Monday, April 30, 2012

Cleaning out my closet (or my mom's computer), my Japanophile phase pictures.

I feel so flattered today!

I posted a picture that I took in my room this morning because I figured I needed a new default, something a little less black and white to lighten things up. I posted the picture and it has like 18 likes on it. I don't really know why someone "liking" something should mean anything, but it does make me very complimented. Speaking of changes, I think I might change the background on this blog. It's all very clique and I like to change it up every so often. Not like anyone reads this thing anyway. Don't blame them, this is super boring. To be honest I prefer it this way.

Onto today's topic!

"Beauty and the Beast seemed like it all was really brown. The whole thing was just so brown and orange and yellow, like Burger King or something. I don't think I would have liked Beauty and the Beast at any age."
-Mike Judge
(an awesome quote I heard earlier, completely unrelated, but the picture is.)

I absolutely cannot stand anything bento or "kawaii" related anymore. Because Kawaii itself is a breed of animation and products that can't be matched by anything in the West yet, I've just reached an absolute burnout. Seeing this picture above of a bento box makes me laugh at how much time and effort I put into those stupid little things! They provided barely any food and sometimes I would put items in there just for show because they looked good and knew damn well that later it wouldn't be very tasty. Ugh, I tried. Deleted on my mom's computer, thought I'd further immortalize it online. I'm trying to clear out some of the seas of images I've stored on this poor device. I'll just upload the ones that stand out.

When I was shopping for a cosplay dress, I saved this because I thought it was cute. That ridiculous thing. What the Hell was I thinking?

Yeah, no. Good ridance to that, forever.

Never uploaded because I hate this picture of me.

This is actually me this summer. Uhm, yeah, I think I'm going to start wearing at least some tinting lotion good lord, it was NOT nessasary to strive to be that pale in freaking July.

A sort of cute picture of me that I never uploaded and now I don't see why, it's a lot better than the picture that I did choose because God forbid you should actually see a little of my top lip. That's another thing, the top lip thing that I do in pictures is something I copied from none other than....

Fucking magibon!!! See a resemblance?

Yeah, wasn't too real about my personality there for awhile. I wanted so badly to be like Magibon, or Margaret Adams. Cute, shy, almost nervous... emulating a Japanese "kawaii" persona in a Western world. It inspired me to the point that I actually decided to LEARN Japanese, and it pushed me up until this point.

This point that I started playing guitar (this started around Christmas. Solid hour a day, THAT was the rule) and realized that music interested me a lot more than Japanese things. I wanted to learn all about it and experience it, as I'd always been envious of people that could shred on guitar. I decided that what the Hell, i'm going to actually put in the practice time to do this. This was a very good decision because it has helped my confidence significantly to develop a skill that nobody can take away from me. That, and coming closer to graduation and facing the REAL world.

I'm like, humiliated posting these you guys I'm not going to lie.

I'm not going to say that Magibon didn't have a possitive influence. When I discovered her videos, I was in the stage where I was wearing.. well, GUYS shirts-- black band shirts that covered everything, it was basically like a niqab of my femininity. I felt like I had something to prove my Junior year or so, after going through the Hell of my sophomore year I just wanted people to know I didn't give a shit anymore about what they thought and I was done trying to do myself up for them.

So because of Magibon's influence, I started really getting into cutesy Japanese style, mannerisms, and developing a way to become a mystery to people. But that's not me. I'm not a mystery, I'm an open book. I love to talk, listen. Watch some of Magibon's videos, she doesn't do ANYTHING! She just sits there, stares at the camera, and says a few very basic things in Japanese. It's worked for her very well, she's become almost a figurehead in Japan, had her 15 minutes of fame I guess. But that's her. I'm me. Granted, there are some really cute Japanese clothes and such and I will continue to dress as I please, I do not intend on trying to be something I'm not. I'm happy with myself and feel I look the most beautiful in yoga pants or a black tank top and jeans.

Edit: August 25th. I am not an open book by any means any more, actually I am a mystery to most people I work with and go about day to day life with because I no longer share unnessasary information with people that really don't need to know. It took me awhile to learn how to control things that I said. Really only over the last year have I become less of a "negative nancy" or someone that just... says too much. I can't explain it. I'm happy Magibon helped me be quiet so I could step back and realize the way I was behaving. 

