Happy to finally meet you

Evening, it's 9:07 pm. I'm sitting here drinking coffee waiting for my friend Michael to get here so we can do the forecasting homework.

I've had an interesting week so far. I had my finance test on Monday, which as you guys know I spent all weekend studying for. Unfortunately I put too much emphasis on studying one of the later two chapters and not enough time on the first two and neglected to write down a few of the chapter 2 equations on my notecard. When I realize the mistake I'd made I felt frustrated but what can you do. I picked up enough points to get above a C, which was my goal. I got a 72%.

My friend Daniel who seems to be really getting this material got an 80. I know I should really try to study with him or Kevin P. before the next test. I was able to see my cumulative grade in the class. I have a 74%, and I'm pretty much the exact mean/median of the class scores. I am totally fine with that. Granted that means I am going to work a lot harder on these next chapters and try to be cautious of not accidentally skipping material for the next test.


On Monday I skipped forecasting to study for my finance test and finish some assignment that I'd neglected to type over the weekend. When I was waiting outside for class to begin the guy I'd been catching glances with these passed couple weeks walked up. He's flashed the prettiest smile and was like, "Hey!! I'm so happy to finally meet you!"

Okay I don't know if he meant to say that but if he did it means I hadn't imagined it and he was noticing me these past couple weeks. We made some quick small talk before class. He seems intelligent and easy to talk too. His name's Kyle and he's a double major in econ and finance. He told me he'd been at CWU since Freshman year and that his first quarters here he had a 0.9 GPA from partying too much. Kind of cracked me up that he laid that on the line immediately like that. But to have gotten to this point he's obviously improved a lot.

I don't know what his last name is, where he's from or what he's into but I want to get to know him. I'm hoping he'll ask for my digits but we shall seeeee..... lol.

I've been getting back into metal and the guitar lately. I started really learning Domination last night by Pantera and it sounds good. I need to get back to my roots and play things that I enjoy playing instead of just the hardest shit possible. When I'm exercising I listen to a lot of Pantera so I can really hear those guitar licks in my head.

I also really love this song by symphony x. If you like symphonic metal you should give this a listen...

Love is a tragedy

All that I have, all that I'll ever need

Is right here inside

peace.

God damn I've had a day.... And it's only 2:42

 I'm really happy  right now because I'm done with what I literally thought I wasn't going to finish. As you guys know I didn't get shit done this weekend... I mentioned that right? Well I've had this ethics paper hanging over my shoulders for the past couple weeks, I somehow managed to put it off until the last minute because I was so freaking determined to beat Terry on that macro test. And it worked, I got 92%. Beat him by a whopping 10%.

I walked into class and we just looked at eachother and laughed. I knew it was stupid of me to bet on the Broncos, which I'd realized the second I found out the 49ers whooped em last time Broncos were in the superbowl. God that was almost a hard game to watch there toward the end.... Seeing those Colorado boys red faces.

...So yeah, I guess going on about the superbowl with Terry in class yesterday was kind of fun.. I was completely unable to give him the cold shoulder as originally anticipated. He has that affect on me. He drove home this weekend like I did to watch the game with his Dad. I owe him 5 shots of whiskey. I would have today but I'm too damn tired.

I haven't slept in about 30 hours. I started RESEARCHING for that paper yesterday at 5... That's how much of a turd I've been about this. I came back to my apartment and spent the next couple hours reading with Michael. I didn't actually start writing the paper until about 9 pm, and it took me the entire night to just finish the damn introduction. By about 4 this morning when I finished the introduction and had a solid idea what I was writing about I decided to try to get two hours of sleep.

Come to think of it, had I slept two hours this morning I wouldn't have finished. Marshall was the reason I got that paper done and won't automatically get a C- in my management class, alright!! 

I'm never procrastinating again I swear. 

I laid down on the couch and Marshall was still wide awake running all over. I was still wide awake too but was trying really hard to meditate or something. Marshall jumped up on my coffee table, to get my water of course... knocked it over, broke the glass. So now my carpet is covered in broken glass and I have to get up and clean it. At this point I decided sleeping was probably futile, especially with the amount of stress riding on my shoulder about the enormity of work I had to do to complete this paper.

I just plowed right back into it... until about 9 am. By that time my hands were shaking and I felt sick from exhaustion. I then called my Mom in the midst of a panic attack and she was somehow able to bring me down enough that I was able to finish.

