Somewhat of a setback

Evening.

Yesterday was not a fun day. It shook me really hard and I'm still having a difficult time forgiving myself for what happened even if I tried as hard as I could.

I had to withdraw from finance again to avoid a failing grade because I completely bombed my test on Monday. After spending hours drilling the problems online and thinking I had a decent grasp on the material. Come to find out I didn't comprehensively what so ever. The test questions don't go in order from easiest to most difficult, the concepts are mixed up and if you don't know the appropriate steps and formulas to get your answer your pretty much f*cked.

Soo, I'm going to be taking it with Tenerelli in the Fall. He's the one finance professor that apparently goes slow enough or has some other method that helps get people through it. I f*cking hate how hard this class is for me and that even after all the work I did I was somehow still completely oblivious to my own ignorance.

I took it out really hard on myself last night. Not living up to my own standards makes me feel psychotic and almost suicidal because I feel like self improvement is the only thing that I live for at this point. Failure is my biggest nightmare.

Lately I've been watching any documentaries
I can find about Russian ballet. 

But only with tribulations in life do you discover your inner strength. I am not going to flunk out of college and I will not allow this class to keep me from getting my degree. I'm going to now use this quarter as an opportunity to better understand R and my forecasting class and really be able to put some effort into my paper for my capstone course. Taking finance is so draining on my time and psyche because I'm constantly working on homework and constantly feeling nervous about homework being due that I only half understand the procedures for. Then when I actually do the homework my anxiety is super high because if you make one tiny rounding or decimal error in the intermediate steps whole problem is wrong and it's EXTREMELY frustrating.


I think I had mentioned to you guys that I had asked for Kyle's number to help me study for the test on Sunday and he said he'd be totally down on Friday. I did not text him at all during the weekend, I told myself I wouldn't talk to him until I actually *did* need his help so I didn't make it seem like I got his number to get to know him or anything (lol I've learned that guys generally don't like making conversation via text and things can be so easily misread so why even risk it). But I did text him Sunday when I needed help and didn't get a response which kind of sucked my motivation somewhat.

This morning he passed me on the way to Carbaugh's class and asked me how I did. Kind of sucked having to say that I failed. I really wish I could have said "Oh I stressed out for nothing!! I studied my ass off on Sunday and probably did fine!..." like I've said for practically every one of my other tests I've taken in college but instead I had to say, "Pretty terrible. I failed."

It sucked so bad. And having this happen means that I'll be taking one online class for my business minor this Summer to make up for the one I won't be doing in the fall. If I don't get this internship with enterprise I'm going to be moving back to the tri cities again in a month and a half. That for me is hard to believe as well and makes me determined to work as hard as I can until that point.

That's all for now.

peace. 

To shred... it's only emotion!!!

Damn, this quarter has taken steam and I have barely had time to write...

Last week I didn't study enough. Studying was on the backburner as I was getting prepared for the career fair on Thursday. My resume and cover letters turned out pretty good. I used the format from Carbaugh's textbook exactly and it looks professional-- Sipic even said so today when I caught him on the fly and gave him an EARFUL about how much of a nightmare my classes were this quarter so far.

It's so stupid. Yes my classes are difficult but the reason why I've been feeling overwhelmed is I still haven't been proactive enough about my studying. I realize now that in order to do well in these higher level classes I'm going to have to work harder than ever before. And not only "work hard", but work strategically to ensure I study the CORRECT material for the tests.

Finance to me is insanely hard, it's going to take a strength of 5 men for me to pass that class. My first test is next monday and I'm already doing flashcards of the formulas and have read the chapters multiple times... It's just very difficult for me to apply what I'm learning in the book so I have to keep doing practice problems and hope to God I can get help from my friends

My friend Bobby M. doing what he loves, shredding and having a great f&%king time on stage. 

Having a taste for a LOT of Pantera lately I had no problem getting down to some of that really hardcore, rage metal. Especially after a few drinks, lol. 

This weekend was a success. I went home to do laundry, get money, get my finance homework done and see THE DRIP. I also got a chance to do an awesome drawing of Laura S. that I'm going to upload tomorrow. I spent a solid few hours on Saturday studying finance and only managed to finish 6 out of the 29 homework problems before I had to start getting ready. I was confused because I kept getting answers on certain concepts wrong and couldn't get why. I planned to do the rest tomorrow.

So I went to Ray's Golden Lion at 9 when the show started and ordered myself a drink. I was really surprised to have not seen anyone I knew there for quite some time-- aside from Bobby and Brandon C. who are both in the band so they  mingling all over and setting stuff up. So in the meantime while the other bands were playing and setting up in between I had no problem throwing back a couple drinks and bullshitting with a couple random drunk guys.

Like most metal shows most of the audience was men. There were some dark looking chicks there; the only one I recognized was this girl named Catherine who's picture was HUGE on the A Sharp guitar page when she became their 300th fan or something. Being a student with A Sharp is starting to feel like a distant memory. The longer I've been on this Spring quarter roller coaster the more I feel the timing was right.

By the time THE DRIP played I had a pretty good buzz going and had a blast headbanging and getting beat up a little by the passing moshpitters. No I was not *IN* the mosh pit (as I'd love to be in a group of people punching and pushing the shit out of eachother when you're in that state of adrenaline...... But then I remember that I'm a petite 22 year old girl) but enough to leave some good bruises

I needed that release of adrenaline so bad. I just wanted to get out, get drunk and go wild. It worked, I'm glad I did... even if I woke up the next day with the most horrible migraine of my life and had to sleep in until 2 to fully recover from it.

Alright it's bed time.

peace. 

Intelligence beyond your age is incredibly sexy

Afternoon.

Well I'm happy for two reasons. First, I've qualified for an unexpected tax return so I'll be getting a few hundred bucks for free next week, thanks government. Secondly my mom is coming up so I'll have company in a couple hours. My house is still kind of a cluttery mess but I'm picking it up little by little and it's coming around. I cleaned my bathroom the other day and picked up all the dirty clothes off my bedroom floor so that's a major plus. My problem with keeping things clean in the family room is the mass amount of papers I own and try to keep track of between tabs and returned schoolwork...

Last night was a late one, like most Monday nights. Michael came over for the first time in a week or so and we got a solid hour and a half of studying in. Michael (as I've mentioned before) has the privilege of doing a workstudy with Sipic doing really complex math and learning how to use advanced regression model programs (...and here I am just figuring out how to input data to excel, and he's 19). Soo of course every time he's here I ask him about it.

I was doing the dishes yesterday Michael was  proofread one of his papers when he started b*tching to me about his choppy writing style. I'm like "Shut up, Europeans just write like that... They're more too the point and don't waste time."**  (**Okay I have no clue if this is true or not... my only evidence for this is my experience having read Mein Kampf and Hitler wasn't even a good writer)

 So he started reading some of Toni's work that he was trying to dissect out loud and my jaw dropped, listen to this crazy sh*t.....

