F*ckF*ckityF*ckF*ck WHYYYY....

Well it's been a hell of a day.

I think extreme stress over this class registration issue has made me sick for the last two days. I've been completely lacking in energy and my stomach has been in chronic pain. For good reason, considering one of my worst nightmares actually happened today.

I'm not graduating after Spring quarter like I'd originally anticipated and in retrospect I realize it's all my fault. This is going to create another entire quarter of stress, frustration and worst of all, debt. I need to backup to explain what the hell happened.

I registered for my Spring classes weeks ago, when I was supposed too. I know I did, but because it was so long ago I have no direct recollection of it. So when I went online and discovered that "you have not currently registered for any Spring classes" I flipped. I had no idea why I'd been dropped. I figured it was just a stupid glitch or something.

So of course I re-registered for the classes I needed: Econ 401 and Human resource management online. Not only was HR full, but I was #14 on the wait list... Making it impossible to get into that class, and there's nothing else available. I messaged my adviser and the dean of business registration and she sent me a message saying I hadn't tried registering for anything since February, as well as the fact that I missed the graduation deadline and need to fill one out by April 10th for after Summer quarter anyway.

So I f*cked up in two ways unknowingly. This left me with, okay, I'm not graduating after Spring quarter which totally blows, but I need to find another class to take so I have 10 credits. Given the fact that my Dad is always getting on my case about taking more accounting classes, that was the first thing I looked at. NO accounting classes on campus are being offered on campus that I can take that would contribute to getting an accounting minor if I wanted one. There's a 341 class available in Des Moines, 2.5 hours away, driving over the pass twice a week... That's not plausible for a number of reasons. Then there's also the option of taking Cost Accounting 405 online which would be incredibly hard and stressful considering I got a C+ in cost accounting 305. Cost accounting 405 doesn't even add credits to an accounting minor because it's not one of the elective options, who knows why.. making it extremely hard to convince myself to take it.

My parents aren't going to pay for me to take only 5 credits and neither is my student loans. So I'd be losing my student loans, as well as all the money in my savings account to pay for these 5 credits. I would HAVE to get a job in ellensburg. Something I tried to do all quarter last quarter and failed miserably. I mean I'd have better availability but even then, it is so hard to get a job there.

At least if I got a job it'd make it easier to live there in the summer. I'm so tired of going to school in general, I really thought I was finally done with it after this quarter but because of my own idiotic lack of initiative to check and make sure everything was ready to go. I can't remember the last time I was this disgusted with myself. I'm just praying this can somehow be to my advantage..

I am probably going to go back to Ellensburg Friday to start my job search again. And pay for my one class. Try to somehow deal with this depression I'm feeling right now.

peace. 

Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow

Evening folks, I've had a nice first week of summer so far.

last day working at the Edward's farm. 

First of all, I was able to land a brief farm job this summer two days after moving home. It lasted from Tuesday to Thursday morning which was a lot shorter than anticipated. The job itself was really easy in comparison to what I'd dealt with in my own family's orchard a few years back. Basically I was assigned to stand by these large white bins, wait for pickers to pour in a bucket of fruit, and punch their ticket to recognize they'd done it. The only manual labor I had to do was pick the leaves out and stack the boxes that weren't terribly heavy-- probably around 70 lbs, but just really bulky and awkward.

My crew was interesting because none of them I'd had extended interaction with before. All good guys though, like none of them were complete dicks about when I woke up an hour late on the first day (which ended up being canceled anyway, whew...). This guy Dalton did give me a little sh*t on facebook that day and added me as a friend. He was on my crew along with Vlad R. (Really smart kid for only being a Junior in highschool, impressive), Dalton's brother Brandon who was running the tractor, Jaron G. (who I could not believe is a sophomore in highschool now. Wow I felt old.), another 16 year old that looked a lot like that guy Abe and Cruz Del A. Cruz's uncle was there too and stopped by my bin a lot to talk to me and cracked me up. I remember him saying, "You've got them beautiful eyes God gave ya."

