Okay since when do I have to know calculus.

Hello.

I apologize for the "poor me" freak out the other night. I had some wine in my system and was dwelling on a situation that I really have no control over. I realize now that Taylor is going to make his own decision who he wants to be with, which unfortunately appears to be leaning more toward Julia then me. They've been together two years, I appeared in his life randomly recently and left the tri-cities right afterward. They live in the same town so she's got more access to him and I'm sure he likes the comfort of having someone there. I just hope that if he decides to stay with her that he tells me and leaves me alone.

I don't know. We'll see what happens if I ever get the opportunity to meet him again but that's in fate's hands. I'm not going to pursue spending time with him any harder than I have before because last time I put my faith in him showing up I was very let down. Even if I thought he wasn't going to show up in the first place regardless of him telling me he wasn't going to flake over and over again. I just have a 6th sense about this kind of thing.

I'm still attracted to him. Which I hate to say because part my mind wants me to not want me to be attracted to anyone right now because I'm so preoccupied with schoolwork and any drama in my life will only distract me. I guess part of me wants that happiness that comes with being with someone and the other part of me is telling me that the risk of it is too high.

There are a couple other guys that have clearly been into me and hitting me up lately but it seems like my heart is having tunnel vision like when I first met Terry. You start comparing guys that like you to the guy you like and because I have attraction toward so few men it's way harder for me to settle for someone who I'm not totally attracted too when I suddenly *do* start liking someone.

Okay, I'm not going to talk about this anymore. Seriously.

Today started out kind of rough. I accidentally slept through my alarm again after not being able to sleep until 7 am. This was my fault because I had totally over-caffeinated myself  the night before trying to study some math from my micro class to little avail. So ironically I MISSED the class that I was studying for because I was so stressed out about not getting the material the previous night.

Yesterday I also got my resume ready for the career fair today. That went really well. I met a lot of potential employers and got tons of business cards, pamphlets etc about different companies I could apply for that *are* looking for recent undergrads. That makes me happy because there's no way I'm going to be able to get a job this quarter after all. My schoolwork is harder than it has been all year and the majority of my quarters last year.

Advanced business law has been really interesting but there's just a lot of reading. I'm a slow-ish reader and it usually takes me a couple times to grasp all the information I need so this class has been very time consuming. On top of that I've got my extremely difficult intermediate microeconomics class that is using calculus that I haven't learned yet so I had to come to the math tutoring center today to get help.

Da-da-dada-dada-da-da, tequila..

I'm sitting in the library right now. After I write this blog entry I plan to head home, make dinner and do the dishes before I start tackling my first law case study. Metiner pretty much roped me into doing this when I hadn't even looked at the case yet but I figure knocking this project out early while the material isn't as complicated as it could potentially get could be a good thing. The case I'm doing is about who gets the proceeds to the sale of cows, a case that I had already read the brief summary of out of the book and Metiner actually explained in class. I'm not worried about it.

I guess my one worry is that I get home and get too distracted to get any work done which has a tendency to happen. But because this case study is due tomorrow my back is against the wall and I should have the motivation to work until about midnight tonight.

My sleep schedule has been absolutely f'ed since that shitty Friday night waiting for Taylor to get to my house and flaking at the last minute. It got me on this cycle of staying up super late and taking a huge nap during the day that I haven't been able to shake and has made it extremely hard to wake up on time for my micro class. Hopefully tonight will improve this. If I force myself to go to bed at a decent time it should and I didn't take a huge nap today so I should be tired at a decent time unlike the last few nights.

Talk to you guys later.

peace. 

Another quiet day.

I did this December photo a day and came up with two pictures I found decent. This is the second one that I didn't upload to facebook. Lol coffee is of the Gods.

Hello everyone. 

Today was a little better than yesterday productivity wise. Even if today I'm a little down I'm not out, I will still make sure to do a half hour of my legal study guide and a half hour of my math tonight as difficult as it is to not get lazy these afternoons. 

I am QUITE happy to say that I got an 83% on my 4th math test, my third was 83% as well, I think the second was a low 73 and the first was like a 95% or something so I'm averaging in the class at an 87%! Now all I have to do is get some studying done for the final by re-doing some old exams, try and relearn the old material, then hopefully pull a good grade on the final rather easily.

