Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I can feel it in the way your blood and heart beats.. ~18~

Believer, you'll leave her, in leaving them all (No, but I don't buy it)
Like anything you do as anyone you are
(Ten speed if I must, then I must)
Believer, you'll leave her, in leaving them all (No, but I don't buy it)
Like anything you do as anyone you are

~10 Speed Gods Blood Burial~Coheed and Cambria
(one of the many songs this summer that I've listened to a lot)

Right now I'm sitting here in the living room, and it's silent in here because I turned off the TV that my sister had on, which of course woke her up. It makes me laugh, she can sleep when the TV is on but the second I turn it off it's as if I turned it up full blast and she makes this annoyed, whiny groaning sound like I just intentially woke her up.

Today I have my job interview at the spa, and it turned out really good. Though I can honestly say now that I am a little nervous about the job because it sounds like HARD work. Like, constant running around, constant cleaning, constant doing. This is fine, of course, and I'll get the hang of it if I do work there, but there is still a chance that I can get the tutoring job in Burbank if this doesn't work out. My mom needs some information from me though, like my drivers license number and some other stuff. I'll have to give the info to her tonight. This spa job is my first priority though because it seems like a great opportunity to get some work experience. If everything works out as planned, I should be very busy here soon and have money coming in... which is so important. More then likely, I'm going to have to postpone certain University plans-- again..
...But shit, you know, I'm 19 years old, I'm broke, and up to now i've been plowing through school so fast that I haven't gotten a chance to look at the big picture, and when I go up to Central I'll immediately have to choose my major. Is that really what I want though? My Mom even said that she doesn't think Central is that exciting and that I should look into other stuff, which I intend on doing. How great would it be to go to school up at UW? And if I do have a good nest egg in place, I will have time to get a job when I go up there and my parents won't have to pay for as many of my living expenses. I don't even KNOW what my major is yet.

That being said, I could be around the tri cities for longer than expected. I'm ashamed by this because of how many people I know have already left to a university but I'm more focussed on my own life and not what other people think of me or how they judge me.

You know what I hate? When a song comes on that reminds me of someone and then you want to talk to them again. Someone meaning someone that I haven't been talking to at all since he went down to Hermiston. I don't know if I nessasarily miss him, but I can't help but wonder what he's been doing. I can understand why things worked out the way they did though-- our worlds are completely different, and I don't think he's actually attracted to me in a way that he would want to be in a relationship anyway.

It's understandable-- I'm 19, he's 25. I'm going to college and will be leaving the tri cities sooner or later. He's... I don't know, he claimed he'd be going to CBC at some time, but I'm pretty sure he's going to end up getting settled in Hermiston with some job that his family is hooking him up with. He's looking for a wife, though he only admitted this once (after he claimed that I somehow make him think about how his life is going), he's looking for someone that he can start a family with. I can't provide that for him at all because I'm not looking for that for 4 years+. All I want right now is to date and have fun with someone, and have him be presentable enough to bring around my friends. Is that coming anytime soon? Probably not. I really don't have interest in anyone-- especially not sexually. Which is ALL guys that are my age are looking for, it seems. And I can honestly say, now, that it would just be a huge disappointment.

I need to clean the kitchen, eat some lunch, then I'm gonna chug a bunch of coffee and go to school. I've been really exausted today and haven't been able to shake it. I ended up falling asleep on the downstairs couch. No blankets or anything. That's such a rarity for me. I'm usually very picky about when and where I sleep.


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