Doing this job gave me a little summer color and got me in better shape which was nice. I've been exercising every evening since. Maybe out of boredom and feeling a little stir crazy at home already, I dunno.

Today I applied for a job at Maverik and talked to a woman on the phone who said the boss wasn't going to be around until Tuesday but she will leave a sticky note on it to definitely give me a call because I sounded nice and they were still running interviews... Yay! They're looking for evening shift cashiers which is perfect for me-- I function the best at night, it'll keep me out of trouble, and will enable me to sleep in late if I want to cuddle with Marshall.

In other news, I finally got my new glasses. My Mom picked them up for me in Ellensburg when she had to go back to check out my apartment. I honestly dodged such a bullet there, those people that inspect the apartment are humongous assholes looking for any tiny thing to charge you for on your way out. Blegh. My mom is awesome.

Alright it's almost 10 pm, about my workout time. I've been really getting back into guitar since I arrived home. That's what I've been spending most of my freetime on lately. I'm sure that'll continue once I have a job. I've decided I'm not going to take a summer class and just take it online next winter. I could really use a break and for some reason my computer will NOT let me access the class on Canvas or Blackboard.

peace. 

Get some ambition, why you bored

Evening. It's 10 pm.

This week I worked really hard... Monday and Tuesday I studied 3.5 hours and I finished my finance homework early (granted it was quite easy and now I have the dubious task of studying the other three chapters for the test this weekend). My first Finance test is next Monday and Carbaugh's test is on Tuesday. This weekend I'm going to be studying a lot. At least I'll get to sleep in. Getting up at 8 every day is the pits (ha ha).

My friend Michael G. really would make an incredible professor. He came over last night and walked me through R from the very beginning. He taught me how to assign variables, make graphs, constrict data, format the axis... I was so happy to get that help because I was starting to get really lost. I plan to play around with R again this weekend. My next assignment for forecasting doesn't require coding so that was somewhat of a relief. We're learning about judgmental forecasting and the limitations and biases of the human brain. Business college has really taught me to think more critically and logically.

Today I did slack, though. When I got home from classes I took a nap and ate a really crappy lunch. I accidentally burnt the chicken nuggets and fries I was making and they came out pretty flavorless. I feel antsy so I went to the gym until around 6'. It's always a nice stress relief but I rarely feel like studying afterward.

I am going to work on Carbaugh multiple choice questions and watch Netflix until bed. My parents are coming up for Easter Sunday so I'm going to have to really clean my house before they get here. I think knowing I'm going to have a lot to do this weekend gave me permission to slack today.

Wow, this is only my third blog entry this month and it's the 17th, that's depressing. The amount of work that I'm having to do this quarter has made my leisure time more scarce. I've had to really put guitar and drawing on the back burner but when I do have time I'd rather be doing that and watching TV than writing.

peace. 

Unless I write it down for real, PS

Evening.

It's 10:07 PM and I'm feeling sort of drowsy. Today was sort of boring and I'm happy school is starting the day after tomorrow. Still no word from the Subway manager so I should probably try to call him tomorrow. I'm thinking he might have reconsidered hiring me. Hopefully not, I could definitely use the money, but this quarter is going to be hard and will probably hit me like a ton of bricks by this time next week. 

I didn't do anything remotely academic over spring break. Michael warned me that I should be looking over R which I didn't get around too. I also need to email updated copies of my resume to another couple internships I was looking at for this summer. It's really important that I get that stuff squared away too.. Doing well in an internship will really help me find a job after school and then I won't have to potentially move back into my parent's house after I graduate. 

I also had the intention of briefing the first couple chapters of my finance book to get prepared for what's to come. I actually might have done this had I brought the book back with me to benton city, and the stress of not having it made me want to leave home since Tuesday night. Of course I didn't because my Dad told me how silly that was and that I just needed to relax.

