One business owner finally took the first step... in conservative little Prosser too!!

Evening you potheads. 

Only because I know that's the first word that comes to mind looking at this picture. That or I look drunk. I am neither in this photo, the sun was shining in my face when my mom took this photo. She did take a sort of cute one that I uploaded earlier. That smile's not BS, either, she took this when we were out floating and I was having a really great time. 

Speaking of pot I have some very interesting news! Prosser just opened their first legal marijuana store. The type where all you have to do is show proof of identification and you can buy high quality bud for $20-$30 a gram. Granted that is not competitive with street prices what-so-ever (1 gram would regularly be about $5-$10), and they aren't claiming to try to be. The higher prices basically reflect the costs of legality issues and tax involved, but they aren't terrible considering the people that are buying it are primarily middle aged adults that don't have dealers and would rather not start asking local high school kids to find one (lol). 

A coworker of my Dad's predicted it will be a "flop" after the excitement dies down. But considering the shop sold their entire shipment of 300 grams (rationed in individual grams mind you, so we're talking $6000, at least $1800 of which will be used as tax revenue for better schools, a safer city, newer and modernized infrastructure in the town, increased tourism and foot-traffic from outsiders... the lists goes on. 

So hats off to you, brave entrepreneur that took the first step in opening the first marijuana store. 

peace. 

I lied I'm stuck here, haha.

Second choice to my "Black and White" pic for Day 4 of the photo challenge.

This one is significantly not as cute as the one I took on my desk today. 

I kind of feel like a photo whore but it's become a somewhat enjoyable part of my day... and has been forcing me to wear makeup instead of being a lazy slob like I could have this past week.

This certainly hasn't been a lazy week though, I've really made an effort to study at least a half hour-an hour of math each day and I've also managed to look over my legal material every day as well. To be honest I haven't even cracked the book. I've just been looking at old tests. I might be overly confident about my knowledge of contract laws, but I'm going into that exam confident tomorrow. And hey, if I get really stumped on a few problems, it IS open book... And I even ghetto tabbed the book so that I can locate the chapters that I need more quickly.

Today I went to a math review in a different classroom. Again, I've got a decent feel for it. I got an 83 on my 4th test which means my grade is currently sitting pretty still at a B+. I'm pretty happy about that.

I can't go to UW next year. I got a call from the business adviser and she basically told me in order to get into their competitive business program I would to have had to take calculus AGAIN there as well as a legal class AGAIN... Going to UW would make this quarter basically pointless. Hardly any of my credits would transfer there, and I wouldn't even be able to get into the business program itself until SPRING.... Not, not, not worth it. That councilor told me straight up that it's not advised to come in as a senior.

So that's it! I am definitely getting my business degree here, there's no doubt about that. I'm not too depressed about it, like it's not that bad here.. It's just better than living at home, having to driiiiive all over the place, dealing with the chaos of my house, etc.

Who knows though, if I get good grades here there's no reason why I couldn't go for my master's degree at UW. I could try getting a job over in Seattle in my field after graduation and start working on that degree if I really wanted to... Get it all done early while my brain is still this spongy and active, lol.

I just wish the campus life here was a little better. I also wish I could meet some normal girls to go out with. I'm planning on having a lot of fun and spending lots of time with people in the Tri-cities, as I've said before. I think once I meet some girls to hang out with things will get a lot better.

Jared J. bailed on the plans we'd made this weekend. He told me he's gotta get ready for finals. Uh, on a Friday? And why haven't you been getting prepared earlier? Ugh, guess most people aren't as proactive as I am. I don't care. It's starting to feel like forever since I've crushed on anyone, which can make time seem even slower here sometimes. Maybe I just wanted Jared to feel like I was crushing on someone... those feelings I once had for him are more than likely not there anymore.

I'm so much like my Dad. I bitch when I'm alone but I'm the happiest when I'm alone when I'm getting stuff done.

I'm getting so much better at the guitar, good God Jacob is a good teacher. The other day I felt like I had a "click" of some kind when I was working on improvisation. Like I had a good feeling that yes, I am really improving, keep going to see more incredible things unfold from your very fingers.... I'm really excited to have a couple lessons with Jacob when I come home.

peace.

Another quiet day.

I did this December photo a day and came up with two pictures I found decent. This is the second one that I didn't upload to facebook. Lol coffee is of the Gods.

