I-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that mean

I decided early this evening that I'm getting out of my damn apartment tonight if my life depends on it. As you guys know my last few weekends in Ellensburg have been somewhat of a drag. This weekend will be different though. First I'm meeting my friend Daniel at 8:30 pm then meeting some other friends to play pool at the tav so it should be a fun night. 

Man I got ANOTHER shitty grade on my management homework! That's the third assignment in a row (the first being the paper that was 38/50 because I wrote it at the last damn minute, then my last discussion board assignment where I logged in so late I couldn't post a response and got 1/4 and this week I got the response but posted my first article an hour too late and got 2/4, shit!). Grr, I'm developing bad habits in that class because I've been kind of depressed and have been spending almost all of my time online uselessly. 

Tomorrow I'm going to get myself back on track to finish off strong in that class. I'm going to go to the library and bring a binder to compile all future assignments and figure out what I've gotta get done and when it's due so that I don't keep screwing up. It's not a hard class, management is important, and the only reason I've been doing bad is because I'm procrastinating and sleeping in too damn late! 

I'm drinking a lot of water and won't be drinking hard alcohol tonight at all, just a little beer, whatever. I just need to get out tonight. I feel this week has been rather useless but I'm going to make a solid effort to do better next week. That's all you can do, just move forward. A number of things made me sort of sad/frustrated this week that made it hard to focus, like Carl's suicide and this weird situation with Jake. Still no word from him yet. I know I need to call the shop but I'm nervous too because I'm afraid it's bad news. 

Clearly I've been doing a lot of avoidance which will not help me. 

Oh! Good news, I guess "reason to celebrate"....

  I got an A on second my econ midterm!!! 

This calls for another twerk gif. 

Goodnight guys. 

peace. 

BANG BANG BANG... silence.

Weekend again. It's almost 7, Friday evening.

I have this policy analysis that I have to do this weekend. I feel lame having not put any significant effort into it at this point.. But I have all of tomorrow and Sunday to get it done. I've got that "rough draft" that will at least get me started. I'm taking the rest of the night off.

Most of today was spent studying for my public finance test (midterm 3) and of course was one of the last ones in my class to finish it. I'd made the decision to prepare more than adequately for this test to assure that I wasn't getting another C after last week's shitty test. So yeah, studied the material super well this week... I know I did well on the multiple choice and didn't bullshit any of the essay questions except for 2 because I forgot to read the damn Facebook articles. 

When I'd made this realization toward the end of the test I was sooo frustrated... Like I stayed up late last night, then woke up at 6' this morning to study for a couple solid hours before money and banking (debated not even going but I'm glad I did...) then studied with Mike H. then went home and studied for another 40 minutes before the test!! But somehow completely forgot the f*cking facebook articles-- didn't cross my mind once the past few days. Now the highest I could possibly get is an 87. Doesn't give me much wiggle room for mess ups on the rest of the thing at all, and I'm really hoping that after all of this work I at least pull a B.

Yesterday I had a quiz in Money and banking that I was not feeling comfortable on what so ever, even if I did a pretty good amount of studying. True/False questions are tricky but I usually do surprisingly well on them.. I guess better than I expect. I think in some ways I've always had a good nose for bulls**t.. Like I can tell when someone is lying or when something's kind of off, so naturally I guess I would be good at true-false.

When I was going through the stack of papers Terry was standing behind me. His was on top of mine at the bottom of the stack and when he reached down to grab his he picked up mine too. I snatched that paper out of his hands so fast, I did NOT want him to be the first one to see it.. Especially because I thought I did really bad and I always just assume Terry's scores are within a 5 point margin of my scores (*give or take). I put the quiz under my textbook cover when I was debating looking at it and was pleasantly happy/shocked to see that I scored a 22/28 (78%... Still a C, but a more respectable C than last time!).

Terry didn't do so hot on this one and told me he wanted to go drink... Lol it was like 10 am. I know how that goes though, you just feel sick for the rest of the hour... if it's bad enough the rest of the day. Which is why I didn't even want to look at the score in the first place.

Oh! Also I got 41/50 (82%) on my managerial test. I was pretty happy with this. Every day this week has been spent cramming for one test or another.

okay, school was designed to make us all suffer, we get it, moving on...

Here it is, Friday night. I do want to have fun. Hold on I'll take a picture of my kind of filthy self after a long day...

Right now I'm feeling kinda greasy, blah and unmotivated. I got my guitar practice quota done (my hands are honestly kind of sore from working on rondo alla turca, it involves a lot of middle finger technique that I'm not used too), feeling accomplished with this week for the most part... I want to have fun!! 