"The main mechanism through which disasters lead to policy outcomes is the increased salience of the issue with the public which may lead to political responses to increased demand for mitigating policies."

"...This result largely captures the requirement for MARPOL to enter into force in at least 15 countries with combined merchant fleet of no less than 50 percent that of the worlds fleets..."



Blaghh he's just way too freaking brilliant to be in his early 30's. I told Michael it was like poetry to my ears, ha ha ha. Okay I'm going to get back to cleaning before my mom gets here.

 peace.

Oh just screw it.

Hey guys, it's almost 1 am.... I had a f*ing crazy long day, long weekend, lots of stuff going on that I need to tell you.

 I promise to tell you more about my weekend tomorrow, to anyone reading, how about THAT?! But for now I've got more serious stuff on my mind.

If cigarettes are as big of an instant stress relief as I've heard people say they are I should never smoke. 

Maybe it's my Jewish roots that can take me from feeling perfectly content and confident one day to being completely stressed to the point of feeling completely hopeless and out of control of my life. This quarter academically I've felt very out of control because of the stress that Finance class initially put on me not having the textbook on time, then realizing I wasn't ready to hack the material at the speed the instructor was going so I had to drop it... This was a hard enough issue as it was.

Sipic totally went to bat for me to get me into Hedrick's class late (Tuesday of week 3, technically the last day you could enroll late). I was thrilled about this opportunity initially until I went to the bookstore and realized they didn't have a copy of what I needed. I needed the access code so I figured ordering it at the school versus Amazon wouldn't make that much of a difference. Dropped $150 and it was projected to arrive her Thursday. Thursday...... More than halfway through the week.

I let Sipic know about this and he gave me a Micro book from a different course just in case I wasn't able to get a copy of the text. Because I didn't have the right syllabus for Hedrick's class at this point I messaged him to get the material that we'd covered but he didn't get back to me on that (he probably figured I had the syllabus, which does have what I need...).

So I had Hedrick's class this morning and it didn't seem too bad... He was going over the demand and supply curve shifts that occur when tariffs and taxes are placed on imports. It's not like it doesn't make sense to me but having entered the class after missing two weeks of review material it felt a little rusty to me. Hedrick seems like a nice guy, he told me to meet him at his office so he could get me caught up on what we were doing.

I went to his office and he told me that the class had already done two homeworks and two quizzes and said he'd give me some leeway because I'm just entering the class. I mean that's great and everything but homework and quizzes are through an online source so they close when they're due.

So here I am, trying to manage my time for the night with a huuuuge amount of micro work to do and a little bit of macro homework... I made what was due first a priority so I spent 8 hours working on micro tonight... Not even freaking kidding you guys. And I actually did make some progress on the third homework that was assigned to the class which was sort of impressive considering the circumstances. The homework was due at 11:50 and around 11' I couldn't take it and decided to call my Mom. Offfff course I was crying, feeling like it's the end of the world and she somehow makes me feel better.... I love my Mom so much. 

She made me realize that with the way everything has gone this quarter there's no shame in just taking 10 credits. If I continued taking this class that I'm entering 3 weeks late I'd inevitably sacrifice a huge amount of studying for my other classes and bring my entire GPA down. Not worth it at all.

peace. 

Stepping the same place 12 years later

Our house in Paso Robles, California. 

Evening everyone, check this out.

This is a picture of the house I lived in when I was in the 4th grade and we moved to California because my Grandpa had cancer. This is the one house other house my family ever lived in growing up so I wanted to get a picture of it to help solidify memories of living there. Allow me to ramble a few things that come to mind when I look at this picture.

• The sloped driveway on the left. This was really fun to ride up and down on scooters and skateboards* (which of course I'd just sat on... I wasn't near daring enough to ride down a slope on a skateboard even at that age)
• The window by the door. That is where the computer desk was. Like everywhere else I've lived in my life, the computer room was where I spent a lot of my time. Fourth grade was the year I remember first having access to explore the internet (with a snales pace dial up connection of course) and I'm sure I looked up a lot of.... erm, "questionable" sh*t. Not perverted or anything because I didn't know what that was at the time but you know what I mean.
  I also remember playing the Harry Potter and the Sorcerers stone PC game with it's painfully slow graphics and doing fabric crafts in that room. 
• The short brown fence, behind which is the small backyard my sister and I used to play in sometimes. The yard kind of sucked because there was no swingset or anything but it was made up for by having a neighborhood with a lot of room to ride bikes around. I remember going up and down hills and around cal-de-sacs with neighbor kids for hours, it was a great time. 

I don't miss my childhood because I remember it as a time of a lot of insecurity, confusion and frustration, but then when I think of these times I realize how good of a childhood I really had. 

As you guys know I watch a lot of Intervention and most people that grow up addicts have had a bad childhood, whether it be from losing one of their parents from divorce, their parents suffering from addiction or being abused. I didn't have any of these problems growing up, neither of my parents drank and the worst I had to deal with was my Dad's yelling about household finances (which he would later feel really bad about and have one on one talks with me about why he was angry. It's honestly how I learned about money at an early age). 

That's all for tonight guys. I spent some good time studying today but couldn't find much inspiration on the guitar. I wish Jacob would send me the new tab of the Mozart piece he wants me to learn instead of the crappy one I have currently. I also need to start listening to What It's Like by Everlast to figure out how the chorus goes. I haven't gotten around to that yet. The intro riff  sounds great though. That's a good one to have in my repertoire and it's let me practice chords more. 

peace. 

Trying to brace myself

I'm very invigorated by the new year.

Today I got rid of a lot of trash around my house, bagged up some extra clothes that I don't wear for Goodwill, got a few things at the grocery store, practiced about 45 minutes and plan to knock out the other 35 before bed, and best of all prettied up by LinkedIn profile and added some people.

Sipic added me and "endorsed" some of my skills, wheeee : 3 Today was a good day indeed.... My profile is still missing a lot of information but at least I'm getting the hang of it. 

My goal for this break was to get a job and work on that profile so I feel accomplished to some degree. Though I haven't actually been contacted by anyone from the College of business about my application for the office position. I can't put all my eggs in one basket, I need to start applying for other jobs around campus too before long. I'd really rather not work retail again if I can help it. It's exhausting and boring. I either want a job on campus or something that can get me tips for being cute.

My darling Marshall is so happy to be home again where he can relax and not worry about other cats. 

I feel like he hasn't slept in weeks because of the shenanigans that inevitably occurred while we were gone. He stayed at the house with Michiko, Miranda and Marlow when we were in California and this afternoon I noticed some of his whiskers look like they've been cut short. I'm sure it's from Miranda scratching him in this face because he will recklessly annoy the other cats by biting their tails. 

He's been so cuddly and loving with me all day though. He makes me feel less nervous about any upcoming change in my life. Tomorrow school starts and I still have to buy my books. Today I was thinking maybe I'd get them with this guy I like right now but I wasn't able to get in contact with him.