Hello everyone. 

Today was a little better than yesterday productivity wise. Even if today I'm a little down I'm not out, I will still make sure to do a half hour of my legal study guide and a half hour of my math tonight as difficult as it is to not get lazy these afternoons. 

I am QUITE happy to say that I got an 83% on my 4th math test, my third was 83% as well, I think the second was a low 73 and the first was like a 95% or something so I'm averaging in the class at an 87%! Now all I have to do is get some studying done for the final by re-doing some old exams, try and relearn the old material, then hopefully pull a good grade on the final rather easily.

As for the legal final, that's certainly going to be more of a challenge. I can't just blow this off until the last minute just because I've done well in the class. I should really try and get a solid hour in tonight. 

Guitar I did about 90 minutes today. Pretty good practice session because I did incorporate some of the new material Jake gave me but I didn't use an amp. I should really try to use my pod as often as possible, at least once a day.

My roommate still isn't back yet. I need to go unlock the deadbolt chain so it's not a pain for her to get in later. We haven't talked hardly at all the past few weeks. 

So it's 6:00 and here's what I'd like to get done:

-Eat some dinner of some kind when I start feeling hungry...

-Legal study 30 minutes

-Calculus study 30 minutes.

-Play more guitar (until I have a solid 2 hours)

peace. 

Feelings can be difficult.

It's been a long day. I really should be working on some math but I'm saving that until tomorrow. Tomorrow I will go to math class, then spend the rest of the day preparing for my next math test on Friday. Montgomery gives us an ample amount of time to understand each concept and I appreciate that. Today I had to miss math because I was busy with accounting test preparation... yet again.

I'm lucky that both of my other classes really slowed down when this test became one of my top priorities two weeks ago. I am happy to say that's done now so that I can move on to finishing up these other two subjects strong. I have tried pretty hard in this math class, aside from the days that I probably shouldn't have skipped because I was up all night in near ecstacy the few times with Jed. Okay, I don't want to glamorize it that much... I guess you could say I was very happy to be spending time with him, and allowed myself to open up just enough to enjoy the moment before it was inevitably gone.

Subconsciously my heart is telling me that I want MORE of those moments... which I know in my mind is WRONG. He played me, TWICE. There's no forgiving him or ever being able to trust him again after that second time. That horrible week I was dealing with panic attacks.. to be honest Jed was the LAST thing on my mind, I was over him. But then all of a sudden he wanted back in.

I had talked to Ashley that day and she encouraged me to give him a second chance but warned that if he did it again, well, I guess then you know. She's right. I now know.

So thoughts of him are now pointless and burdensome. I don't want to think about him at all but somehow I still kind of keep my eye out for him when I pass his building or he comes to mind first when my phone goes off randomly. I want thoughts of him to go away... He's only brought me unnecessary pain and I hate him for it. I think he was the closest thing I've had to having any real feelings for someone since Jack... so it's hard. I cannot just pretend this is not still hard for me. At least in my blog... and the occasional facebook rant. In real life I can control exactly what I say and express to the outside world. I can act as aloof to what should be one of the most important things in a young girls life...

I'm going to save this video so I can listen to it tomorrow while I do my math. What I like about math is that I practice it and listen to videos at the same time, versus my legal homework where I really have to focus on the jargon and content. Luckily my legal class is coming somewhat easy to me now, I've really gotten the hang of these contract laws. 

Metiner said today that I presented the BEST case description that he's heard all quarter. Wow, I'm so honored.... I cannot even describe to you guys how proud of myself I am about this. I am so incredibly happy to have just remembered that. What a shame to have ended this day thinking about what doesn't really matter when I had something extraordinarily fulfilling occur. 

peace.

Only one thing sets us free...

I'm not good at getting my guitar hours in on Mondays. 

Shoot it's just Monday, for some reason I thought it felt like a Wednesday. I'm just sort of zonked from my classes again, but I am proud of everything I got done today. First of all, I'm really starting to get these Chapter 15 equations on shares, so that's a major bonus to this alone time that I've had. I've been getting so much done these past few days, even if it's felt like a lonely road. Everything happens for a reason, I can't fight or force things.

Let's see, what I got done today--
1. Did my LAST legal assignment (Chapter 19)
2. A lot of flashcard studying for accounting...
3. Did really well on my Chapter 15 assignment after finishing that up this afternoon...