I've texted a couple people (Oscar and Marlowe, the girl I met last week) but haven't heard back from either yet. I am debating texting Allie.. I don't know, I tried to hit her or Kala up the past couple weekends and I didn't get much response so I'd rather the next time they want to hang out they text me so I know that they don't like... dislike me or something.

I think the next step in my evening, regardless of what happens, is to go get a couple Coronas and relax with my kitty cat and I'll be quite happy. It's been a tough week, this quarter's coming to an end and I'm excited to spend some time with my family soon. Tomorrow I might be meeting my Dad  in Yakima for lunch and do some wandering around at thrift stores. I'm still on a hunt for some funky, retro refrigerator magnets!! And a bigger coffee maker that I don't have to refill three times a day.

Alright goin' on a beer run.

peace. 

OH... Weirdest ass thing happened yesterday. Weird because I was just thinking about her (well of course, she's my ex best friend how could I not...). I got a text from Katelynn yesterday saying that if I have a problem with her I should say it to her instead of going to Alan about it (wtf..? I haven't said a word to Alan in months...) and then said something completely off the wall... I'm debating even posting it but I guess because all the bridges are burnt what difference does it make. 

She said "Alan doesn't want to ^&*%, you, nice try..." Woah. Woah.... What? Which is basically what I said in response. I'm like Dude, the last time I talked to Alan was after you dumped me as a friend pretty shortly after you'd dumped him as your boyfriend. I sent him a message saying I was sorry, they ended up back together, and I haven't talked to either of them since. I've never wanted anything to do with Alan that way. I turn down guys all the time here, why the Hell would I want to pursue some guy in the tri cities? I mean among all of the reasons that make that statement just outright crazy. 

Makes me wonder if she was even trying to text me or someone else... She didn't respond when I responded to her a couple hours later basically asking what the Hell was she talking about. I know that shortly before we stopped being friends she became friends with S. Wilson's older sister and might have been trying to text her or something. I don't know... It was just weird. Maybe with a few beers in me I might not be so hesitant to ask her about it..... 

Feel so strung out

I'm so frustrated with myself right now.

I got stuck on my statistics lab and wasn't able to complete it... Like I looked away for 20 seconds to get caught up and bam, stuck. Terry couldn't help me because he was getting help from the girl sitting next to him that plays basketball. She pretty much always sits near him, brings him coffee sometimes in the morning, and I know they've been friends for a long time because of sports and that's really all they talk about. There's another girl that plays basketball in that class as well, I'm pretty sure she's a lesbian just based on the fact that she's completely abandoned any trace of femininity.

I admitted to Terry today that I "lost" his number. He's like "How did you lose my number?" I couldn't even think of a good reply. I had no excuse for the fact that I did to him what I always do to guys that I'm actually interested in. If they show any indication that they're over me I usually delete their number so I have no opportunity to text them unless they text me first. It's simply a preventative measure to not text guys that I like because if you text first then you could potentially look like you actually want to spend time with them. Guys seem to hate that, God forbid they should feel obligated to take you out or spend time getting to know you.

Over the past few days I've actually regretted deleting Terry's number, not because I've thought about spending time with him necessarily because I gave up on that. What I'm really afraid of losing with him is my chance to continue to compete for the highest grades. This quarter his competitiveness has caused me to excel more than I ever could have imagined, and I really do want to take classes with him this summer for that reason. I hope that Terry can realize this and just respect me, I just want to be his friend and have things be cordial between us because honestly I have such little romantic interest anymore that it doesn't matter but he probably still thinks that I do.

I'm just tired of it. All of it. The game, the cold, feeling stretched thin. I love school and I love to learn but here in four weeks I'll be ready for a break and to work. Where I work this summer is really the question now, and I'm doing everything in my power to make that happen. Right now I'm just going through some horrible body pain so I don't feel like going out and delivering job applications or talking to anyone. I just want to sit right here and everyone else can leave me be...

I'm just afraid that if I don't go out and do this now there will be some wonderful opportunity that I'll miss... lol ugh, I'm so low on money right now, I'm in so much pain, I'm stressed out, earlier in class I wanted to cry when I didn't get how to do a f^&*ing histogram.. Ha ha very emotional so you can understand why I don't want to go anywhere.

Now that I've written about my frustration I feel a little better. It hasn't been the worst day so far, I mean there's food around here and that's always a plus. Kevin offered to help me out with the lab so that's going to be a huge help if he gets some time later. Oh!! And there's new episodes of intervention on Hulu! Season 8, that'll keep me busy for a few hours while I practice guitar this evening too. Woohoo, no reason to worry about anything f' it's Friday.... I am helping out a couple girls with their classroom project for AUAP so I'm not going to volunteer for that today.

I'm just a useless lump of laziness right now lmfao

peace

Well the crazy lady's gone

Hello everyone. What do you think of this font? It's called "Trebuchet." Maybe I'll set this as my preset font. I can't tell if my eyes can get used to this font or not. 