Oh yeah she told me that every assignment she did in college was like how I felt today... That cracked me up.

I think I'm going to bed...

peace. 

Why should I care, really.. People.

You know what I hate about facebook?

When you realize someone's deleted you. And I mean someone that you were in contact with over the past year and thought you were at least decent friends... Found out earlier tonight that Jason T. deleted me as a friend, one of the first people I met at Central. I realized this when I was showing his profile to my friend Michael when he mentioned he rock climbed and I'm like "Oh do you know Jason T..?" and looked up his profile and I was like "Oh wow, he deleted me, well this is him...." Ha ha. Yeah it happens. So that'll be the last time you guys'll ever hear about Jason! ha ha, like any of you are keeping track of the people that come in and out of my life...

I had a fun evening. My friend Michael came over to help me with some math from a macro assignment and we ended up just chillin for awhile and studying. He's really smart and enjoyable to talk too. We were drinking and BSing (no class tomorrow) and he mentioned his girlfriend being a computer science and engineering major which I thought was pretty sick so I'm hoping to meet her at some point too. Michael was in my public finance class and lives in the same complex so it was nice to have someone to hang out with instead of studying alone.

Aww, Marshee's sleeping on the ground waiting for Mama to come to bed.... My baby. :-3 Tomorrow I have no classes and I've gotten the majority of my homework done so most of my day will be spent practicing more than likely. I've also gotta start looking for a job... seriously. I stuck all my eggs in one basket with that office assistant job and that's not going to pan out. Back to the drawing board!

peace.

Hey don't you wanna go down

Morning everyone..

Technically afternoon in 6 minutes. I've already logged an hour of practice time but it was while watching Intervention simultaneously. I realize now that in order to become more effective in my practicing I must cut out other distractions like my shows. Distractions decrease the utility of my time significantly because my brain is only half paying attention to the music... And even if I'm still practicing and looking at the music my mind is still more preoccupied with what's being said on the show.

This is Michael, a rage addict featured on the show Intervention season 1. 

Yesterday I did happen across a pretty interesting episode though. Michael is 22 years old and is classified by his father as a "rageaholic." Michael has had anger issues his entire life, his brother even stated that he'd hit a classmate with a music stand in the 7th grade (after his parents had divorced when he was 12). He's basically beat the Hell out of his family his entire life. His mother was asked to not participate in the documentary at all which makes me think there was some major abuse when he lived with her after the divorce. 

In the interviews his brother describes how he had been beaten unconscious and his father with a 6-foot park bench. 

I had never heard of rageaholism before this episode.. I guess aside from people that I've met in my life that have told me they had "anger problems" that they have overcome in the past. My Dad's always had a bad temper but he's nowhere near a rageaholic. From what I've been told a very close friend of mine used to have a lot of anger problems and used to treat people pretty mean which I can believe..... no offense. 

Finally got a video up of my playing... it's taken months to get the courage to do this but after I was able to work up to 100% speed after thorough practice this last week I made sure to log this accomplishment. It kind of helped me get over the feeling of doubt about my choice for the concert too so that was good. Today I'm going to play master of puppets and the day that never comes while my Mom and sister are in town.

I've got to work today at 6' which pretty much sucks d*&k.... I'm so tired of that effing place, this is technically my fifth shift in a row. At least it's from 6-close, those are usually my easiest shifts. To top it off it's a Wednesday and like yesterday there's not very many big sales going on in the kids department so I'm safe from the crowds of this last labor day weekend nonsense. From what I've heard it won't get that busy again until December. who knows if I'll even still be working there. I could technically put in my two weeks now because I dread the place but I think once I move back up to school it'll be okay. Like knowing I've got that tiny form of income and sort of an obligation to come home and recoup could be nice... or not what I want at all.

I'm getting really excited to move back to Central, that I know for sure. I still don't have a roommate. I still just want to sit around and practice all day before work and not find one... shiiiit. The next two days I have off work so there's no reason I shouldn't do everything I can the next couple days. Besides I've got nothing planned.

I can promise you 
You'll stay as beautiful 
With dark hair 
And soft skin...forever 
Forever 

Make up your mind 
Make up your mind

It's weird not having Katelynn in my life anymore because admittedly I have not really "gone out" and gotten drunk or anything since we've stopped being friends. I don't see myself going to bars anytime soon, especially now that the only person I'm really hanging out with is Zach and he's 20.

