Consistency with John Petrucci and my shotgun friendship.

C17

The reason why John Petrucci is the greatest guitar player is not because he's got the most complex note patterns necessarily, even if some of his riffs are incredible and WAY out of my reach right now. It's actually because of his lack of patterns in the way that he mutes. The guitar comes in and out, leading and muting with other elements like the bass, other guitar parts, sometimes a random piano, etc, etc... He's the master of alternate picking  and everything that he plays comes together so fluently because of it.

I've been wanting to play Dream Theater music for months but it's taken a ton of work. One of the first songs I ever tried to play by them was Under a Glass Moon but it was so difficult after the first... I don't know, 40 seconds of it, I just "retired" it until I could learn more from my teacher.

Dream Theater is a relatively new band (there first album was released in 1992). I'm sure they'll continue to release albums far after my progressive metal phase. How long will this go until I burn out? I don't know. 

I've practiced a pretty good deal this week, I'm pretty sure I got 20 hours so I'm giving my hands a rest today. I'm sad because I'm missing lessons tomorrow because I've got orientation for Central tonight. Blah I get nervous that I'm not gonna find my way around. When I was there last time my Junior year of highschool I literally followed Heather around the whole time. 

Maybe my sense of direction has gotten better since then. I'm sure it has... I know my confidence has improved since then so that's a major plus. Finding music has really given me my center.

___________________________________________

I had... a very interesting situation with Trisha and Dylan at their house recently. I don't know if I want to go into all the great details now but because I'm waiting for my Mom to come home from a meeting I can tell you all I can. 

Tensions were high walking into Trisha and Dylan's house from the get go. They'd invited me there for a third time after this facebook situation where Trisha was mad and thought I was "calling her out." 

I never mentioned Trisha on any of my statuses, however I did post one after she acted accusatory about stealing her Alice doll. I was like, "Like this if you think I would never steal from you. Comment if I've been to your house." and it got like 40 + hits. I guess I posted it so she'd see how many people do trust me and that I wouldn't steal her doll. Needless to say, plan backfired, and she ended up posting a comment saying that she never accused me of stealing anything. The whole thing was really weird. 

I sat down in the living room as we were waiting for this guy to come over and fix the dishwasher. A skinny, red skinned, high cheekboned man walked in past me and I jokingly asked if I could help him with anything and he said "No." I'm cracked up and said I couldn't help anyway. I was trying to make light of things as Trisha was frantically running around tidying up for her probably drug addicted neighbor. 

Okay, maybe not. He could just be a random blue collar guy, but all I'm saying is he does not look like someone that would care if their neighbors made a tiny bit of noise after 9:00. Their neighbor's yard is pretty shabby, indicating a more relaxed atmosphere than the one I dealt with at Trisha and Dylan's.

While he was working I was sitting there messing with my guitar in the hot living room, trying to get my hours in because there really wasn't much else to do at this point. We had the plan of watching movies that night so me and Trisha were making plans to go to Hastings together. 

One of the first conversations I struck up turned into Dylan bashing me. I was cracking up a bit after I took out my phone to go on facebook and saw some responses to my "Kirsten Stewart is a whore" post. Dylan started saying, "WHO really cares about celebrity gossip? I mean seriously get a life.." and then Trisha started saying how lame it is that ANYONE would care about that sort of thing too, of course always backed by ". . . But that's just my opinion! Don't take it offensively or anything, gosh!!" 

I just responded, "Alright." 


Around 6:00 PM, we took my car over to Hastings where we were strolling around the aisles trying to look for movies. I told her I'm not a big movie watcher and I didn't really know what to suggest. Trisha wanted to find something that Dylan would like, yet was pressuring me to pick something. All I could do was pull out the movies that I'd seen and gone, "OH! -insert title-! That's a good one!" which she would ignore completely. She asked me, "Well what genre do you like?"

I seriously only watch documentaries at home, guys. I felt lame saying that so I said, "Comedies I guess.."

"WELL do you want Intelligent comedy or Stupid comedy?! You know there's a difference!" I'm standing here sort of stun silent like, "Uh. Intelligent, I guess..."

So she starts picking up things and came across 50/50 and how it was the greatest movie. I LOVE Joseph Gordon Levitt, which I mentioned when we saw batman. 50/50 is a movie where Joseph Gordon Levitt has cancer... I didn't really want to see that. It made me sad to watch him sort of disintegrate in the movie. But it was still a good movie, regardless. A better choice then what I chose-- "Some Days are better than others," This stupid movie with the lady from Portlandia being very hipsterish.

Trisha and I also went to Albertsons after Hastings, and because I've been on a tight budget I bought myself a couple $1.00 lunchables and some popcorn by Orvile Reddenbocker for the movie. I didn't think of the fact I'd been eating junk all day because I didn't eat breakfast and worked all day. 

When Trisha and I are alone together our conversations got a little better, I mean they were pretty general because at this point I was already feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I was thinking, "Why would they so graciously invite me over here if they were mad at me?" I brushed her gestures under the rug, even if at times they were insulting to me.

It's hard to believe I'm talking about the same people that I'd met a few days earlier that I thought were so cool. I thought their house was cool, Trisha's job, her and Dylan's mature living style.. But as I got to know them I just realized they're very dowdy and structured in the way they do things. It's certainly not as "chill" of an environment as I thought it was.

When we got back from bringing movies the guy was still in the dining room working on the dishwasher. Dylan was cranking Queens of a Stoneage and I was sitting next to his friend. I proposed we put one of the movies in and Dylan said, "No, we're playing music for him.." as in their next door neighbor. Again, over thinking everything. Trisha is in there making awkward small talk, and I overheard her say, "If you EVER want us to turn the music down just let us know, I know you can probably hear Dylan in the basement on the guitar.." and he responded, "I've never heard guitar from your house." 

That sort of cracked me up. Trisha must have mentioned it three times throughout the night, "I can't believe he never heard Dylan playing once..." When I've been over at their house there's been a bit of guitar playing, but at the time I had a real struggle improvising anything (I still do) so we didn't really play together. I did, however, have the guitar with me quite a bit because I thought Dylan would understand my addiction to it. 

1980's prom music.. I imagine some of the stuff I hear at Rite Aid would be on that playlist.

Dylan had his guitar with him a bit, he showed me a lot of his nice equipment and some of the nice reverbing techniques you could do with it. He often criticized my music taste, as did his friend Eric that we had hung out with a day couple days earlier. I cracked up about this that evening though when Dylan had told me he likes to play his own music inspired by 80's proms. 

Trisha would snap at me for every little thing I did or touched. I mean I can understand their problem with my noise levels, that's rational. But there were irrational things too. 

