God damn I've had a day.... And it's only 2:42

 I'm really happy  right now because I'm done with what I literally thought I wasn't going to finish. As you guys know I didn't get shit done this weekend... I mentioned that right? Well I've had this ethics paper hanging over my shoulders for the past couple weeks, I somehow managed to put it off until the last minute because I was so freaking determined to beat Terry on that macro test. And it worked, I got 92%. Beat him by a whopping 10%.

I walked into class and we just looked at eachother and laughed. I knew it was stupid of me to bet on the Broncos, which I'd realized the second I found out the 49ers whooped em last time Broncos were in the superbowl. God that was almost a hard game to watch there toward the end.... Seeing those Colorado boys red faces.

...So yeah, I guess going on about the superbowl with Terry in class yesterday was kind of fun.. I was completely unable to give him the cold shoulder as originally anticipated. He has that affect on me. He drove home this weekend like I did to watch the game with his Dad. I owe him 5 shots of whiskey. I would have today but I'm too damn tired.

I haven't slept in about 30 hours. I started RESEARCHING for that paper yesterday at 5... That's how much of a turd I've been about this. I came back to my apartment and spent the next couple hours reading with Michael. I didn't actually start writing the paper until about 9 pm, and it took me the entire night to just finish the damn introduction. By about 4 this morning when I finished the introduction and had a solid idea what I was writing about I decided to try to get two hours of sleep.

Come to think of it, had I slept two hours this morning I wouldn't have finished. Marshall was the reason I got that paper done and won't automatically get a C- in my management class, alright!! 

I'm never procrastinating again I swear. 

I laid down on the couch and Marshall was still wide awake running all over. I was still wide awake too but was trying really hard to meditate or something. Marshall jumped up on my coffee table, to get my water of course... knocked it over, broke the glass. So now my carpet is covered in broken glass and I have to get up and clean it. At this point I decided sleeping was probably futile, especially with the amount of stress riding on my shoulder about the enormity of work I had to do to complete this paper.

I just plowed right back into it... until about 9 am. By that time my hands were shaking and I felt sick from exhaustion. I then called my Mom in the midst of a panic attack and she was somehow able to bring me down enough that I was able to finish.

Oh yeah she told me that every assignment she did in college was like how I felt today... That cracked me up.

I think I'm going to bed...

peace. 

But now it's time to kiss your ass good-bye!

This is a song that really hits the spot when you've been dumped again. 

It's 11:21 pm and I just got home from the tri cities. I listened to metal almost all the way home, I found it hit the spot more than the hip hop I've been listening a lot too over the past couple weeks. I tend to do that when I have a new crush, I break from the metal cycle for a little while because the attention is making me feel more sexy and happy. Ha ha it's unfortunately usually quite short lived. 

Okay I can't say that I was "dumped" necessarily because we weren't in an actual relationship and the words that he's not interested never came out of his mouth. But I think 5 days of no communication what-so-ever is a good sign Ryan is done in my life. 

I know that he's avoiding talking to me right now because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me he's not interested in where this is going I made things easier for him a second ago by just asking him if that's why he hasn't texted me straight up. He said that is what he's been feeling but the reason that he hadn't texted me is because he's been under a lot of stress. Right, no, more like you didn't have the balls to tell me we're done and make me do it.

It seems like relationships in my life have been these continual self fulfilling prophecies of disappointment. Men act in the exact patterns I expect them too. The fact that Terry is dating a complete idiot still makes me sick. We made a bet with Terry on the superbowl that I lost today (but I was rooting for the Seahawks, obviously... And they SLAUGHTERED the Broncos!!) and I'm sure he's going to bring that up to me tomorrow. 

The second he does I'm going to be like, "Ohh did you watch it with Claaay-er?" lol... God just thinking of her cakey makeup, fake tan, bleached hair, bonehead major.... It's so incredibly frustrating to think that's who's got what he wants. 

Alright I'm done ranting about this. I'm going to workout a little bit before bed just to work off some of this energy. I don't feel sad or depressed, I feel more of a combination of pissed off and determined. I'm a strong, intelligent, sexy, talented individual. I could give a f*ck whether I "like" someone or not, I need to surround myself with people that are going to help me advance closer to my goals instead of people that are just going to drag me down by causing disappointment. 

peace. 

This quarter's already getting fun

Evening.

I've now gotten a feel for what I'm in for this quarter. One professor I really like the style of, the other it's too early to tell because a good majority of the lecture was spent "stroking himself" (as my friend described it today, the man does brag quite a bit but he seems to have done a lot in his life so whatever. These professors suffer enough to get their PhD., get published and spend endless hours doing random research that they can have their time on the first day to brag if they want too.)

One of my professors is named Wassell I believe, he looks kind of like an older Corey B. and sounds like him too. His class is in the big room (115), where Terry and I screwed around and passed notes during managerial last quarter. I stood outside the class for a little while with some people I know, like this guy Robert W. who's in both my classes. Terry and I caught a glimpse of eachother. I smiled and he smiled back but turned away trying to play it off like he didn't notice.

Of course we did end up sitting in the seats we sat in last quarter. When he noticed I was walking that direction Terry was like "YEA Our lucky seats!!" And I'm like "F&^% yeah we're gonna get A's this quarter!!" Then he's like "YES high five!!" and I jumped up and kind of grabbed his hand...  It was just weird, we just got really freaking pumped  for about 2 seconds before he realized that he lost his cool and quickly sat down. I of course could give a rats so I was sitting there cracking up and he's like, "...but seriously though."

I really liked Wassell's lecture yesterday because I found him very clear, understandable, organized and cohesive-- everything I like in a good economics professor because it allows me to write notes and really take in what they're saying. When a professor goes too fast and skips around the material I lose interest quick... this is what happened in that same room last quarter. Yet I somehow got a B.

Another sort of cool thing about his class is that he apparently passes out hard copies of the homework then gives us answers to correct them which are similar to the answers to the tests. I'm really hoping my finance teacher has a similar system  because that class is going to have a ton of homework too. In both classes homework is a big chunk of the grade which is always advantageous to me. Doing homework doesn't really stress me out anymore.

But yeah my finance teacher that I had today seemed... interesting. He straight admits that his reputation online is "horrible" but that the reason is that half the people coming into class are just looking for an easy A and he wants to make sure we're getting our parents are getting our money's worth. Fair enough, challenge accepted. He also has a Mississippi accent.

I don't know if I've posted a picture of Ryan yet, I hung out with him for the first time pretty shortly before he went to Europe with some of his buddies so we didn't really talk for 3 weeks but we'd kind of "liked" eachother's photos back and forth every so often so I got the impression he seemed interested in hanging out again

So yesterday I was supposed to get coffee a second time with Ryan but he got jet lag and fell asleep. This was like at 6:30 pm, which granted I had postponed from the original time that he'd wanted to three times because I was frying something that took forever and made a huge mess. So yeah I went to Starbucks, got my coffee and my scone and talked to some Japanese international students until I checked my phone and realized he wasn't coming. 

