I wish I could focus for 7 hours

Yo everyone, it's 4:15 pm on a Saturday.

I have so much work to do today, so much information to try and grasp and I'm really going to work on my solo. I feel very invigorated, probably because I just drank my second cup of coffee today and to be honest I haven't eaten much aside from a couple pieces of toast and a little at a BBQ Hassan invited me too. I also got a text from Abdull about being ready for his lesson so I've got some preparations to do. Tomorrow the library will be open so I intend to get their stuff ready tonight, e-mail it over and print in the library before Abdull's lesson.

Today I would like to do a solid 2 hours of statistics AND a solid two hours of economics AND play the guitar for 2 hours AND read my speech book.... Is that too much to ask myself in one day? Probably but I have nothing else planned and I'm interested to see if I can do it. Let's see, that's 7 hours of work. It's 4:18, that means I'd  get done at 11:00.. yeah that's probably too much.

I'm just going to do an hour of each subject at a time and write on my white board when I finish things. I've stopped writing my daily to-do list on my whiteboard because it stresses me out more than it's worth.

I saw Terry for a little while today. He came over and I showed him my filing cabinet and guitar hour log, he told me it was really cool. He went to a bar last night with his friends so we hardly texted eachother and I kind of got the feeling he was blowing me off. Nope, guess not. He told me today he's not a big fan of long texting conversations which is nice because neither do I. It keeps things interesting too.

This is a video that Terry showed me the evening I hung out at his place. 

 My mom said  it's kind of ironic that Jack's brother is James Otto who's famous and Terry's cousin is Kurt Cobain. Terry does a lot-- he plays sports, cooks, gets really good grades, is really attractive and plays music. We're a lot alike in a sense that we  both really like to get stuff done and we're both competitive.

I'm looking forward to the weather warming up so we can play tennis together.

So yeah, I'd like to say this situation is looking okay. This is the kind of consistent cat and mouse that I was looking for. It's definitely interesting and it's nice to have a crush on someone. Not having a crush on anyone is the pits because you feel like there's something missing yet at the same time I want my complete independence so I really can't complain.

Today I also went to a BBQ that my guitar student Hassan invited me to. I invited my friend (who I met through Allie) Kala to come and by the time she got there it was freezing cold and pouring rain.

I've been praying... so much lately. Probably 3-4 times a day, and usually it's to ask for the mental strength to understand my schoolwork, lmfao. That and to be happy and live in the present. Prayer helps me a lot, especially when I feel like there's nobody to talk to in my house. My roommate clearly doesn't like talking to me. Since I've started praying I've noticed a lot of improvements in my life, both academically and mentally. Whether or not there's a God listening, something clicks in my brain when I say it in a prayer. It's like my mind identifies it as something I need to do.

Hard to explain I guess.

I have officially have my recital rehearsal in one week.

peace. 

I'm probably really smug.

You know what's sort of funny?

I used to sort of secretly joke about Ashley Stubbs and how obsessed she was with practice, getting perfect grades, etc and never understood how she could be such a perfectionist. Today I posted a status saying I've become a bit of a slave to my own routines and she "liked" it and suddenly I didn't feel so alone. We're very much alike; not nessasarily in personalities but what we do. She's a musician; way more than I am.. I imagine she's been practicing for hours a day for years and years and I'm just jumping onto that bandwagon again. She made me feel way more normal today. People like Katharine and Hannah Sun make me feel normal too because they're the same way.

Today I intend to practice for a few hours, study Japanese, get a lot of cleaning done, and keep my head busy. The loneliness factor has become increasingly more of disturbance and its very important now more than ever to hold it together and not relapse into a depressing slump. Today is Memorial day, and having this day off will do a lot of good for me. Tomorrow I work, and I doubt sensee would have scheduled a quiz right after the day of the chapter 8 exam.

I get paranoid that my parents think I'm annoying and smug lately with all my routines and not being depressed anymore. For some reason my own personality brings me shame because I feel abnormal to most people that live more relaxed lifestyles. I just can't sit around playing video games all day, and I don't relate to people that do. Yet at the same time I'm not that different from them because I do sit inside for long periods of time... just not gaming.

I still have this problem that I have no roomate up at Western, and I've been thinking a lot about if I really want to have a Japanese roomate or not. A lot of partying white girls piss me off, so finding a good one to live with would be more difficult then finding an Asian person that I can get along with. If I could find an intelligent, hardworking, quiet (but still enjoys having fun) girl, then I'll be set. Might take a couple tries, though.

peace.