Here are my New Years Resolutions for 2014

1. Make it a goal to practice 80 minutes of guitar a day. Enough to make sufficient progress but not enough to take over my life.

2. Use a squirt bottle to train Marshall not to beg for food. 

3. Study 2 hours a day on weekdays (ex. Friday) and Sundays mandatory, even if it's after a test so I don't end up giving one class more attention than the others. 

4. Absolutely no drinking on Sun.-Thurs., as always, and try to keep drinking on Saturday to a minimum because I need to be fully ready to study on Sundays. 

5. Be confident, damn it. Stop selling myself short, and if I do for God sake don't share it because it only puts you in a vulnerable position. Hold yourself in high esteem while of course respecting and trying to gain knowledge from people who are doing well at what you want to be doing. 

6. Make an effort to dress cute on days that I feel depressed and like shit to motivate myself to get out more. Get out more in general.

7. Don't judge or think badly of someone based on the way they look. Remember the law of attraction and that thinking negatively can effect how you appear to the rest of the world. This will help build new relationships with people. 

8. Moderate time on facebook to be able to use the computer for actual research and schoolwork.

9. Keep up with economics news and pay more attention to names and current events.

10. 100: combination of situps, squats every day. Continue to eat healthy and go the gym if possible. Burning off that energy feels great.

peace. 

Just have to fight a little longer!!!

....Okay I really shouldn't be writing. The amount that I've studied for public finance today hasn't been great, only a couple hours. I'm really sleep deprived because I was unable to take a nap today after my money and banking final because I felt all the stuff I had to get done weighing on me (irony!!!).

I've got a recital in five days. I really worked at the master of puppets solo tonight for an hour, distraction free. I closed my eyes and thought about playing it in front of people and reminded myself that I really need to focus on having it memorized like second nature before that happens. This time it's going to be much easier because I've developed better memorization habits... Back when I was learning Invention I basically used the tabs 24-7 and when it came down to the end and I had to use them on stage it was a huge disadvantage. Can't happen again.

I'm gonna be in practice heaven here after the final's over. I still haven't gotten a chance to designate an hour to listen to Jake's audio and the picking video so I'm making that a staple thing I have to get done tomorrow. I should have done so over a week ago but it's not like this weeks been a cakewalk. But yeah I'm super excited and happy about the recital coming up, especially because I'm going to have a new award certificate for my stairs.... ha ha

Alright I really need to get back to studying public finance. My plan is to study until 1:30 am or so. I don't think I've gone to bed before 1 once in the past week. Right now I'm just mainly doing reading and reviewing the material. Tomorrow morning I plan to get up around 6 to get ready and study the practice final online for a couple hours before the exam.

Of course I want to do well, it's Sipic's class (who looks amazing in red by the way, he wore this shirt the other day that.... okay anyway...) and because he's my adviser and it is very important that I don't look like stupid. Ha ha he's just one of these people that's so smart you really can't BS your way out of anything, so when I'm taking a test and I get to an essay question that I don't know some of the details and will have to sort of half bullshit it I'm like Nooooooo .... 

Okay that's enough writing for tonight, back to work.

peace. 

I got drunk and played video games

Hello to anyone out there reading. It's 1:38 am.

I'm hoping this is the last night in awhile that I have to stay up especially late to study and then wake up the next morning early to study more because it's bad for my health and sleep patterns.

I had to stay up late because I hadn't been particularly proactive about it earlier in the day, feeling kind of depressed and unmotivated after the slow, uneventful weekend I'd had. I did realize yesterday night however that my texts were being blocked on my phone somehow... So on Friday night when I was complaining about how I wasn't getting responses from anyone that was the reason why. I was surprised to have gotten a response from Kala after not hearing from her in over a month.

So on Saturday night I got bombarded with all these texts that had been sent to me on Friday, including from Mike H. who I was considering hitting up to grab a beer with but didn't hear back from him. Oh, funny side note on this, I hadn't been getting my texts from Terry and I received about 5 of them from him first asking how I did on the tests and then sent texts like "Wtf? Lol" when I wouldn't respond and then later like "????" Like oh shit, she might be actually mad this time. I did get a text back from Kala saying it was her. Note at this point last night I was sitting around drinking beer playing sims at around 10 pm.

Excited to hear back from her I'm like 'Hey whats up?' you know, 'What are you doing? Haven't heard from you in awhile, I've still got that hat that was left in my car..." And she sends back this vague response like "Yea I need that hat back, my address is apt blahblahblah"... Not like hey, maybe I'll see you sometime and get that hat back from you. I just felt like it was a complete brush off thing.

And again not having gotten a response back from Allie in over a month (the last text I'd sent her was over Thanksgiving weekend, and I know I'd texted her the previous two weekends and didn't get responses either. Obviously I didn't bother last night) I feel like that's over.

So Terry and I met up to study at like 6 pm in the library and he asked what I ended up doing last night (at which point I began trying to brainstorm a lie of something interesting) and didn't bother and just said "I got drunk and played video games." He kind of cracked up, "Alone?" I'm like, "Yeah, I got a couple invites from guys that I declined..." He said why, like why not. "Because if you let guys buy you drinks they get the wrong impression. Last night I would have rather gone to a bar with a girl and was unsuccessful."

He just said kind of remorsefully "Oh..." It's funny, I'm happy to know that even if Terry and I give eachother shit relentlessly he's emotionally intelligent enough that see when I'm actually going through something difficult and not to throw gasoline on the fire.

Studying itself with Terry earlier was of course sort of useless so I had to do a lot of studying when I got home. I've got my money and banking final tomorrow (technically today...), wish me luck.

peace. 

Okay... now that I've calmed down a bit.

Wow it's 11:42 pm. I always get to bed later than I anticipate. What's worse is that when I lay down in bed I'll play my DS for about a half hour to bore me to sleep. So yeah, lately bedtime has been 1 am. That'll have to change after this quarter when I've got my intermediate micro class next quarter at 7:30 am..

Sooo I was finally good and spent a couple solid hours writing my policy analysis. It's coming pretty smoothly. I've still got a week to do it, and my goal was to have some sort of rough draft to give to Sipic by Monday to make sure I'm going the right direction with this and get pointers on how to improve it. I'm definitely also going to take my paper to the writing center to get help proofing it. It's not like I'm expecting Toni to actually read through and correct the whole ugly mess of rough draft... lol that's for paid people like Kat L. to do. 

Kat works in the writing center in the library and I see her practically every time I go there (usually to print something..) I'd have to say I probably see her and Alex S. more than anyone else from back home. I see them enough that I try not to initiate small talk every time I see them around campus. 

So I guess you could say I "found"..okay I sort of stole a new recital piece. At least that's the way that I'm still seeing it because the way I found this song was really unoriginal and Jacob is going to know exactly where I got it... on his own facebook wall feed from someone else. 