I walked into the bathroom to wash my makeup off. I figured I'd be spending the night there that night as I had other nights. I walked in and reached around the side of the shower to open the curtain. Trisha walks in "OH! Don't open the curtain from that side! The wall isn't sealed properly there!"
Okay Trisha, sorry. 
I got a squirt of facewash that I had used previously. Trisha snapped, "Go easy on the facewash." I imagine my eyes grew very wide here. 

We went to go get some cash at the bank and when I pulled on Dylan's car handle it was locked. "The door is ALWAYS locked here. Don't pull on it! You could break it!"
Oh, okay, thanks for letting me know.
We sat in the car and turned on the music. I mentioned that I'd liked something and Dylan changes it immediately to some very bizarre jazz music. Trisha was in the passenger seat like, jamming out to it. I was like, allllrighty then. At this point just biting my tongue with a new purpose in mind. 

As pissed off as she seemed with me she never really had a reason to be, so she kept looking for one. That's what I think it was. She acted so envious and transparent throughout the day, and the more I put up with it and tried brushing it aside the harder it became to keep my cover. 

At around 9:00 after we'd watched the movie Trisha started pacing back and forth in front of me and suddenly blurted out, "Are you like MAD at me or something?" My eyes got a little wide. I'm like, "No, why?" She responded nervously, "Because you seem mad!"

"Why would you say that?" Okay, I'm sure I did seem pretty mad. I was mad, they were pissing me off when they were arguing with every tiny point that I made. After awhile I was just wondering why they had invited me over and what their intentions were, why did they want to hang out with me again if they were pissed off at me in the first place? 

OH! And on top of that, they'd invited me to go with them to Some Bagels and the antique stores the next day. This was a little earlier in the evening but it was still late enough that I thought for sure Trisha would have cracked, but instead she invites me to continue to spend time with them. It was all very bizarre, I didn't get it. I couldn't think of any reason that I would want to spend time with these people again at this point, and even if I did antiques has always been my Dad's thing. I'm not enticed by them because they've been around my whole life. 

I think my real breaking point was that night when it was about 100 degrees in the living room. I mean it was hot. I'd asked to sleep there after I'd taken some Dramamine just to knock out until morning. There was nothing I could do right in that house, and I didn't want to drive with the drunk drivers coming back from the boat races and partying. I just wanted to sleep but that living room was so stanking hot I couldn't take it. I quietly stepped to Trisha's room to see if it was any cooler in their, it had been the last night I'd slept there.

She came charging up the stairs and rushes in, "What were you doing in my room?" And I responded, "It's really hot out here and I wanted to see if it was any cooler in there.." She starts throwing loads of laundry out into the hallway as well as a bunch of other things. I'm like, "That's it, I gotta get out of here."

"What? Oh Emily, No!" Like in such shock that I of all people would want to suddenly leave this lovely engagement. I remember laughing. Laughing, shaking, and throwing all my stuff together, including my guitar into it's case. "You guys are f*cking crazy. I can't take this anymore. I tried to be you guy's friends but that was simply unbearable." 

Dylan had came up the stairs in about a minute, and he was like rolling his eyes and crossing his arms, offering to help me with my stuff. Trisha was doing this too."NO. I do not want your help, Trisha." I had left that nasty popcorn bag out on the table and she's like, "Do you want this popcorn?" I said, "No, I don't." 

Of course Trisha was going, "Shh!" throughout this and I mocked back, "SHH! Shh, Trisha! You criticize every little f*cking thing I do in this house! I mean I can understand the noise thing but the door handle? What the Hell?!"

"If I'm not careful I could never go to college!" Ha ha, okay on a side note, if you're going to live together as a couple playing house you're not necessarily doing the most proactive living situation to afford college. I just rolled my eyes, "Oh God, Trisha, do you think your neighbors care that much? That guy earlier looked like a meth head, you guys are way over the top."

"Don't you make assumptions like this!"

By now I had stormed out. I rushed my stuff into my car, I didn't care if I'd forgotten anything. I'm sure I did, maybe one of my sister's cups. Who knows. She stood there in the doorway staring out as I drove off. I couldn't get out of there fast enough, the dramamine was kicking in and when that stuff hits you fall asleep like a rock. The clock was ticking, I had 15 minutes to get home. 

I cranked Symphony X and flew down the highway that night. I couldn't let that dramamine kick in on the highway, and it did start to as I went through Benton City. Luckily I got home just in time, I explained the situation briefly to my parents, and went to bed. My Dad got paranoid that night because I hadn't checked in. He thought I'd been at Katelynn's house and when he'd heard that the people I was spending time with were acting a little crazy, he acted sort of freaked out. 


I just couldn't do it anymore. I ended up making friends with their friend Connor though, which was a plus. :o) Sometimes you just don't know who you're going to meet in these situations. I thought Connor was cool from the get go, so maybe that's why I decided to give them a second chance. The second chance with Dylan and Trisha though was a fail, their character is like oil and water to mine. 

peace. 

A little disappointed with my saving abilities. :(

I feel absolutely sick with myself.

I've made no money this summer, zip, and I've tried so hard... maybe I should have tried harder, not gone out to see friends in town as often, I really don't know. I checked my bank statement for May and it said I have $1600 back then... I have $1533 in the bank right now, $200 until my next paycheck.

My upcoming expenses between now and when I move are pretty steep. Here's my budget for July 28-Sept 10:

-Amplifier, $200

-Differin, $70

-About $60 for gas

-$80 for Jacob

-$30 for Mac Careblend makeup

-$100 misc nessasary expenses

-$50 for medication

total: $590

I've got 4 paychecks between now and the end, adding up to about $1000, sans the expenses = about $400 that I could potentially save. My goal is to have $1,750 in the bank at the end. 

This just sucks, I feel like I've done hardly anything this summer except sit in my room practicing and work. I've hung out with friends, which can get expensive but most of the time me and my friends just sit around anyway because I never want to do anything because I don't like spending the money on gas. 

Meh, I should try not to stress out about these things. It really shouldn't matter that much to me but for some reason it always has because the stress my parents have put on me about saving; predominantly just my Dad.  

peace.

"So you're a female shredder?"

Last summer I was really concerned that Guy Stevens was the reason that I got sick and couldn't eat anything or sleep. I thought it was because I was nervous around him and the anxiety caused appetite suppression

This year the same thing has been happening, and there's been a 180 degree turnaround of the amount of stress in my life since last summer. I can't eat very well nor can I sleep quite right, even in my own bed. I've been making myself sleep with motion sickness relief pills occasionally (just one, don't panic) just to keep my sleeping routine in tact. I'll try to go to bed at a decent time but the heat will keep me up and then it'll end up being 1 or 2 AM before I actually sleep. The heat actually struck late this year, here it is late July and we're just barely getting that uncomfortable heat outside.