I'm a firecracker when guys flake..... I refrained myself and just wrote "Wow". He did send me a text apologizing for this today and asked if we could reschedule for today but I didn't feel like it because I'd taken a nap and felt groggy looking. Tomorrow it is. I'll let you know how that goes. I really enjoyed his company the first time because he seems really smart. He made me laugh more than once which is not easy to do for most people.*

peace. 

*... Okay maybe that's kind of a lie because I'll chuckle at practically anything if a person is trying to make some observation  but that doesn't mean I'm always serious. 

Lets take a speed-a-light ride

I debated whether or not to keep the blog entry I posted last night up and it ironically caused me to stress out a little in bed last night. I said some things that I usually don't admit on my blog, but I figure those of you that read this know me well enough that not much I say should come as a surprise.

Today's been... long. I can definitely say that. I accomplished what I needed to do-- I finished my studying and felt confident enough going into the test this morning. I recorded a total of 10 hours on that exam. If I get above an 80 I'll be very happy with my score-- but yeah obviously final is out of the question. If I get above a 90 that could push my average up to just squeak into a B and I would actually have an option whether or not I want to take it. Granted this is not likely, that test today was hard.... and if I hadn't of thoroughly prepared I would have been in Hell this morning.

When I talked to Terry in Managerial today he said he couldn't even guess what he got. I said anywhere from a 73 (1 point higher than my lowest test, lmfao, because I KNOW I DID BETTER THAN THAT ONE...) to a 92. Give myself a huuuge range so I can't possibly get disappointed. I know it would sound crazy that someone could possibly spend 10 hours studying material and not know it like the back of your hand. It's not that easy... Reading a chapter of money and banking the first time through would take about 2 1/2-3 hours total because the material was so boring that it'd either knock me out half way through or my eyes would start glazing over what I was reading.

I have found that as you start to get the material more and more it gets more interesting. You get excited and accomplished feeling when you start to understand it but it's normally not until right before the test where I feel this kind of confidence. Then you move on from the material and forget about it. That's why taking finals is important (Sipic said this originally and I was like "mehhhh"), because you get a chance to refresh all of the information that might have not made sense before but now you can connect it with what you've learned later and it all comes together...

Managerial was pretty entertaining and stress free today.. I mean considering once again Terry and I spent the entire class writing bullsh*t notes to eachother. A couple times we cracked eachother up so bad that I literally couldn't help cracking up in class. Of course really nobody in class was paying attention, this being the last day of class and people still debating whether or not they want to take the final and Ghosh was all over the place today. Most of what he covered I already knew from my public finance class earlier in the quarter, and every time I'd try to pay attention what was going on in the lecture Terry would bother me and try to get me to play hangman with him or something.

I've actually grown to like Ghosh a lot more as the quarter has gone on because I have learned a ton from the material from his class and it was a great review from Stats but I hope he didn't somehow notice me goofing off in class. The past few weeks I've felt like the days that Terry and I have been there we've quietly acted like middle schoolers.

One of my goals over Christmas break is to actually improve my LinkedIn profile, figure out that website, and start applying for internships in Spokane. 

There's a part of me that's really sad I won't get a chance to see my adviser every other day next quarter because he's really good at keeping me on top of things.... like registering.. Had I been on the ball with that earlier I wouldn't have this impending threat of my public finance class dropping me. Really, really crossing my fingers I'll be able to get into Tennerelli's (probably spelt totally wrong) finance class instead of being stuck in two more very difficult econ classes next quarter and an online class that I would have much rather taken this prof in person.

Oh jeez if you guys have a weird sense of humor like me you're going to love this. Recent discovery that I wish I could show Katelynn because I know she'd love get it..... 

peace. 

6 hours is LONG enough, and I'm tired of this game we play

I'm COMPLETELY drained.... Today I had to sacrifice going to my classes for an all day study session for money and banking, which turned into a practically all night section that I'm just finishing (it's 1:28 am).

It's taken me six hours to get where I'm at now and I still feel like I've barely got a hold on the material. This class is so dry and difficult, but I know that if I do good on the test tomorrow it might make it easier to raise my grade with the final. I know that right now I'm sitting on a C in that class, which pisses me off and I've been doing everything I can to raise it (clearly...) but at times it can get so confusing. We've been learning all about the Federal reserve and how it controls the money supply using different tools, mainly open market operations and discount loans to banks. Having to try to figure out why the interest rates are the way they are and how it affects bank lending is SUPER interesting too! Not. God this class has been icky.

I had a quiz in managerial yesterday that I think I did reasonably well on. Terry was driving me nuts yesterday. I showed up wearing earplugs because I wanted to focus. He asked me why I was wearing them and I said that it keeps my ears warm when I'm biking (also true). "You know you can get earmuffs for that." Okkkkay Terry you're so smart.

Then he goes on to tell me how "high" I seemed. "You're so high... Oh my God your eyes are all bloodshot. How much did you smoke? Like four bowls?" Honestly I hadn't smoked any more than usual and my eyes were NOT bloodshot, but I was tired and didn't feel like talking or even making eye contact with him. I'd been studying for the test for the last two hours and felt a reasonably confident but Terry has a way of making me feel insecure and sick when taunts me before a test like he tends to do.

He says that he does this because he enjoys messing with me and I shouldn't take what he says so seriously. AND granted I do this to him a lot too but he's so full of himself that almost everything that I say is automatically shut down as invalid then he just goes on about my faults. Granted yes, Terry is athletic, attractive, smart, his family's rich, he can get with pretty much any girl he wants.. He was dealt a good card in life and hasn't had much to worry about. But he's not perfect and life eventually slaps everyone in the face.

.... I guess what I'm saying is I've come to realize he's become more of a burden than someone that helps me at this point. I know I'm going to be in his class next quarter in maybe even two  of my classes but I've decided to not sit by him this time if it comes to that. I'm going to sit in the front row (out of sight out of mind), probably have to deal with jealously that will come with the fact that he'll sit next to another girl. We will probably still text eachother our test scores which can keep some of that competitive aspect, but sitting by him has made it increasingly difficult to concentrate and I know I need to do this for my own sake....

This might help me also meet some new people in my classes. It's sucked not having a crush here for this long.



peace. 

Nice Friday evening. And some of my stupid hangups.

I've been desperately searching around for... I guess more mainstream guitar tabs in standard tuning. So desperate that I actually downloaded some....

Even hearing the word Greenday makes me think of Katelynn's voice going "Blagghhh!" like.. 'so stupid!!' 

