I'm tired of waiting for Kevin Swanson to give a shit hahaha

Hola.

Alright today is Sunday and I've been home practically all weekend. I mean yesterday I must have gone out to go to Fred Meyer for like... I don't know, an hour and then I went to Bradley's house for 20 minutes. Today I spent practically all day studying and practicing my guitar. I got up early enough that I got my playing done by around 2', I think I played approximately 65 minutes.

I started studying pretty early-- like I did my first 20 minute chunk of economics at 10:30 which sort of revved up my brain for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure I did about 3 solid hours of studying which is all around impressive.

At around 4' I started looking through my phone and noticed the text I'd gotten the other night from an unknown number. I started investigating when I got on facebook and I realized it was Jack. I realize that I had yet again asked him "Who's this?" when he texted me. I always, always delete Jack's number after I get frustrated with him because of the emotional ups and downs with him. He has this tendency to text me out of the blue after not talking for months and act like we're going to spend time together and then... well, not. Or like this last time where he came over and we played guitar together-- sort of, I couldn't improvise what so ever back then but I was really happy to be able to play in front of him.

But yeah when we hung out there was no flirtatiousness between us. This was back in like October. Then around January he started texting me saying we should hang out when I was dating Brendan and at this point I was so fed up with him that I said no. I just felt like he was just going to blow me off again and because I was already dealing with major anxiety and depression that quarter I didn't want to lose this sense of having someone to lean on with Brendan.

The relationship with Brendan of course only lasted what... a week after I returned from winter break? Not long. I'd tried getting ahold of Jack again but by then he had found a different girl that he was interested in. And then Abe started talking to me and I sort of started hanging out with him for awhile.

I don't know, finding someone that fits right with your personality is a huge challenge in life. Jack is someone that has come in and out of my life at random times for six years now (literally, since I was a sophomore in highschool).. and whenever he gets ahold of me now I can't help but just wonder, okay what is your deal now? lol. He apparently finished his last season of lacrosse recently. I'm wondering if he's graduating after this Spring or what. Anyway, we'll see if I get the chance to catch up with him or not, guess it doesn't really matter either way he'll text again in 3 or 4 months guaranteed lmfao

I'm still not even friends with Terry on facebook even if I notice he's on there before class all the time.  He's so wrapped up in what his friends and teammates are doing, drinking, etc.. to seem to want to give any attention to getting to know me at all and it's wearing thin quickly. The only times he seems to get excited about talking to me is when we're talking about his life or I'm helping him get something for economics.

LOL!! I figured it out, Terry's personality is just like Kevin Swanson! He's just too attractive and talented.... completely confident, stubborn as Hell about the validity of his opinions, and seems to be entirely non-conflicted about where he's going in life. Why wouldn't I be attracted to that.

But yeah no word from him all day-- I texted him a couple times throughout the weekend but he barely responded. Terry and I could be done hanging out for awhile. It doesn't matter, we're going to have so many classes together here in the next year I just want to be friends with him and have him respect me. I think I've done a very laid back job attempting to get to know him but if he's not down to actually put in any effort to get to know me why would I bother...?


Alright well it's bed time, this weekend's been slow but I feel recharged for tomorrow.

peace.

Peace in being alone.

Goodevening to anyone who's reading. It's Sunday.

I've had a pretty slow day. Just watched documentaries, played about an hour of guitar, then spent a few hours messing around on the Sims. It's so time consuming to get anything done on there. I try to keep my "simming" to a minimum because there's much more productive things I could be doing.

I did my laundry today. I wanted fresh towels and all of my clothes for the upcoming week. It's going to be my first week of classes Winter quarter so I've been trying to keep my stress levels at a minimum. In order to do so I had to cut things off with Brendan, which was difficult for me but over time I've come to realize we're on different playing fields in some ways.

Brendan's really mature and stable in his life. He's an extremely giving person and only wanted the best for me. He took me out on dates, we talked a lot.. everything was fine. He's just looking for something more serious than what I can even think of providing for anyone in the next couple years. That is, unless I'm completely 100% sure on someone. That hasn't come yet. I would rather not waste anyone's time in such a crucial part of our lives.

I still have feelings for someone that will unfortunately never cease until I find someone who I like *more* than said person. I've just sort of grown to accept that, I can't help it. This person frustrates the f*** out of me. That's all I'm going to say.

I really enjoy the unpredictability of being in school again. It's my new years resolution to stop being so pessimistic about living here. It's also to start incorporating prayer and meditation into my daily life to calm some of this anxiety that I deal with. I've got to learn to deal with my anxiety on my own. It's so easy to want to cling to someone when you feel alone and scared.

I feel like a good amount of my first quarter here was spent feeling very alone-- things are going to get a lot better though.

