Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I'm afraid I'll be stuck here forever if I keep pursuing this goal.

This quarter is so close to being over I can almost taste it, with only nine more days. It's sort of scary, but at the same time a huge relief that I'm going to be done with it and move on to another clean slate. I have my math final on Thursday and my Biology final on Wednesday. I also have a councilors appointment on the 19th to work out everything that I need to get taken care of before I graduate.

I have pretty bad news though. Fucking Symbolic Logic credits-- UGH. Turns out I CAN'T take C++ this next fall because it REQUIRES you to have math 98 under your belt. That being said, I'm probably going to be taking just math 98 and Japanese IV this next fall, then taking JUST C++ during the Winter... unless of course CBC forces me to take math 95 in order to graduate as well. That being said, I feel like I'm going to graduate sort of late in comparison to how long it typically takes people to get their two year degree, and it's all because I've waiting until the last minute to do my math and didn't do a very heavy work load during my senior year of highschool. So much for saving time. But hey, who's really judging anyway? If anyone has anything to say about how long I've been stuck at CBC they can fuck off. I have a goal, and unfortunately math and this pointless symbolic logic bullshit has put me out a bit.

Another option, of course, is to transfer over to Central in the winter ANYWAY without my AA and just get those two credits at CBC next summer when I come home to live with my parents again after the schoolyear. Though this is an option, so badly I want to be able to put my AA down as an accomplishment. I just want to take one thing at a time. First my AA, then my BA, then maybe my masters down the line once I pay back my student loans... sort of depends what I'm going to do. Because I've only been taking 10 credit quarters, I feel that I am partially to blame for my own failure to finish my AA as quickly as I wanted too. I should of never taken stupid CWP in highschool and should of taken a full schedule instead. : (

But I continue to ask myself if I even want to go to Central afterall... Everything in my life has come to me so fast that I haven't even been able to stop and think about what it is that I want. All this information regurgetation, studying my ass off, flashcards, hauling around books, selling those books and buying new books about subjects that I have no interest in... have I actually learned anything? I wonder if I am actually any more intellegent now than I was my Junior year of highschool. Like if I sat next to 17 year old me and took a big test with a bunch of different subjects, would I get a better score now or would it be the same? I don't feel like I've learned much of anything here, but I could be wrong.

...Well, I've certainly learned the basics of Japanese. That's something.

Maybe the reason why I'm feeling so inquisitive is because I hung out with my friend Mitch Missett yesterday. He's one of these people that when you talk to him, you really start thinking about your life because he tends to talk about things that I think about a lot-- like what my "plan" is to achieve success, and if success really is the ultimate goal to all of the work that we do. He's been through some really rough shit in the past few months. I won't go into detail, but my predictions for why he wasn't around (that he'd moved back in with his ex girlfriend or something) were very wrong. I'm pretty concerned for his brother, too.

I recently learned from Mitch how prominent meth is in benton city. I really had no idea.. I mean, I figured some people used it but the amount of people that use it that are around our age is pretty damn sad. I guess our town is #5 for most meth labs per capita in the United States or something like that, and Finley is #3. I don't know where Mitch got the statistics, but I trust his judgement. Regardless of it being true or not, it seems to be a pretty big problem. Not really a concern of mine though, considering I'm not involved with people that use it.

Anyway I'm gonna go, I've been in this computer lab way too damn long.


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