Nobody ever claimed those roses.... I don't understand what the point of that was. Here I am trying to get over someone, starting to like another guy when those roses got thrown in the mixture and has made my current state of mind much more isolated emotionally. Zach is really cute and he's a good guy and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him....

It's not fair that Zach and I have so much in common and I do like him but I've still felt unresolved about this Jay situation, especially after I got those flowers and I'd sort of suspected they were from him after I'd eliminated some names off a list. I've eliminated this list to thinking A) they are from him or B) someone that was trying to f*&k with my head and make it look like they were from him (because that's who I'd liked at the time) because they hate me...... lmfao.

I have no reason to not spend time with Zach and see where this goes. Me and Zach actually have way more in common... like we're both kind of nerdy and he appreciates a lot of the same music that I do (He had a period in highschool that he was listening to a lot of metal so he's knowledgeable and appreciates my guitar playing a lot.) He has emotions and I feel like he really listening when I'm talking to him.

But there's still something about Jay that I've always been really attracted too. I just find him interesting, sexy, intelligent, strong, resourceful.... But these are all qualities that I've perceived, which may or may not be the case. My logic is bias for him obviously and is more patient than what my Mom is saying and that's to drop it because we haven't talked in a month. I know that she's right.

 But because the case of the flowers and why Jay completely dropped contact remains unsolved I continue to sort of wonder what the Hell and why. I figure if Jay did want to do something he would have done it by now and changed his mind. 

peace. 

Jack's new bag.

Check out Jack's new bag.

Look at that big nose on her! Nice thin lips too, just the way you like it. 

And I say "bag" in the most literal sense possible because this bitch literally looks 30. On top of that she looks HUGE. Guess I'm not tall and mammoth enough for him. Of course there's some picture of them together and that was the most recent post on Jack's thing. I can't say for sure if they're together, but knowing him she's probably the hottest thing since sliced bread right now.

So that's it! My first experience with love! Fell in love, got led on and ditched three times. That's a lovely romantic story I'll tell my kids someday; which hopefully will have a father that won't leave me and I'll tell them about how happy I was that I moved on. 

Because I have too. I might only have feelings for one person, but he doesn't have any interest in me back, clearly, or he'd be talking to me and not her. I decided that I'm not going to delete him from my facebook this time. Let him witness the cool stuff I've been up too lately if he gets bored and lonely again. I'm not going to talk to him though, ever. I've said what I need to say, I'm more at peace with myself now with him than I've ever been. I just don't want him talking to me again if he's going to do this, and to be honest I don't think I would... I can never trust his intentions again. 

If he wants to be with ugly girls now though that's his business, it's almost humorous now. She's going to age SO badly, hahahaha, seriously what the Fuck Jack! xD What are you thinking?  

Today I'm planning on going to the park to meet up with Michael Zhang. We're going to tan, maybe I'll make myself a passion tea or something. I haven't played my guitar yet but I played practically all day yesterday. I'll probably just play all evening. 

peace. 

some weird fanatic metalhead.

So that guy that subscribed to my posts added me as a friend.

Turns out he's got a pretty serious girlfriend and Josie hangs out with him all the time. Nooo thank you, I think I will back from contact with this person. I've got no problem with Josie-- we respect eachother and don't give eachother shit, we just don't hang out and have some weird history. For that reason, I choose to stay out of her life and she does the same.


I hung out with Michael Z. for a bit today. Always nice to catch up with him. He's always under an incredible amount of stress with his parents pressuring him to succeed. It's funny, I put the amount of pressure on myself to the degree that an Asian parent. Ha ha, self motivation is key with my family because everyone is so wrapped up in their own business.

I love to talk to Michael though, he's so smart and understanding. He's a little intense at times though, like he almost intimidates me with the way he dresses. Like, his hair and clothes are always so freaking perfect and name brand, he's always super clean. It's admireable when a guy can dress like that because it's not common. Most guys are kind of gross with their habits and don't try at all. Trying now isn't really a standard because girls are so desperate with the continual texting. It's put guys entirely in control so the standards are lowered.