Creds to Jordan S. for finding this.... He's no longer taking lessons from Jake and therefore won't be playing this at the recital.... Though if he suddenly decides to I am SOL, I am willing to take my chances. 

I have every intention of learning this by the Christmas recital in a little less than a month. I know it sounds crazy but I am really inspired to learn this. Master of puppets was NOT a waste of time-- it was a good song to learn because it probably improved my ability a lot more than I realize but I am so ready to put that sh*t to bed. I'm really hoping Jake says he thinks it's plausible for me to nail this thing in less than a month but there's still a chance he could say I'm crazy and recommend that I need to stick with what I started, who knows.

peace. 

Most extreme uphill battle.

God damn I don't say this enough but I am proud to be me right now.

I just finished perhaps the most difficult test I've ever taken, aside from those horrible accounting tests I took the first quarter here where I had no clue what the hell I was doing. Of course this test was for Money and Banking so there's no excuse for me to not to be able to comprehend the material. If I were to do bad on a test, it means I didn't study hard enough. Period.

And even if I've been studying money and banking pretty consistently for the past week yesterday was a rude awakening that I still had a lot of work to do. Terry and I met up in the library yesterday around 6 after both of us had studied on our own for a couple hours. I brought the multiple choices questions (Terry didn't.) and we tried studying from that but there were so many answers that I didn't have that the process was slow.

I'm really lucky that this guy named Randy came up and started studying with us because he had a better grasp on the material than I did and was able to work with me on the material better than Terry. I feel like Terry wasn't prepared, he didn't even have his handouts with him and I had to reprint mine. It wasn't actually until Randy showed up that I realized the handouts match so closely with the multiple choice questions which saved me a lot of time. Even after we made this discovery Terry still didn't print them out so unless he went home and studied a ton last night and this morning like I did I think I might have beat him on this one.

Though I could be eating my words later... I'll let you know what my first Money and banking and public finance test scores on Thursday. Tomorrow I have NO CLASS! (Perfect timing...) I'm not out of the clear for the day yet though, I've still got to write that essay on risk for managerial which means I need to read Appendix A and B over again...

So yeah man my senior year's been tough so far and I've never feel so challenged yet so fulfilled with myself when I push myself as hard as I do to understand these theories and concepts.

On test days I wear my hair like the Tomb Raider because it makes me feel more confident for some reason. Girl power! lol

I haven't even practiced my guitar in two days, doesn't that suck? Sometimes you just have to do what you've gotta do though to accomplish your most important priorities... last night if I would have chose to play my guitar when I got home from studying at the library instead of studying more I probably would have done a lot worse today. 

That assignment for managerial opens up at 3 and it's 11:39 right now... I feel like going back to bed. I can always practice guitar after I do that writing assignment because I have no school tomorrow and will have plenty of time this evening. Oscar did invite me to come out and drink but that's just a weekend thing for me..... meh I want to hang out with people that are trying to be my friend though. 

This last weekend I did go out to the bars on Friday and Saturday. On Friday I went with Bruce and his friends after Abe ditched me and Saturday I went over to Allie's then to a bar. I was originally really on the fence about whether I wanted to go out on Saturday because I did have a lot of reading to do but looking back I'm happy I did. Allie's friends were quite nice to me even if when I first got there I know I was putting off kind of a sad vibe-- I don't know that night I just wasn't in the mood and it was really hard for me to get there. I think it's because I felt guilty and was debating whether I wanted to drink or not. Once I did start drinking I loosened up, and ended up eating a big dinner so the hangover on Sunday wasn't bad. 

Pita pit drunkies is the best. Lol I swear to God I eat WAY more when I'm drinking than when I'm smoking. "Munchies" have never really existed for me but "Drunkies" definitely does. Ha ha it's like the more I drink the more I can actually relax about enjoying food... which is why I gotta keep drinking to a minimal if I want to keep my frame.

That night I danced with a friend of one of Allie's friends named Nathan at the 301. Nathan was a super cool guy who kept me company that night, took me to go get food when I was hungry at shooters and everyone else had eaten-- you know figured I'd dance with him. But I wasn't like into it romantically at all and I remember him kissing on my neck when we were dancing at the bar and I remember thinking "Damn it'd be so f*cking funny if Terry happened to be here and see this.." because I know he would have been jealous as Hell. He's always so vague when it comes to talking about this (dare I say) "relationship" we have and likes to act like he doesn't give a shit but I know that if he were to see something like that it would bother him because he's never perceived a threat of me losing interest in him. 

It could happen. I do meet other guys. But with Terry being there all the time it makes it difficult for my romantic interest to shift elsewhere... and because there's no way we'll actually be in a relationship in college because it's too close for comfort I just have to be content with the way things are now. 

I need to start writing more so I have more patience to write about the details of these nights out because they're the nights I'll want to remember. Right now I don't feel like telling much more about it 

peace. 

Wellll I slept a lot today and....

Hello, evening everyone. It's about 8:30 pm.

After Money and banking today I came home and took a three and a half hour long nap... Not really what I'd planned for the day, like I dragged my big basket of laundry downstairs and had plans of taking care of that today but that didn't happen. When I woke up from my nap it was about 3:30 and I had to eat something and practice guitar before my lesson with Jacob. 

That went well, I'm excited to be making progress and moving forward with master of puppets. I've successfully accomplished the first 200 measures at around 95% (without palm muting, but because the concert isn't until Christmas I have quite a bit of time to hammer out this imperfection). One reason that skype sucks is because my camera can't usually catch my entire fretboard as well as picking hand so Jake can't critique them simultaneously as well as if we were in person. Also we can't play together because of the camera lag. Still, it was a good lesson. 

We're moving into a finger picked clean acoustic part that is basically a sequence of chords for a solid minute. It's one of my favorite riffs in the song so that's gonna be my project this week. I need to make a new practice sheet.

Tomorrow I have my public finance test which I am feeling so-so about at this point. Today I've only studied an hour, and I should really be getting more done especially when I've got plans to have fun tomorrow night. I saw Abe P. recently in Shaw and gave him a hug, he's always been so nice and cool towards me and I've really wanted a chance to hang out and catch up with him. We're hanging out tomorrow, yay! 

Tomorrow I am also meeting up with one of my classmates to go over this obnoxious article that I have to write a paper on the 15th for Managerial. Blegh the font is so tiny and there's so much jargon it makes me nauseous. I also need to re-read the chapters of my managerial book for my best next Thursday in that class. Not something too urgent now thankfully...

Yesterday I met with Sipic and got my policy analysis subject approved. That's been hanging over my head bad and I want to get it done on Sunday so I can stop thinking about it. Lol Sipic asked me how I liked my classes this quarter and I told him I liked them all but there's definitely a hierarchy of favorites... (yeah somehow I think I just wanted to say "you're" my favorite without actually saying it.... ha ha ha) 

After we made some small talk I stood out to walk out and he got up to open the door and he asked me if I'm going to the career fair thing. I just remember pausing there like a dumbass because he was standing like a foot away from my face..... then of course I have some stupid frantic answer 90 mph like "Well I still haven't figured out who's all gonna be there so you should tell me 'cause I don't know...." (Wtf? God damn it, ha ha ha.... I swear sometimes when I try to talk to him my intelligence and confidence is seriously impaired.) 