So thank you Magibon for getting me back into looking feminine. In my first encounters with Jack, I was in the band shirt phase but then over time when I was with him I actually WANTED to look good. So she came along right at the correct time I suppose and long after me and Jack stopped hanging out I started dressing a lot cuter. Now I'm sort of in limbo. I don't wear band shirts very often, I have a couple and occasionally I'll wear my old ones to work out or go running. I'm not too preppy or accessorized either.

I often find misc pictures from cosplay conventions that I saved for some use. Deleting these...

It goes without saying that I no longer want to cosplay. I am going to continue to comment people's photos, though. The only possibility that I might cosplay once more is if I go to RadCon again, because you sort of have open territory to dress however you want. As for anime conventions specifically, I'm done cosplaying. To be honest I can't even remember the last time I watched an entire episode of anime, aside from Sailor Moon at the beginning of the year. I watched like 12 episodes of it and I was DONE. But do I enjoy hearing about it from my friend Samantha? Yeah, it's a neat story and it's actually cool to hear about and I love the animation. But I just don't have the time to sit down and watch that stuff. I'm so preoccupied with everything else and like it that way.

I guess the best way to describe how I live now could be related to Confucius, a Chinese philosipher that teaches for people to strive to be the absolute best they can be and live their lives to their fullest potential. This is often why Chinese, Korean, Japanese and Thai people work as hard as they do. Unlike mainstream Confucianism followers, however, I'm not Asian, and I don't have parents that could potentially disown me if I don't do perfectly. I just work extremely hard and obsess on perfection, but it doesn't mean I have an OCD. I'm happy I recently discovered what Confucianism is because it made me feel less abnormal. Like, I'm abnormally hard on myself and I thought it was an OCD.

2012 has been such a good year so far.

I talked to my mom today about getting ahold of Western about my rooming situation. She said that they APPROVED my housing!! WOO! So we are AHEAD of the game, and because I already submitted which building I wanted months ago, I'm now good to go.

I decided not to use the MyRoomate system online because I want to keep my roomates a mystery. I sort of want to get paired with random people so I can get the experience sans the predictability of MyRoomate. It's probably a good idea though so I don't get a Kelsey. Or worse. I could get some morman that gets pissed off about my pot smoking. Which reminds me, I have no idea how I'm going to smoke up there. This might be silly because it's such a liberal school. I don't know, i'm crossing my fingers that I get a room with a window of some sort.

I am not applying to be on a quiet floor because I can work around loud noises. I have in my own house before and at school, it shouldn't be a problem. I'd much rather have the freedom to come and go as I please than not, because I'm not a sneaky person you guys.. 

I won't say that I'm not still fascinated with the anime subculture.
And I have met some really awesome people!

But I just don't feel like I relate to this anymore.

Being a guest at one of these cons was one thing but actually volunteering was an entirely different story. I really did not have a good time this year, it was a ton of work at the maid cafe and after it was over I felt a little silly/embarrised about having walked around serving a bunch of guys in costumes and closet lolitaphiles for hours on end. And I'd driven to Spokane to do this! Very interesting experience. It cracks me up that Guy Stevens was trying to get ahold of me when I was posting these pictures that are considered completely wacky by mainstream society, but when I look back on it now he wasn't any big deal at all and don't know why I was so enamoured.

In all of this let me say that I do not discredit anyone who chooses to be into Kawaii things, anime, etc. I don't feel like I am better than anyone for no longer liking it because everyone has the right to do what they want to do and shouldn't be harrassed for it if it's not hurting anyone.

I just felt like sharing that, I guess. Waiting for Avis to get home. I've still gotta do my hour of "Freeplay" on the guitar but I'm done after that for the night because I already got post of my picking exercises done in the morning. I don't know if I'm getting better or not, I'd hope so. I hope I'm also practicing enough for what Jacob said we're going to start on this upcoming Wednesday. I never really know what's good enough.

Got a 92 on a Japanese test because of all my craptastic particle usage. Damn, it's like, I know the vocabulary and the grammar to the point that I can confidently put things together, but when it comes down to the minor details and kanjis... errg! I can read kanjis fine, but they have to be in some sort of context or I'm screwed. Furigana is always nice too.

Alrighty well gtg, sister is here with groceries.


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