22 in 1.15 hours. Government might shut down for it.

Hello everyone.

This birthday has weighed on my mind quite a bit. I feel like this birthday has been more of a realization of adulthood than 21 was. Any time I begin to feel worry about aging I begin to think about how much more stressed and insecure I was this time last year... How I wasn't barely eating anything while trying to cram for 3 hours.. Ha ha, thank God for people like Kevin P. and Burnadette P. that gave me advice about the importance of rest and good food early on.

Me about this time last year. Cute picture but that dingy green tanktop is a pretty good representation of what I chose for my wardrobe at the time. Actually most days I'd wear practically all black to class-- either jeans and a black tank top or black yoga pants with a black tanktop. I was so stressed out at the time that I only cared about what was comfortable. 

This time last year I was also going through an increasing amount of anxiety. Note that I wasn't taking Prozac until about January, by then having gone through months of panic attacks and feeling the need to completely cut myself from the outside world as much as possible. Over time of taking my medication my panic attacks have ceased and my general outlook on live has improved. This has come from the support of my friends too.

Today was a typical Monday. Both of my economics professors spent a good amount of time talking about how there is potential for government shut down over the disagreement about Obamacare. Now that I realize why the Republicans oppose it I can see why this is happening... Originally I thought it all had to do with republicans feeling uncomfortable about the government overstepping it's bounds by making everyone buy insurance-- when in actuality it's the CHEAP insurance itself that is the problem. If Obamacare is implemented it will likely be run by democrats and republicans feel like this will give democrats too much power because all the people buying cheap insurance will want to keep the program running and will be more likely to vote democrat. It makes sense.

Yeah honestly I didn't understand why the Republicans hated Obamacare so much until Sipic explained it today. I love his lectures, the way he says things just makes sense.... even this totally abstract tool that he's trying to teach us about being able to measure the maximum amount of utility (pleasure) people can get from the stuff they buy. By the looks of it finding out how to do this is going to be a complete b**ch but the way he explained what it was made sense which is always the first step to figuring this junk out...

The formulas in economics are really bizarre and abstract because it tries to make humans actions (assuming that they're rational) quantifiable-- then to be moved onto graphs and stuff to be used for a company's research. It's not as boring as it sounds; actually it's the closest thing humans can get to predicting the future.

I texted the guy in my public finance class who's also the president of the econ club asking him when the first meeting is. He's friendly and helpful and I got the info I needed on that. I also signed up for that career fair november 1st that'll hopefully land me an internship.

Moving right along, yay. Sorry this entry was kind of boring guys.

peace.

Look I'm Becky Katsopolis, hahaha

Check out my 90's Full House look today. 

Just kidding. I actually didn't intend to style my hair this way. Surprise surprise! It's actually due to barely straightening it this morning, then pulling my bangs out of my eyes continually while I work on homework.

All day I've been munching out. I'm planning on working out tonight because of it. Like literally there's no excuse for all the crap I ate. Belgian waffles, steak, mashed potatos, teddy grahams, cereal, a freaking bacon sandwich this morning... I don't eat as little as I might look. I try to eat as healthy as I can, but when I go grocery shopping and there's lots of accessible food a few steps away from my bedroom it's almost hard to resist. Right now I'm drinking a protein shake. It's been about four hours since I ate dinner and had a big sugar spike when I had those Belgian waffles for dessert. Those were a whopping 400 calories, not to mention the fact that I put peanut butter on top. I've unintentionally had a TON of protein today, I'm pumped to work out and burn some of this off once I finish this entry.

Uh let's see. Today was Monday. We're down to the last two weeks of classes, not counting finals week. That makes me giddy, I'm always excited for the quarter to be over. I feel like 4 more weeks of this I wouln't be able to maintain the grades I have. Or maybe I would... I would just be very, very burnt out to the point of no return. I love the quarter system.

I got an 8 on my finite math quiz. I'm very happy about this because I thought I'd done poorly. I think he might have cut me some slack because I came to his office and got help. That or the rest of the class did more poorly than I thought and mine was significantly better for getting the probability distributions what so ever. I was having an off day, too. The girl that sits next to me that's also one of the top students in class has been pretty entertaining to chit chat with every so often. She's very quiet but I can tell she gets sarcasm so I can joke around with her and not feel like she thinks I'm weird. 

I talked to Jessie briefly today when I mentioned how long until our next test in Econ. It's so weird, we don't talk at all anymore. I don't care, she's so normal, she's boring to me. 

I texted Abe last night after he didn't respond to one of my texts like, what is this? If you don't want to talk to me anymore just tell me. Something along those lines. He told me he's just not very proactive about checking or writing text messages. I'm not going to lie and say this hasn't been frustrating for me over the past two weeks because we practically never text anymore. We would only text a few messages back and forth in the past but now unless I instigate it we do not text. That is annoying. 

I think he got the memo though that it bothers me. He still wants to spend time together. When and if that will actually happen here in the next week or so I have no clue. 

Alrighty then, time to work out.

peace.

Only one thing sets us free...

I'm not good at getting my guitar hours in on Mondays. 

Shoot it's just Monday, for some reason I thought it felt like a Wednesday. I'm just sort of zonked from my classes again, but I am proud of everything I got done today. First of all, I'm really starting to get these Chapter 15 equations on shares, so that's a major bonus to this alone time that I've had. I've been getting so much done these past few days, even if it's felt like a lonely road. Everything happens for a reason, I can't fight or force things.

Let's see, what I got done today--
1. Did my LAST legal assignment (Chapter 19)
2. A lot of flashcard studying for accounting...
3. Did really well on my Chapter 15 assignment after finishing that up this afternoon...

..What I really need to do is math. I just don't get it very well right now, Montgomery is going to help us out tomorrow so I printed out my homework assignments to practice during the class hour tomorrow. I'm really hoping that goes well, I don't want to end badly in that class but I'm having a bit of trouble in our current chapter.


Something else that's interesting-- I talked to Hannah B. for the first time in years. I actually came across her facebook a little earlier but didn't feel quite comfortable adding her when we hadn't talked in so long so I was  pretty stoked when she added me to see what she'd been up too since she left the tri cities. She appears to be doing really well, she looks pretty! I remember back in middle school she was "emo." That feels like such a long time ago now.

It's really nice, I've recently come in contact with a lot of people that I never was particularly friends with back in school.. Like now that we're all out of school none of what happened or how we might have perceived eachother at the time matters when we've all grown up so much and found our own lives... I try to see the good in everyone, though some people I'd rather not communicate with. Sometimes even if I wouldn't want to communicate with someone I just like them on my friends list to occasionally see what they're up too... shh.

I'm excited to go home, I plan to go after I get a good portion of my math done tomorrow. My parents would like me to take care of my doctor's appointments early in the week so we don't have to deal with them that weekend. I'm going to be so relieved to finally get some of this taken care of and see a professional about my panic attacks. It's been about a month since they've started.

peace.