Saying that I'm learning something by Greenday would still be embarrassing for me to admit for some reason, I think it's because I liked them in middle school. I've also always felt hung up on learning Red Hot Chili peppers, Beatles and Foo fighters. Lol those are pretty much all of my Mom's favorite band's. I think it more has to do with the fact that these are some of the bands I remember Jack playing a lot.. which at this in my life I've grown up enough that it barely makes my stomach churn anymore. 

It's been a long time since I've mentioned him. I did see him briefly standing outside the library talking to someone (I was on my bike, I don't think he saw me or has seem me all year) so I know that he's still going to school there. I don't even know what the deal is, he's got to be close to graduating. I wish he would. I wish he would graduate and move far away so I don't have to see his face again. 

Lately I feel much more content, like I've fully gotten over most emotions that were once just hindering progress. Regardless of taking some hard courses this quarter I've yet to feel completely out of control or did worse than a C on any tests. That's something. Terry's so funny, he was all butthurt this morning because I didn't go to managerial today. 

He's like "You left me in that boring class alone!" 

Ha ha ha ha, I'm like "Payback's a bitch ain't it?" He skipped Money and Banking twice this week. Tuesday I sent him a text like "Go to class today, I really don't want to go...." When he didn't show up I sent him another text that said "FAG." 

Terry responded, "Sorry I had to eat." So when he sent me a text telling me to get my ass to Managerial yesterday I'm like "Sorry I had to play guitar."

To be honest I haven't gotten as much reading done as I should have the past few days. I've been reading bits and pieces but nothing in comparison to the days that I had my internet down. Facebook wastes a lot of time and I'm hoping to use my time wisely this weekend for some upcoming tests this next week. Sipic posted the test guide of everythinggg that's going to be on the exam that I have like an entire week to study, there's no reason I shouldn't nail this. The only reason I got a C on that last test is because I was lazy.

Alright I'm going to get some reading done. It's 7:30 on a Friday, it's likely that I'll get hit up to do something later tonight so I am going to squeeze in some work now.

peace. 

Babysteps getting me through.

Hello everyone.

Let's see it's 10:40 pm, I've studied a total of 4 hours, 40 minutes today on a single subject. My goal is 7. Why seven? Today when I was studying in the hallway I heard one of Ghosh's students come out of a test they had today. He said to this other girl sitting there cramming, "I studied for like 7 hours and I still don't know if I'm ready..." Taking all my time combined this previous weekend I've spent 6 hours but I felt like most of it was playing catch up to where I should have been had I been keeping up with the material and my mind not in the clouds on prozac.

I didn't talk to Terry at all in Money and Banking and I noticed him kind of lingering after class and I thought he might ask if I wanted to study. I looked at him then shifted my glance and he asked Kevin P. I felt sort of this silent understanding that neither of us benefit much from studying together. It doesn't help either of us because Terry usually just tries to coattail onto what I'm doing and when I'm not 100% on the material I usually get too distracted by Terry's looks to think clearly.

Granted I still like sitting my Terry... being next to him always sort of gives me that "teenage crush" feeling even if I know it's not going anywhere. I have noticed this other guy in my econ class named Sam who I think is kind of cute though. He's blonde, nice build, seems really intelligent, doesn't have a facebook and once inquired about my tattoo... I sort of built up the courage to make small talk with him upon leaving today. We made small talk about the tests and I probably sounded like a paranoid goober as always.

So I totally missed the boat on halloween this year! 

(well I'll still get trick or treaters.... hopefully)

I mean I'll still be giving out candy on halloween and what not but everyone got wasted in costumes this last weekend. I missed my chance again!! Graaaaahhhhh!!! But for a good reason.. I know if I didn't rest and get work done this weekend I would have been freaking out right now. 

I do plan to wear my blue wig to Money and Banking on Thursday though, that will be really hilarious. I'm just planning on walking in like it's nothing. I also bought some blue tights. Maybe I'll wear my wig with black shirt, the blue tights with my black skirt... would that be too much for class? Probably. I'll have decided on that by Thursday morning I'm sure.

God I have been NEGLECTING reading my public finance book... Luckily the stuff that Sipic has talked about this past week or so has been really straight forward. I never feel lost during his lectures like I do during managerial.. I hate that feeling so much. I've planning on doing all of my homework for that class Wednesday night... Then I've got probably three hours of studying AFTER my big Managerial test to study for a money and banking quiz on Tuesday.

So yeah really all I've been doing is working today. Work, smoke, sometimes a little guitar, work, eat.... Last night I got invited to my friend Tyler H.'s house to enjoy some drops and watch South Park. His roommate was really cool too and their place was super pretty and clean on the inside... No offense to Tyler but I didn't know what to expect-- he's kind of... earthy I guess. 

Lol I don't tell him this but he also kind of reminds me of a hobbit... He's just really happy with his life, simple things, loves the outdoors... 

Happy he's my friend. I hope I get to hang out with him again soon. Little kickbacks like that are very much preferred to me than going and drinking with a bunch of loud people. 

Alright guess that's all I had to say, people. Wish me luck tomorrow... Having done over 4 hours I'm definitely feeling more confident than I did yesterday but I still have a ton of technical problems/applied problems to do before I'm ready.

 I'm planning to try another couple hours tonight... I know that the marginal utility of my studying diminishes the more hours I do so I don't know what good it'll do me but any work I do tonight will save me work I have to do after Money and Banking tomorrow.

peace. 

Most extreme uphill battle.

God damn I don't say this enough but I am proud to be me right now.

I just finished perhaps the most difficult test I've ever taken, aside from those horrible accounting tests I took the first quarter here where I had no clue what the hell I was doing. Of course this test was for Money and Banking so there's no excuse for me to not to be able to comprehend the material. If I were to do bad on a test, it means I didn't study hard enough. Period.

And even if I've been studying money and banking pretty consistently for the past week yesterday was a rude awakening that I still had a lot of work to do. Terry and I met up in the library yesterday around 6 after both of us had studied on our own for a couple hours. I brought the multiple choices questions (Terry didn't.) and we tried studying from that but there were so many answers that I didn't have that the process was slow.

I'm really lucky that this guy named Randy came up and started studying with us because he had a better grasp on the material than I did and was able to work with me on the material better than Terry. I feel like Terry wasn't prepared, he didn't even have his handouts with him and I had to reprint mine. It wasn't actually until Randy showed up that I realized the handouts match so closely with the multiple choice questions which saved me a lot of time. Even after we made this discovery Terry still didn't print them out so unless he went home and studied a ton last night and this morning like I did I think I might have beat him on this one.

Though I could be eating my words later... I'll let you know what my first Money and banking and public finance test scores on Thursday. Tomorrow I have NO CLASS! (Perfect timing...) I'm not out of the clear for the day yet though, I've still got to write that essay on risk for managerial which means I need to read Appendix A and B over again...

