Friday, November 23, 2012

My tattoo!

Katelynn and I, as you can see the treble clef was done beautifully!

Today was slightly easier than yesterday.. when it comes to the panic attack's anyway. I did have trouble breathing a couple times but it was temporary. I took a Bronkaid which helps the symptoms significantly. I took one half in the morning and the second half at around 2' before I got my tattoo and that seemed to bring my panic symptoms to a practical halt.

It's a feeling of unreality, really. It's hard to explain, when you're going through panic nothing seems right even though everything around you is fine. It's something that I'm going to move past, one day at a time. Today was better than yesterday, and tomorrow will be better than today. Each day is a finite amount of time where new and exciting things happen. I need to be excited to live and appreciate the small things instead of worry so much about the future. 

That's really what my tattoo means-- New beginnings, trying to overcome what I'm going through right now. I have an incredible support system. My mom, Katelynn, Ashley B., Brad P. ....And many, many more people that would be willing to take my phone call if I was struggling and help bring me back to reality. It also shows my lifelong dedication to music, of course. 

With this panic I haven't been able to play guitar as much as I'd like too... I'm sure Jacob would understand. I've only played an hour a day or so. Hey, any amount of playing is a step forward. 

The tattoo itself didn't hurt half as bad as I thought it would. I held perfectly still the entire time, it was a feeling of adrenaline that I hadn't felt for a long time. Yet I was calm, I felt so happy that I was finally getting it done that I didn't even take a break. Originally when he outlined the tattoo on my neck it was right below my hairline and we agreed that was too high so he moved it down just slightly to get the result you see above.

I don't really feel like writing much more. I've gotten a lot done this weekend, my family and friends are so supportive and I'm so thankful for that...


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