Here's a blast from the past. Ha ha, I remember loving the English Shin chan cartoons when I was like sixteen. 

I wonder if I will ever go to Japan. I've been a lot more focused on Korea lately. I would like to someday see both Koreas, Japan, and China. Traveling is pretty important to me even if I've never been outside this side of the United States. I suppose that's one of my incentives for going to college, to be able to afford to travel someday. 

It's 6:00. I am going to try and work on finite math for the next hour or so and try to better understand it.

peace. 

Strange sense of relaxation.

Today's been so relaxed. Probably the most I've been in months. I'm thrilled to be back in my room here at Central to be honest with you guys. Brendan told me this evening I seemed more relaxed. He got home tonight and came over at like 8'. I made us delicious yakisoba.

I know, this is a professional photo and mine probably wasn't nearly as pretty but I suppose mine looked comparable to this. I used this really tender steak I bought at the store today, thinly sliced carrots, fresh bean sprouts, 1/4 cup onions, and those delicious "Asian blend" vegetables from Fred meyer. I need to get more of that, I'm all out. I like to put it on rice too. 

Anyway, Brendan brought over some salad that went super well with the dish. I'd also cooked some so-called oven baked "orange chicken" but the sauce tasted outright bizarre. It was okay though, the chicken was crispy at least. That felt like a nice way to start out this quarter. 

Tomorrow is my first day of classes. I don't have English so I at least won't have to be at my first class at 8'. My first class is economics at 9, which is going to mean walking all the way to Shaw. Good thing I just remembered to plug in my Zune, I would not want to walk that far without music and my spotify isn't working on my phone because apparently the micro SD card is broken. I need to replace it quickly, I'm wondering if I can purchase one at Fred Meyer or will I need to go to a Sprint store..

But yeah, I'm quite happy to be back and have this much privacy again. It's like I'm back in Emily world instead of the world that's wrapped around my family and friends when I'm at home. Not saying I don't like being at home, I'm sure you know what I mean.

So I accomplished my goal of posting a new guitar video on New Years! I know this classical so it probably won't get many views but I don't care. This song was a whole new challenge for me and I'm stoked having perfected it to upload quality. Next I would like to do Wherever I May Roam but I have not practiced it much  with the recording. That will be my new focus this upcoming week. I seem to start many songs but have a hard time finishing them. 

I just keep reminding myself that I'm still technically in my first year. I like to think of my mentality in my first couple years of playing the trumpet-- it's very similar to how I feel now in certain ways, like my overall ability to play comfortably. By my fourth year of playing the trumpet I felt so comfortable and I would like to achieve that on the guitar but it'll all just come with time and hard work.

peace. 

Finally saying No.. after four years of this nonsense.

Fillip S. posted this earlier. Sometimes I wonder if what this says is true. People that have faith seem to be a lot more calm about their life, including Brendan who has witnessed a number of my panic attacks. He tells me to pray and meditate and it helps, but meditation often seems unappealing when getting into my own thoughts is often what leads me to feeling the panic. 

Any time I think about religion I start to cry because I'm scared of it. That's why I get so nervous to talk about anyone about it because I'm embarrassed. Being in churches tends to make me feel like I'm going to cry, too. I remember walking around the catholic church with my great Grandma and saw some of the alters and cried.. Going to a place to study what happens in the unknown scares the Hell out of me. But maybe it could help me improve my life and help my anxiety.

I haven't taken Brokaid in a few days which I'm pretty sure is why I've felt an increased amount of panic. Today hasn't been particularly bad, but it has worsened as the evening has progressed. I think I was nervous about the party that I thought I was going to with Josie because it snowed today and the roads are probably bad. I don't like driving on icey roads, especially not at night.

Josie was actually the first one to text me about it. She's at work and said she might not feel like going because of the weather. I told her I totally understood. 

I feel as though I might be getting sick, anyway. I have a runny nose and my throat is a little sore but not too bad. Probably would be better for me to get a good night sleep if this is the case. I'll be really happy to see Brendan again on the 31st.

That's Brendan on the left. : )

I can honestly call him my boyfriend now, even if we're not "facebook official" and probably won't be for a few weeks. The reason I can say this without a doubt is because yesterday I made one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a long time because of my feelings for Brendan. 

Jack is the first person I've ever had very strong feelings for. They started out when I was about a sophomore in highschool and over the past few years he's kept these feelings alive by texting me off and on, acting like he's going to make plans and then never following through with them. Everything is 100% on Jack's time, he texts me when he's alone-- which is incredibly rare because he's always around bros. He also texts me when he's drunk. It's like, that's the only time he allows himself to actually think of me and that alone is an insult that I've grown to realize about him.