So yeah man my senior year's been tough so far and I've never feel so challenged yet so fulfilled with myself when I push myself as hard as I do to understand these theories and concepts.

On test days I wear my hair like the Tomb Raider because it makes me feel more confident for some reason. Girl power! lol

I haven't even practiced my guitar in two days, doesn't that suck? Sometimes you just have to do what you've gotta do though to accomplish your most important priorities... last night if I would have chose to play my guitar when I got home from studying at the library instead of studying more I probably would have done a lot worse today. 

That assignment for managerial opens up at 3 and it's 11:39 right now... I feel like going back to bed. I can always practice guitar after I do that writing assignment because I have no school tomorrow and will have plenty of time this evening. Oscar did invite me to come out and drink but that's just a weekend thing for me..... meh I want to hang out with people that are trying to be my friend though. 

This last weekend I did go out to the bars on Friday and Saturday. On Friday I went with Bruce and his friends after Abe ditched me and Saturday I went over to Allie's then to a bar. I was originally really on the fence about whether I wanted to go out on Saturday because I did have a lot of reading to do but looking back I'm happy I did. Allie's friends were quite nice to me even if when I first got there I know I was putting off kind of a sad vibe-- I don't know that night I just wasn't in the mood and it was really hard for me to get there. I think it's because I felt guilty and was debating whether I wanted to drink or not. Once I did start drinking I loosened up, and ended up eating a big dinner so the hangover on Sunday wasn't bad. 

Pita pit drunkies is the best. Lol I swear to God I eat WAY more when I'm drinking than when I'm smoking. "Munchies" have never really existed for me but "Drunkies" definitely does. Ha ha it's like the more I drink the more I can actually relax about enjoying food... which is why I gotta keep drinking to a minimal if I want to keep my frame.

That night I danced with a friend of one of Allie's friends named Nathan at the 301. Nathan was a super cool guy who kept me company that night, took me to go get food when I was hungry at shooters and everyone else had eaten-- you know figured I'd dance with him. But I wasn't like into it romantically at all and I remember him kissing on my neck when we were dancing at the bar and I remember thinking "Damn it'd be so f*cking funny if Terry happened to be here and see this.." because I know he would have been jealous as Hell. He's always so vague when it comes to talking about this (dare I say) "relationship" we have and likes to act like he doesn't give a shit but I know that if he were to see something like that it would bother him because he's never perceived a threat of me losing interest in him. 

It could happen. I do meet other guys. But with Terry being there all the time it makes it difficult for my romantic interest to shift elsewhere... and because there's no way we'll actually be in a relationship in college because it's too close for comfort I just have to be content with the way things are now. 

I need to start writing more so I have more patience to write about the details of these nights out because they're the nights I'll want to remember. Right now I don't feel like telling much more about it 

peace. 

Awessommme day, great stuff on the horizon

Evening err-body...

Well technically it's morning... 1:20 am to be exact. I had a really good day overall. Not having Ghosh's class at 3 made it feel like today was another Saturday. I only had Grandpa Carbaugh's* class at 10 and I was done. (Lol "Grandpa Carbaugh" is what some guys in my Finance class were calling him the other day because that's how he is to us-- he's like the superrr nice professor that every student likes to have one of on their course list because it makes the quarter less stressful.)

My money and banking quiz went well, 30/36, 83%.. I missed the highest possible amount to be satisfied with my score so it came really close but I'm feeling happy with it. When I'd glanced through the stack of papers I noticed a lot of 32's and even 36's so I figured Terry more than killed my score...... He didn't, in fact he did much worse than I'd anticipated considering how well he really knows the material.. Like he was able to name the different types of financial intermediaries off the top of his head and stuff that I was trying to absorb from the material turned out to be less useful then the funky conceptual things that I remembered on the True/False yesterday.


..Always feels good to beat my rival. Ha ha, Terry's still listed as "Gary Oak" in my phone. I got a phone call from him when he went to class not knowing that classes this week in Managerial were cancelled because he skipped the second half on Thursday.

I personally just think he's crazy to be taking 25 credits. I would much rather thoroughly study my 15 credits then try to race to my diploma.... I feel like Terry is much more confident than I am which is going to make him more prepared to go out into the world faster. I feel like I want the next year and a half to build my own confidence and improve my people skills before I can have that same confidence in my intelligence. Terry is just so shamelessly sure of himself about everything, which can be frustrating to me because even if it is clear that I am equally as intelligent as he is he always feels he's got the upper hand somehow-- this is where my rivalry with him stems from and I enjoy it.

Let's see what else... Oh, I met this really cute guy today just out of the blue. After money and banking I'd gone to the surc to study for an hour and got hungry. I bought this $5 chicken bowl thing (Alright I might be exaggerating just a bit, but "Pan Asia" sweet and sour chicken was nooo bueno. It was so rich and dense, I could barely eat any of it) and sat across from this guy who looked like he was studying. I was originally planning on studying too before I realized that eating this messy chicken bowl and studying wasn't possible so we ended up talking. His name is Nathan, he's tall and athletic, plays bass and likes the band Alter Bridge (which is PROG.... just imagine what other bands he's into ha ha ha)....

He's now got my number and we're facebook friends. Who knows maybe we'll never talk again but that was still nice to meet someone today.

Uhh, yeah did lots of studying today and redid the assignment for Sipic's class from the lovely 5/15 score to a respectable 14. Freaked out about nothing.

I'm trying to join the archery club.

Solid hour of guitar tonight too, on top of everything else. Fantastic day, hope I'm not completely exhausted tomorrow.

peace. 

Ears ringing teeth clicking ears ringing teeth clicking

My 22nd year is off to a good start.

I'll back up a little. My Mom came over for my birthday and we had dinner, talked, laughed,.. had a really good time. She also brought Miranda and I got to see how'd she react in my apartment. She was fine of course, it's definitely a good place to own a pet (if it was allowed) and she'd probably even be safe going outside and playing down by the river. But yeah, no, not gonna happen. I realize that I don't want the responsibility of having a pet here either because it's just one more thing to distract me.

Classes went well today. I've got an upcoming quiz in money and banking, which is luckily the class that I'm feeling the most confident in aside from still behind on the wall street journal articles. Tomorrow I plan to cut the articles that I need out and paste them somewhere for easy reference. Something about messing with a newspaper makes me frustrated.

I had managerial econ with Ghosh today and I guess we're not going to have lecture for a couple weeks so I'll have even more time to understand all of this reading material he's assigned-- excellent. I also realized today that I'm going about his classes wrong-- I need to print out his overheads that he explains in class so I can spend my time actually listening instead of trying to keep up with him with notes. It's impossible, he talks too fast and changes subjects frequently. Now that I understand this I'm actually looking forward to his next class (Thursday the 17th) to actually hear everything he's trying to tell us.

Fan 4ever. 