Lolll only for my faithful blog readers, here's how I'm looking tonight, insane. 

FLASH CARDS FLASH CARDS CLASH FARDS MOTHA F^%$#AAAAAA.... 

This doesn't leave this blog entry.

peace. 

Slacked for the weekend to brace for what's ahead

Wow, today was supposed to be my big statistics study day. You know how much studying I've actually accomplished so far? Nothing. I spent all weekend hanging out at home doing nothing but hang out with family and get things ready for the upcoming week. Today I did a pretty good amount of cleaning and packing and my room looks a LOT less cluttered than it did this morning.

Here's a picture of me and Ting at Bruce's birthday party this weekend. I really did have a fun weekend, between that party and getting a chance to go home and spend a little time at my sister's senior party. I don't know if I mentioned to you guys that I missed my sister's graduation but I did. Honestly it was because I had partied the previous night and didn't get much sleep. It was so much fun and I was lucky enough to not get a hangover. Ting was drinking the same amount that I was and got pretty sick so I was probably up until 3 or 4 am making sure she was gonna sleep in the bed I'd laid out for her versus next to the toilet seat...

Lol poor thing, I felt bad when she got so sick and I wasn't because she was drinking everything that I was having but I had a big meal beforehand and that night I ordered garlic bread at the palace.

Ting didn't go to the palace. I met her at Starlight and we hung out the rest of the time. She has taken Russian with some of Bruce's friends (namely Kylea) and she is planning to study in Russia next year. This kind of made me disappointed... Here I made this friend and she's not going to be at Central for a year. Granted I will be here in Fall 2015 when she comes back (I will be in my final quarter or second to last) so we will get some time to hang out again regardless but it'll be more than a year.

(Well Ting scratched her own face out in this one.... alrighty then ha ha)

Bruce's party this time was sort of different from the last one because we all got pretty drunk before going over to his house and by the time that happened I was too lazy to play any games. It was a hell of a fun time though, like last time. Kylea (left) is fun to party with. She's really genuinely nice, not embarrassed of anything.. She's been one of my favorite people I've met this year. 

Wow, yeah it's already 3 pm. My goal today is to do three hours of statistics and 1 hour of guitar to feel better about not doing anything productive this weekend. It's definitely do-able. 

Tomorrow I have my Stats final at 10 am. I keep on meditating on being confident in this material and I hope that it'll further solidify in my mind today. 

peace.

Was finally able to get an opinion out of terry, it's a miracle! ha ha ha

I apologize if this is written really sloppily guys, I'm exausted beyond belief and I'm going to crash so hard when I finish writing this....

Today's been just a hard work day. I skipped speech class and pray we didn't happen to have that test today because I really needed that nap....

What's strange to me is that Central is having it's book buyback tomorrow which means I plan on selling back my speech and maybe economics depending on if I'm taking the final or not. I probably won't take it unless I got under an 85% on the exam today. I've done really well in that class overall and as long as I'm doing better than Terry I won't take it. I'm putting 100% effort into studying for my stats final right now... and feel as though I'm making little progress on it even if I read the material and do the practice problems again and again. It's just very difficult conceptually. When you are trying to learn stats concepts you feel like your brain is running on a treadmill backwards, it's just so different.

But like I said before, a really good grade on that final equals an A in the class and dropping that exam 4 grade.

So I did get a chance to sit down with Sipic and discuss my thoughts on switching from finance to economics. It didn't take much for him to convince me because I'd honestly made up my decision but he was able to whip up a new graduation plan for me in about 15 minutes. Turns out I could actually graduate at the end of next spring if I major in econ. He also told me that I should consider doing a double major (Economics and finance) because it would only take me two additional quarters (Summer and Fall).. I'm really thinking about doing that, I don't see why not.

I took my econ test this morning and I think I did pretty well. Terry and I met up at around 8 this morning to study for the exam. He didn't seem as solid on a lot of the content as I did but that's obviously because I had no life all weekend.... Anyway we had a really good study session. We had an interesting conversation monday night.

So I was finally able to get Terry to tell me what he thought of me... sort of.. We'd started this by me mentioning that I was starting to find of figure him out and he was like "oh yeah, prove it" you know so I started to list off some things.

I told him that he's "Driven, serious, and have high standards of success for yourself. You are closed emotionally. You're blunt and decisive." He said that was a pretty accurate analysis.

He told me that I am "Start and dedicated to school and your guitar, learning new things, you're kinda quirky but nice and like to do your own thing." I liked this description of me a lot.

Writing right now is painful, I have to go to sleep. night

peace.

I've got this under control, But there's no guarantee

Damn, so I told you guys the other day that Terry said Economics is the best specialization competitively.. That's really sat in my mind, so I sent my stats teacher an email on it because he's actually an economics adviser to see what he thinks. He hasn't responded back so I feel like a goob, of course I reread the way that I wrote that email like 5-6 times to make sure it didn't sound weird. He's probably really busy and I can't expect some immediate response. I just feel like I've bugged him more than I've bugged any professor ever.

It's not just my competitiveness with Terry that causes me to contemplate these decisions, it was more my overall experience this quarter. If I do switch over to economics from Finance I am not going to tell Terry because it'll look weird.


So maybe I'll be doing an economics specialization with a MINOR in finance.

I'm not looking forward to my stats lab tomorrow at all so I'm going to kind of study how to do the linear regression models on excel beforehand so I don't get lost on it tomorrow. My A is looking pretty good even with that low exam score-- 20% of the final grade is going to be based on an excel assignment that we turn in. If I can get some help from Kevin P. to make sure I'm on the right track that'd be really helpful.

This is Kevin P., aka Peter Parker from me because he's saved me on a few assignments that I haven't been able to get this year. 

Not saying I'm going to ask him to practically do it for me. In fact I plan on doing an online tutorial on youtube-- how about THAT... But no seriously, Kevin is really smart and he always knows the correct way to do things. He's better at reading directions than I am.

ZZZZZZZPPPPPTTTTTTT

Lol I was taking weird pictures this morning.

Pointing is rude in a lot of cultures so obviously I didn't post this, but I figure why the Hell wouldn't I post it here it's not like anyone really reads this. Or do you, for anyone that does that's super cool-- I don't proofread much when I write these.

..Which can occasionally get me into trouble. I found an old entry and felt super humiliated because it was SUPER open... I have no idea if I was drunk or depressed or super emotional when I was writing that night but GOOD God... I would never, ever be as open with this blog as I did with that entry nowdays. And it makes me wonder what else is back there, but I don't want to look.