..What I really need to do is math. I just don't get it very well right now, Montgomery is going to help us out tomorrow so I printed out my homework assignments to practice during the class hour tomorrow. I'm really hoping that goes well, I don't want to end badly in that class but I'm having a bit of trouble in our current chapter.


Something else that's interesting-- I talked to Hannah B. for the first time in years. I actually came across her facebook a little earlier but didn't feel quite comfortable adding her when we hadn't talked in so long so I was  pretty stoked when she added me to see what she'd been up too since she left the tri cities. She appears to be doing really well, she looks pretty! I remember back in middle school she was "emo." That feels like such a long time ago now.

It's really nice, I've recently come in contact with a lot of people that I never was particularly friends with back in school.. Like now that we're all out of school none of what happened or how we might have perceived eachother at the time matters when we've all grown up so much and found our own lives... I try to see the good in everyone, though some people I'd rather not communicate with. Sometimes even if I wouldn't want to communicate with someone I just like them on my friends list to occasionally see what they're up too... shh.

I'm excited to go home, I plan to go after I get a good portion of my math done tomorrow. My parents would like me to take care of my doctor's appointments early in the week so we don't have to deal with them that weekend. I'm going to be so relieved to finally get some of this taken care of and see a professional about my panic attacks. It's been about a month since they've started.

peace. 

Wow, best veterans day in awhile...

So low and behold, Jared is actually pretty interesting to talk to in person. I wasn't sure how our conversations would be when we were sober but I was pleasantly surprised. He came over this evening and we took a walk for a little while.

He texted me at about 11 this morning and we chatted for a few hours, which almost the entire time I felt like I was pushing the conversation forward by asking a bunch of questions according to his vague answers. At around 3, I said "what are you doing for dinner?" which he didn't reply to so I'm like "Or not. I'm just wondering, you never really ask what I'm doing so I don't know what to say.." which he responded that he's not a big texter. I'm like, what! You texted me first, you know? And the previous night when I'd said I was going to bed he's like "Why?" So I guess I figured he liked texting so I felt a little obligated to do so.

So here I am pushing this conversation for the sake of not knowing if he's planning on making plans or not. Because honestly you guys, when MOST men text is because they're trying to make plans, you know? Like the last few guys I've... I guess "dated," haven't really been chatty via text. It's just hard to tell if a guy wants to text or not, and the last thing you want to do is OVER text and make it seem like you're some "needy" girl. He needs to be aware that I have a lot going on.

He'd come over tonight and he saw my workspace and said "This is what you've been doing all day. Nothing." I'm like WHAT, NO! I've played guitar for FORTY minutes! Ha ha, to me that's absolute raw productivity. I also did a legal assignment so that was good. I'll probably practice my guitar, watch king of the hill and look at my accounting material simultaneously tonight.

I'm of course feeling sort of happy about this situation. I don't know what's going to come of it, he hasn't indicated to me at all that he doesn't enjoy my company so I'm hoping we'll spend more time together. That's all I'll say about it. I just can't push it.

He's a really sweet person, from what I've seen anyway. That's a plus. I'm hoping once I can open up more to him he'll be able to get my sense of humor. It takes awhile to warm up to that I guess. I think that's the best indicator that interest in a person will last is if they at least sort of get your sense of humor. Mine can be a little dark. I'm a little strange.

I showed him some of my old pictures. He knows about cosplay. He told me he likes going through people's photos, that's something we have in common. He also told me he doesn't like when food is left out which is just like me!  We stopped at Bradley's house to pick up my waterbottle and they were partying extremely hard last night I guess.

I think maybe I will post that picture to my facebook, we had a fun night. What the hell.

peace. 

Most important test of my life here tomorrow, and more..

It's november so I should start posting things that I'm thankful for. To be honest I'm thankful for a lot of things, many of which I hadn't started being thankful for until just a year or so ago. The more I learn about other people's lives the more I realize how lucky and extremely fortunate I really am. 

Can finally discard this. 

It's not brand new, but hey it's comfortable, adjusts up and down, and helps improve my playing posture. Thank you so much Dad.