He always texts me out of the blue around the holidays, or when we've got some break from school. I always delete his contact from my phone because what will happen is we'll talk a little bit, then he'll abruptly stop talking and my feelings get hurt and I delete the contact again. It's been something I've been dealing with for years. On numerous occasions I told him to just stop doing this, told him I couldn't stand him anymore, the whole bit... But it's almost like he knew that no matter what I said it didn't make a difference because I'd forgave him in the past.

Jack texted me shortly before school ended asking when I was going home. I told him and he responded that he wasn't coming back to the tri cities for a couple weeks. This was shortly after (before I met Brendan) I'd out of the blue invited Jack to come over one evening when I was stoned, lonely, and didn't even care anymore about my dignity in the situation. Not anymore.

Jack texted me yesterday morning that he wanted to start spending time together again. It all just sounded like bait, he's done this crap before. He's been in the tri cities hanging out with his bros all week, I'm sure... Even when I was living in Ellensburg he never made any effort to talk to or visit with me, and we live a f*cking block from eachother! I would never be a priority to him, I would always be something of convenience... 

So of course I know I had to tell him no, I can't. I'm seeing someone. Period. Brendan makes me a priority in his life, he and I get along so well and he doesn't cause me any stress. In fact he helps my anxiety because he's a very spiritual, intellectual person that has the patience to actually listen to me. I would not want to give up what I have with Brendan to put myself in the almost inevitable disappointment with dealing with Jack again. 

I feel weight lifted from my shoulders having been able to finally tell Jack "No" but it's one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in this respect. Not because I don't have feelings for Brendan, but because of the feelings I once had for Jack and somehow over the years my mind built him up to be something so great... So that's been stressful but talking about it here makes me feel a lot better. 

My family's all hanging out in the living room. I should really make some tea and join them for a bit. Josie might be coming over later this evening. Originally we were planning on going to a party that her coworkers are holding but the snow on the roads and potential for worse weather later tonight deterred both of us from wanting to go. 

peace. 

Started fingerpicking. Found some inspiration.

The guitar is funny. It can make you feel like a well-rounded player and then find a major hurdle and feel like a beginner again.

Fingerpicking has always been something I've stayed away from because for the first few months or so I was so focused on getting my fingers in the right position to hit notes that taking on the burden of focusing where my individual fingers on my right hand were going sounded impossible. I didn't touch fingerpicking for the past nine months or so that I've been really playing until a few days ago.

I know little bits and pieces of knowledge about World of Warcraft from spending time with Tyler and Jack. I looked up "Lions Pride World of Warcraft" on google image search and got this. Apparently someone built a lodge and called it "Lions Pride Inn." Or maybe that's part of the game and that's where the song I'm learning plays... I have no idea. 

I'm working on a couple "easy" songs from Songsterr just for finger picking-- Lions Pride from World of Warcraft and Wind Scene from Chrono Crusade. I've found one finger picking exercise that will get me into the habit of picking with the right fingers but it's much, much easier said than done. I have a lot more respect for a number of guitarists that I know that predominantly finger pick because I believe getting the hang of it will take just as much time as alternate picking did.

I posted a status today about learning to fingerpick just so that Jacob gets the memo and might send me something on Thursday for it if I remind him tomorrow. I haven't been on facebook all day aside from that. Maybe that's why it feels like a good day to me. I practiced a whole whopping 160 minutes. Just like back in the summer... I really spread that time among a lot of different skills so I feel I'm better managing my practice time lately, too.

Of course that's bound to change when school starts and things are a little more complicated time management wise. I'm going to have to be aware of how much time I'm spending with Brendan. I'm just so happy that he's there though, it makes things a lot less stressful going back because he's a really good listener and I know he can help me with a lot of things-- he's already taken Finite math and english 102. I haven't taken any English in forever.. it's weird to think that's the class I'm most concerned about but economics is supposedly extremely difficult too.

Shawn G. was going to have a sledding thing today and I was debating going this morning. I had plenty of time to think about it because the actual event wasn't until 3. Well since then the snow has melted for the most part, so sledding was a no go.

I don't have much planned for the next couple days (27th and 28th). I'd like to see Katelynn again before I go. She got the new Final Fantasy game for Christmas so I'd like to see the graphics. Speaking of games I think I might play the sims again this evening... I'm hoping my Mom made dinner because I haven't really eaten since 12 and I'm getting hungry and don't feel like cooking again.

peace.

Happy Chrimbus Eve!

I hope everyone is of course having an excellent Christmas eve, it is 12:44 PM. Mom's planning on making ham for dinner tonight, we have a pretty massive amount of gifts under the tree, I have all day to practice... All is right in my world.