Stress is my biggest struggle. It prevents me from getting a lot done, especially when I'm not diligent about writing down what I need to accomplish in any given day. That structure alleviates a lot of stress for me and when I'm back home I feel like that structure completely evaporates. Whenever I sit down and try to do something productive it doesn't take long to get distracted. Whether it's someone talking to me or talking in the background, some loud TV somewhere, cats meowing at the door trying to get in or out, feeling uncomfortable because I'm in some unusual spot... 

Working out helped my stress a lot last quarter.

Luckily these type of distractions in my apartment are non-existent but I have to learn to adapt to being productive in other environments so I am not so frequently confined here.  Last quarter instead of working out at home using those videos I started using the gym which has been great, I really missed the gym this last week. 

....I've also missed the flipping library! One thing I did do a ton of over spring break was draw and I've got some awesome ones that I'm excited as hell to upload on Monday. Ever since I stopped taking lessons and allowed myself to more diversify my skills my drawing technique has shot through the roof and I'm having a blast drawing anyone I feel like....

peace. 

Recalibrating my life again

School has been hard for me lately.

I think a lot of it had to do with starting this quarter off badly which f*cked up my internal schedule and confidence so I haven't been able to figure out a solid routine yet. Today I tried spent a lot of time studying macro Chapter 3 but pretty much got nowhere on the homework. The math is really killing me right now. I need to actually practice it, and I'm hoping that adding the website to my studying will help me do that this next week.

I know in order to hold myself to practicing anything I have to create a schedule with the number of hours I'm going to spend on it.

This is me feeling very stressed out and defeated. I spent about 5 hours studying today with little physical proof of improvement of understanding (completed assignments...) so I know I have to approach this differently. I'm meeting up with Kevin tomorrow to figure out the Ch. 3 production function equations I could not for the life of me get today. Then I'm going to start using the website to more proactively study the book.

Here is my schedule for the next week. I have my first macro test on the 31st and right now I'm not feeling prepared for it at all. I've wrote out this planner so that in the next week I'm going to do about 12 hours of Macro study by the time I hit the upcoming test because I know that's how much I'm going to need. That's a goal of two hours of studying macro alone each day this week, plus also remembering to chip away at that project 2 for my management class.... And try not completely throw guitar under the bus. And find a job. 

....Because I have no money, which is another source of stress in my life because my parents give me money to live so I try to spend as little money as possible. But now that I'm 22 everyone around me is drinking and alcohol is so tempting and freaking expensive. And of course I have guitar lessons that cost $80 a month and my habit that cost as much as any regular smoker at this point. 

All this stress is making it so not I'm getting enough sleep. I haven't been to sleep probably earlier than 2 am all week because I am too stressed to fall asleep and keep getting woken up from nightmares of failing school. Literally I've been having these nightmares where I have to take an exam and I'm not ready or I somehow fuck up my life and wake up in a panic and it makes it hard to even get up in the morning so I'll end up sleeping in until 11' even if the nightmare woke me up at 6!!! 

I have to change all these bad habits in my life right now before it's too late and I get a D on my first exam. This week I will get more sleep, eat healthier, smoke less, work more, wake up earlier, study harder and practice better. Then by this time next Saturday I won't feel like this. I'll tell you how the first day of this goes tomorrow (well, technically today, obviously going to bed at a decent time isn't getting off on the best foot but tomorrow I'm going to make it a goal to be in bed by 11)

peace. 

This quarter's already getting fun

Evening.

I've now gotten a feel for what I'm in for this quarter. One professor I really like the style of, the other it's too early to tell because a good majority of the lecture was spent "stroking himself" (as my friend described it today, the man does brag quite a bit but he seems to have done a lot in his life so whatever. These professors suffer enough to get their PhD., get published and spend endless hours doing random research that they can have their time on the first day to brag if they want too.)

One of my professors is named Wassell I believe, he looks kind of like an older Corey B. and sounds like him too. His class is in the big room (115), where Terry and I screwed around and passed notes during managerial last quarter. I stood outside the class for a little while with some people I know, like this guy Robert W. who's in both my classes. Terry and I caught a glimpse of eachother. I smiled and he smiled back but turned away trying to play it off like he didn't notice.

