Monday, May 28, 2012

I'm probably really smug.

You know what's sort of funny?

I used to sort of secretly joke about Ashley Stubbs and how obsessed she was with practice, getting perfect grades, etc and never understood how she could be such a perfectionist. Today I posted a status saying I've become a bit of a slave to my own routines and she "liked" it and suddenly I didn't feel so alone. We're very much alike; not nessasarily in personalities but what we do. She's a musician; way more than I am.. I imagine she's been practicing for hours a day for years and years and I'm just jumping onto that bandwagon again. She made me feel way more normal today. People like Katharine and Hannah Sun make me feel normal too because they're the same way.

Today I intend to practice for a few hours, study Japanese, get a lot of cleaning done, and keep my head busy. The loneliness factor has become increasingly more of disturbance and its very important now more than ever to hold it together and not relapse into a depressing slump. Today is Memorial day, and having this day off will do a lot of good for me. Tomorrow I work, and I doubt sensee would have scheduled a quiz right after the day of the chapter 8 exam.

I get paranoid that my parents think I'm annoying and smug lately with all my routines and not being depressed anymore. For some reason my own personality brings me shame because I feel abnormal to most people that live more relaxed lifestyles. I just can't sit around playing video games all day, and I don't relate to people that do. Yet at the same time I'm not that different from them because I do sit inside for long periods of time... just not gaming.

I still have this problem that I have no roomate up at Western, and I've been thinking a lot about if I really want to have a Japanese roomate or not. A lot of partying white girls piss me off, so finding a good one to live with would be more difficult then finding an Asian person that I can get along with. If I could find an intelligent, hardworking, quiet (but still enjoys having fun) girl, then I'll be set. Might take a couple tries, though.


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