I even have my sister's chair today because she's going to be with Jimmy over in... I can't remember. Some town far away hanging out with his family. I woke up in a nasty mood again and started yelling about stupid things. I can't even remember what it was I was yelling about, I've honestly been a snit in the morning lately. Oh, I was trying to pack up most of my computer software and my POD. That's kind of a delicate job. Honestly I shouldn't have brought any of that stuff here, haven't used it! 

Mizu last night was interesting. The weather was extremely bad driving to Pasco. Lots and lots of hard rain, which luckily didn't freeze but it felt as though it was on the verge to. I picked up Hannah at about 5:45, right on time. We talked all about the current affairs in Korea. Hannah knows all about how Chinese are using North Korea as a tourist destination. She was shocked at how interested I was in East Asian politics, and she had just taken a class in it the previous quarter so we had plenty to talk about.

I mean we talked about college and stuff too. She's going to a school in... I want to say Massachusetts, where it's extremely cold and snowy all the time. She was actually optimistic about it because she said it snows a lot in Seoul too and it's just as cold. Washington is significantly warmer, thank God. I really like the weather here. Maybe everyone likes the weather from where they come from. 

I kind of miss playing the Sims. Technically I could set up my computer again to play it but I need to get some practice done so that's priority number 1. My goal is to get 120 minutes in today, between the scales and my temporary renewed Songster membership it shouldn't be too hard. 

Last year I went to the Johanson Christmas eve party and saw a ton of people that I hadn't seen in a year. I didn't get invited this year, maybe they're just keeping it more of a family thing. Last year it was really fun, though. We took a ton of pictures that night... I remember looking a lot pastier and feeling more insecure back then. 

I feel like my looks and my self esteem have significantly improved since last December, 2012 has been good to me. There's a picture from that night. I'm wearing the gray tanktop in the corner. Most of the pictures I ended up in were candid and I looked horrible, haha. 

Late December was just about when I started picking up the guitar again. It's about my 1 year anniversary with the guitar. Had it not been for Brendan January would be my 2 year anniversary of not being with anyone, but I honestly don't consider myself "single" right now even if my facebook says otherwise. Me and Brendan are pretty close... like it's gotten passed the point where I would feel right spending time alone with another guy that I might have potential interest in without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

I feel like actual interest in someone should feel that way. Brendan is an incredibly intelligent human being, he's mature and sets high standards in his quality of life like I do. We can talk for hours, he listens to what I say. He's tall, pretty good looking. I think this has pretty good potential... I can't ever say anything in the long run because you just never know how life changes but for now I look forward to spending time with him. 

peace. 

Date #2... I curse too much

I can honestly say I curse too much, and it gets a lot worse when I'm home because my Dad curses all the time and I pick up on it. My mom told me, "You can control what you say, why are you blaming this on us?" I've admittedly been in a hell of a mood this morning. I've been high strung and driving my Mom nuts like I sometimes do in the morning. I just took a chill pill so now I'm realizing how temperamental I was acting this morning and feel bad.... I'm going to stay in my room the next few hours and not talk to anyone for this reason. Give everyone a break from... me!

Last night Brendan drove alllll the way here. I didn't even meet him in Prosser. We didn't hang out for very long before we went into town to buy some Christmas gifts with money that's sitting in my checking account that I thought was to pay for my classes next quarter but my Mom said I could spend. I'm going to double check with my Dad on this. I hadn't used that debit card in awhile because I was waiting for that $2500 to get out of there. In actuality, that money IS mine... it's just supposed to be for living on my own and the expenses that come with it. Not on just whatever the Hell I want. I do have $400 or so in there that is technically mine from working at Rite Aid.

So that's obviously very good news. I'm going to talk to my Dad about it... When he told me about the money I thoughthe said specifically, "But you CAN'T spend it..." maybe he'd just meant on alcohol, clothes, makeup and other fun stuff.... I should try to buy my books online today. Books are stupid expensive. Last quarter wasn't terrible for me because my pre-calc book AND my accounting book sold back.

Anyway about my date. I lost track of what I was talking about. Brendan and I went to Sushi Ya and bought some of the best Korean BBQ I've had in the Tri cities. Brendan told me, "Emily you're so cultured and classy but you cuss a lot!" He's right, I felt really embarrassed and then my cursing got 10x worse throughout the night. so bad. He doesn't seem to mind it but it makes me feel gross.

I'm thinking of cancelling my Yelp account and re-doing a lot of my reviews. I'm pretty sure my last review didn't give it justice. Brendan and I were on a mission to get my Dad a grey shirt for Christmas to go with something Mom bought him. Technically I bought it so that'll be the present to my Dad, haha. We picked it up at Target where I saw Samantha!