One thing I'm fortunate for is the fact that I don't have broke parents. I know that's a shallow thing to say right off the bat this month but it really does make a huge difference in the amount of effort you have to put into getting to the point I am. My parents have always been extremely supportive in paying for my college expenses. Yesterday my Dad came over, brought me a "care package" with a bunch of cool office supplies, a new office chair and $60 for no apparent reason. OH, and on top of everything he took my bike to the shop to get it repaired because I couldn't haul it in my car. Apparently the bike shop is right down the road though so I'll be able to just ride it home when it's ready on Tuesday. 

It's funny my Dad has driven everyone crazy but I'm so thankful to have him because without him I don't think any of this college stuff would be possible. Not only would I probably never look into the business degree had it not been what he taught me about money growing up, but I probably also wouldn't have the same work ethic. He's taught me a lot about hard work and how important it is to manage your money because it can place a huge strain on your life if you don't. 

 We've grown a lot closer over the last year because I understand when he talks to me about work and he gets a sense of accomplishment when he helps me with my schoolwork. He helped explain a concept for tomorrow's accounting test this morning. So I guess I can just say that I'm thankful for my Dad and everything he's given me. I'm of course thankful for my mom too, who puts up with and helps me through alllll of my emotional struggles that I've had over the years. 

November is a time to be thankful, and I can honestly say I'm very, very thankful for everything... especially the opportunities my parents have given me. 

My couch is no longer white! There was a black slip cover up in our attic space that I put over it this morning. Good thing, too, that white was getting sort of grubby, between you and I... 

I've become a better chef! I made that really tasty grilled chicken breast for Reina and I when she came over for lunch this last Friday. She'd told me, "Emily you are my important friend from the US!" I can't tell you how special that makes me feel. She's only going to be in the United States for six months so I really want a chance to take her back to shop in the tri cities. Maybe I can take her to the mall to do some christmas shopping or something. I figure I'm coming home for Christmas break anyway but it's not that far of a ride to just come get here.

We'll see what my finances are looking like... and what my life is looking like, at that time. I can see Reina and I having lunch together every Friday between now and the time she leaves in March, to be honest! 

So I've got my first lesson with Jake on Thursday at 5:30... I've been improving my practice regime just to be able to show him the new stuff I've taught myself since we last met. I'm so, so excited.. Especially for when his website is up and he starts uploading guitar pro tabs! Jake is REALLY.. err, pro-guitar pro, haha. He got me hooked, it's the greatest tab program out right now and because all of his students use it I imagine we'll be able to post songs on the forums.

Jake ALSO invited me to come give lessons sometime at the shop because there are girls that only want to get lessons from a girl. I initially said, "Oh no I couldn't possibly...!" and made up some excuses but after I thought about it I'm like, why the hell not? Wasn't I just advertising that I could give lessons a couple months ago? I now realize I'm not nearly that caliber of a player yet. I believe I'm in the "good" range, I've gone from "beginner" in the first couple months to "intermediate" for the next four months, and I now consider myself "intermediate-good." 

I have the dexterity and technical skill to play almost anything in the Rock-Metal genre but it's a matter of finding the right songs and memorizing the music that's the hard part. Right now I'm learning Sultans of the Swing, Closer to the Sun by Slightly Stoopid and Mother Superior by Coheed and Cambria. I wanted to find three songs outside my typical Iron Maiden crazy box. 

Tomorrow I have the most important accounting test of my life but I'm not feeling particularily anxious because I have studied, very well. I've used flash cards and I've got most of the formulas and concepts down very well. I'm going to study another hour and a half tonight to really solidify some of Chapter 13 that I was having trouble on. I would also like the opportunity to study for an hour or so before I take the exam itself. The exam opens at 10:00 AM.

I have to make sure to wake up early tomorrow to make myself some good ole Mexican eggs. They're a powerhouse of nutrients and they'll help better prepare me for my exam. At the time of my last exam I was probably running on 700-900 calories a day and I've regulated it entirely since then so hopefully I will see a large improvement to my grade from the 60%.

OH, another thing I have to get done tonight is figure out my registration date and pick a list of classes that I want to take next quarter. The sooner I get THAT out of the way the better, as we all know... I do NOT want another professor that doesn't make any sense next quarter. We'll see.

Just got my score on the legal midterm! 79.83, that rounds up to an 80%!! That's a B-!!! YAY!!! 

peace. 

My first panic attack

There are some people that I hold in very high regard in my life. People that if throughout life they're ever in trouble they can come to me for help and I'd help them hands down because of how much they've helped me at this stage of my life.