Terry of course sits by me in that class and I've noticed that he gets especially bored and likes to draw ugly pictures of weird muscle guys and write things to me on my textbook. Today he also started a tic-tac-toe game with me. I lost and he wrote "Rookie". I responded "I didn't waste time playing that stupid game growing up" and he's like "You missed out." I'm like "Bullshit. Pokemon is awesome." Ha ha ha.

Oh speaking of Pokemon! That X and Y game is coming out soon... Damn I didn't even play Black/White, can't believe they're coming out with a new gen already. I'm over here still playing SoulSilver because of my painstakingly slow method of playing this game (I take elite four training with exp. share to a new level... I'm pretty sure I've been through that shit 115 times) that I'm still partially convinced might be my last because of changes that will come in the next few years....

Anyway Pokemon X and Y graphics are sooo beautiful, in battle you can actually see the moves being cast. Charizard apparently now has a 4th evolution which I am indifferent about but hey.

I did an hour of successful meditation today after my economics class and afterward studied Managerial for a solid 30 minutes and practiced guitar for so I was happy about that. Usually I'm unable to get anything done between classes. I either sleep or waste time on the internet.

Some people (or just my friend Wiley, not sure yet) are driving up to Ellensburg tomorrow and we're going to hit the bars around here. Should be fun. Wiley brought it up to me out of the blue and I'm like Hell yea if you're willing to drive up here please do. I'm hoping he does bring some people along because I always enjoy a crowd but if it's just us that's fine too. Wiley's such a chill and enjoyable guy to talk to, Hell if he's the only one that comes I'd have no problem just bullshitting over some beer at the Tav. Sounds like a great time to me.

Guitar lesson went really well. Jake said I've improved significantly since I've started forcing myself to memorize music. He also send me this article:

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-the-Law-of-Attraction

Law of Attraction. He'd mentioned this before and I thought it was just supposed to be used for attracting the opposite sex but it's WAY more than that. It's so incredible and simple, I feel enlightened by reading it but cannot describe this further until I try to experiment with it tomorrow....

peace.

Listened to Purity ring on a couple of my bike rides today. Lol I don't know what it is about her music, it's just enjoyable yet creepy and alluring and weird at the same time-- kinda like me. : )

Diving headfirst hoping I don't hit concrete

Very interesting second day.

Turns out I also have Managerial Economics with Terry on Tues and Thurs. He seemed surprised for some reason that I was in there.... Lol we're in the same major, this is bound to happen a lot. Anyway this was a pleasant surprise for both of us because we will greatly be able to benefit each other this quarter like we did last, except this time we're actually more comfortable around eachother now that I can move past the awkward guessing game and treat him as a friend.

I just enjoy how he challenges my intellect. Today he told me he has a roommate from Montana. I would later state that "Montana is the least densely populated state in the United States." Terry replied after thinking for 2 seconds, "No, you're wrong, Alaska. Montana's second."

Okay YEAH but if you're talking about inside the continental United States then I'm right.

Terry would later say "Yeah you have to get up earlier than that to beat me." BAH.

My managerial economics professor intimidated me today because he said himself that his class is "very difficult but he didn't want to publish that on his site because nobody would take the class." He talks fast and has a lot to say but his lecture was thoroughly interesting.

My public finance  paper that I have to write is super open ended and I'm planning on doing it on the connection between testing scores and how much money a school is given by the government. The school system like anything else is a business and the teachers always had this motivation to teach us how to get high test scores on the stupid State standardized tests and now I realize it had to do with money. 

Oh my car broke down and it's stuck in a parking lot over by Shaw... hope it doesn't get towed. Parents are coming up first thing tomorrow morning and we're going to get some things taken care of, like my financial aid and the fact that right now I don't have a bike. Walking sucks! ha ha Brooklane is like a mile and a half from where my car broke down today. 

peace. 

Completely clean slate, kind of an unreal feeling.

It's weird waking up you no longer like anyone.... and I really mean that this time.

I guess Terry was actually into athlete chicks. Makes sense, he can probably relate to a lot of what she's doing. She's the one to the right of #9 on the left side, she plays for the Oregon Ducks. Seems like the kind of girl that doesn't wear makeup. 

I admittedly did like Terry for a good amount of this last year but knowing that he has a girlfriend now really does give me a clean slate. I'm really surprised that Terry's actually in a relationship, I just figured he didn't want one because of the vibe that he gave off but I guess I'm just not his type. I'm hoping that things can now be less awkward between us now that I know we're just friends.

I did send him a text saying it's cool and I hope things can be more relaxed between us now that I know we're just friends. And still study together for Carbaugh's money and banking tests.

I am completely, entirely uninterested in sports nowdays. Sports is Terry's life. I'm sure sports is this girl's life too. So we'd never work together...

Jay, Jack and Terry were the only three guys that I really liked these past couple years so it feels weird to not have anyone that I like anymore. There is not a soul in the world I can say I am truly attracted to right now in a romantic sense. It feels weird, yet I feel very free. I'm 21 years old man, f**k it I really don't need anyone and haven't for a long time. I just get frustrated when things tend to sort of lean in that direction and then never go anywhere.... then eventually end because I'm just not what they want right now.

I think it's because I'm quite an unusual person... not in a bad way, I mean people that are my friends and acquaintances seem to appreciate my dedication to practice and study-- my life that revolves around self improvement that I have built for myself. In my imagination I live a rockstar lifestyle, ha ha ha. Single, on the road all the time, playing music, talking to a sh*t ton of people, smoking. What more is there. 

Gonna try to get some good practice in for a couple hours, wish me luck at my lesson today. I'd love to get a youtube vid up today if I can.

peace.  

Guess who doesnt have to find a new job. Patience.

Evening everyone. Technically goodmorning because it's almost 2 am.

I had such a fun day at work with Angie in the dresses department today. I don't know if I've ever mentioned Angie before but she's this super pretty Mexican girl that lives with her husband and son. She moved up from Mexico a few years ago so an accent that makes her really entertaining for me to listen too. Having friends that I'm working with downstairs is super nice..

I got home from work at 11' and practiced guitar for an hour before calling it quits a little while ago. I browsed around facebook to see what people have been up too. Didn't find anything interesting really and have seen the news feed a number of times today because I was bored in the break room at work. I really shouldn't waste time but sometimes it's very relaxing to do so.


Working in Kids was difficult and made me prepared for anything honestly. I'm not saying working in Kids is harder because there are annoying ass, tedious tasks in every department... what makes kids more frustrating is the little pieces. Folding little teeny shirts and stacking them on short shelves. The racks are shorter too to cater to younger critiques.

Baby clothes are the worst because they have three pieces per set on special hangers. Luckily most people don't try to cart their baby into a dressing room and put clothes on it before purchase.