Of course we did end up sitting in the seats we sat in last quarter. When he noticed I was walking that direction Terry was like "YEA Our lucky seats!!" And I'm like "F&^% yeah we're gonna get A's this quarter!!" Then he's like "YES high five!!" and I jumped up and kind of grabbed his hand...  It was just weird, we just got really freaking pumped  for about 2 seconds before he realized that he lost his cool and quickly sat down. I of course could give a rats so I was sitting there cracking up and he's like, "...but seriously though."

I really liked Wassell's lecture yesterday because I found him very clear, understandable, organized and cohesive-- everything I like in a good economics professor because it allows me to write notes and really take in what they're saying. When a professor goes too fast and skips around the material I lose interest quick... this is what happened in that same room last quarter. Yet I somehow got a B.

Another sort of cool thing about his class is that he apparently passes out hard copies of the homework then gives us answers to correct them which are similar to the answers to the tests. I'm really hoping my finance teacher has a similar system  because that class is going to have a ton of homework too. In both classes homework is a big chunk of the grade which is always advantageous to me. Doing homework doesn't really stress me out anymore.

But yeah my finance teacher that I had today seemed... interesting. He straight admits that his reputation online is "horrible" but that the reason is that half the people coming into class are just looking for an easy A and he wants to make sure we're getting our parents are getting our money's worth. Fair enough, challenge accepted. He also has a Mississippi accent.

I don't know if I've posted a picture of Ryan yet, I hung out with him for the first time pretty shortly before he went to Europe with some of his buddies so we didn't really talk for 3 weeks but we'd kind of "liked" eachother's photos back and forth every so often so I got the impression he seemed interested in hanging out again

So yesterday I was supposed to get coffee a second time with Ryan but he got jet lag and fell asleep. This was like at 6:30 pm, which granted I had postponed from the original time that he'd wanted to three times because I was frying something that took forever and made a huge mess. So yeah I went to Starbucks, got my coffee and my scone and talked to some Japanese international students until I checked my phone and realized he wasn't coming. 

I'm a firecracker when guys flake..... I refrained myself and just wrote "Wow". He did send me a text apologizing for this today and asked if we could reschedule for today but I didn't feel like it because I'd taken a nap and felt groggy looking. Tomorrow it is. I'll let you know how that goes. I really enjoyed his company the first time because he seems really smart. He made me laugh more than once which is not easy to do for most people.*

peace. 

*... Okay maybe that's kind of a lie because I'll chuckle at practically anything if a person is trying to make some observation  but that doesn't mean I'm always serious. 

Quit spilling sh*t on my floor, cat! And classes winter 2014

Typing on this mac computer is incredibly annoying..

I'm sitting in the library waiting for an econ meeting at 4:30 pm. I would normally be home at this time but today I had to drive (and walk... mostly... Every time I use my car here it's such a waste of time) to Barge Hall to get a hold lifted from my account so I can register. I'm actually waitlisted in my intermediate microeconomics class at 7:30 am. I did have an option of taking it with another professor at an easier time but it would require me to take it with a much harder professor.


I just texted Terry to tell him my schedule and we're both taking intermediate micro. The war wages on!! He's also taking pre-calc and intermediate macro. It's been forever since I took pre-calc, that was a nice one to get out of the way early..

Next quarter I'm also taking an "Intro to financial management" and a "Principles of management" class online. I would much rather take that in person because the professor is Chinese. That and I generally dislike online classes because of the motivation it takes to check regularly online. But I'm going to put forth all of my effort.. I'm going to have to, next quarter I've got my first 400 level classes.

Today I finally got my eyebrows waxed and my bangs trimmed. That was really needed, my bangs were so long that the shortest part of them completely covered my left eye. Blegh. Anytime my bangs get that long my hair has a tendency to get greasy because I'm continually having to swipe them out of my face. Not a good look on anyone.

