4 days... : (

...Is how long it takes for a guy to not talk to you for you to realize that he's not interested in continuing contact more than likely. At least in previous experience that's what I've found... like if you text a guy and he doesn't text you back and it's been 4 days that usually means it's a done deal. The only exception to that is Terry because he'll text me once or twice a month. 

I swear to God Terry only really hangs out with other men... 

Terry has been making it seem like he wants to see me this week... Like he's sent me a couple texts saying I "should come up there this week." Well with an invite like that how could I say no! ...Kidding, honestly driving to Ellensburg to see Terry has been one of the last things on my mind this summer. With our history of poor communication and being around eachother only once or twice a month at school... I just figured there was no way that plan would be a plan we could actually execute. And it hasn't yet. 

Eric doesn't seem to want to communicate with me because he hasn't talked to me at all for about 4 days now. I did text asking where he worked but he didn't respond so I'm just having a feeling he doesn't want to get to know me and that this was a 1 night thing (*"not a one night stand", just 1 night of being around this person). More than likely he's got a girlfriend or something, who knows. I know nothing about him really aside from what I saw on the outside, and the people I'd come to his house with seemed to barely know him either. Like Terrance went to highschool with him or something but they just seemed like acquaintances. 

So yeah, that's been a little disappointing. I didn't mean to develop a crush like that but it has been sucking some of my motivation.

I did apply to office max today which is good. Got that taken care of and tomorrow I plan to hand deliver a few applications. I needed to take a day to rest today so I didn't. It's only 10' but I've already accomplished more than an hour of solid guitar practice and I'm going to make it an early night. I want energy tomorrow for getting these applications done. 

I've had this awful mucus-y cough lately that makes me sound like a 90 year old smoker. This black girl that I work with at JCpennies told me to "cover my cough because diseases can spread around here." I know she's right but I feel like she doesn't really like me like most people I'm working with in my department which sucks. 

I did get ahold of one of the nice managers at Office Max today and they have been reviewing applications for a new hire. I'm also planning on applying at Target tomorrow and maybe Craft warehouse. I don't know if there's a Staples in the tri cities but I could apply there too. All these places seem like totally reasonable, easy minimum wage cashiering jobs with way less stress than what I've been dealing with now. 

I like this pic of Sam, she posted it today

I would love to work at office max because I'd be there with Samantha who's never caused me stress in my life. I rarely see her anymore so it'd be awesome to work together. Lol I'd love if she was the one to show me how to do everything at work. The training there shouldn't be as confusing as all the bells and whistles on JCP's system. 

peace. 

Woah, where the hell did you come from..

Yesterday at BC fireworks show

I've had a pretty interesting last couple days. I'm kind of excited to tell my few dedicated blog readers about this because I've been pretty quiet about it otherwise.

The other night I went out to the Parkade for karaoke night with Ashleigh. I had worked a couple days beforehand and I was ready to have fun and drink a little bit but I didn't expect I'd actually meet anyone at the bars. Anyway came in and it was really packed so we grabbed one of the tables towards the back near the pool tables. There was ONE bartender working.... She was absolutely swamped so we were patient. But the bad singing made me want a drink pronto.

I went up to the bar and actually only stood there for about 5 minutes before I got my first corona light. About half an hour after we got there two really cute kind of hispanic looking guys and their A. American girl friend came in.   I thought one of them was especially cute because he was tall, had light-olive undertone skin, dark hair, kind of Asian looking eyes... Lots of my favorite things, ha ha ha. Anyway shortly after they came in we'd switched tables to closer to the front. I have to admit I was sort of trying to catch glimpses at him from that point and wasn't as talkative with the people I came with as I could have been. My mind because kind of preoccupied.

Ashleigh was trying to get me to sing and I'm like nope... nope... -look down at my phone to check the time to see when karaoke was over... nope..

Taylor H., her boyfriend Jace and Terrance met us at the bar at around 12'. Ashleigh and I had walked to the gas station to buy some munchies that I was dying for and by the time I got back the cute guys had left. I sat back down at the table and drank a big glass of Angry orchard. 

The more I drink the more I want to dance. 

