This is the third or fourth time I've published this entry.

I'm not going to lie to you guys, today's been in an emotional roller coaster for me. I really don't feel like Terry is interested in me anymore, mainly because I've been the only one to take initiative to talk for the past couple days. It's hard because I guess I let the things he said to me the other night get in my head. He really seemed impressed by my personality and intelligence and I feel like he's now not interested what so ever. I've come to realize that's just what happens in college.

The best thing I can do is try not to pay attention to him. Just be as confident as I have been and not worry. It was hard for me emotionally to cope with the fact that he seemed to be avoiding me today, and because we're in two classes together, one of which I sit directly next to him... well, the best thing I can do is play it cool either way. If that's it with him, fine, I just need to try and relax, focus on my studies and move on.

 I felt weird all day today after going to bed at 9 last night and I feel like a late night off studying and playing my guitar will do me a lot of good. Because of the stress and uncertainly about this situation I've been sleeping earlier to not have to think. I remember that happened with Jed.

I realize now that my lack of confidence in this area of my life is what leads me to a lot of problems. What I have learned in my past experience, though, is when I'm feeling like this the absolute worst thing is to text him seeking answers as to whether or not my suspicions are true. If he's not interested in me anymore, fine. That's his choice and there's nothing I can do about it. I just need to continue to be friendly and confident regardless of what happens.

Now that I've come to terms with my emotions about this I'm feeling a lot better. I can't tell you what will happen in the next few days but I'm going to try and not think about this shotgun crush I had anymore. Whatever happens, happens. God will make things all work out eventually if I work hard and stay focused.


peace. 

...Who doesn't accept messages from anyone?

                                     

Ha ha.

Good evening everyone. 

Man it's Sunday, which means this next week will be... hmm, I want to say Week 3 of classes? Pretty sure that's what it is. I'll try not to get *too* excited about the four hours of business class I will endure tomorrow. 

So get this I actually know the name of my stranger crush now. I woke up feeling pretty confident this morning and decided to add him on facebook, I mean we had seen eachother those few times and since I have over 1,000 friends on my list it's not that big of a deal. 

..He doesn't accept friend requests OR messages from anyone. Is it because there's tons of creepy girls out there stalking out his page? I texted my friend about this and he said, "Yeah, *bleep* doesn't really use facebook so he only accepts messages from select people." 

Well there you go. There's no way I could ever talk to this person unless I outright speak to him which I'm not gonna lie you guys, is not going to happen. I'm wondering if my friend has mentioned my asking about him.. probably not because this friend of mine probably doesn't want me talking to him because he initially liked me. It's frustrating, I feel very powerless in that aspect of my life and it's just an ongoing disappointment. 

I might hang out with Alex S. one of these days. She said she doesn't do much other than school and I can certainly relate so I'm excited to spend time with her. This weekend I didn't actually go anywhere at all, it's a little depressing. But I've gotten a lot of work done so that's a plus... 

peace.