She looked great working there, she told me seasonal is ending soon so a bunch of people are going to be laid off. I'm hoping she's not one of them, again. I'm sure I've mentioned this a couple times on here.

I'm going to play a better amount of guitar today than I have in the last three days. I do plan to go to Mizu sushi later this evening after I pick up Hannah. It's already almost 12' and I'm meeting Hannah at 5' so I better get on practicing.

peace.

Well, goodbye phone you've dealt with a lot..

Well  today started out pretty rocky but ended up very good overall.

I got up pretty early to take a shower. I had my phone with me in my robe and texted Brendan at like... I don't know, eight. I had just talked to him last night that I needed to take better care of my electronics. I wear makeup so sometimes I notice big smudges on the screen. I usually hastily clean it off with water and a towel, my shirt, honestly whatever I can find around. I didn't have a case on my phone. I dropped it on numerous occasions on the floor of my place in Ellensburg and of course the wood floors of my bedroom. I feel strangely sorry for my phone.

But by a complete fluke accident my phone flew, and separated, in the toilet. I was like OH NO.... of course I had to take the pieces out, wash my hands of course, put the wet phone on dry rice.... I was a little sad but I felt like I'd kind of taken my important piece of equipment for granted. I've decided that when I get a new phone I'm going to get it a case and take better care of it.

I had a pretty good talk to Brendan on facebook. I was going to call him tonight but I'm thinking maybe I'll just call it an early tonight. Tomorrow I've got my lesson. I feel like I've made progress on the pentatonic scale this week but I haven't worked with improvising on the backing track what so ever because I haven't had my computer available to me. I'll get back to working with that in January.

I've worked at the scale all week... I'm just hoping it's enough to not make it seem like I've been slacking because in all honesty I occasionally feel I'm slacking myself... Even if I play over an hour every single day. I wish I could still do three hour marathons but I haven't had much material to work with. I should really print a couple songs tomorrow. The problem for me is choosing the songs to play.

Brendan is coming here on Saturday! I think. I kind of doubt I'll be going to his house. His family is pretty strict Christians and I figure I'll just wait on that until later. My family is just laid back and we have more freedom here. My parents don't really give me grief about anything anymore. I mean obviously, I'm 21 now why would they unless I was being extremely stupid and disrespectful.

Now that my phone is broken it's going to be a little more of a challenge communicating with people. Shouldn't be too much of a problem.

Katelynn came over and we sat around watching intervention and bullshitting for a few hours. We have so much fun just hanging out with eachother and talking, just laughing at everything...

I'm so tired, gonna hit it guys.

peace. 

Wow, tonight was pretty perfect

I'm so stoked you guys.

I had no idea today was going to be awesome. This morning I woke up thinking I wasn't doing anything really when I'd joked that Brendan should drive her today. I didn't think he was coming until Saturday the 22nd so I didn't think it'd be likely that he'd take up the offer but he's like "okay I have to get my tail light fixed but I'll see what I can do..: )" or something like that. It was like schweeet, this is actually happening today.

I told him we'd meet in Prosser in our original plans, so I asked him to meet me at the McDonalds at 3:30. He'd originally suggested we see the movie IN prosser but I was like "Naah, I think I'll just pick you up..." like no, we can go back to Benton City than go to Kennewick or wherever.

He apparently didn't fully get the plan so when I was waiting for him in Prosser at 3:30 he was MIA. He called saying he was at the McDonalds but apparently he was at the one in Zillah thinking I was going to pick him up there. A little embarrassed, he ended up driving to Prosser in about 20 minutes. In the meantime I had taco bell in the parking lot. It made me feel really sick. In all honesty I've been eating junk food all day, between the popcorn at the movies to that taco bell burrito that was loaded with nastiness I feel pretty gross. Like if you don't eat fast food for a long time, it's almost unbearable to eat. I scarfed it quickly but when I was finished I felt like I would have gotten more nutritional substance going to the truck stop gas station and getting a chicken sandwich.

Brendan got there pretty quickly, got into my car, and we drove back to my place. I gave him a tour of my town, and he was laughing at all the similarities our my town and Zillah. He said he appreciates that I'm from a small town because he feels like he can't relate to people that aren't. I understand what he means.

Anyway we left here around 6:45 (to buy the ticket for the 7:30 show... once I could get my ass out the door). Brendan actually thought it'd be sold out, but I thought by now it won't be nearly as much of a full house for it. Regal Cinemas is a quiet theater anyway.

We saw the Hobbit, which was of course extremely neat. I love the dwarves, they remind me of prog metal artists. There was one in particular that was really hot named Kili.

Bah, he's beautiful! 

