Saturday, May 11, 2013

Born without a chance

To be honest I feel as though I'd rather not be here right now, and I hope that by the end of writing this blog I can be more relaxed to enjoy the rest of my night.

I am wide awake. I took a Bronkaid earlier after having little motivation to do anything after being out in the sun for a little while. A met up with a Japanese exchanged student Masaya and a group of his friends and played frisbee in the park for a little while pretty shortly after Evan hit the road this morning. I am freaking horrible at frisbee you guys, it was embarrassing. But it was still fun being out in that courtyard out by the music building. There were a bunch of guys playing football out there that I noticed were sort of eyeballing me when I was walking across the field to hang out with a bunch of Japanese people, it was kind of funny.

But yeah since then I haven't been up to anything really. I've been picking stuff up around here, did the laundry, played guitar for a little over an hour (and I'll probably play again here shortly) and talked to my Mom on the phone for about 45 minutes. It was a good conversation, of course. We're always just talking about what's been going on with these guys that kind of come in and out of my life, my classes, etc etc... I can talk to her about anything and I'm so lucky for that.

I sometimes think when I'm sad and alone how hard it must be for people that have never had their parent's support.

Austin, age 23, "When Austin’s stepfather died from alcoholism, he turned to alcohol himself to numb the pain. His girlfriend is now pregnant, and he’s doing as much partying as he can before his child is born. Austin needs an intervention to become a sober dad and break his family’s cycle of alcoholism."

I've been watching and downloading a lot of intervention that has leaked onto Youtube lately, and this is one episode that stood out out to me. Turns out the A&E actually has a directory of people that have died after intervention, and when I read that Austin was on there it made me a little sad because in his situation he really didn't have a chance. His Dad left his Mom when he was 2 and refused to be in any part of his life until he was in college. His biological father actually had the nerve to give him $12,000 to help pay for his living expenses but still couldn't wouldn't give him the satisfaction of building a real relationship with his son. For him it was like getting rejected all over again..

Shortly after he dropped out of college, got a girl pregnant, and continued to drink and party himself to death. Clearly he turned to heroin in the end, and you can just see how he was trying to mask all the pain and rejection in his life. 

Watching people's stories on Intervention always helps me better understand why people behave the way they do which has always fascinated me. Like we're all people trying to make it in this world but some of us are born in such worse circumstances than others and moving forward for some is nearly impossible. I miss when Netflix had the rights to air this show but now I've just been waiting for more episodes to be temporarily uploaded on youtube so I can put them on my computer. 

That's really all I have to say about today. Nothing's really been up. I'm feeling a little better now that I've admitted that to my blog. What can you do, right? 


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