Me and Trisha were sitting outside last night while she was smoking a cigarette and I actually got cold with a slight breeze after being in their very warm house. I haven't liked the temperature changes this summer because I've either been really cold or hot. The only place I can seem to get temperature control is at home. Katelynn's house is pretty close to perfect, too, temperature wise but when I wear skimpy clothes to beat the summer heat I have to sit with a blanket. It's all silly. Maybe next summer I'll venture north to get away from this heat.

I've been hanging out over at Trisha's and Dylan's house a lot, for a number of reasons. First of all, me and Trisha were immediately really good friends. Our personalities contrast in a perfect way so that we get along. She's much more of a Type B personality than I am. She's so graceful and good at things that I suck at like cooking and cleaning so I feel like I can learn a lot from her. She's nice, very cool, she never annoys me and she has a good sense of humor.

______________________________________________________

Dylan and I sometimes butt heads. Not about anything in particular but he does rip on my music taste at least once or twice each time we're together. I don't rip on his but I think it pisses him off that I'm a shred guitarist and don't do much else yet. I've only been playing for... what this is week 15 or something? I want to expand to other music as I get better but this takes time. They've both been playing for years.

I did however notice Dylan trying to play some thrashy sounding stuff when we were sitting in the basement. I'll sit at there house while I'm hanging out with them and play like I do at home just to get my hours in. I won't play with the volume or anything because I know they don't like the music that I like.

Last night, however, this poking fun of my playing got to the point that I actually cried. We were sitting upstairs; me, Trisha, Dylan and Dylan's friend.. crap I can't remember his name, ERIC! Their shaggy haired blonde friend Connor usually showed up out of the blue from time to time, too, but Dylan and Eric are very close.

I liked Eric alright at first, he's got a pretty good sense of humor and he's intelligent. However, anytime I'd say anything around him he'd always either talk over me or rip on me, so I'd sort of stop talking after awhile. He's clever, he could take something I was describing that I was passionate about and totally turn it on me and make it seem like the lamest thing in the world. 

He really pushed my buttons at around 1 am. We'd been partying a bit and I was really exhausted, we were sitting upstairs watching this political humor show... not Colbert Report but the other one. I don't know, I could care less about most politics in this country and don't recognize any of the "guests" on these shows, nor do I watch the news. I was doing my last hour of guitar, all palm muted of course so nobody would get annoyed by it. 

I like the music that I do because I don't relate to music about love. Somehow my brain relates more to music about pain, war, Hell and destruction. Even if my life hasn't been that bad I've been through so much war with my own depression, pain and injustice with the people that this music just suits me better. So of course if I'm going to learn how to play guitar I'm going to learn songs that I like. I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. In fact I hate playing in front of people and still consider myself a NOVICE player even if some that have heard me have been impressed with my speed. 

Eric picked up my practice sheet and started reading the titles out loud. "Wow, look at this. Alternate picking pattern 1... alternate picking pattern 2... chromatic scales.. Am I reading this handwriting right? Fear of the Dark, OHH that sounds scary.." I simply told him it was by Iron Maiden. 

He goes on to tell me, "Look, it's cool that you're a female shredder, there's none on the "scene" right now... but I absolutely can't stand this music and I'll just be over here doing MY *insert some band here, I don't even know*." He went off on a five minute tangent from here ripping on what I do and started making fun of how serious I was about it and in this process I'm like "Stop...... stop... Please stop." 

I told him that I didn't want to be on any sort of "scene." I didn't want to be in a band or anything, I just want to play. He told me, "OHH you're just playing so that you can upload a video on youtube or something and have a bunch of metalheads get blown away that you can play their favorite song. Favorite. Favorite. Favorite." I had no prior indication that I had a youtube channel but he did hit the nail on the head with that one, yet made it sound so lame that I felt like I was being vain and ridiculous for even wanting to do so. 

By now he had taken my practice sheet and started writing things on it. I don't know what he wrote because I finally just started crying and said, "It's like my therapy, don't do that!" He crossed the line.

It would have been 10x worse if he would of had the nerve to write on my actual practice sheet. I would have probably ripped it away from him and left. It's a major depression curbing tool that I use that is sacred to me. I was really offended and humiliated that he would take something that I thought was so cool and personal to me, and turned it into something that made me feel like I was being lame in my methods to other guitarists.

I'm going to get going, I slept in until 1 today because nobody's been home and I've just been chilling out. I don't want to see anybody, really. 

peace. 

Batman Premier!

Yesterday was great because after work I saw the midnight premier of the new Batman movie with Trisha and Dylan. We went to the Pasco theater and it was really crowded, all of the screens were playing the same thing, it was a big deal. I saw a few people that I knew, like Jared and his friend Juan. Trisha had actually bought my ticket for me a week ago when they'd invited me.

I got a fever last night because of stress and exhaustion. I've been out a lot, spending time with people and had a great time for a few days. I should probably stay home for awhile, I spent a good chunk of my last paycheck being out so much. I'm always using too much gasoline because it's so expensive to drive back and forth from Benton city.

That is something I will NOT miss. When I did talk to Jack he actually made a pretty good point that eased my stress about leaving for school.

"You will eat, sleep, and shit where you go to school. You have way more time on your hands than you know what to do with and have to join things to fill your time..."


That's basically what he said. That's so true, though, now that I think about it. I need to start looking for a job up there because it's going to be way more competitive once I get up there. I don't even know if I want a job from the get go and maybe should just focus on my studies for my first quarter there. But having NO income scares the living crap out of me so I need to get on the ball immediately. Just 15-20 hours a week is still all I'd need.

It's 8:32 pm and I've had zero motivation to practice guitar. I stayed up so late last night that I thought for sure I'd wake up with a horrible fever but I didn't after sleeping in until 11 or so. Dylan and Trisha are so laid back and cool to hang out with, it's all good. I've got a lot of awesome friends.

I can't find any of my claytons. I'm always leaving them places because I'm always carting my guitar around.. either to jam with someone or for lessons or I have to take it out of my car because it's too hot.

peace.

No more Jack, ever, two years of this shit, finally done. The whole story.

It's done.

It's done, it's done, it's done, it's done. As of July 16th, 2012 I no longer "like" Jack Otto, after years of him leading me on and not giving me a solid answer what the wants from me. The truth is, he never wanted anything. I finally confessed how I felt about him, got about the answer I expected, and shut it down before he could continue to lead me on again.

I'd called him after he'd texted me a couple evenings ago. He asked me why I suddenly changed my mind to go to Central. I just called, I didn't want to text anymore. I told him briefly that they had my degree, the weather is better and the distance is easier.