So I forgot to mention this. A couple days ago when I'd hung out with Josh H. and some of his buddies after work (Josh is rarely in town so I went over to Travis's house after work. This was the first time I'd talked to either of Josh's friends honestly.) at around 12:30 am. I hate late night phone calls but they're especially bad when they come from really creepy automated voices.

It was a "CWU Alert" calling to inform me of the following: "On July 20, 2013 at approximately 10:45 pm a male who appears to be in his early 20’s   was found lying in the O5 parking lot on the campus of Central Washington University. The male had what appears to be multiple stab type wounds and medical aid was notified. The male was transported to the hospital." 

That's exactly what the message said. These guys that I was sitting with were joking around like "Wow by the look on your face that looks like a call I'd want to get!" They were kind of drunk... I think they meant the other way around. Anyway after that disturbing phone call I'd decided to not think about it but later I opened my email to find it again and now I'm wondering what happened. It's actually really weird for something like this to happen in Ellensburg, and I'm sure scared the hell out of the lucky few that are living there this summer.

If I was communicating with Terry I could ask him if he'd heard much about it but we haven't talked since the night I texted him saying I'm done trying to see eachother. I know that he doesn't take me as seriously as I am but I meant it. I'm literally likely not going to talk to him the rest of the summer. That's Terry f*cking S. for you. And then we'll see eachother in the fall and act like that didn't happen and that not seeing eachother all summer should have been expected. I can't say it wasn't... But he still did get in touch with me off and on so I didn't know. He's so weird, I don't get him.

I've honestly really had my mind on someone else. It's never worked with us so I don't know why this time would be any different but I would just really like to spend time with him. But yeah I'm not going to contact him. He needs to show initial interest in me because the last time we'd tried going there he basically told me that doesn't like my personality. I could see why, at the time I'm sure I acted pretty crazy. I just really liked him and didn't know how to act right yet. But I was 18-- and so torn over the Jack thing at that time that I'm sure I was looking for someone to latch onto. The guy that I'm referring to is very laid back, independent and kind of a no-BS kind of guy and that's what I've always been super attracted to. 

We'll see.

peace. 

Was finally able to get an opinion out of terry, it's a miracle! ha ha ha

I apologize if this is written really sloppily guys, I'm exausted beyond belief and I'm going to crash so hard when I finish writing this....

Today's been just a hard work day. I skipped speech class and pray we didn't happen to have that test today because I really needed that nap....

What's strange to me is that Central is having it's book buyback tomorrow which means I plan on selling back my speech and maybe economics depending on if I'm taking the final or not. I probably won't take it unless I got under an 85% on the exam today. I've done really well in that class overall and as long as I'm doing better than Terry I won't take it. I'm putting 100% effort into studying for my stats final right now... and feel as though I'm making little progress on it even if I read the material and do the practice problems again and again. It's just very difficult conceptually. When you are trying to learn stats concepts you feel like your brain is running on a treadmill backwards, it's just so different.

But like I said before, a really good grade on that final equals an A in the class and dropping that exam 4 grade.

So I did get a chance to sit down with Sipic and discuss my thoughts on switching from finance to economics. It didn't take much for him to convince me because I'd honestly made up my decision but he was able to whip up a new graduation plan for me in about 15 minutes. Turns out I could actually graduate at the end of next spring if I major in econ. He also told me that I should consider doing a double major (Economics and finance) because it would only take me two additional quarters (Summer and Fall).. I'm really thinking about doing that, I don't see why not.

I took my econ test this morning and I think I did pretty well. Terry and I met up at around 8 this morning to study for the exam. He didn't seem as solid on a lot of the content as I did but that's obviously because I had no life all weekend.... Anyway we had a really good study session. We had an interesting conversation monday night.

So I was finally able to get Terry to tell me what he thought of me... sort of.. We'd started this by me mentioning that I was starting to find of figure him out and he was like "oh yeah, prove it" you know so I started to list off some things.

I told him that he's "Driven, serious, and have high standards of success for yourself. You are closed emotionally. You're blunt and decisive." He said that was a pretty accurate analysis.

He told me that I am "Start and dedicated to school and your guitar, learning new things, you're kinda quirky but nice and like to do your own thing." I liked this description of me a lot.

Writing right now is painful, I have to go to sleep. night

peace.

Things are never quite clear between us

This is usually how I look on "sloppy sunday." No makeup, giving my hair a day to rest from washing.... Lol notice the noise cancelling headphones. 

Technically today's Monday, Memorial Day. God Bless America

 I did two hours of statistics studying which made me feel really accomplished.. though I did so while watching TV so I don't know how much information I picked up.

 I guess lately I've been using schoolwork to mind off of other things. This morning I woke up with black eye makeup all over my face because I went to bed with my liner on *just in case* Terry ended up actually following through with the plans we had made earlier. Is that pathetic? Probably. Don't worry I washed off the rest of my makeup. After all of it I was just so exhausted from dealing with him.

Terry texted me last night around 6:30 pm when I was on the phone with my mom. He was asking what I was up too and if I had any plans that night. Well no, I didn't, but I said I was having a really nice night anyway. Because I was, I was playing my guitar and minding my own damn business like always. But I did take the time to get ready, though... Which as all you girls know is a PAIN IN THE ASS. And because it was Terry of course I looked my best. 

Throughout the night we kept eachother posted on what we were doing. Of course he's out somewhere making drinks and having fun with his buddies and every time he texts me I'm just doing the exact same thing. Lol playing guitar, studying, cleaning, reading, cooking, facebook.. Seems like that's all I do lately. And any time Terry texts me it's usually the same sequence of messages. Same old what are doing, etc etc... If I try to go into in depth conversation and don't finish with a question there's about a 50/50 chance he won't reply. Even if he was the first one to text me.

It's really odd, he's just not very conversational with me.... I sometimes think his brain is so absorbed in sports like mine is in the guitar that it's hard for him to really think about anything else. He's been sucked into this for so many years though that he doesn't know much other life I think. I've only been into the guitar for a year so I definitely have a wide spectrum of things to talk about aside from that.

But yeah Terry ended up going to some party at a lake and invited me but I wasn't sure what the deal was or even if he wanted me to go. I didn't end up going out there until around 12:30 am... I put "Reecer Creek" on my GPS and it took me about 10 minutes outside of town.

I turned down into a downhill dirt road where my GPS took me and I could hear a river. It was really creepy because there were no cars. I did not get out of my own car but I did crack the window and hear water. I pulled down closer and saw that there was a fence opening but I could not tell if it led to a dark road or the river. I didn't want to go down any closer to the river or get out of my car and check, it was all just too sketchy. I set my gps and drove back.

Terry texted me when I was 5 minutes away from home saying he was outside and didn't know where I was. I'm like alllrighty then. Of course when I was at the creek itself I tried calling him and he didn't pick up, and I knew he was pretty drunk at this point.