Ashleigh told me we were going to go to Jack Didley's after karaoke finished at 12 which was cool, I wanted to watch Ashleigh sing again anyway because she sings country and all the bar girls get into it, ha ha ha. Anyway after she sang I left the Parkade with this guy named George who knows Kinbri. I was really interested to talk to him because he knew what happened to this guy Collin that disappeared for awhile. Annnnyway...

We walked to Jack Didleys, I'd forgot my ID, then we had to walk back to the Parkade again to get my ID.... 

Then I proceeded to dance my ass off and have a fantastic time with Bradley H. I'm sure I've mentioned Bradley before.. He's a really sweet, fun, kinda flamey gay guy who's studying at the beauty academy in town. Anyway he came with some of his beauty school friends and we had suchhh a fun time drinking and dancing for awhile. I saw Rose B. there too, her son Rayne just turned 4. 

I did meet this other guy, I think his name was Luis or something. Normal baseball hat wearing, "white t" kind of guy. I didn't have any intention of leaving with him but I'd lost my friends so we danced for awhile. He was nice and bought me a water bottle but yeah... I was just planning on going back to Ashleigh's house and crashing for the night after the club closed. I actually got invited to a couple parties by these rapper looking guys while I was at the bar who saw me dancing to "Black and Yellow" and said I was good. ha ha ha I was honored

So fast forward. Almost 2 am, I'm pretty buzzed and wondering where my friends that I'd came with that hadn't stuck around the club very long. They had gone back to drink more beer at the Parkade and when I came back I noticed Terrance was talking to the girl that the guys had come in with. They were all standing outside the bar with Ashleigh, Steven, etc... smoking cigarettes.

I walked up and I was actually too shy to talk to the guy I'd noticed earlier initially so I introduced myself to his friends. The girl's name was TK. The other hispanic guy that they'd come with left but there was now a bald Croatian guy with a beard that was chilling with them. I'd talked to them for about 30 minutes before I actually met Eric (the cute one I'd been checking out all night) who's house we were going to after the bars closed.

Ashleigh, Steven and I loaded up into his car and we headed over to Pasco where Eric's house is. Steven was kind of pissing me off because he was like "Well I'm glad you're hooking up with this guy instead of that guy you were dancing with." I'm like "What? I don't hook up with anyone." Which is true. I was just dancing at the club and having a good time, it doesn't mean anything. 

But we did go to Eric's freaking nice house that he lives in on his own (he's 26), drank a little more, hung out there for awhile... I was pretty stoked because Eric was like flirtatious with me and I just thought he seemed intelligent so I was just trying to play it off as cool as I could so he didn't get the wrong first impression or something.

The people I came with stuck around until about 5 in the morning after Eric and I had actually laid down. I didn't sleep at all that night. I just kind of laid there with my eyes closed with a lot of things going through my mind. Like what I was going to do the next day for 4th of July and how I was going to go back to Ashleigh's to get my car the next day..... and stuff like that.... 

But yeah, Eric is really cool and I'd like to see him again. He seems really confident, beautiful smile, he's half Columbian and speaks Spanish. He obviously has hobbies just by looking around his house like snowboarding and 4-wheeling. That and he's 26 which probably means he's got his shit together. Yeah, crossing my fingers we'll see what happens.  

peace. 

"So you're a female shredder?"

Last summer I was really concerned that Guy Stevens was the reason that I got sick and couldn't eat anything or sleep. I thought it was because I was nervous around him and the anxiety caused appetite suppression

This year the same thing has been happening, and there's been a 180 degree turnaround of the amount of stress in my life since last summer. I can't eat very well nor can I sleep quite right, even in my own bed. I've been making myself sleep with motion sickness relief pills occasionally (just one, don't panic) just to keep my sleeping routine in tact. I'll try to go to bed at a decent time but the heat will keep me up and then it'll end up being 1 or 2 AM before I actually sleep. The heat actually struck late this year, here it is late July and we're just barely getting that uncomfortable heat outside.


Me and Trisha were sitting outside last night while she was smoking a cigarette and I actually got cold with a slight breeze after being in their very warm house. I haven't liked the temperature changes this summer because I've either been really cold or hot. The only place I can seem to get temperature control is at home. Katelynn's house is pretty close to perfect, too, temperature wise but when I wear skimpy clothes to beat the summer heat I have to sit with a blanket. It's all silly. Maybe next summer I'll venture north to get away from this heat.