I asked him what his work schedule looked like lately. He told me he'd lost his "Career." Really, now? He spent a lot of the last time we'd actually spoke talking about this fantastic new job he was going to be starting. Well, surprise-surprise, the job is getting terminated. He told me he will be starting a new job where he will be.... "writing commercial jingles." This isn't the 1950's, what commercial jingles is he talking about?

So he's got ALL this free time on his hands, I'm going up to Central in less then 2 months, I figured he'd want to spend time together. I asked him if he'd want to hang out or something one of these days, actually jokingly suggesting that night which he said would be incredibly "weird." I was kidding about that night, but then he said me visiting in general would be "Weird." He said, "Yeah, I'd have to be like 'this is my friend all the way from the tri cities' to my roomates, do you know how weird that would be?"

He acts like I'm driving all the way up to Bellingham or something. It's not THAT far, good lord I usually drive over an hour a day just going all over town from stupid Benton City.

That's not the point though. He was making excuses. He finally just said, "I just don't want you coming here to solely visit me." That, right there, was enough for me to say fuck it. If I'm not good enough to come visit you or bring around your friends or whatever the fuck your problem is, I knew I was done with it and finally threw my cards out on the table.

Throwing my cards out doesn't necessarily mean I was wanting him to respond with "Oh my gosh I like you too lets be together!!!" because I'm not in middle school. I told him how I felt because I wanted him to know before I never spend time with him or talk to him again.

I told him that I really liked him, and that I didn't understand why he keeps talking to me if he doesn't like me back. I told him that I could have been over him by now. That it's cruel that he keeps talking to me if he has no intention of seeing me. The whole thing never made any sense and he didn't have any answers for anything.

All Jack can ever do is talk about how he HASN'T been with many other girls, as if this makes any difference to me. This was about me and him, I could give a shit about any other girls that he's fucked (or lack thereof) or done any of his stupid crafty dates.  Because the truth is, hardly any girl is good enough for him. He is waiting for some perfect girl to bring home to his Mommy; THAT right there is the bottom line. His mother is hugely influential and always has been because he has a lack of sense of direction in life. That being said, he'll want to find some girl that pleases his mother. That's not me at all. She does NOT like me. I was always a little rude to her because I knew she thought I was a "slut" because Jack told me she'd said so around sophomore year so I never made much of an effort to be polite to her. She of course based her judgement solely on how I acted with Toren, which was at the beginning of Freshman year. It should also be noted that she LOVEEEEEED Jessica Small; she'd never like me.

OH! How did I find out she thought I was a slut? Because she thought I was going to RAPE Jack when I had him over for lunch back when I was about 15 years old. Bah hahaha, I'm not even kidding here.

Jack told me that his opinion of me is this...

He finds me attractive.
He thinks my personality is interesting.

That's IT. There is no "I like you" in there at all, he never indicated actually liking me back in the phone conversation, this is as close as it got. But I know that to him I'm missing something that would make it so he wouldn't want to make any effort to spend time with me or introduce me to the people he lives with.

This picture was never anything. I'd assumed it was a girl he was into, but really I knew the suspicion was silly and I was just trying to make sense of why he wasn't talking to me. This whole thing is so embarrassing but I need to write it down to close this chapter in my life. 

He also said I accuse him of a lot of things, like on this blog where I wrongly interpreted a picture with a girl. I never knew if he was with her or not but I told him that I HAD to hypothesize because that's the only way I could make sense of WHY. Because he never gave me any answers, he'd just keep me waiting over and over again because he'd get drunk, call, and flirt with me.

He never denied that he's flirted with me, and did apologize for it. He said he "knows how I feel" because of the Hilary situation.

No, he has no idea how I feel because this is nothing like his stupid Hilary situation. Hilary is a girl he dated for two years. I'm sure they had great times together. They tried to stay friends afterward but she got a new boyfriend (which bothered him, even if now Jack and this other boyfriend are almost best friends, how precious!). This has absolutely no relevance.

Jack led me on for two fucking years. He would randomly get ahold of me over and over every few months and not give any real answers on how he felt about me but would continue to flirt and act like he was interested. Because he did this I had a really hard time being attracted to any other guy nor put any real effort in with anyone else because I figured, "Well, I like Jack, we'll end up being together eventually.. I'll just ignore this for now..." then we'd end up talking again and re-enforcing this notion, even if all along it was never going to happen.

 It hurt, so bad. The years that went by wondering what the Hell, why he was talking to me, WHY I can't seem to like anyone else...

But so much pain really has led me to being as laid back as I am today. I'm not afraid anymore. I know all the ins and outs of men after my long string of bad boyfriends over the years. There's no man that will ever fool me again, even if he looks as harmless as Jack does, they can still be ruthless with your feelings because many are selfish pigs.

I don't think Jack ever intended to hurt me, just like Jessica never intended to hurt me by pursuing the one guy I ever liked when she could have ANYONE... They're both incredibly naive, and quite unintelligent. Jessica is unintelligent because that's her character. Jack is unintelligent for never thinking his flirting would lead to me having feelings for him, along with his stupid career pursuits and lack of real life experience because everythings been spoon fed to him. You can't be mad at unintelligent people when you try to make sense of their actions. Jessica's hot, there's no doubting that. If I was in Jack's shoes I probably would of done the same thing. Jack's last REAL LIFE impression of me was a Japanophile girl that has quite a few insecurities and has a hard time loosening up about things, but is still very funny and attractive. Jessica however is popular, fun to be around, presentable to his friends, his Mom likes her, blonde, tall, sexy.... But I've always found her incredibly stupid so it was very hard to swallow when I saw he was with her. This also gave me a sense of hopelessness of ever being with him, which is when I tried to delete him and never talk to him again, and of course he'd start talking to me after I'd deleted him.


So that's it. No more Jack Otto. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him ever again if he had no intention of being with me. He told me he wasn't interested in a relationship at all. 


You can't have your cake and eat it too. You can't call me when your drunk and lonely and make up pretend plans. You can't lead me on with your flirty texts and act like you want something out of me when you never do. You're not a man, you're like a stupid child that doesn't know what he wants. You couldn't handle a girl like me, anyway, because I'm a strong, independent woman and I need a man that's going to love me for who I am 100% and not act like I'm second best to some perfect fantasy woman. I'm beautiful, I'm intelligent, I'm a musician, I don't want anything to do with him anymore.


It feels good to get that off my chest.


And it's not like no good has come from Jack. He WAS the icing on the cake to why I wanted to go to Central, even if I'd been considering it before. That's going to save me a lot of problems in the long run because it IS where I should be going to school. I don't care if he's there or not, there's thousands of people. 


He is also one of the reasons I started learning guitar. All the loneliness I'd been through led me to picking up my instrument back in January. I don't think we were talking back in January but I felt very lonely back then because I was having trouble being attracted to anyone else. I would compare guys to him and be immediately unsatisfied.