Okay it's 4:15 pm, I'm going to be late if I don't head out here pretty soon. Overall I've been good lately. The bigger Marshall gets the more daring he gets and he's got this bad habit of climbing on the curtains. He's also extremely persistent when he begs for food whenever I'm eating something. He'll stick his face into any drink and spill anything.

But I've still been feeling a lot happier.

peace.

Terry came over to study for the Money and banking test and when I was unable to answer many of the questions from his notes he's like "Wow what'd you do, party all weekend? You never get this many wrong." The irony of the fact that I actually did study this weekend.... But did spend a lot of the time dwelling on the fact that I was sad that I wasn't doing anything fun because I was flaked on.

The past few days I've started to think about my lifestyle and who I portray myself as to the world. I want to make myself this person that I want to be. I want like to have friends, stay active and have fun on the weekends like a normal person. I want confidence in my ability and a clear thought process. I feel like I haven't had any of these things since I've moved here again and that stops tomorrow.

peace. 

this lonely girl wants to go home, lol.

Today's been a good day for the most part.

Granted I didn't study economics or stats outside of class today... So I'll have to do that after I finish this blog for sure. I've been putting it off because I've needed to talk to someone but haven't been able to get through to my parents. Tonight I called Ashley briefly but the line kept cutting out so she could barely hear me. I'm getting sick of this apartment for that reason alone.

Me and Jack just aren't talking now because he hasn't responded to me or let me know why he's not responding to me for about two weeks now so like evvvvvery other time of course I texted him about it. The 4 year cycle continues.

There's nothing anyone can do to bring me down right now, I refuse to let anyone's actions toward me have any effect on that anymore. I have everything I need now except for friends in Ellensburg, unfortunately.

I mean I guess I know people here. I've certainly had many interesting conversations on the fly and asking them questions, but I rarely actually hang out with people I meet here. I met this really cool guy named Daniel M. that's in a couple of my classes that I was really hoping to hang out with (we did once and it was totally chill) but his best friend acted really cold toward me and all of a sudden he didn't want to be my friend anymore.

His friend is Sasa who's been sitting next to me in econ all quarter but I didn't talk to him until today on facebook. He's surprisingly a lot nicer than I expected, like he has a way of acting really passive toward people but once I got to talking to him I hope that we can be friends. 

I just wish I had more people that I could call up and chill with. I don't feel like I have much of that here. I definitely don't blame it on my location, though. Because I realize now that it'd be like this wherever I went. My independent nature keeps me happy this way but it also makes me sometimes feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things.... but if I spent my nights hanging out at people's house's drinking, kicking it or playing video games all year I wouldn't be half as good on guitar as I am now. I sacrificed even attempting to have a social life at the beginning of the year because of it but it's gradually gotten better. Meeting people in business classes where you never say boo to anyone can be a challenge. 

Sipic and I talked on the way out of class today and he asked me what major I was doing and whether or not I'd registered for my classes. I'm like uhh not quite yet (note that registration started today) and he's like, "Welllllll you better get on that then" in his accent (ugh, lol he laughed today when we were talking too it was awesome). I told him that I'd had a basic idea but that I didn't know for sure yet.

Later this evening I tried registering for my classes and it wouldn't let me on. I sent Sipic a message about this and he sent me a super prompt reply on what he thinks I should do. Ha ha I'm taking his public finance class in the fall, really excited to be taking another one of his classes. That's two of three professors that I'll be taking again next quarter but honestly this has been my best quarter academically yet and if it's not broke don't screw it up.

Anyway he basically informed me that I'll be able to have some of my credits double-counted and only have to take one additional class to get a minor in economics. Cool!! 

peace. 

This weekend gave me a lot of time to think...

Morning.

I finally broke the question to Kristin about whether she's staying or going this summer. She's moving out on the 8th, which means I have less than a month to find a new roommate and a job. I plan to continue my search this week. I haven't gotten one call back yet which is discouraging but I'm going to keep trying. I really want to take that class this summer..