Ashley B. is one of those people.

Yesterday was normal for the most part. I'd studied my accounting for an hour first thing in the morning after doing my laundry and was unable to fully comprehend the material. It was frustrating so I put it aside after doing about four exercises. Figured I'd do the other four today which is something I have to get done here after I finish this entry.

I came back to my room to start studying for my midterm. I continued to feel pain in my chest from the past few days. The pain was scaring me now and I made the mistake of beginning to research it. I stopped myself after about 5 minutes, I told myself, "Stop, you know this isn't going to help.. There's nothing wrong with you.." But I still wanted to talk to my mom to help calm me down. I called my parents, neither of them picked up. Then I tried my sister and she hung up on me. The feeling of isolation made me feel creeped out, so I went on facebook for awhile and tried to relax.

It wasn't working... My hands were getting sweaty, I felt dizzy, I felt like I could barely breath. I then began going through my phone contacts looking for someone to call. I first called Katelynn, then Samantha but neither of them picked up so I decided to call Ashley B. She's always been extremely understanding of people's problems; she went to an oppressive Catholic school and dealt with bullying growing up so she knows and understands stress and depression more than most people I know.

When she picked up I immediately starting balling, saying I was extremely scared because I felt like I couldn't breath. She helped calm me down to explain that it was just a panic attack, that my symptoms are normal, and suggested some remedies to help me relax. One of which included benadryl, which I don't have any of so I ended up drinking an alka-seltzer and took a quarter supplement of Bronkaid to help clear my airways. Both of them helped quite a bit. I'm going to keep Bronkaid around for this purpose. Only taking a small amount like that did not affect my appetite or sleeping last night. I haven't been taking caffeine either.


I'd never had a panic attack before... I've been going through a really stressful time so it's understandable. Everyone that I'd called returned my call that evening, Samantha seemed really concerned but by then I just didn't want to talk about it. Sometimes talking about paranoia makes it worse. I really don't want to have a panic attack again, it seriously feels like you're having a heart attack and that you can't breath.

When I talked to my mom about it she thinks it also partially has to do with feeling stressed about not talking to Jed. As much as I don't want to admit it, it does sadden me that we haven't talked in 4 days now... I feel strangely numb about it, like I haven't let myself get attached to the point that it bothers me to a great degree but not knowing if I'm going to talk to him again makes me kind of sad.

peace. 

Excuse that post earlier....

Honestly you guys, I get so hung up over nothing.

So it's 4:00. Thus far today I've studied accounting for an hour, played guitar for about an hour or so, dinked around on facebook, made myself some lunch... Yadda yadda. Not too much going on. Like I said earlier I have been having some chest pain but I don't think it's anything. I'm going to go to the doctor for it probably in the next couple weeks though just to make sure. It's always better to be safe than sorry. 

I had my second math test today. I feel... alright about it, though I worry that I didn't do certain steps correctly. I probably didn't study for that as much as I should have, a lot has been on my mind lately with my accounting test results and trying to get caught up in my legal class. Speaking of which, I have to do my chapter 12 assignment tonight which is going to be somewhat of a hindrance because I also have to study the packet for the midterm next Monday. It's going to feel really nice to have that out of the way.

As you can see I now have a weekly goal sheet. This is something else that Jacob had recommended I do but I'd never had such a need to monitor everything that needed to get done from week to week. I feel like if I do everything on this list, the time between now and next tuesday will be significantly more stress free than last week. 

Damn, I have to do my math assignment. I'll tty guys later!

peace. 

A fresh start, round 2.

My friend Kevin is extremely helpful. Period.

He came over tonight after law class and helped me with a few of my assignments that I hadn't gotten done because I was away this weekend and helped me get caught up. Tomorrow I've got ANOTHER legal assignment (Chapter 12) that I have to submit and we've barely lectured on chapter 9 in class yet. At least the homework allows the class to stay somewhat ahead of the game.

I've got my midterm in there this next Monday. I figure if I do one of the study guides every day I will satisfy that grade. That's six times going over last year's midterm of 150 questions. Each run though the test should take me about an hour and a half. That test is going to be difficult but if I study the midterm extremely well I should have a good shot at getting above a B.