Not anymore though. I realize that Jack was never that great and I built him up in my head. I don't know if he'd even be that attractive to me if I saw him in person again. He's cute, my parents liked him because he was the only guy I've ever brought around that was up to THEIR standards. This made me like him a lot more because my mom talked like he was the greatest thing ever and I need to not lower my standards to BELOW his attractiveness. Well there's not very many guys in the tri cities that are as attractive as he is, but there sure as Hell will be elsewhere. 


Everything will work out in the long run, I finally feel free of him and I will never spend time with him again. If I see him I'll probably just smile like he's just another acquaintance or a customer I see at Rite Aid. He's out of my heart completely. I was hanging on to something because I needed to know how he felt but now that I've solved this "mystery" it'll never happen again. 


peace. 


oh, other stuff in my life is going well. I spent the night over at Trisha and Dylan's house recently, which was really fun. Spending a lot of time with Katelynn lately. I'm actually getting more and more interested in someone in the tri cities that I'll be able to hang out with for the rest of the summer if I play my cards right. I'm not going to go into much detail with any of that because this blog entry is getting incredibly long and I need to start practicing. 

Raw fish is icky.

Things make a little bit more sense now.

I don't want to say that I trust Jack necessarily but I can *kind of* see why he's been blowing me off. Yesterday we were texting eachother, probably after he saw my new California pictures or something, I don't know.. ANYWAAY, a couple days ago in the evening he sent:

"It's so boring in Ellensburg!"

And I'm like, "Don't tell me that when I'm moving there."

"WHAT I thought you were going to Western!"
(okay that's not direct quotations because I wouldn't post people's texts on my blog but you get the point)

So yeah, he had no idea I was going to Central at all. I only told him once, when he was drunk. He completely forgot what I'd told him so up until two days ago he had no idea I was going to be studying in the exact same building he will be next year. I'm now a little more forgiving of the way he's acted toward me. If I was in his shoes I probably wouldn't have been so quick to make plans with someone that's moving eight hours away in two months. 

I'm such a troll. I went through some of his pics and "liked" three pictures, none of which actually had him in them. Like I "liked" this lame lacrosse picture that was super far away and mainly showed a cloud.

I also commented on the old sushi picture from 2009. That's so disgusting that we ate raw fish from the stores in the tri-cities. I could NEVER do that now. 

The ball is really in his court now. He knows that I'm going there, take it or leave it. If he leaves it, I'm fine here because I'm kind of interested in someone else. It's been awhile since I've liked anyone else but I've been so painfully patient with Jack . . . 

I'm not going to say any names on the other person that I'm sort of interested in. It's not much business of this blog because this guy seems very private. Plus, he just broke up with his girlfriend that he was with for quite awhile and that's a potential eggshell situation so I'm choosing to keep my distance. 

Tricia and Dylan are so fun to hang with, I was at there house last night. I won't go into too much detail but we did watch Adventure time this morning. That show is freaking hilarious, it always blows me away what they can get away with. It reminds me a lot of Spongebob. Tricia is really chill and sweet. They're both really quiet though so I have to be careful not to be loud and forward like I always am. Me and Dylan got in an argument about Dream Theater. He said John Petrucci is a pretentious asshole. I'm sure he is, I wouldn't doubt for a second.

But he's a guitar God and I love they're music so it doesn't matter much to me.

alrighty I'm gonna peace out. 

I feeling more and more exausted here.

Things haven't been bad. We went out to dinner at this really nice mexican food restaurant and I ordered a plate of fish and chips. I must've been so hungry last night, I ate super quickly. I don't know why but it seems like I'm always hungry here. It's not that we haven't been going out to eat and all that, it's just that I don't have my usual source of snacks to pull from. Back home, I have numerous sources to get random food from. Here, there's like nothing to snack on in my Grandma's cabinets.  
I'm listening to Pantera right now. I got really irritated with some of the stuff Grandma listens too and I want to listen to some of my own music as a pallet clenser I suppose. I've listened to this Greatest Hits CD so many times but I haven't really branched into their other music. I really should, I like them a lot but I don't like some of their less melodic stuff.

It's bizarre being here at times, I mean there's a lot of tension betweem Mandy and Adam and it makes me a little sad for her. Zoe really shocked me this year, she's grown up a lot since I've last seen her. The stage between preteen and teenager is a large jump. She said her experience in middle school was good for the most part.

Of course we spilt all over the table almost immediately upon sitting down. here's my Mom cleaning it up. She's such a leader, it cracks me up how she's always planning everything she does. Right now she's out hanging out with Georgia, and I'm pretty sure my sister is getting her senior pictures done by my cousin.

I got a chance to go to the beach today. I built a sand sculpture of a head. I'll post a picture of it later. I can still feel sand on my body periodically even if I showered off when I got home. Georgia said at around 2:00 PM, "If we're only 10 minutes away from the beach, why are we sitting around here?" We're always waiting around trying to figure out what everyone else (mainly Mandy and my Mom) want to do. I told her I wanted to get a second chance to go to the beach really badly, this time more prepared with building materials. I was given a little utility pail and gardening shovel. These worked perfectly and my creepy looking bald face in the sand was a success.

I of course ran out of time and was unable to complete the entire body, as expected. Next time I really should just build from ground level up.

I'm excited for my Mom to get home because she's bringing me food. I'm really tired of restaurant food but I haven't really had a chance to buy groceries aside from these crappy chips I bought at World Market. I'll occasionally grab  a bagel or something from the kitchen but there was few things to munch on there... I mean unless you want chips and salsa, all the time. I personally don't care for chips and salsa much at all. It's too much salt and gives me heartburn.

Maybe I could eat some crackers and hummus again... I've been missing my regular source of calcium because my Grandma doesn't buy dairy products, so that's been hard when I consume a lot of cereal on a regular basis. Makes me kind of happy this trip's coming to a close, though it's been great to see everyone.

peace.

Day two in California has been going smoothly enough, we've mainly been doing preparations for Georgia's arrival and hanging out. Grandma's hippie friend came over with this really cool device called a POD "direct box." I'm not that familiar with most of the knobs, but this is going to be fun to play with for the next week. I can really achieve a solid metal sound with it.

My mom must have found and discarded a certain device I was previously using. I am not going to try and make a new one, they look really white trash.

I'm going to text Trisha today I think. Dylan messaged me on facebook to ask how my trip was going and I told him it's been well. I'm looking forward to hanging out with him and Trisha again. Gotta make the most of my trip here, too. I'm not sure what the plan is when Georgia, Jane, Joe, Tom and Georgia's husband show up. I assume we'll be going out to dinner. Last night I had dinner at this Mexican place called Que Pasa! here in Paso Robles and the service was atrocious.