Yeah probably not. 

Alright so, let's see, haven't written in a few days. It's Friday and here I am in my scrubby clothes at 5:30 pm. I just had dinner a few minutes ago. I had whole wheat pasta with vegetables and chicken on top. This is what I like to eat almost every day lately, it's so healthy. 

I'm staying in Ellensburg this weekend after all. I had my lesson with Jacob last night and he told me we weren't going to do an actual practice run-through at the pre-recital. It's more of a way for Jake to figure out the seating arrangement, which is cool-- but yeah not gonna drive back to the tri cities for a 10 minute run-through. 

My lesson was really good last night. Jake sent me the Nothing Else Matters backing track that I need to be able to play with perfectly. I realize now that I'm not actually playing with the TRACK in the background... Gah, I'm a noob. No, it's going to be just a little track in the background... for 6 minutes. Why the hell did I insist on picking such a long song. 

Jake wants me to practice it 8-10 times with the track per day until the 27th. I plan on doing so. Today I've been working on adding some tab to the sheet music that I ordered. The way that it's laid out shows different guitar parts in pieces so I've been unable to use it. I don't know, it's hard to explain, I'm getting it taken care of.

My visit with my friend Evan went well. He came over a couple nights ago around 7:30. We went down the Surc to meet up with a friend of his, came back and took this pic. Our visit was really fun but pretty brief. We basically hung out and watched netflix for a bit then I had to study. He crashed on the futon. I noticed Kristin hasn't slept out there since. 

Evan  said he might come up and hang out with me next weekend! That's awesome, glad to see I have a new person to hang out with on the weekends. 

Right now I'm not entirely sure what my plans are this weekend. I know that Katharine is going to be in Ellensburg at some point but I probably won't get a chance to see her until tomorrow. To be honest I'm kind of happy I'm not driving back to the tri cities, that would be such a huge pain in the ass right now. Now that Katelynn and I aren't best friends there's not much reason to go back... I mean anyone else I could just communicate with on facebook but Katelynn was someone that I always wanted face time with to get away.

That being said there is a chance Terry and I could see eachother this weekend. Yesterday I texted him asking if we could plan to sit next to eachother in lab and he's like "Yea we can probably do that." So today we sat next to eachother and I think he anticipated being the one to help me but it was visa-versa. He told me that he had years of experience using Excel but today he didn't know how to move the table around... Lol. Okay I'm definately not an expert at this crap either but it wasn't him sitting there holding my hand to get me through the homework today like I think he expected.

Numerous times he asked me, "Are you getting this?" Like asking if I need help. I'm happily said, "Nope!" and would then get ahead of him and he'd ask me to get caught up. It's felt great being on top of my academic game lately. 

There's this really cool guy in my stats class that helped me get through some of the final steps of the lab. I can't remember his name but he reminds me of Will Ferrell. Anyway he helped me finish the lab, then I helped Terry, then again we were a couple of the last ones out of there. Maybe because we actually get the lab done in the time allotted. About half the class leaves just 10 or 15 minutes after Sipic finishes explaining the material. 

The crazy older lady is gone from my classes I think. Damn it, she was providing some regular entertainment-- but not having her there has made it easier for my professors to get through there lectures so that's a plus. Okay if you guys haven't read about the crazy lady yet, she's this woman in late 30's to early 40's who was in both my Statistics and Economics class this quarter. In both classes she would continually raise her hand asking these asinine questions that are so irrelevant that people would just roll their eyes any time she'd raise her hand.

On Monday she was especially bad in economics. That day in statistics during our review for the test Terry and I were chatting more than usual and trying to help eachother out. Needless to say, I do not include the crazy lady in my conversations regardless of the fact that she sits next to me and tries to butt in continually. Terry and I were looking at something trying to figure out a step and the crazy lady tapped on my shoulder and said "Well here's my answer!" and points to it. I'm like, "Oookay.." Shortly after she shoots up her hand and asks another stupid question and I finally just cracked up.

Like I chuckled out loud, I'm not going to lie. I think I was facing Terry and said something along the lines of "Oh my God..." and she said "Is that a stupid question?!" and I'm like "No, no, I'm just laughing at something my friend is doing.."

The next day she moved to the row behind me, and for the rest of the week she didn't show up to economics. If she's been in stats it's only been for a couple of days because I haven't heard her ass backwards, kind of "showy," jargon-filled but obviously NOT knowing-the-context-of-the-word questions. Older students that act like they have something to prove piss everyone off. Ha ha university level college is a lot better than community college because you don't have to deal with that as much.

But yeah I think she's done. For some reason I'm having a feeling I drove her nuts. I bring out the crazy in people at times... 

peace.