Tuesday, April 2, 2013

This is the third or fourth time I've published this entry.

I'm not going to lie to you guys, today's been in an emotional roller coaster for me. I really don't feel like Terry is interested in me anymore, mainly because I've been the only one to take initiative to talk for the past couple days. It's hard because I guess I let the things he said to me the other night get in my head. He really seemed impressed by my personality and intelligence and I feel like he's now not interested what so ever. I've come to realize that's just what happens in college.

The best thing I can do is try not to pay attention to him. Just be as confident as I have been and not worry. It was hard for me emotionally to cope with the fact that he seemed to be avoiding me today, and because we're in two classes together, one of which I sit directly next to him... well, the best thing I can do is play it cool either way. If that's it with him, fine, I just need to try and relax, focus on my studies and move on.

 I felt weird all day today after going to bed at 9 last night and I feel like a late night off studying and playing my guitar will do me a lot of good. Because of the stress and uncertainly about this situation I've been sleeping earlier to not have to think. I remember that happened with Jed.

I realize now that my lack of confidence in this area of my life is what leads me to a lot of problems. What I have learned in my past experience, though, is when I'm feeling like this the absolute worst thing is to text him seeking answers as to whether or not my suspicions are true. If he's not interested in me anymore, fine. That's his choice and there's nothing I can do about it. I just need to continue to be friendly and confident regardless of what happens.

Now that I've come to terms with my emotions about this I'm feeling a lot better. I can't tell you what will happen in the next few days but I'm going to try and not think about this shotgun crush I had anymore. Whatever happens, happens. God will make things all work out eventually if I work hard and stay focused.


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