Mandy's been so busy. Rarely is anyone able to talk to her without a text or phonecall interruption.

But yeah, jamming was fun. He said I inspired him with my enthusiasm in the instrument which makes me really happy. He says I have major potential and I'm freaking honored. Seriously this guy plays beautifully and I'd love to be able to play like that someday.

Alright well, I'm gonna get going.

peace. 

Guess what everyone? I'm in California. Hurray!

There's a really pretty riff in Bleakwater Park by Opeth that I'd like to learn. Around 3:30 in the song it starts to play. Seems doable, even if Opeth has a tendency to be extremely tricky.

My Grandma lives in a small house with little privacy, really. It's very much my Grandmother's style, the light floral patterns and the French style decor.. She seems really happy here and we're super thrilled she now has her own place. She has no real desire to share her place with anyone else, it's the perfect size for my Grandma. We all kind of feel like we're in eachother's hair but we'll have to make the most of it.

I slept almost the entire car ride. I took three motion sickness pills and was out like a light for nearly all of the 16 hours we spent driving. Any time that  I wasn't sleeping I was playing my guitar. I didn't need much else.. but I felt really crabby because I have been experiencing cramps for days. I don't know if the cramps are actually from... *that* or because of stress.

Everything has been going well for the most part here though. As embarrising as it was at times I was able to play in front of my Grandma, aunt and Mom on this really nice amp that this guy is lending my Grandma. He said it's cheep and that he rarely uses it and I hope maybe I can buy it from him. It's so compact and has a powerful sound.

We feel extremely welcome here, the whole place is simple and peaceful and I'm really excited to see everyone. I saw Mandy for the first time in a couple years tonight. She seems a little tired.. She's going to bring Aiden over tomorrow. He's four and I'm super stoked to see him. Zoey is 15... I think, around there. She's coming over at some point tomorrow as well I'm sure.

Here's me in my Grandma's music and computer room. I plan to spend a lot of time in here. Having a new practice environment is good for me, and I might start messing with the acoustic more often. I need to learn more things and stick to what I'm doing until I've got it nailed.



I think I should learn some Perfect Circle. Their music literally never gets old. Perfect Circle and Tool has a certain quality about it that makes it withstand the arms of time. I should try to master it some Tool music on acoustic like Mitch did.

I'm excited for what's to come tomorrow. But for now I'm going to bed.

peace.

Fat kids trotting around with explosives

Tonight I decided to start learning Creeping Death by Metallica.

It's not necessarily their most popular song but I heard it in the car today and decided it'd be a fun one to try out. I'd still be practicing now if my arm didn't cramp up after 10 minutes of fiddling around with the intro. That's probably a good sign I should give my arm a rest for a minute so I'll write.

Hmm, work was okay. I was sort of anxious because I thought we were leaving for California tonight when in actuality we're leaving tomorrow at some point. That's fine with me now that I realize how unprepared I am. There really is a lot of random little things that I have to remember throughout my day and don't want to forget anything that could cause me stress on the trip without it.

My Dad gave me a few hundred dollars to make up for the school payment as well as the work on the farm. Technically this also paid for the $40 for half of guitar lessons too. I was shocked and thrilled, and of course extremely happy to get this money. I feel much more relaxed about the trip now. On top of that, I get paid next Thursday.

You know what I've been thinking? Maybe someday I'll actually give guitar lessons myself to make some extra money. I'd have to get a lot better, though. But I think I've been making some major progress lately and new material is coming a lot easier so it's a goal that seems more realistic now.

_______________________

Fourth of July went very well! I had a lot of fun hanging out with Katelynn and Alan over here until we went to the firework show at 8:30 pm or so. I didn't go there to mingle around with people much, though I did see Tucker G. and he ended up sitting with us when he lost his group. The firework show was really pretty and Benton City did a good job, they got a really big turnout too.

God, I could not help but notice the amount of obese children lately. I couldn't believe it, it seemed like every other child was fat.. and not just fat, but obese; not good. It seems to be a big problem in the Hispanic culture but I see it in the white culture a lot too.. it just seems to get more out of hand. I think the reason for the weight problem comes from different reasons, however.

In white culture I feel a lot of childhood obesity has to do with laziness. Parents just don't want to cook for their kids so they're fine with serving soda, fast food, or maybe if they're feeling like putting in a *little* effort some Mac and Cheese or Top Ramen. These foods have little nutrients at all and have a huge amount of sodium and fat.

I feel that in Hispanic culture, though the family is getting fed plenty of fresh, homecooked food, the way that some of the food is being prepared is so atrocious for you that it leads to problems. I don't know, it's weird that they seem to all have very similar diets in their family lives but only certain members of families will get really overweight from it and others won't at all. It's a bad, generalized view.

ANYWAY! Dylan N. and his girlfriend Patricia met up with us. So it was two couples and me. I swore to God last year I wouldn't spend another f'ing 4th of July without someone to sit next to but that failed me but last night I REALLY meant it. It was tough being there with two couples but at the same time it couldn't have been two better couples in the world for this situation. Katelynn and Alan are fine, I don't care, Alan kind of feels like a brother to me already, I don't mind having him around what so ever.

Dylan and Patricia are ALSO really freaking cool. As you might recall, Dylan is the guy I met in my Accounting 201 class. He didn't do so hot so I'd help him out here and there. His girlfriend though is the sweetest thing. I expected her personality to be cold and rude toward me because I thought maybe she'd dislike the fact that Dylan had hung out with me before but it was the total opposite. She actually invited me over to there place.

Originally last night I was planning to go to Shawn and Samantha's House but by this time had come my Dad was lighting off these horrendously loud fireworks in our front yard that was making me feel panicked and irritable. I didn't really want to go to any high energy situations, and it sounded like there was going to be a party over at House and I imagined Tyler B. being really loud and crazy and I decided to just hang out at Dylan's instead. I'm sure Samantha isn't angry about it, I'm sure her and Shawn had a great time together and everything worked out fine. I haven't been able to get ahold of her or anyone else because my phone is off and I feel weird bringing it up on facebook.

Anyway I gotta go, probably gonna be up until 2 am playing tonight. I need to make up for major lost time.

peace. 

Their carelessness made yesterday one of the worst days of my life.

Yesterday began so miserably it's going to be hard to go into it once again, but I'm going to explain everything that happened to preserve this.

At about 3 am my sister got up to do her morning shift at 9th Street. She got done at 3:45 AM or so and went to the door and let in Miranda. She seemed scared and almost banged her head on the door to get inside, according to my sister. At 5 AM, I heard a horrible screaming from my Mom from the kitchen window. I was scared to hear her scream like that and I thought maybe there was an intruder in the house. I quickly looked out my window to see if the van was parked right outside my window so I'd have a place to jump if I needed to run away.