Old entries are like old skeletons. I want to be able to dig them up someday when I'm old and be able to indiscriminately read because I'm older and wiser than I am as I'm writing these entries. Like I can read blog entries that I wrote on myspace a long time ago and not feel too embarrassed, but if I find something from 2011 that's super bias or gives off the wrong message I contemplate deleting it because I don't want people to think that's what I represent now. 

Whatever. I'm human, this is a good outlet, I'll say whatever I want on a given day for the most part.

I feel like everyone around me is so sick of school

It's like the weather sucks so bad here in Ellensburg that everyone wants to go home where it's warmer. It's so hard to get motivation when it's rainy so I haven't been doing much of anything but sit around and study. Really these rainy days couldn't have come at a better time because I'm not tempted to go anywhere. Meh... unless it's above 70 degrees I'm pretty good with the indoors. 

Alright it's guitar time. Gotta lesson today, hell yea!!!

peace.

Let's make this next four weeks as painless as possible, shall we

I've got five minutes before my speech class.

Last night I prayed to God I could work really hard today. I asked him that my mind feel energized so I can get things done because I'm not feeling particularly comfortable about the statistics material right now. It's STILL taking time to click even if I've studied the material for about four hours in the last couple days. The day before the test is the only day that I skip in stats because he only reviews the old material which I can do from my apartment and get more retention for my time.

Granted I know that I can't teach myself this. I always feel like crap when I skip a class but if I actually study and use the time I feel okay about it. Today is one of those days. Chose to skip statistics because my attendance in speech isn't fantastic and I can't afford to skip that again. Speech class kind of drains me and I always want to take a nap afterward which is frustrating because the evening used to be prime guitar practice time for me while I make dinner.

I've tried to control this problem by letting myself relax in the late evening around 8'. Unfortunately what this can sometimes do is make it so that I'm going to bed too early.. Which I suppose is better than sleeping at 4 then waking up at 8, making myself dinner and studying until 11...

I'm always trying to get the perfect regime to make my life the least stressful. Shoot I gotta go to class, write later....(2:43 pm)


3:52 pm:

Today I threw up about 15 minutes after class started (rushed to the bathroom.. honestly I don't know how much longer I could have made it) because I took a prenatal on an empty stomach. They've good multi-vitamins but they can make you feel sick because of their potency levels.

Speech today wasn't bad I guess. There was this girl that did her presentation on her resort-vacation that she goes to during the summer, that was entertaining. What was probably more painful was that the MC was the Hawaiian girl today. She kept reading these completely inappropriate facts or bullshit statistics off her phone and I'm just sitting there trying to keep my head low. Whenever I listen to her I have to REALLY put on my Noh face... closed mouth smile, because I have to keep myself from cracking up.

So yeah uh.... That's definitely THE class I'm excited to be out of this quarter.

I signed up to do my persuasive speech first. The professor was watching if I'd do that and he's like "OHHH she did it!" and people started laughing. Going first ds ,oesn't bother me at all. Waiting for a bunch of other people to go is much more stressful for me because I start overthinking it.

I've got more than a week to get it done. Tomorrow I'm actually going to have to skip speech class to go to the "Bite of Insight" speech for the outside critiquing assignment. I feel like sending him an e-mail about my absence on that one because this is going to be the 4th day that I'm absent. I'd really not like to lose participation points in that class when it should be an easy A.

I'm going to go back outside and enjoy the sunshine and read over one of my stats chapters again before tomorrow's test. I want to do really well to make up for feeling like a dork for not getting the lab on Friday. It's totally my fault that I've fallen behind in the excel stuff because I've barely touched it outside of class. I'm really hoping there's not going to be an excel skill exam or anything at the end of the quarter because I would really need to get on figuring out what the hell I'm doing. It's a hard program in my opinion.

But everything in life is hard. I just need to work at it like anything else, won't come over night.

have I posted this before? Yes? No? Oh well. Took this screenshot awhile back, lol Peggy whipped out the "Funsaver."

Jack and I haven't talked since Saturday morning. This is expected because Jack doesn't really like texting. I wouldn't mind texting every so often but definitely not continually... Idk, he told me to download this app called SnapChat that you can send photos back and forth and they disappear in 3 seconds or something like that. My phone isn't compatible with it so until I get an upgrade I'm pretty sure we're not going to do that much communicating outside of when I spontaneously see him on the weekends.

And to be honest your guess is as good as mine whether or not I'll continue to see him because I like I've said this has happened so many times I just can't ask questions of what he's doing anymore. It's like when he came to my house on Friday night. He immediately held my hand when we walked outside. BUT it was 1 am. See it makes you wonder if he would act that way during the day time, probably not. Again I have no idea, we'll see what happens either way.

Wow I've been writing for an hour already. I haven't played guitar much all day because I've been studying a lot but I still plan too later this evening. 

alright I'll stop rambling

peace.

I'm tired of waiting for Kevin Swanson to give a shit hahaha

Hola.

Alright today is Sunday and I've been home practically all weekend. I mean yesterday I must have gone out to go to Fred Meyer for like... I don't know, an hour and then I went to Bradley's house for 20 minutes. Today I spent practically all day studying and practicing my guitar. I got up early enough that I got my playing done by around 2', I think I played approximately 65 minutes.

I started studying pretty early-- like I did my first 20 minute chunk of economics at 10:30 which sort of revved up my brain for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure I did about 3 solid hours of studying which is all around impressive.

At around 4' I started looking through my phone and noticed the text I'd gotten the other night from an unknown number. I started investigating when I got on facebook and I realized it was Jack. I realize that I had yet again asked him "Who's this?" when he texted me. I always, always delete Jack's number after I get frustrated with him because of the emotional ups and downs with him. He has this tendency to text me out of the blue after not talking for months and act like we're going to spend time together and then... well, not. Or like this last time where he came over and we played guitar together-- sort of, I couldn't improvise what so ever back then but I was really happy to be able to play in front of him.

But yeah when we hung out there was no flirtatiousness between us. This was back in like October. Then around January he started texting me saying we should hang out when I was dating Brendan and at this point I was so fed up with him that I said no. I just felt like he was just going to blow me off again and because I was already dealing with major anxiety and depression that quarter I didn't want to lose this sense of having someone to lean on with Brendan.

The relationship with Brendan of course only lasted what... a week after I returned from winter break? Not long. I'd tried getting ahold of Jack again but by then he had found a different girl that he was interested in. And then Abe started talking to me and I sort of started hanging out with him for awhile.

I don't know, finding someone that fits right with your personality is a huge challenge in life. Jack is someone that has come in and out of my life at random times for six years now (literally, since I was a sophomore in highschool).. and whenever he gets ahold of me now I can't help but just wonder, okay what is your deal now? lol. He apparently finished his last season of lacrosse recently. I'm wondering if he's graduating after this Spring or what. Anyway, we'll see if I get the chance to catch up with him or not, guess it doesn't really matter either way he'll text again in 3 or 4 months guaranteed lmfao

I'm still not even friends with Terry on facebook even if I notice he's on there before class all the time.  He's so wrapped up in what his friends and teammates are doing, drinking, etc.. to seem to want to give any attention to getting to know me at all and it's wearing thin quickly. The only times he seems to get excited about talking to me is when we're talking about his life or I'm helping him get something for economics.