I've been hanging out over at Trisha's and Dylan's house a lot, for a number of reasons. First of all, me and Trisha were immediately really good friends. Our personalities contrast in a perfect way so that we get along. She's much more of a Type B personality than I am. She's so graceful and good at things that I suck at like cooking and cleaning so I feel like I can learn a lot from her. She's nice, very cool, she never annoys me and she has a good sense of humor.

______________________________________________________

Dylan and I sometimes butt heads. Not about anything in particular but he does rip on my music taste at least once or twice each time we're together. I don't rip on his but I think it pisses him off that I'm a shred guitarist and don't do much else yet. I've only been playing for... what this is week 15 or something? I want to expand to other music as I get better but this takes time. They've both been playing for years.

I did however notice Dylan trying to play some thrashy sounding stuff when we were sitting in the basement. I'll sit at there house while I'm hanging out with them and play like I do at home just to get my hours in. I won't play with the volume or anything because I know they don't like the music that I like.

Last night, however, this poking fun of my playing got to the point that I actually cried. We were sitting upstairs; me, Trisha, Dylan and Dylan's friend.. crap I can't remember his name, ERIC! Their shaggy haired blonde friend Connor usually showed up out of the blue from time to time, too, but Dylan and Eric are very close.

I liked Eric alright at first, he's got a pretty good sense of humor and he's intelligent. However, anytime I'd say anything around him he'd always either talk over me or rip on me, so I'd sort of stop talking after awhile. He's clever, he could take something I was describing that I was passionate about and totally turn it on me and make it seem like the lamest thing in the world. 

He really pushed my buttons at around 1 am. We'd been partying a bit and I was really exhausted, we were sitting upstairs watching this political humor show... not Colbert Report but the other one. I don't know, I could care less about most politics in this country and don't recognize any of the "guests" on these shows, nor do I watch the news. I was doing my last hour of guitar, all palm muted of course so nobody would get annoyed by it. 

I like the music that I do because I don't relate to music about love. Somehow my brain relates more to music about pain, war, Hell and destruction. Even if my life hasn't been that bad I've been through so much war with my own depression, pain and injustice with the people that this music just suits me better. So of course if I'm going to learn how to play guitar I'm going to learn songs that I like. I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. In fact I hate playing in front of people and still consider myself a NOVICE player even if some that have heard me have been impressed with my speed. 

Eric picked up my practice sheet and started reading the titles out loud. "Wow, look at this. Alternate picking pattern 1... alternate picking pattern 2... chromatic scales.. Am I reading this handwriting right? Fear of the Dark, OHH that sounds scary.." I simply told him it was by Iron Maiden. 

He goes on to tell me, "Look, it's cool that you're a female shredder, there's none on the "scene" right now... but I absolutely can't stand this music and I'll just be over here doing MY *insert some band here, I don't even know*." He went off on a five minute tangent from here ripping on what I do and started making fun of how serious I was about it and in this process I'm like "Stop...... stop... Please stop." 

I told him that I didn't want to be on any sort of "scene." I didn't want to be in a band or anything, I just want to play. He told me, "OHH you're just playing so that you can upload a video on youtube or something and have a bunch of metalheads get blown away that you can play their favorite song. Favorite. Favorite. Favorite." I had no prior indication that I had a youtube channel but he did hit the nail on the head with that one, yet made it sound so lame that I felt like I was being vain and ridiculous for even wanting to do so. 

By now he had taken my practice sheet and started writing things on it. I don't know what he wrote because I finally just started crying and said, "It's like my therapy, don't do that!" He crossed the line.

It would have been 10x worse if he would of had the nerve to write on my actual practice sheet. I would have probably ripped it away from him and left. It's a major depression curbing tool that I use that is sacred to me. I was really offended and humiliated that he would take something that I thought was so cool and personal to me, and turned it into something that made me feel like I was being lame in my methods to other guitarists.

I'm going to get going, I slept in until 1 today because nobody's been home and I've just been chilling out. I don't want to see anybody, really. 

peace.