The movie itself was great, really followed the book perfectly from what I remembered. Brendan gave it an "A-", I couldn't find anything about it that could have been particularly better.

Brendan and I agreed that the date was awesome and I'm sad I'm probably not going to see him again until New years eve. Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with Hannah S.! i'm very surprised that she's actually back in the tri cities for Christmas holiday! I mean granted I didn't expect she'd fly to Korea. She's living with basically a host family here in the US but they are friends of her family's and they are also Korean. 

I hope maybe tomorrow Hannah and I could hang out at her place for a little while so I can see it. 

peace. 

Feeling some joy this holiday season.

I really am enjoying this month.

Being home has really started to feel like what it did when I lived here, though knowing I'm not stuck here makes it even nicer. This week has honestly been great, I've done so much and seen so many of the people I really should care about seeing. I don't know why I was so initially determined to spend time with people that I haven't spent time with before. I mean, I feel like certain people come into our lives for a reason, and going out of your way to search for new people in an area that you hardly inhabit anymore sounds pointless. Though I am open to spending time with new people, I've decided to let that happen if someone I haven't seen in awhile tries to get ahold of me first here in the next couple weeks. In which case, yeah, I'd totally be down to hang out with and catch up with anyone...

I guess what I'm saying is that one month is not enough time to do some of the things I'd initially planned but there are still other things that I do hope still happen... depending on how the roads are of course. There's also been NEW plans setting in motion for the next couple weeks so that's exciting too!

I still plan to..
-Go out with Samantha, either on Tuesday or Wednesday, 18th or 19th. I'm planning on saving this $40 in my wallet for said time. My car is full on gas, too, which is nice.

-See Brad on that same day that I go out to see Sam. They live in the same town so I'll be able to swing by before or after I see Samantha, hopefully.

Other things that have come up:

-Brendan is coming here sometime next week, probably the 21st or the 22nd. He's waiting to know what's happening with some jury duty before he knows if he can so I'm crossing my fingers, honestly.

-"Japanese club" (oh, the good old days) party at Taylor's house on the 23rd. These parties are always fun, and it'll be extremely interesting to see what everyone's been up too for the last year.

So yeah today was good! My mom gave me some money for doing the computer organizing and I did some Christmas shopping with my amazing bff Michael Z. I say BFF because he's another one of my very close friends. It's funny even if I don't mention him very often I do consider him one of my best friends because he's the first friend I made in college. Literally I met him in FYI at CBC. The first thing I asked him was, "Are we supposed to put our last names on these name tags?" and he's like "I don't know but I totally did on accident!" It's so funny for us to look back on that for some reason. He's a senior at UW right now studying biology, I'm very proud of him to be taking these rigorous courses but what else would you expect.. he's Chinese, ha ha.

Michael actually helped me pick this out. Check out this BEAUTIFUL gift set that I'm going to get my sister for Christmas. I mean this is primo Bath and Body Works. It's so hard to pick a decent smell because there's so many to choose from. I kept on picking up samples but nothing stood out to me as being the best. When I saw the gift boxes I knew immediately that's what I wanted to buy. They're really nice, my sister loves shower gel and B&B products. 

I always post what I get my family on my blog the day I buy it because I know I can never remember after I wrap it or even on Christmas day. It gets mixed into the pile of stuff. My sister doesn't read my blog, I know that... And to any of you mystery readers out there, don't be snitches! ha ha. I trust you. 

I also got a jacket for my Mom at Old Navy, one that looks remarkably similar to the many jackets I've borrowed from her and LOST because I know for a fact I don't return things very well. It's like, my sister gets mad when I use her shower gel so I buy her this... My mom gets mad when I lose her stuff so I buy her this to make up for it! It honestly hasn't happened in quite awhile, though... mainly because I don't live at home anymore, haha.

We have so much stuff in this house it'd be hard to tell if some things went missing. Most of the leftover junk in my room I could care less about, but feel some weird sense of nostalgic relief that it's still here. It's just stuff that makes me feel more at home.

I should probably call Brendan. It's almost midnight. We told eachother we liked eachother a lot yesterday. This is definitely a step in the right direction. I'm so surprised how much we have in common. We seem to have so many of the same philosophical views on things... yet at the same time we're different in things we do and music we listen too, but that's good I'm glad we're not completely the same! He likes sort of folky, acoustic music which hasn't even appealed to me for some reason. He's open and has an appreciation for many kinds of music, which is what's important to me.

He's so cool. We've been talking pretty much non-stop for the last week in some sense. Like I'm pretty sure we've talked on the phone every night this week except for a couple nights when I was tired. He's never the one to initiate getting off the phone. That's always me and it's because I'm normally tired. He's really good at texting but appreciates the fact that it takes me awhile to reply. Things are just going well with him and because there's not any emotional dramatic incidents I haven't had this need to come on here and go on and on about him. I do have a good feeling about something working out from this though.

peace. 

