, asking her if she still wanted to jam and she responded "Yes ma'am." I remember thinking, "Okay, good deal.." and responded asking her what time it would start. No response for awhile, then she told me that her friend had flaked. As in the guy she was telling me has been helping her out with the guitar and so eagerly wanted to me to meet a few weeks back. I then offered for just us to play, I mean why did we need this guy to jam together? She then told me that she was at her parents house and that she had no guitar there.

I then offered the resolution of bringing both my guitars. I mean I have an acoustic. She was the one that brought it up in the first place so I figured she'd appreciate the offer, but then she sort of snapped at me that she's "With her family doesn't doesn't want to ignore everyone" and that I'm the one who HAS to play guitar. Ugh. Again, she was the one who wanted to, so I just wanted to give her options outside of what she had intended. She really wanted me to jam with her a few weeks back, but only under the circumstance that some guy is there who is, according to Jessika, a pro at guitar and can "help us out." (I put this in quotes because this is what she said, not out of tone)

I'm not really seeking much help outside of what my current routine. My habits are getting worse, this week I didn't meet my 180 mark three times. :( Better do a little extra tonight and tomorrow.

Last night I hung out with Connor and we had a very nice time together. He's gotten really laid back around me, and we respect eachother to an extent. Like, we're both very stubborn people and we can both be such assholes to one another but we click very well. I don't know if there's any feelings there necessarily. We're physically attracted to eachother and have similar personality types, but actually dating again would be sort of silly and out of the question. He's got a lot going on and so do I, but he might actually be moving up to Bellingham at the same time I will be.

That's one thing about Connor though is you really don't know what he's up too. He sometimes seems like he's majorly talking out of his ass, but then he manages to ACTUALLY DO what he says he was going to do and has proof of it. He's not stupid, either. Regardless of having the appearance of being a rather lazy hippie with his dreadlocks and beanies, he's really intelligent and manipulative. We get along well, but I'm not sure how much time we'll be spending with eachother during the summer. By the sound of it, he's going to be travelling all over the place.

I'm sort of nervous about this summer. Not because I'm moving or anything but because I think about last summer and how lonely it seemed. Man, it's really been a year since the Guy Stevens fiasco. It was about this time last year that I was hanging out with Cory Bunn, Josh Fischer and that Ed guy. It was back then that I was packing those silly bento lunches for myself and trying to figure out some stupid identity for myself. It was all so fake. I'm happy I'm no longer like this. ANYWAY! Looking to the future now...

I'm assuming this summer I'll continue to just do my thing. But without much of a purpose on the weekdays, I'll have to either find more hours of work somewhere, or maybe just stay home and apply for a bunch of scholarships I don't know. Summers are tricky because it's a lot of time to consolidate. This is definitely going to be my last summer living in the tri cities, which is an interesting thought. I think I think about this kind of thing too often and shouldn't be so high strung.

I hope something magical happens this summer. I've been pretty patient. >:(

peace.