Monday, August 29, 2011

Why I won't get this job.

This morning I was confident in my second job interview, yet scared that I might have to take a drug test. I was stupid a couple days ago and smoked before the fair, and now I'm going to pay for it because I'm more than likely not going to get this job because of it.

At my second job interview, he did a quick background check, and everything seemed okay. Then he told me that I'd won the lottery! And I'm like, what the hell? Lottery in a sense that YES, I HAVE TO TAKE A RANDOM DRUG TEST. And I almost, immediately started crying. I knew I was fucked. After three weeks of turning in the applications, having follow ups, and even got a second interview, now I'm going to have a drug test and I'm going to fail.

I left, and called my mom crying. I decided the only solution would be to go to Hippies and try to get a detox product. I ended up spending $30 on this drink called Ultra Mask, and followed the instructions exactly as the product should be taken. That's $50 now that I've spent on detox products for this job. And i'm not going to get it because of my stupid decisions.

I ended up going to the lab, sweaty and gross after driving around in my hot car wearing hot interview clothes. The lady at the counter treated me like a fucking criminal and I failed the first time I tried to take the test because I accidently flushed the toilet. Then, she made me take it a second time. This time i had nearly no urine in me and had to force it after drinking a tiny cup of water. I failed to start peeing in the cup in the middle of my urine stream, which makes me think THAT is ALSO against me.

I gave her the piss, and left. I started balling my eyes off on my way home. When I got home I read about the mask product and it says that they are a complete rip off and don't work for shit and whoever buys it was just given false hope.

I feel like a fucking loser. The only reason I started smoking in the first place is because it gave me an escape from my miserable feelings and fucking miserable life. I hate my life. pot was practically the only thing I took pleasure in.

 This summer I've been heartbroken, used and treated like shit. I've disappointed my parents and have been getting screamed at all summer long. Sometimes I feel like I'd be better off dead. My whole life is failure and it's only getting worse.  The only reason why I don't kill myself is because it would hurt my parents and sister and whoever else cares about me, at least momentarily. Because I feel like i've been cursed to a life of misery and nothing will ever make me happy. I had pot, but societal standards has given me a wake up call that I can no longer enjoy that either.

1 comment:

  1. =[ I am sorry to hear that gorgeous. I am sure that maybe this was just someone's/some thing's way of saying this job was not meant for you. But I know from experience that I have had, sometimes things work themselves out. I have passed drug tests after only two days of not smoking. All I did was drink lots of water. I never took any detox stuff ever. I guess in a way it depends on your body and what not. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Hey if you want, you still have my number text me and we will go get coffee. Sometimes I find it easier to vent to someone your not all that close to because they can be biased and tell you what your friends and family will only sugar coat.

    Goood Luck!


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