Learning the art of brownies.

I have not posted in a very long time...

For me anyway. Maybe it's because lately I've been really happy and busy and haven't felt a need to post every day. Not saying that I only write when I'm feeling tension but I guess I don't really feel a "need" to write. It's always healthy to write your thoughts down so here we go.

Right now I'm on my Dad's lame ass computer that freezes up when I try to add pictures. I have no idea what's wrong with this thing but I've been using it since I got home because my desktop computer can't hookup to the internet without this little port that I left in Ellensburg. So bringing my whole computer home was a very big waste of effort but how was I supposed to know that.

Katelynn got a new apartment! I visited Katelynn at the old apartment the second day I was back and we drank beer and watched movies. I drank a beer called "Sapporo" that was pretty light and delicious. Didn't get hungover, either. Sometimes drinking a little is nice, I've also drank a couple glasses of wine this week. One before bed the other night and another when I figured out my grades.

I did pretty well this quarter! I mean it wasn't fantastic because I got straight B's but as long as I'm in the 3-point range I can't complain. I got a 3.0 in accounting, 3.0 in pre-calc, and a 3.3 in my Legal class. I was really pumped that I pulled a B in probably the highest level math class I will ever have to take again. I considered it my "last math class" even if I'm still having to take Finite math next quarter. From what people have told me, it's mainly algebra so easier than pre-calc. Might as well get it over with this winter.

Next quarter I'm taking finite math, economics and english 102. I'm really hoping that my English skills will bring me an A, and having this last quarter of pre-calc will get me an A in Finite so I'll be able to raise my GPA from an overall 3.1 like I currently have. I'm still thinking about my grades because I'm already considering future plans after Central. I like to have at least a general idea of what I'd like to be doing in a couple years and have always been this way.

Now that I'm studying at a university I could look at this as my final academic frontier but I don't. My goal now is to work a couple years in the field, find a company that will pay for my schooling, and do my Masters degree before I settle down. Someday I do want kids and a family but I'd like to be completely accomplished with my academics before I take that step. My Mom says I should wait until I'm done with Central and see how I feel. I told her I can't imagine myself being completely satisfied with my college experience after this. I feel like this is just another bridge.

I told you guys my plan for this quarter was to catch up with some people I don't normally see and I feel like I've already partially accomplished that goal! I hung out with Taylor H. a couple evenings ago. She's doing very well, she's one of the head honchos of Amazon customer service reps (...like, she doesn't get laid off seasonally, and people go to her for questions) and she's living with her boyfriend who also works at Amazon in a really nice apartment. She's still baking a lot, as you can see she's making brownies in this picture. She taught me how to make chocolate chip brownies without destroying the chips-- "Add the chips last!" 

I love learning from people, especially about things that I don't normally do. That way in the future if say I wanted to make some double chocolate brownies.... well now I know!! lol. 

So yeah, just hanging out with Katelynn, practicing quite a bit of guitar, watching netflix, hanging out with family, talking to Brendan (a LOT)... It's been a pretty fulfilling break as well because I haven't JUST been doing what I want to do. Like I've also been helping my mom clean and went to her office a couple days ago to organize her computer files. It's been like a very convenient mini job for me. I will get a couple more hours in today and earn a few bucks for Christmas shopping.

It's the 13th and I've done NO Christmas shopping because as you guys know my parents are supporting me and it'd pretty much be there money that I'm spending. I don't even want to check how much money is in my account right now because $2,500 loan money got transferred in there for some reason and it should be coming out for my next school payment so I don't want to see how much money is in there and feel depressed of how much money I really have.

So yeah, no Christmas shopping for me this year. My Mom already has my Christmas list. This is what I want this year:

1. Mac Studio Fix pressed powder

2. Mac Mascara

3. Mac black eyeliner

4. Mac slanted liner brush 

(Those all together will be about $80, it's the bulk of what I want for Christmas and what's most important to me because it's stuff I would inevitably have to buy anyway. Mac just works better than everything else and it's healthier on your skin...)

5. Ashtray

6. Music stand similar to the ones they use in the middle school. Literally I want a cast iron music stand, not those crappy fold up ones that are prone to tip over.

7. Pay for January's guitar lessons. ($80)

Again, I feel like such a mooch for having my parents pay for those lessons. It feels awful to me every time I think about it but I'd feel much guiltier if I lived an exciting life in Ellensburg. My parents are saving a ton of money by me going to school there instead of Western, UW, etc.. I would like to go to UW for my Masters degree someday, but my Mom said that's a Hell of a lot more expensive than regular university classes and I probably would not want to be doing that there. 