Okay so I got my accounting grade on the first test. I failed just like I thought I did... BUT. I got a 61% so that's still 60% of the points. That's not a hole I can't get myself out of. I can't afford another bad grade but I am going to work extremely hard for the next two tests. It's just a matter of making sure I get at least an hour a day. Granted some days are going to take longer than others (like Tuesdays when I've got homework) but on those other 5 days if I really make a point to both take care of myself and do a solid hour of studying a day I should really improve in that class. I've been doing flash cards too.

Holtfreter knows that I'm working really hard. I actually came to his office today to pick up the overhead slides for chapter 11 but he told me he'd left them at home and pretty much kicked me out. It's okay, he's busy, but damn he'd told me the previous week to come to his office to get help but my effort was pretty fruitless. Regardless, I'm going to continue to show up, every day that I have class about an hour before class begins to get the overhead slides...

Burnadette P. also offered to study with me before the test. It doesn't look like the professor is going to jumble up the groups so that's good... I don't see why he would, the distribution of failure is pretty even throughout the classroom. There were 8 A's, 5 or 6 B's, a few C's, a few D's and 12 F's. More F's than anything. This really sweet Vietnamese girl is studying as hard as I am and she failed as bad as I did. Shannon D. got a D-. We're all trying our absolute hardest, that test was bullcrap.

He did say that he is going to adjust the exam for the next one somehow. I'm really hoping I feel more confident on the next one. I know I'll feel less nervous, that is if I'm able to get my permit for test anxiety on November 6th. I'm sure I'll have the next accounting test before then but maybe not, I just don't know... Everything has been going so fast, I don't even know what week this is technically. That might be a good thing to keep track of.

That 60% was when I was running on 60% of my health. For the rest of the quarter I'm going to eat healthy, sleep well, stay focused... Work my hardest, like always. This, by far, has been my hardest quarter I've ever taken.

Oh! On top of everything else I've got a math test tomorrow. I feel pretty confident about the material... I worked on most of the problems a couple times today, I'm still a little shaky on some of them but I'll figure it out tomorrow morning. I'm going to wake up at 5 to squeeze an hour in before the test like I like to do.

Ugh, this blows, I didn't get to play guitar all day today but I've got to get a good night sleep tonight. It's already 11 and it takes me a little while to actually go to sleep.



No word from Jed, all day. No word from him yesterday, all day. I'm beginning to think he doesn't want to talk to me anymore... He probably got freaked out thinking I wanted some relationship even though I didn't want him to jump to that conclusion at all. Like he kept on asking me questions about it and if I was looking for one. I told him that I honestly wouldn't mind being in one at this point, having it's been almost two years since I've been in one... but no, that must've scared him away. Why do guys ask these questions if it's just going to freak them out? Isn't it just better to go with the flow?

I don't want to think about Jed right now, really that's one of the last things really concerning me.... I guess if he is trying to cut off and that's the last time I see him then I've just gotta accept it and move on, what else can I do? Everything will work out eventually, I just hate it when I get a tiny taste of feeling of absolute satisfaction in my life (because the feeling of affection toward anyone is the only thing missing) and it goes away. I relished in the thought of us being together for about two days. And now it's over I guess. Shit. lol.

This picture is my new cover on facebook, it's some art from Mastodon but it seems like a pretty accurate representation of my stress level since I've arrived here. I feel so discouraged a lot of the time... I always feel like I'm not smart enough and it's frustrating. 

peace. 

I love rye bread.

Today's been an extremely productive Saturday, I'm pretty proud of myself. When I really set my mind to it, I get sh*t done.

This morning I went to safeway and bought groceries. I spent like $75 on replenishing the things I tend to consume almost every day; like chicken patties, apples, grapes, milk, bread.. I have a pretty simple diet, but I do eat really healthy which can get expensive. I have to stockpile the freezer with frozen veggies to squeeze in a serving with dinner.

I loooove Rye bread, this was $5 versus all the other loafs that were $2.99 or so. 

One thing that I do splurge on when I grocery shop is bread. Whenever I grocery shop I'll get the best loaf of bread I can find and a bag of fresh bagels. I love Rye bread, my family never bought it so I feel some weird sense of independence buying it just because I like it. That's one of the many reasons living alone with a little money saved up is fun. 

Coffee is so expensive, I bought Folgers French roast today which is a medium-dark blend so I'm excited to try that tomorrow. I also got my Monsters for Monday and Wednesday. 