As for the legal final, that's certainly going to be more of a challenge. I can't just blow this off until the last minute just because I've done well in the class. I should really try and get a solid hour in tonight. 

Guitar I did about 90 minutes today. Pretty good practice session because I did incorporate some of the new material Jake gave me but I didn't use an amp. I should really try to use my pod as often as possible, at least once a day.

My roommate still isn't back yet. I need to go unlock the deadbolt chain so it's not a pain for her to get in later. We haven't talked hardly at all the past few weeks. 

So it's 6:00 and here's what I'd like to get done:

-Eat some dinner of some kind when I start feeling hungry...

-Legal study 30 minutes

-Calculus study 30 minutes.

-Play more guitar (until I have a solid 2 hours)

peace. 

I have all around had an epic week.

This week has been SO stressful but I'm so incredibly proud to say that I survived with flying colors!

The accounting test... was extremely hard. I thought I'd be getting a low C. Granted, I studied the formulas, did all the homework, but nothing prepared me for like three of the problems on that test. I had come to class first thing at 10:00. I sat down, feeling calm and confident from all of my studying I did before. The second I looked at the test, I felt nervous because most of the problems focused on differential costs and sunk costs versus just making business decisions like to add or drop a product line. I put in a very fair amount of effort into each of the problems, and made sure to very clearly define what I did know.

The back page however, which was Chapter 15, was a snap for me because I had studied my flash cards. I looked over the test quickly. With accounting, you either get it or you don't. I accepted that I would not have the ability to do a couple of the problems because I hadn't studied that material. I knew what a sunk cost was... Two of the problems I literally had never seen before.

He sends us the test grades. I looked at mine using the last 4 digits of my student ID for security reasons. I scored a 102%... I got the highest grade in the class. I was absolutely shocked out of my mind. I thought, there must be some sort of mistake... What if that's actually someone else's grade. But then I thought, maybe hardly anyone in class did the problems that I did wrong correctly so he let us go from it. I'm not sure what happened, but I triple checked that THAT, indeed, was my ID number, and yes, I got a 92% on the test and the 10 extra credit points from doing all the homework. I am so proud of myself, I will almost definately get a B+ in that class.

I took a math test today, one of my last in my life. Daniel and I studied for it for the second time last night. I think I certainly did okay on the test. I had calculator problems but I will almost certainly get partial credit for the amount of correct steps that I did do, such as labeling the asymptotes, intercepts, etc... Montgomery has been so helpful. I brought the test up and asked if he had the study guides. He told me to just look for the old tests online and the answers are located there. I'm pretty sure both of my finals are on Friday. I need to make sure what time exactly.

Daniel has been very helpful. He did admit, however, that my calculator has some strange deficiencies so I get very wacky graphical results. I'm going to be happy to be done with pre-calc, but also thrilled to now have more confidence in math. I mean I've made it this far, that's much further than anyone might have expected from me... I mean I think back to sophomore year in Mrs. Prior's class, sleeping on my desk. Getting D's and blowing through Mr. Harris's homework without even nearly understanding the material.

Thank god for teachers like Mr. Dickman and Mrs. Haines. They were the math teachers that made it so that I am now able to do college math.

My 6th grade year I had taken Mrs. Thomas and I was stuck with the "smart kids" group. They were the typical kids in my class that did well in school, like Mikayla S., Chelsea E., Hailey H., Jake, Emily D.... This same group that I was sort of half on-half off with. Because I wasn't a bad student. I tried hard and turned in quality work... well when I could GET it in. I was terribly disorganized growing up. I'd throw things in binders and use random pages. I wouldn't keep notes, teachers like McCue and Herman would hate that.

They used to categorize us in middle school. There were the smart kids, the "happy averages", and the lower kids. Isn't that sort of how it is in society? Anyway, it was painfully obvious to me because I would be mixed in with each group in subjects I was weaker in. Those kids would predominantly stay together throughout the day and many cliques were formed in this way, with exceptions of course. They also really segregated many of the Latino students into ONE classroom instead of three or more classes throughout the day. I imagine that must have been slightly embarrising, especially when many of them really belonged in the higher English classes (or "Honors English", where I was always placed.)


My math experience... 