Okay it's almost 11:00. I should really get off and eat a leftover enchilada before I get into some practicing. I'm going to go to Mom's office again at 12:30 or so to work for a couple hours, then I'll come home and practice again, then I've got my lesson at 5:30!! 

peace. 

Excited!! My big list of plans to do

Oh god, this picture is embarrassing. I guess you could say with the challenge there really wasn't a second pick, Brendan and I took a bunch of pictures but we both looked like total derps until I just happen to get a good one. I've been using my Muscle Milk containers as tripods that I can use anywhere and actually provide a much more stable surface than any tripod I've used previously. Thriftiness!

We look pretty wacky in this photo. That's why I didn't choose it.

Anyway, that's Brendan! From my legal class! Ha ha, I mentioned him before and here he is!

I briefly talked to him before our final. I noticed he was wearing a "state" track sweater and I asked where he was from. He said he's from Zillah. I told him I played tennis for Ki-Be and he said, "Ohh you probably know some people I know. You know Rossetti C." I'm like, yeah, we had quite the rivalry Junior year and kind of cracked up. That seems like such a long time ago now. 

I'll leave it at that. Ha ha.

I rewarded myself with a nice long workout tonight. I sometimes don't work out even if I'd like too because I don't want to over exert my body and potentially lose too much weight. I've been snacking a little more lately. I just don't want to over exert by taking two bikerides back and forth between my apartments and Shaw then somewhere else.. yadda yadda, I'd rather not have a biking body. Too skinny. It's difficult to maintain the weight you want, I have to trust that my body appreciates what I'm putting in it and will let me know if I'm lacking any nutrients...

I just want what I'm eating to be the last of my concerns. I'd like to take a small grocery shopping trip when I get home to make sure I get what I need. I've managed it to where I've got about a weekly to a week and a half amount of time that I go between shopping trips. Sometimes I have to take in between trips, but they're usually smaller trips at around $25-30.

Usually grocery shopping costs $70-$100. I'll make two stops-- one at Fred Meyer to get frozen fruits and vegetables. The second stop is at Grocery outlet where I get most of my groceries now. I'm going to write out a rough list so I can know what to buy when I get home. 

Things I usually need:

-Beef, I'll get the small steaks that I can freeze. I eat one small steak 4-5 days out of the week, usually topped with sauted onion-pepper blend. Topped with rooster sauce, delicious over...

-Rice. I make rice about 3-4 times a week. Sometimes I will have the steak on it's own. Other times on white rice. I have to be careful with white rice because I have a tendency to bloat when I eat too much of it.

-Whole wheat bread.

-Lunch meat of some kind.

-Eggs

-Bacon. I tried buying bacon this last week but it was a complete fail because it was the cheap stuff and was DISGUSTING quality. All fat. I could barely choke it down even mixed in my eggs and mixed with cheese/salsa.

-Tortillas.

-Cheddar cheese. Right now I've got some of this in my fridge that will last me a good while.

-Frozen chicken. Have to make sure they don't already have some at home, they probably do, my sister loves her chicken salads.

-Sesame oil. I'm gonna try and score some to bring home. I intend to hit the Saigon Market when I'm back. One more thing I want to do...

-Bag of frozen peaches, bag of frozen green vegetable. 

-1% milk.

Okay now you guys want to hear the list of all the awesome things I want to do this Christmas break?? (in no particular order.)

1. Go shopping with Gardenia.

2. Hang out with Seth.

3. Call and catch up with Stephanie.

4. Visit Brenden tomorrow in Zillah.

5. Get coffee with Dani before my guitar lesson.

6. Check out Taylor's apartment in Kennewick.

7. Go out with Samantha.

8. See Brad after one of my lessons.

...And of course hang out with Katelynn. I wish I could catch up with everyone. I'd like to plan this so that I can figure out which people I'd like to see in Richland, then hit up those people in that day, of course dedicate one day to shopping with Gardenia which would be a trip and back from Kennewick. Hanging out with Seth and seeing Taylor's apartment will be in the same trip. Whenever I'm in Kennewick I plan to see Katelynn or be with Katelynn throughout the day as well. 

We'll see how this goes, I'm really going to make an effort this break to see new people, really enjoy catching up... Many people I do keep caught up with on Facebook. 

Gosh I'm getting a little drunk as I write this, I'm drinking wine mixed with some of the last of that orange juice in the fridge. Man, as I'm letting my groceries deplete to the bare essentials I'm starting to realize how scary it must have been as a North Koreans and Soviet Russians during food shortages. I literally feel so much sympathy for these people... especially the North Koreans that are putting up with this even today. 

peace.