But anyway, Michael looked really pretty today! It was a nice visit, but I got so freaking exausted that I couldn't hang out for long. I felt bad because I really wanted to talk to him more and he did drive allll the way from Pasco. Man, I do so much more driving then most of my friends. But because it's normal to me, it doesn't really bother me much anymore. Actually with Spotify Premium now, the drive home is pretty enjoyable because I can listen to virtually any music I want.

I've been of course listening to a ton of Dream Theater, just like on my Zune.. except now it's public how much I'm listening to them and it makes me feel a little silly. I just turn on my Spotify premium every time I'm in my car so sometimes I like to listen to the same songs in the morning. Right now I've been listening to the Train of Thought album. It's incredible.

It's 5:00... I'll probably play guitar til around 10 or 11 or so and go to bed. No intention of studying Japanese tonight, because really who am I kidding. My brain feels fucking fried from work and I'm going to ask sensee if I can take the vocab quiz on Wednesday. I don't know if I mentioned this but I actually got scheduled on Tuesday to cover for Claudia. My schedule was all fudged up this next week but hey, extra $70.

peace.

Friends can make things amazing. ~5~

I had probably the most kick ass weekend.

But not because I've been pretty consistantly blazed this weekend, being thanksgiving and stressed over finals and all, but for the fact that I saw four of my best friends in the past few days (since friday). I saw Robert on Friday, then I saw Michael on Saturday before work and Katharine after work. Then I saw Katelynn today. It was just awesome to see all of them and catch up about things.

Roberts been good, just working mainly and hanging out with Vicki a lot. Things don't really change with him too frequently. He's going to school too, but he's never as stressed out or even talks about it like I do. I don't think school is that interesting to him, to be honest. Who knows what he'll end up doing. He's pretty happy with Vicki, and he doesn't seem too close to any of the other guys. Surprisingly, me and Tyler have been talking again. Tylers just been hanging out with Logan. Same shit. Logan's actually visiting Tyler from Boise right now.

Michael has just been going to UW, wondering what he's going to do with his life more than anything. He's not sure if he even wants to be a doctor anymore, though if he becomes one I think his parents will be proud of him regardless of his sexuality. I think it must be really hard to be gay and have to come out to your parents, especially when your parents are strict and Chinese... Hell, I should be happy that I'm not a lesbian, I don't think my parents would be particularily accepting either, even if they're democrats and pretty tolerant for the most part. Michael has also been taking 400 level classes, which I'm pretty damn proud of him for. I think it's pretty incredible how hard he works, period.

Katharine has just been getting by, from the way she sounds. Brian and her have been going strong, and she doesn't seem to have nearly as many problems with her living situation now that she has a new roomate. But I think she might feel like she's ready to move onto the next stage of her life-- like into her profession and such. It's hard to believe that she's only a year older than me and she's already ready to grow up and take that step when I'm still just going to cbc and haven't had much of a chance to get out in the world yet. But what's the huge damn rush. I feel like I'm at a good spot for me currently, but I'd rather not stick around here for another year if I can possibly help it. Anyway, Katharine and me talked a little about Dylan too. It sounds like he's really happy over in Florida. Well, seems like everyone thats gotten out of the tri-cities for awhile is having a much better time.

Katelynn has been WAY better than what she was just a couple months ago dealing with her mom and Jon. Allan is doing a really good job helping with the housework at their new apartment. Their apartment is really cute, and Katelynn has really good taste. Like, she's made this little apartment that could potentially be shady really cute and classy. She's so mature and independent. I admire her for it, she's always pretty much had to take care of herself. Like she was telling me today how Allan asked her how she learned how to cook and she just told him that she always had to do it. I'm pretty sure the first person that I live with will be... interested by my cooking?? I mean if he likes Asian food and Mediterranian he's SET. But yeah, honestly you guys I can't even make good nachos. lol maybe cause I don't like nachos at all?

Damn, it's already 10:11. You guys know how much work I have to do. How much I've procrastinated. Oral exams are in 3 days. Hannah's probably getting annoyed with my speaking proficiency. No way. I'm gonna make a change. The second I get done with this blog entry, I'm gonna turn off my computer, turn off this kickass Ween music, and get on with it. Oh my god this song though, it's so amazing. All of it is. I'm so happy Katelynn let me borrow these CDs. It's such feel good music.

Shit, time to get on with it. Why is getting to work so hard? I just want to enjoy my night.... Nope! I've been enjoying my time all damn weekend. Spent too much money. haha

yours
Emily