Friday, May 3, 2013

Feel so strung out

I'm so frustrated with myself right now.

I got stuck on my statistics lab and wasn't able to complete it... Like I looked away for 20 seconds to get caught up and bam, stuck. Terry couldn't help me because he was getting help from the girl sitting next to him that plays basketball. She pretty much always sits near him, brings him coffee sometimes in the morning, and I know they've been friends for a long time because of sports and that's really all they talk about. There's another girl that plays basketball in that class as well, I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian just based on the fact that she's completely abandoned any trace of femininity.

I admitted to Terry today that I "lost" his number. He's like "How did you lose my number?" I couldn't even think of a good reply. I had no excuse for the fact that I did to him what I always do to guys that I'm actually interested in. If they show any indication that they're over me I usually delete their number so I have no opportunity to text them unless they text me first. It's simply a preventative measure to not text guys that I like because if you text first then you could potentially look like you actually want to spend time with them. Guys seem to hate that, God forbid they should feel obligated to take you out or spend time getting to know you.

Over the past few days I've actually regretted deleting Terry's number, not because I've thought about spending time with him necessarily because I gave up on that. What I'm really afraid of losing with him is my chance to continue to compete for the highest grades. This quarter his competitiveness has caused me to excel more than I ever could have imagined, and I really do want to take classes with him this summer for that reason. I hope that Terry can realize this and just respect me, I just want to be his friend and have things be cordial between us because honestly I have such little romantic interest anymore that it doesn't matter but he probably still thinks that I do.

I'm just tired of it. All of it. The game, the cold, feeling stretched thin. I love school and I love to learn but here in four weeks I'll be ready for a break and to work. Where I work this summer is really the question now, and I'm doing everything in my power to make that happen. Right now I'm just going through some horrible body pain so I don't feel like going out and delivering job applications or talking to anyone. I just want to sit right here and everyone else can leave me be...

I'm just afraid that if I don't go out and do this now there will be some wonderful opportunity that I'll miss... lol ugh, I'm so low on money right now, I'm in so much pain, I'm stressed out, earlier in class I wanted to cry when I didn't get how to do a f^&*ing histogram.. Ha ha very emotional so you can understand why I don't want to go anywhere.

Now that I've written about my frustration I feel a little better. It hasn't been the worst day so far, I mean there's food around here and that's always a plus. Kevin offered to help me out with the lab so that's going to be a huge help if he gets some time later. Oh!! And there's new episodes of intervention on Hulu! Season 8, that'll keep me busy for a few hours while I practice guitar this evening too. Woohoo, no reason to worry about anything f' it's Friday.... I am helping out a couple girls with their classroom project for AUAP so I'm not going to volunteer for that today.

I'm just a useless lump of laziness right now lmfao


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