LOL!! I figured it out, Terry's personality is just like Kevin Swanson! He's just too attractive and talented.... completely confident, stubborn as Hell about the validity of his opinions, and seems to be entirely non-conflicted about where he's going in life. Why wouldn't I be attracted to that.

But yeah no word from him all day-- I texted him a couple times throughout the weekend but he barely responded. Terry and I could be done hanging out for awhile. It doesn't matter, we're going to have so many classes together here in the next year I just want to be friends with him and have him respect me. I think I've done a very laid back job attempting to get to know him but if he's not down to actually put in any effort to get to know me why would I bother...?


Alright well it's bed time, this weekend's been slow but I feel recharged for tomorrow.

peace.

There's always shit to do

I've had a pretty fun week, mainly because I've had a lot of people over lately. I honestly get so much satisfaction out of making people feel welcome around me. When I like someone or want to get to know them of course, or have invited them to spend with me. I love making food and drinks for people, smoking, and really talking/getting to know someone. I haven't hung out with Terry since Monday so I'm wondering if I'll see him this weekend. If not it's cool, like Jake said to me yesterday...

There's always shit to do.

It's true, so regardless of where I go or who I end up with everything's gonna be okay.

I guess I just really like Terry.  He didn't do very well on that test, he got a 72%.. So he goes to Carbaugh's office and asks WHY he missed the questions that he did. He's always getting clarification from Sipic on things we learn in statistics as well. It's natural that I would want someone who is also as driven as I am. I'm pretty sure I'd frustrate a super laid back guy because he wouldn't understand my I'm so focused on my routines. I wouldn't want someone that would take me away from that, either, and when I see how engrossed Terry is in his sports, fitness, academics and job I'm extremely impressed.


But does he actually like me? Maybe. He likes me enough to go out of his way to try to spend time with me at least once a week for the past four weeks or so, and we're gradually getting more friendly with eachother.

There's a really tall basketball player girl that sits next to me in Economics and next to Terry on the right in Stats. She bought him a coffee today, I wouldn't be surprised if she likes him too. There's also this annoying redheaded bimbo in my stats class that tries to get his attention. Blegh, I'm not saying I'm intentionally paying attention to other girls that are looking at him, it's just obvious that he's never had a problem with it. Which is why I have to continue to act very coy toward him and play the cat and mouse game.

I feel like I've been playing the cat and mouse game since I've started dating. In my life I only recall really having feelings toward two other guys-- Chad and Jack, both of which I was in sort of this back-and-forth, frustrating game with for a long period of time but never ended up in a relationship. It's like they liked me enough to let me stroke their ego but they didn't like me enough to take the step to actually be seen with me, which was extremely frustrating and painful at the time.

I cannot say things have gotten that much better for me with this new guy that I actually like, but there's a huge difference in the amount of self esteem I had then versus now. That and I don't care as much.

Anyway yeah,  I'm hoping to find a job here in Ellensburg so I can work and take classes over the summer. He's planning on taking international economics which was what I was planning to take too. I would much rather have the opportunity to take classes this summer and graduate at the end of next spring then go to school NEXT summer which is what I'm inevitably going to have to do based on my credit standings now.

If not so be it, I can understand why my Dad wants a break from student loans this summer...

Class registration is on the 6th. I'm going to turn in an application to Happy Market today, I'm hoping I can get a job soon if I start applying every day. I really want to start making some money and as I'm getting my academics more under control it seems more plausible. I'm getting used to the pace of college classes.

I ordered guitar pro through Amazon and it should be arriving home shortly. I'm considering taking a trip to Benton city for said purpose this weekend if it arrives, (it should be..). I told my Dad to keep an eye out for it and he said he'd call me when it comes in the mail. I'm probably going to double check with my Mom today. If so I could be driving back to the tri cities tomorrow if I feel up to it, who knows. 

Gotta study excel

peace.

Late night study blues. Don't even read.

Good evening all. It's getting late. I've pumped my brain with some caffiene at 9:00 so I know I could stick it out for another couple of hours and still be just fine in class tomorrow without wearing myself out.

I shouldn't be worried about wearing myself out anyway, tomorrow's Friday and there isn't even a finite midterm exam. That's going to be next Thursday. For our last chapter we've been working on very introductory statistics. Note to self: (Note to any of my readers, skip this useless crap)

We're using median, range and mean in a set of values. With these values we can find the Z score and standard deviations from the mean the point is located. There is a formula to get the variance which you take the square root of to get the Standard deviation of a sample. The formula is Sum of X squared (so add together all X values after squaring them)-(Sum of X*Sum of X (or sum of X squared)/n) (number in sample i.e. "10 consecutive nights) ALL divided by n-1. So number in the sample-1. If the values in a set of data is mound-shaped, 68% of values in the data set are between X bar- S (sample mean-1 standard deviation) and x bar+1. 
Empirical rule: Approximately 95% of the values between X bar - 2 S (sample mean and 2 standard deviations from the mean). Virtually all data is between 3 standard deviations of the mean. This has to do with Chebyshev's Theorem. This rule provides a quick way to approximate a standard deviation. Because all data is within 3 standard deviations on either side of the mound shape, or within 3 standard deviations of the mean, the span of the range between the largest and smallest point should be about six standard deviations from the mean. Take the largest value minus the smallest value, but then you must figure out what to divide by. In the last case we would use six because there's 6 standard deviations, but this only works with sample sizes over 200 for some reason. So n >/ 200, Range/6= Range Approximation for S. 50</n</199=Range/5. 16</n</49=Range/4, N</15=Range/sqrRt N. This is to get the value S, which is the sample standard deviation. When you are just given a set of values you can still find the variance which can then be converted to the standard deviation by using the formula Sum x^2 (add together all X values after squaring them)-(Sum of X*Sum of X/n))/n-1 N being the number in the sample given. You can get percentages for probability frequency by dividing the total in the sample that correspond to each value divided by the total number of values (typically given in problem. i.e. 52 sizes of jerseys total and your looking at the set of values for 15 of them selected randomly)

And THAT... is what I've learned over the past few days of studying this stuff. I'm still two days behind. Luckily, because there's no "midterm" tomorrow I've got some time to get caught up. The test tomorrow should just be over what I just described to you, and nothing in later sections that he's gone over the past few days but have me completely lost. I can't skip econ tomorrow like I have the past couple fridays. I've got a quiz tomorrow.