So yeah no fun! Came home and slept. He apologized for getting drunk too quickly. I'm like Dude you think this is about that?? It's YOUR BAD for not being clear on plans earlier, get your shit straight.

I'm so exhausted, I'm going to go to bed. Roommate was acting like a snag today but I already talked about it on facebook so I don't want to talk about it on here. night all

peace

When your brain hits the frantic button

I had the most ridiculously difficult statistics test today. I studied nearly 6 hours for it total, if not more... I felt like half that time was spent just reading the concepts over and over to just try to wrap my head around what the hell they were talking about. 

I felt like I was doing great on the test until the Sipic said "10 minutes" when I was on problem 16 out of 32. Need I say more?

New approach to finishing stats tests, and math tests in the future..... 

LOOK at the problem, read it. Read it AGAIN. 

Figure out what kind of problem it is.

Don't really look at answers.

Apply equation.

Check algebra. 

Instead I was doing... (*when I realized I was running out of time that is)

Read problem

Look at answers

Try to draw some conclusion and feel a little overwhelmed when the answer didn't stick right out at me (obviously)

Rewrite the f'ing information in the question...

Then find the equation.

Feel pressed for time.

Try to apply equation.

Feel like I'm wasting too much time.

Sloppily apply arithmetic.

Circle closest answer.

It was miserable!! Ha ha, though on the bright side I know I DID get some right answers just from studying the hell out of the material these past few days. I'm hoping that works as a buffer from completely failing the test because that's embarrassing. 

I want an A in that class sooo bad. I want to do super well on that final so I'm going to spend these next couple weeks really solidifying the concepts we've been covering over and over and over again. That's why it's so frustrating is because I can see it coming together but with this kind of math you have to try it again and  again before you actually know it. 

The lame thing about today is that I skipped econ to study for stats but I ended up going back to sleep for an hour and a half after I studied for an hour. I feel like the better option would have been to take a rhodiolla and kept working. That probably would have gotten it to the level that I would have needed to do well on the last 5-6 problems that I pretty much threw away by guessing. 

So yeah sometimes even if I think I've fully prepared myself things can still throw me for a loop. 

Well I had the coolest thing happen today! 

After my friend Matt stopped by at around 6' I finally rallied enough to go grocery shopping. My Mom wrote me a check that I can't switch over to my account until the 25th but until then I am officially BROKE. Lol I had to use that cash today before I spent it on a slice of pizza or something at North because I've been eating away at my food surplus the past couple weeks. That's been a good experience for me in itself because I feel like I was too wasteful at the beginning of the year but that's because I made crappy choices on what I was buying.

$19.94.

When I saw that was the total I was so stoked, like I felt like I had just won the price is right. I had gone through at store in about a half hour. I'm not kidding, it was so fast because I didn't want to give myself time to look around. 

Oh, and I saw Sipic in the f*ing store, I'm not even kidding right now. I was just thinking "Good God I do not want to make small talk with you right now." Especially after I felt like a complete dork because I was the lasttttt one in class to finish that damn test and kind of took advantage of the time constraint. Again, why does this matter to me what so ever? I can't tell you.

Well Terry had no problem acting like a dick today, like always. We actually texted quite a bit today because I'm sure he was pissed off about the test as I was. Lol it's so funny any time we get done with tests one of us will text eachother like "How'd you do?" Next quarter we're going to be in two classes together, with two of the same professors that we had this quarter. I'm excited that I'll have no problem staying motivated in the fall if we can manage to keep this up. 

I think that's why we never get too close... is because neither of us want to lose this. It's like I'll try to be kind of flirtatious with him occasionally but his responses are usually kind of vague. I kind of like to think of Terry as more than someone I just study with and use as a tool of motivation because there is still some weird part of me that likes him. Or maybe I just like the overall outcome of being around him. It feels fantastic to have someone as competitive as I am to fuel my fire. 

The high point of my day was getting in contact with someone and getting their number completely unexpectedly. Well that and my friend Matt came over. Yeah it wasn't a terrible day. All I know is I wanted to write and I need to study econ.

peace. 

It's never enough!

Lol I haven't thought of a good status in couple days so I posted this to reflect how exhausted I've been lately. I was debating putting it as my cover but "pocket sand" is just too good and I'm probably running out of number of times I can excusably have a king of the hill photo.

I have to go to speech class where I plan on sitting closer to the back and studying my statistics for tomorrow's exam. I went to the library and printed a packet of the steps of the two main procedures I'll need for tomorrow. I feel like I'm right on the edge of understanding it. Like it's just a matter of really doing some practice problems which I'm going to spend a couple solid hours on today to ensure I don't do worse than Terry on tomorrow's exam.

 Terry and I met up this morning at 7:30 to study for the quiz and he kept expressing how much he hates true/false questions. I could go either way because I've gotten pretty lucky on those tests. Oh! He told me today that he's actually going to get a MINOR in Finance now and a DOUBLE major in Economics and civil engineering. Damn it how dare he find a more impressive major then me?!?! 

Because apparently economics is suddenly the fanciest and hardest and best specialization to the business major... Which is apparently what Sipic told him, which means Terry is going to be able to take more classes with him which makes me really jealous too. I've learned so much from his class this quarter, I really want to keep taking classes with him but I might feel different after another quarter. 

There's no reason for me to jump to conclusions about anything. The only thing that's important to me right this second is that test tomorrow. I might write more later. 

It's only 2:37, if anything interesting comes up I'll let you anonymous readers know. But more than likely tonight will just be the usual. Nothing wrong with that. I feel really happy that I was able to go to school this whole year without having the stress of having a job on top of it because it's really enabled me to take full advantage of my time here. 

peace. 

Typical end of the quarter overload, still feeling out of it

Yo.

I came home this weekend for a couple things: first and foremost to turn in my job application at Rite aid and second to escape. I felt really depressed waking up Saturday morning because the previous night I'd gone to a bar and felt hungover so I didn't get up until 12.  That hangover kept me from getting really anything done all day.

Well it would have been one thing if the previous night was good. I felt like that whole night I just felt uncomfortable because I was with a bunch of people I didn't know and couldn't make conversation very easily. It's funny, sometimes strangers won't phase me at all and I'll be totally friendly and other times (especially when I'm in kind of a sad mood) it's a lot harder.

I actually saw Terry at the bar and it looked like he was like.. cornering this girl. He actually saw me there but didn't talk to me at all. Granted by this time it was 1:30 or so and I was ready to get the hell out of there. I was feeling really uncomfortable in the first place and seeing Terry there was the icing on the cake.