This week I also have to give that persuasive speech. I think I'll put together that presentation today, shouldn't take too long and putting it behind me now will save a lot of stress later. This weekend has been pretty boring but fine. My brain feels pretty rested for the upcoming week.

So today will be a good day if I do the following:

- Practice at least hour of guitar

- Read + Note take stats chapter 14 (think it's my third time going through this, apparently this is very important...)

- Read 1st half of Money and Banking chapter for econ...

- Create presentation on Meditation for Speech

And of course eat good food, try not to stress out, not spend all day scrolling through facebook, etc etc.. If I get started early I have plenty of time to get all this done.

Last night I was able to get into a really deep state of meditation to the point that my limbs felt completely gone, it was so cool. Meditation has allowed me to start sleeping on my back instead of my side which I have read is better for your skin.

Initially I was pretty stoked when Jack and I were spending time together again but not talking for an entire week has sort of killed it. Jack told me that he hates texting.. Okay, well, if you hate texting it would be nice if you would at least offer to grab coffee or something throughout the week if he was actually interested in me. It's like shit, don't do me any favors buddy.

Terry on the other hand has been texting me quite a bit since he asked for my number on Tuesday. He asked what I was doing this weekend on Friday and suggested we hang out which was different for him. He's usually not that forward in person. We texted each other on Friday but I think he's been out partying this weekend. I'm hoping we get a chance to study together either this evening or tomorrow. Or who knows, actually hang out...

We'll see.

peace.

Switching my major around, sort of

Hey all.

Let's see, it's 1:26 pm and today's been really good. This morning I woke up realizing why I'd been angry all day yesterday. I was really emotional about nothing. Terry and I talked today, everything's cool. I don't know if he's interested in me or not but I've decided I don't really care because it doesn't matter. Terry and I are the same major-specialization so I'm going to see him around for another year.. well that is, if he stays at Central. Since his family is from Aberdeen he might want to go to school closer to his family at some point. Or maybe he'll get picked up by some other team, who knows.

But it's all good. Seriously. If I do hang out with Terry again it will hopefully be to do the second attempt of our statistics homework that is due on Monday. I did the first attempt at that today. It took an hour and I was feeling VERY confident about my answers but was shocked when I got about a D on the assignment score. Luckily Sipic gives us 2 chances (again, I like his class, there's a lot of resources to learn the material including online questions which is a plus. Working online is nice, too) on the assignment.

So because I've liked my Stats and economics classes so much this quarter I've been considering changing majors. Oh that and I can't stand my comm class. And something tells me the Human Resource Management specialization classes will have similar gender distributions as my comm class that has a bunch of Public Relations majors. Lots of females. Now I have nothing against women, obviously I am one! But now that I've started to get a better understanding of economics and statistics and my mind is like-- OH HEY, I CAN kind of do this, I would like to go into Finance and Supply Chain management!

But how do I know if my brain is ready for this? I have to work especially hard. I never anticipated to be taking on this incredible challenge. Finance is a much more difficult choice in regards to the amount of math than Human Resource Management. Professor Sipic really inspired me when he said "Statistics is hard. Math is hard. Get used to it because it will be like that for the rest of your life."

It's so true! And I realize now that my brain has no disadvantage to any other student in class because math is hard for EVERYONE. Granted I do not want to take any more accounting. There is a lot of accounting that goes into this stuff but the finance major is much different:

okay this looks like crud, just copied this onto paint...

This is all the classes needed to get the bachelors in finance. These are the classes that I would take after this quarter, so next year is going to be by no means easy, which is why I'm really working hard in statistics currently to understand this and have a better grasp of what's to come in the upcoming months.

I am really excited to take more econ classes-- especially international economics which I will definitely take with Carbaugh. That will be my third class with him probably. I just really like how his classes are set up, they're easy to follow and his lectures always make sense. Plus he's a kind person and doesn't act like he wants to fail all of us. 