Another reason today was noticeably good was because I studied math for two entire hours and I've got a much better grasp on functions now. Turns out I gave way less credit to Montgomery than he deserved. While I was looking for the blackboard examples I stumbled upon a complete guide for the chapter written by Montgomery himself. Everything is worded very clearly in this document and has been MUCH more helpful than the worthless pre-calc textbook that I've been trying to use.

Even the professor hates that textbook... That's why he wrote his own. That makes me pretty relieved because all this time I thought I was only going to have my chicken scratch notes as a resource in that math class. 

Yeah, I really don't have much to say today. I'll probably play more guitar and study accounting tonight, normal day I suppose. This next week shouldn't be too bad if I study hard this weekend. Tomorrow I've got to take the Chapter 5/6 quiz for my legal class, that'll be easy enough because we've moved from the legal system to tort laws so it's a bit more interesting. 

Holtfreter told us he's going to send us the test format to study this weekend so I'm gonna check that out tonight to get a better feel for what's going to be on the test for Monday. I don't know if he was planning on e-mailing it to us or what because we haven't used the internet at all in his class. Hopefully I'll be able to find it...

This has just been a lot of uninteresting school blah blah, excuse me. At least I feel peaceful and not particularly stressed about anything. 

peace. 

6 hour study day.... go!

I decided today is going to be my BIG study day, my goal is SIX hours total.

My to-do list today is pretty crazy so I've got to get started early. Math has me extremely paranoid and frustrated because my instructor never writes out the steps of anything-- I have to annotate everything he says and I end up missing other steps. It doesn't help that the textbook is completely useless.

But if I do these six hours of study today I should be a lot better off for next week and I'll feel more prepared than I did this week. Most of my first tests are in this upcoming week as well so I should definitely be re-saturating the information in my brain, getting a chance to sleep on it, and re-studying it the next day to get a better understanding than the previous day.

This has been working with my legal class. I've been studying that for a couple hours each day and I've already got a better understanding of the court system than when I started. I printed out one of the old legal tests for the first unit-- 108 problems full of legal terminology and rules, it's incredibly difficult and if I don't prepare for this diligently I will inevitably fail this test. So wish me luck on that.

So today's goals are:
- Do laundry
- Annotate ch. 2 of my legal textbook
- ...Then take the Ch. 1/2 quiz for my legal class.
- Math for at least two hours, going to meet up with Patrick and he's going to help me out. Maybe we'll also hang out this evening after I get everything done, who knows.
-Annotate chapter 2 of accounting book.

As you can see, lots and lots of work, but if I get done with this I'm going to be SO proud of myself. I don't know when I'm going to be able to squeeze guitar in today. Yesterday I only got to play a half hour, it sucks! But I guess that's what I expected coming here, I was so blessed to be able to sit around practicing for 3 hours a day back home but here I have to earn that time.

peace.


Later....

Patrick came over and helped me with my math for almost two hours, AND brought me a bag of bagels when I asked him to pick me up one on his way back from the SURC. That was super sweet of him and he got major brownie points to spend time with me again if he wants too. 

Jason hasn't talked to me all day, this is the second day in a row. I had told him earlier this week that my birthday was this upcoming monday, asking if he wanted to spend time together. I mean obviously, why wouldn't we? He told me he's got other plans this weekend and that he'll let me know if he can get out of them. 

I've already got plans, my parents and Katelynn are coming up on Sunday, we're probably going to have dinner and it'll be a chill time. I'm not worried about if Jason's involvement anymore, I just always feel like I'm an inconvenience to him now and I don't want to feel that way about anyone. I want to feel like that person is enjoying spending time with me, doesn't everyone? 

So because Jason told me that he is going to let me know if he can get out of plans or not, I'm going to wait it out. If he seriously has no regard for my feelings what-so-ever, he will text me AT ALL this weekend. If that is the case, that will be the end of Jason and I's run. So if he's like almost every other guy that I've been involved with romantically, he will follow that hypothesis, ignore me, and I'll have to cut things off which I really don't WANT to do because I like Jason but I can't just wait and wait if he's just going to blow me off like that. 

I'm satisfied that I now have a verdict on this. I'm not going to text Jason first this weekend at all and we'll see what he does. Until then I've got a lot of stuff going on so it doesn't really matter. 

peace.