I quickly got up after yelling, "Is everyone safe?" I had heard "They've got Tabitha!" and quickly put my clothes on. During this time I heard a loud BANG that seemed to silence the neighborhood until my mom started screaming again. There were two dogs that I didn't see exactly but I got the descriptions and can give you somewhat accurate pictures.

A full sized Great Dane. My Dad ended up shooting it and it yelped loud enough that both the Great Dane and the pit let go of Tabitha and ran off.

A blue coat pitbull. Note that none of us knew anyone owned a pitbull in our neighborhood. Usually pitbulls are limited to families in Green Acres trailer park, if we had known these ferocious, full sized dogs were living down the road there's no way in Hell we would have let our cats in at night.

The pitbull and the Great Dane tag teamed my poor, defenseless, elderly cat that was minding her own business in the backyard. She had no idea what was coming when the two dogs started throwing her in the air and ripping her apart furiously. They both had a grip on her and spun around in circles until Dad shot at the Great Dane. 

They didn't even kill her, my Dad ended up bringing the gun out before they could. We figured Tabitha was dead, but she was dying on her back in the backyard. We didn't know what to do, we were all shocked and crying, and my Mom had walked down the road, following the dogs when she realized they were the Mexican's down the road's dogs. I can't remember their last name, it's like Gonzalez or something. They moved there after the Linohans moved out and just officially bought the house, meaning they're there for good. Their fence in their backyard was completely falling down because these dogs had tore it to shreds over time. 

These people used to own little yappy dogs. The ones that they'd let roam free around the neighborhood, some little chihuahua bullshit dog. Their dogs had been the ones that followed me and Mitch Missett around on Christmas break for miles and barked at us for hours. These are also the dogs that I'd try walking out to my car and they'd start yapping at me. I wanted to strangle that stupid dog. Apparently they did too because they got rid of those little dogs and bought two monsters that created a threat to the entire neighborhood.

Because apparently those big dogs had broke from their fence numerous times and got into the Cunningham's yard when they were just babies. As Blue (that's the pitbull's name, assuming he has a blue coat) got older he would actually go into the Cunningham's house and rest on their furniture and act super friendly with Mrs. Cunningham. Because of this, she had told her husband that she knew something bad was going to happen from these dogs if the Hispanic family down the road wouldn't stop letting their dogs roam around free. Unfortunately she never told us so we didn't use precaution about letting our cats out, and this disgusting tragedy that damaged our family had to happen.

I stormed down the road. My mom had been standing there hysterically crying and I knew I had to take control and show these people who the fuck I was and that there dogs were going to die. 

"Your dogs came into MY yard and killed MY CAT? What the Fuck is you people's problem letting those things run wild? Those dogs are DEAD! I will make sure those dogs are DEAD. You fucking people own your stupid Machismo dogs, why don't you buy yourself a damn golden retriever?" The Machismo thing was the only racially directed insult that I threw out. It is Machismo to own one of those things. People that are insecure and try to be macho and tough buy these stupid dogs that aren't even loyal to their owners. 

They kept saying "I'm sorry.." like dumbfounded idiots. You're sorry? No, you're not sorry until both of those dogs are euthanized so they can never terrorize again. I was so angry. I was furious, I wanted to make them feel horrible. I wanted them to know the pain I felt for what had happened. My cat was dying in our backyard and we had to wrap her up in towels and drive her to the pet emergency clinic in Pasco to get her put down. She was crying in my lap, looking up at me and I kept saying "It's okay... it's okay..." and crying myself. My mom had told me to calm down for her sake but I found it very difficult. She was in pain and I was in pain because there was nothing I could do. I sat there saying my last goodbyes and trying to be as calm as possible for her.

The emergency clinic put her down somewhat quickly, but it was an agonizing wait as we were given the options. We knew we had to put her down. She's elderly so we didn't know if she would be able to heal from all of her internal injuries as well as a broken leg. She was given an injection to ease any pain, then she was send to Heaven. They put her in a lovely burial bag, tied with a bow. 

We drove home, very sad and very angry. I had calmed down from all the crying, but I was also anxious and nervous because I realized we had no idea where Michiko and Marlow were (okay, even if Marlow is our kind of annoying stray I still care about him). I was hoping for the best, that they were just hiding out somewhere and they'd turn up eventually.

We got home at 7' or so and my Dad and I dug a hole for her burial. We put her next to Spanky. Spanky is buried under the boat in our backyard. That was the end of my three first childhood kitties, and I was devastated that her demise came in our own backyard, a place that she's always felt safe in the 13 years of living with us. 

I posted about this on facebook and got an extraordinary amount of responses from caring souls, many of which had a similar thing happen to them when they were kids (WITH pitbulls!). In fact my friend Chris had to witness his own cat getting killed by a pitbull and had an incredible amount of sympathy. I knew that this was a problem that is way larger than I'd ever imagined. 

Last year in the United States, about thirty dog bites were reported and 22 of them were pitbulls (I got this info from Dogbite.com yesterday). Just a few years ago the Cook family's pitbull ripped the cheek off their son. There is no reason these dogs should be living here, they're a safety hazard.

On top of that, they're ugly ass dogs. Hideous, with those tiny little beady eyes and ripped muscles for chasing after children and other animals. Mrs. Cunningham had told us their dogs used to prowl up and down the fenceline like bullies to intimidate the Cunningham's dog. Pitbulls pack up with other dogs, making them more dangerous than most breeds. They have a lock grip and twist and rip flesh to shreds.

Then why do people own them? Why would someone own an intimidating, potentially extremely dangerous dog? Well why do people own big guns and super flashy cars? To make up for their small penis, of course! That's all machismo stuff is! Guys are insecure about their small dicks so they have to buy this kind of garbage to make up for it. 

We had to play the waiting game after the incident. We'd called the cops they came to our house and he called Animal control. He'd told us that we needed to save the bill for the euthanization and give it to the animal control people. The cop had talked to the other family, who'd told them it was ONLY the Great Dane that was at fault. I was like, oh no.. Both of them are at fault, both of them need to die. 

Unfortunately, the animal control people did not stop at our house as they were instructed and went down the road and somehow the Gonzalez's weaseled their way out of their pit bull getting taken away and they loaded it up into a truck to take elsewhere so they can go visit it. Disgusting people they are, how dare they do that when it'd just taken our pet's life. Eye for an eye, both of those dogs needed to die for breaking an entrance into our yard and committing a violent crime on our animals. 

My Dad had tried talking to the animal control people but they were very rude and didn't give my Dad any straight answers, probably because they realize they'd made a mistake in letting the pitbulls go. We decided that though there wasn't much more we can do, we submitted a letter to animal control to forward to them requesting the money for the euthanization. The letter has details of everything that occurred, and I hope they feel extremely guilty.