I'm also lucky that the quiz is on chapter 10. Here it is 11:16 and if I get in a solid hour on this, make up some flash cards to take with me in the morning and sneak them in English.. I should be golden. I should also exercise tonight. I feel like I've been so stressed out lately that I've been eating more. Food just tastes good to me lately, and the last time I went grocery shopping I got a sufficient amount of delicious munchies that have me going through my cabinets more frequently.

I'd like to keep this picture for later. I posted it to facebook today as well. Look at that, all the guitar shapes. I intend to own at least one of all of them someday, is that wild? He he he. What guitarist does not fantasize about having an extraordinary collection? 

I also had to revise and write up a works cited page for first English arguement paper. I think it's pretty good. I didn't really utilize the articles as much as I stated my personal opinions on the matter based on common knowledge.. which I hope she won't mark me off for. Really the only thing I used the articles for was for the studies.

I've been working very hard today to have the ability to see Abe tomorrow and be able to relax with him for awhile, as well as go to a bonfire I got invited too. I also intend to practice my guitar, of course. Jake gave me this sick new song tonight. It sounds so cool, guys, it's going to be a challenge. 

This is the song, 

J.S. Bach Invention No. 8 in F Major

 Apparently this is "Neo-classical"

So I've still got this economics to study. I don't want to do it. At 12:30 I'm going to bed whether I feel like it or not cause if I stay up later than that my whole day will be groggy tomorrow.

peace. 

Isn't that a lovely picture... That's my nightly glass of wine in my hand. 

That's me after being exhausted all day but still managing to get as much work done as possible.. Like I woke up tired after not being about to sleep well last night and was yawning all day. Somehow I still had the ability to practice guitar for two hours, study my economics for a solid hour, get my finite homework done and I've still got time to get a little of my English done before bed. 

I was so tempted to go to sleep all day but even when I laid down in bed my mind wouldn't let me. I prayed last night that I would have the patience to get a bunch of work done today and I feel like that prayer was answered. Ha ha, I'll probably pray the same thing tonight because tomorrow is going to be just as heavy of a work load. 

I'm still keeping up with my finite math homework even if it's getting into what the professor said is the "hardest part of the quarter." I've got the combination/permutation formulas down but I'm having a hard time distinguishing when to use each. I'm hoping it'll be painfully obvious on the word problems on the test. Knowing the professor it will be. He's so cool, he assigns specific problems to look at before taking the weekly tests so as long as I study those I should be fine. 

My econ test on Friday has me sort of stressed out because it's the first big exam but I've studied the material pretty well, I mean I really seem to be getting it in class but the application of the formulas and graphs usually gets me. I would go to tutoring tomorrow but I've got lessons with Jake so I'm on my own. That's fine, with all the work I've put into my classes this week and the lack of emotional turmoil from prozac I feel I can conquer most things. 

I texted Gerardo once today, pretty much just saying I hope his day's been good and that I've been really busy with studying. It's crazy, we text eachother in Spanish-- which is how we're getting to know eachother and honestly it's working just fine. I'd like to hope I'm picking up some speaking ability from doing this. He works 5 days a week at a really physically taxing job.. He's like a groundskeeper for this huge piece of property here in Ellensburg and he's lived here for a year working there (no puedo nunca...lol). He only has saturdays and sundays off. He'll probably want to party Saturday so I'm wondering if I'll get to see him. I didn't feel *super* comfortable at that party last weekend, for obvious reasons, but I'm sure we'll see eachother this weekend at some point. 

So regardless of our interesting, almost comical circumstances we still like eachother and I'm just enjoying my time going with the flow with this. Ha ha, at least he's not Japanese or something, then I'd have a real problem. I can't communicate in Japanese hardly at all. I've somehow held onto a good amount of Spanish though and I'm going to try and learn more every day. 

peace. 

Unexpectedly found this interesting

Hello!

I'm feeling very good today. Why? Because I found something else I enjoy. I can honestly say I am going to really enjoy my economics class this quarter. I just read the second chapter that talked about the major differences between the command and market systems. The command system is otherwise known as socialism or communism-- just like North Korea and the increasingly Capitalist China. America's market system explains why self interest and competition is what drives the advancement of society as a whole. Our market freedom enables us to grow and change in a land of unlimited wants and limited resources.

In North Korea, the government mandates what will be produced, how the resources will be acquired, what consumers will have access to these products, and who will distribute the products. Imagine if the United States government tried to regulate the millions of products in the market system today-- it would be impossible. These are jobs that are best suited for the individual. 

Communism tries to rely on the government for every decision. Personal freedom to advance and create is stripped from the individual in order to better conform to the group. Freedom to be an individual in the United states is something we truly take for granted. Thank God for the brave soldiers in World War II that literally saved the world from the spread of communism-- which has now proved to be an outright failure.


I don't mean to get too excited about this class this early on (as I've only had the class two days now) because opinions are often subject to change after the first test. However I will say I have a great feeling about it. The professor is really awesome too. His name is Dr. Carbaugh, he's probably about in his mid to late 60's. He's extremely attentive to students and flexible to their needs. I can tell he truly cares about his students and wants us to do well.

My economics class is in the same room as my accounting class last quarter, though I don't feel the same kind of stress that I felt entering Holtfreter's class. Holtfreter cared about his students, too, but he wasn't entirely straightforward on certain things that kept us on our toes 24-7. Carbaugh told us there will be absolutely no "pop quizzes" or anything unexpected. That alone makes me happy. I still plan to read ahead though because I actually enjoyed the first two chapters of the textbook.

Oh!! Talking about this class reminds me... I met someone! Her name is Julie I believe, I suck at names. Maybe she just looks like a Julie... She does kind of remind me of Julie P. in some ways. She has dark hair, pretty cute face, and she mainly wears thick rimmed glasses. She's very "nerd chic" I guess you could say. I might get a different impression as I get to know her better.

Anyway, we now sit next to eachother in two of our classes and she gave me a tour around Kamola hall! She's like "OH YEA it's haunted!" which cracked me up. You guys might remember an earlier entry where I talked about how Kamola Hall is supposedly haunted because a girl committed suicide back in the 1940's. Well she confirmed it, stating that her roommate flipped out when half a bagel she was eating mysteriously flew across the floor.

I've also recently got in touch with Eli, the girl I was originally considering living with at the beginning of the year. I had met her at orientation but we lost touch after she said she had another roommate that she had prior plans with. It was fine all and all because I found my roommate easily. Living with Kristin has been great because I've felt like I've lived completely on my own for the past 4 months. Oh my gosh, this is crazy, Kristin has a friend over. This is the first time this has ever happened. They sound exactly the same, lol I'm tempted to walk out just to see what her friends look like but I look super icky today. I've been smoking, my hair's a wreck, no makeup... And I don't want to bug her at all, lol. She never bugs me.

Ha ha, just another funny blurb before I go. I keep on waking up at 5:00 in the morning thinking Miranda is going to be in my room meowing at me to flush the toilet. I suddenly realize I'm back at school and go back to sleep.

peace.