I don't want to talk about that anymore. To be honest "feeling" is more of an inconvenience in my life than most things so I try to drown it out with studying, watching documentaries about people with messed up lives, practicing my guitar like a madman and meditating. That's my life. I want close friends that I can spend time with and open up too but finding people that I feel I can relate to is such a challenge.. That and so many girls are too wrapped up in their boyfriends to give a shit about having friends.

that's the thing that a lot of people don't realize is much harder about being a single woman than a man. Men actually know how to be friends with eachother and spend time without having crazy hangups. But of course when I hang out with a guy in a strictly friendship manner but spend a bunch of time with them they can sometimes develop crushes and then I end up losing them as friends in the long run because I have to let them down.

Ugh. I'm probably over exaggerating again. Things are going more than fine for the most part and I've really got no room to complain, it's just time for me to come home and I'm realizing that now. I'm ready for a change of environment and be around people that know who I am.


So between now and tomorrow at 9 am tomorrow I have to:
-Drive home... (which takes 90 min)
-Study econ for 90 min (online, multiple choice ?'s on 2 chapters)
-2 problems on the stats homework (I've got about 6/15 done right now. Figure I'll have two more hours to get the rest of it done between classes tomorrow)

peace.

Some tough news.

Hey guys,

I've got some news. Last night it became apparent to me that taking classes here this summer just isn't happening. I initially had thought out this whole scenario of how nice it will be here spending the summer working, taking a class and getting to continue this independence but it's not the right choice.

Last night Terry and I hung out around 10:00 pm. Note that we had initially made plans to study together at 7 pm but then he told me he had to work on a philosophy paper and that we should "tomorrow." At this point I had put on my makeup so I'm like "Wow, lame.." and sort of bitched about it. He ended up coming over after he finished the paper and we hung out in my room.

It was so awkward. I don't know if it was just the fact that my brain was fried after the kind of emotionally draining weekend of him flaking on me but I couldn't make conversation for shit last night. There were a lot of awkward pauses, I felt nervous and unsure about the situation. It's just hard for me to communicate with him because he's not easy to read and sometimes he doesn't even give responses to what you say. So you're just kind of sitting there like... uh, okay then...

I cried last night, for the first time in awhile I just broke down. I had somehow built it up in my head like this summer was going to be different than any summer I'd ever had.
That I'd be able to simultaneously:
-take a class to get ahead of my degree,
-stay out of my parents house
-Work full time
(...AND get to spend the time with either Jack or Terry that I've wanted outside of school.. depending on which one of them actually gets in contact with me after school ends.. which could have been neither!)

Because with Jack not talking to me at all anymore and it getting more and more clear that Terry and my personalities don't mesh like I'd wanted them too... It's just too painful, I have to get out of here. Obviously I still have feelings for Jack, and it's just been this merry-go-round for the past four years of trying to make things work with other guys but it always comes back to this.

And now I'm moving back to the tri cities because I need to save money and take a break from school before next year. Seriously you guys my classes are going to be crazy next year, 15 credits of finance, marketing and economics per quarter-- that's BUSINESS CONCEPTS AND MATH-MATH-MATH. I can't help feeling sort of intimidated by it which is why I pray to just have the energy to work hard each day to improve my mind to brace myself.

It means making sacrifices. Living in Ellensburg this summer would be very costly, and there's not very many people that live around campus so it's VERY dead. Hell, campus isn't necessarily the most lively place during the fall, either, like when I showed up here this last September a week early I remember how weird it felt.

Granted I would be working, so I wouldn't feel the amount of desolation. But I would be under a lot more stress. I've never actually done a waitress job before, which would require me to probably work nights and have to sacrifice a lot of my guitar and "me" time.

I remember how consistent and easy my schedule was at rite aid. That job didn't stress me out at all, my coworkers respected me and there's a new manager there that seems like a real nice guy. I don't mind getting my job back at Rite aid at all this summer, it'll be fun. Just need to figure out who I'm gonna kick it with now that Katelynn's out of my life.

This is the girl I plan on kidnapping a lot this summer. 

 I'm totally fine with her bringing her son around if we go out somewhere, that wouldn't bother me at all I'm so used to kids. She's just so cool and seems like a person I would want to be good friends with. I want to support her when she needs it, have someone to go places with to just chill around the tri cities and do whatever the hell we want like me and Katelynn used to do. Arwen is a lot like Katelynn, she's f*&^ing real. 

...A lot of these girls around here are annoying as Hell, why do girls lose their maturity in their 20's when guys start growing up? This makes no sense to me! 

And I also plan on seeing Sam of course and I'm sure I'll have some coffee dates and movie nights with Josie too. 

OH!!! And guitar lessons IN PERSON with Jacob again!!! YAAAAAY!!!! 

Hell yea I'm gonna practice soo hard this summer.. No school means MORE GUITAR.

My mom and I talked on the phone this morning and it was surprisingly easy for her at this point to convince me that no, I shouldn't be financially independent this summer, and yes, I should come home when the quarter's over. 

But now I'm happy because I'm starting to think that things are going to be fine, like there are so many GOOD things about the tri cities that I don't have in ellensburg. Like places to shop, most of my friends are there, etc etc... 

One thing that Jacob did tell me when I told him I was stressed about whether or not I was moving back is that "It'll be fine, you'll keep busy." Couldn't have said it better myself. 

peace.

This weekend gave me a lot of time to think...

Morning.

I finally broke the question to Kristin about whether she's staying or going this summer. She's moving out on the 8th, which means I have less than a month to find a new roommate and a job. I plan to continue my search this week. I haven't gotten one call back yet which is discouraging but I'm going to keep trying. I really want to take that class this summer..

This week I also have to give that persuasive speech. I think I'll put together that presentation today, shouldn't take too long and putting it behind me now will save a lot of stress later. This weekend has been pretty boring but fine. My brain feels pretty rested for the upcoming week.

So today will be a good day if I do the following:

- Practice at least hour of guitar

- Read + Note take stats chapter 14 (think it's my third time going through this, apparently this is very important...)

- Read 1st half of Money and Banking chapter for econ...

- Create presentation on Meditation for Speech

And of course eat good food, try not to stress out, not spend all day scrolling through facebook, etc etc.. If I get started early I have plenty of time to get all this done.

Last night I was able to get into a really deep state of meditation to the point that my limbs felt completely gone, it was so cool. Meditation has allowed me to start sleeping on my back instead of my side which I have read is better for your skin.

Initially I was pretty stoked when Jack and I were spending time together again but not talking for an entire week has sort of killed it. Jack told me that he hates texting.. Okay, well, if you hate texting it would be nice if you would at least offer to grab coffee or something throughout the week if he was actually interested in me. It's like shit, don't do me any favors buddy.

Terry on the other hand has been texting me quite a bit since he asked for my number on Tuesday. He asked what I was doing this weekend on Friday and suggested we hang out which was different for him. He's usually not that forward in person. We texted each other on Friday but I think he's been out partying this weekend. I'm hoping we get a chance to study together either this evening or tomorrow. Or who knows, actually hang out...

We'll see.

peace.