Because it's there fault. It's not the dogs. Those dogs were doing what they do naturally, which is be savages.  It's in their nature, especially when they'd been ignored and held up in a tiny pen. The family had let the dogs roam free that morning because they were packing up for a camping trip. They'd escaped from the yard and came directly to our house where they tortured and brutally wounded my animal, which my parents both witnessed first hand. All because of the avoidable carelessness of these people.

I never want to live in a neighborhood where pitbulls are living. Actually if it was up to me they'd be entirely illegal. Everyone loves to claim, "Mine is so sweet, it'd never hurt anyone." If you wanted a sweet dog that had no real threat of killing someone why wouldn't you get an Afghan, a Collie, a pug, a terrier,... so many breeds of dogs that wouldn't do something like this. But no, because people have some need to have some badass dog that they believe will protect them. If you want a dog that will protect you, there are plenty of varieties of hunting dogs that are known for being both well behaved and loyal/protective to their owners. 

Because I've really yet to see a super loyal or well behaved pitbull. They always have a ton of energy and I feel uncomfortable that they might turn on you in a second. My aunt owns those stupid pitbulls. I always hated Lola and would push her away if she got anywhere near me. Mandy used to get irritated by this, she would be like "Oh she's just trying to give you love." Uhm. No thanks. I don't want love from that. 

Luckily, Michiko and Marlow are alive and well. Michi is following mom around like always and Miranda has been laying close. They both seem very happy to be alive, and I know that sounds weird to say about a cat but they've been super loving and calm. Miranda and Michi won't spend much time outside anymore, however. Miranda was actually sitting in my Dad's garage yesterday in the middle of the floor, which is completely out of character for her. 

_________________________

We got Tabitha when I was in the 2nd grade. We were looking for kittens because we'd gotten Spanky when I was 6 (which worked out great) and my parents thought my sister and I were responsible enough to handle a couple more. We went into the vet clinic and I remember the glee I felt when we saw the large cage full of little kittens. They were all meowing to get our attention, but there was one in particular the meowed the loudest and climbed up the highest and it was a little average sized, fluffy gray Tabby. 

I immediately wanted to see her and the vet got her own for me. She was so loving and happy to get my attention that she sat right on my lap and nuzzled against me. Little did I know this continuous nuzzling and rubbing would continue for the next fourteen years because we think she might've been removed from her mother too early. 

My sister chose the one orange one, who ran away scared and they had to get him out from behind the plant. My mom was trying to convince me to look at Tabitha's less-friendly sister that was also sitting in the cage but I wasn't interested. Tabitha seemed perfect and we adopted her. 

We got them home and let them roam around in their new environments. I loved Tabitha so much and helped take care of her. 

In her adulthood Tabitha was very easygoing and laid around for most of her life. She liked to nuzzle on people and was very popular with guests that would come to our house. She liked to hunt and was the best at catching birds. She never welcomed new cats much, but didn't bother them either. I do remember her getting pretty mad when Sadie came (the terrier) and used to whack her in the face sometimes with her paw if she got too close. It was funny because it never hurt Sadie but she really wanted to be Tabitha's friend.

Tabitha and Spanky were close, and sometimes you could catch Spanky licking Tabitha's forehead and they'd lay together on the back porch. It was very cute. For the most part, though, Tabitha minded her own business and did her own thing. She didn't ask for much attention but occasionally I'd sit down and pet her if she didn't seem annoyed by it. She didn't really seem to care for getting pet much but I think she enjoyed the attention from people. 

It's a shame that she met the fate that she did, and she will be missed.

~

Happy 4th of July everyone. I'll write about that tomorrow, today should be interesting. I've gotta get some practice done. I've been sitting here for a couple hours waiting for my mom to get me something important at the store which we NEVER have in my house because my sister uses them all. Ugh, so frustrating. 

Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon with Katelynn and we saw Men in Black III. It was stupid but it was nice to get out for awhile and spend time with her and Alan. It helped me get my mind off things. I'll be watching the fireworks show here in Benton city with them tonight and also stopping at her mom's friend's house for a BBQ. I'm sort of sad that again I'll be watching the fireworks show without anyone to cuddle up next to. I remember hoping last year that things this year might be different, even if last year I had an amazing time with some girl friends. It was just a *little* spark of hope that didn't come true again but hey that's life. I'm going to have a good one this year, too.

peace. 

Budget planning for the trip

Today's been good so far. I woke up bright and early and played the Sims 2 for a couple hours. I finished up my Spahn ranch and Barker ranch replicas and I plan to start on my Sims music video later on. I haven't done this in a long time, but I figure it'd be cool to show off my creative touch with the game a bit-- even if people don't really watch Sims music videos but who cares.

I played guitar for an hour and 10 minutes so far. I also graphed out all my days for the past week and a half or so and it looks like I'm going to be paying Jacob on Thursday. I'm going to ask my dad for the money from cherries so I'll be able to pay for $50 of the $80 just from that, thus not cutting too far into my California trip savings.

Okay honestly there was never an actual savings plan for that. I've been trying not to think about it, but just to have a more pleasant experience I'll write out my budget for the trip.


Current Checking: $264
Current Savings: $1,170

I get paid 7/12 for this weekend and this upcoming Thursday. (about $270 or so)

Total: $1,434
Goal at the end of the summer-- September 10th, 2012: $2,000
(remember that my Dad will match whatever I earn. This is a huge incentive for me to save.)

Travel Arrangements

Gasoline contribution for duration of trip $40

$40

Daily Costs

Food

Estimated $10/day on two driving days. 

$60

Allowance of $35 for rest of the trip but no more.

$95

Shopping allowance

$50 for mac powder and a mascara. Also for when we shop around

$145

I know I'll probably go over this, but if at all possible I'd like to do this trip on the cheap. Like I've said before I've had some major set backs in my savings the past couple months and it seems more and more impossible to get to my goal by the end of the summer. I probably spend too much money, but working in retail it's hard to not make little impulse purchases here and there. I just try really hard not go overboard and only take advantage of the very good sales. But little $5 purchases here and there add up so quickly, and only fuel the fire of the money that I absolutely have to drop once a month for $80 and once every two weeks for $40. 

Driving in the car is going to be a bitch because I'm gonna have my guitar on my lap.

Last night I talked to Jack really briefly. I'm pretty sure he's working 40 hours a week or so at this place and is also working mornings. Not very many people share my work on the weekends schedule, aside from Katelynn and Alan. It's Monday, they're working.. 

I'm trying not to get in my summer rut. Things haven't been too interesting lately but I just can't be driving around right now. My phone is off so I feel cut off socially... I should go outside for awhile and come back and play after I sit out in the sun for a bit. 

peace.