I was actually originally placed in an honors math, in 6th grade. That was a nightmare because Thomas just couldn't figure out why I couldn't keep up with the other students. Well, because she was going way to fast for me, wasn't explaining things in ways I could understand, and we were using stupid accelerated math. Thomas used to send me into a small classroom with Gerrick, embarrassingly enough, to try to catch me up. It wasn't happening, I wasn't particularly good at Math even if I could hold my own in my other classes. Thomas passed me, May lord have mercy on that child's poor soul.  6th Grade I had spent the entire year with that one group, the "smart kids." Though I felt at the bottom of the barrel because of my lack of organizational skills and by the end of that year my confidence was a little shot.

7th Grade was different. I was with the "smart kids" in Isley's class, which originally full and I got stuck in Vickerman for my homeroom. Vickerman's homeroom was all loud, happy averages. Displeased, I was able to switch over to Isley's homeroom which had a lot of the kids I also went to Band with. If I was not in their homeroom, I wouldn't be in the loop of things. I remember sitting next to Jennifer W. and she'd always make me feel very stupid. I look back on all the extremely hard work she used to do. I wonder if it paid off well for her.

I took science with the "happy averages," you could say. The kids that weren't really at the top academically but passed their classes. But then in Dickman's class, to my surprise, I was with the lowest of the low. I remember being surprised that this is where Thomas sent me... But I'm so glad she did, that's where I needed to be, not in advanced math what so ever.

Dickman's methods were extremely clear to me. He would use step by step problems on the white board, assign the homework, maybe use a real life scenario or two that the problems could be applied too, and we'd go. I'm pretty sure at that time before I'd taken his class I was extremely behind in math. I learned NOTHING in Thomas's class, then hardly anything in Harris's class. Luckily Harris liked me as a person and had no problem letting me through.

Then onto highschool, Math 1A was alright, I probably got a C, even if most of Prior's methods didn't make much sense to me in the same way Thomas didn't. I passed 1A but completely failed 1B my Freshman year. I felt insecure about having failed, and felt like I would never get it. Mrs. Haines was a whole new kind of math teacher. She was extremely sweet, she would teach her class with extreme patience and show respect to every student. She would stay after class to help students with whatever they needed.

I tried so hard in that class because I didn't want to let her down. I got an A in her 1B class and I was incredibly proud of myself to get that confidence back. Then comes Zehnder. I took integrated math II with her and had to really fight to do well. I'd sometimes stay after class or come before class to get help on problems. Her voice was very monotone and hard to not fall asleep during a 90 minute class period.

At CBC I took my first college math, Math 96, with Professor Z., my friend Michael Z.'s father. Some nuttiness happened in this class. Practically everyone in class was a pot head, more than anyone my friend Josh. I had a crush on Josh from the previous quarter when his friend Tyson and I had a technical writing class together. Tyson used to show up to the class completely blazed every day, and Josh and Tyson liked to smoke. Tyson described to me that he gets straight A's even if he smoked every day. I sort of scoffed at that, but didn't tell him.

Josh had a girlfriend. Yeah. He still does have a girlfriend.

I kicked ass in Math 96 because it was really easy. Pretty much just introduction to algebra and doing the basics. Little bit of introductory factoring. Zhang was such a trooper to deal with that kid that used to stick his hands in his pants the entire class.

..Anyway, uh yeah Math 97 I took online with Hassham over the summer when I was dealing with a lot of other craziness. That class was a real challenge because my only resource was the internet. I was practically teaching myself. I somehow managed to get about a 2.7. I was pleased.

Math 98 with Lambert was tough, it was the most difficult class I'd ever taken but Lambert was very helpful and this girl Kim M. inspired me to keep pushing forward as she put off all her homework until the end of the quarter. She was friendly and fun to BS with, as was this really cool guy named JJ that had these crazy dreadlocks. CBC itself was such an interesting part of my life. I really did get a chance to interact with a wide variety of people of different ages.

So now here I am! Almost done with pre-calc. It wasn't nearly as hard as my last algebra class. Calculus is a whole different style of math, it's more like puzzles. I'm pretty sure I've done really well, and I'm now much more comfortable in math.

I had lunch with my friend Reina today too, it was pretty good. Originally we were going to go Starbucks but we were feeling pretty hungry by the time we walked halfway there. I ended up getting a really delicious Korean Bento. 

I think I'm gonna get going, feeling a little lathargic. I haven't played any guitar today. Haven't really had the urge. I think I might actually play a little Sims THEN practice this evening. Sounds like a plan.

peace/