I do not like professors that deliberately act like assholes, honestly. I've been lucky enough to not get any of those.

Because I was not in the greatest mood yesterday I did not do very well on my speech. I feel like I did not act very friendly in a matter of engaging with the audience, so I plan on acting friendier toward people today. Like this poor girl asked me a question about where I got my shirt and I answered that I had no idea and that I didn't care much about fashion. Shit, she was just complimenting my shirt, I need to learn to take a compliment and not take myself so... excuse my wording here, damn serious. Lol just kidding, it's not that, I just honestly didn't know the answer to her question and my nervousness compounded on top of the nervousness of being up there.

Not that I'm afraid of my class or anything. It's just a different group of people. All of the comm majors. It's something that I'm taking to avoid taking technical writing because I already suffered through that at CBC. Lol that was Spring quarter, actually, that was a fun class. That quarter I hung out with Josh F. and Tyson B. before class. Then I met Corey B. and of course Guy.

Speaking of Guy!

I added him on facebook the other day. We're cool. He's doing shows, has a girlfriend and his baby that he probably see's on the weekends, and I'd assume he lives at least somewhat close to his ex.

But yeah, uh professional speaking class. Honestly yesterday I was sitting in class trying to study stats but my calculator buttons were too loud. I need to be a good listener in that class to get a good grade but when I'm the last one on the list and I'm so bored with anticipating for my speech that I wanted to do something productive.

It's just boring. It's nothing against the professor, he seems like a super nice guy and he's trying to make this as interesting as possible by letting us pick our own topics and such. Speaking of which I have an informative paper that I need to do... I'm considering talking about the recent change in affairs with North Korea and how they are basically threatening the US and the South right now. 

don't even read the next three paragraphs, seriously. This is for my own personal reference later.

I think that would be interesting. And specific enough. I will spend part of the presentation talking about the Juche philosophy, and the "Father Figure" and "God" Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Un. I will talk about how both of them have passed away, and how Kim Jong Un is leader to a country in a desperate situation and in order to draw attention to themselves to make changes have called for war. Of course people have to encourage this in order to not be sent to death camps.

The end of the last remaining command system, communistic regime is coming close to an end! My friend Ethan is currently stationed in South Korea and he doesn't even seem too scared about it because he knows the lack of resources North Korea has. However these people have been so far indoctrinated that even with starvation, lack of electricity, and brainwashing in this secluded country, perhaps soldiers will fight.

The question is what will become of our military? Now what would be CRAZY is if something actually happens between now and the point that I make my speech. Granted it's not likely but literally the North Korean media has been broadcasting it's serious decision to go to war with the US (...oi vey) and South Korea to achieve "Reunification" and the worldwide spread of Juche philosophy. Now, any moron, especially the son of the "Greatest Godlike Surpreme Military Commander that Ever Lived Kim Jong Il", Kim Jong Un will know that the likelihood of this actually happening is worse now than ever. The Juche philosophy and insane dictatorship was barely conceivable in the 1950's when North Korea was actually ahead economically of it's South Korean counterpart, let alone today where the DPRK has been hit with massive floods, starvation and death of probably a third of it's population by this point (I will definately double check this when I am doing the presentation. Unfortunately because North korea is so secretive this information will more than likely not be available. It's not like North Korea has a census, individuals in their society don't matter!)


Alright anyway, tty guys later. Gonna go to my speech class now... blarggg

peace.

Time management issues

Wow, this quarter is going to present all new challenges....

Today was my first day of classes and my schedule really took a toll on me physically and I'm wondering how I'm going to adjust and plan my time as efficiently as possible.

I'm taking three classes in this order:

Macro-Economics with Carbaugh, 9:00-9:50
Didn't study for this today yet, I plan to read the first review after I get offline here in a few minutes.

Today this was the hardest to pay attention because I'm very used to the format of Carbaugh's class now that I've taken him for microeconomics. I feel like it sort of gives me an edge in the class. Ha ha, in most cases over this last year I would rather not take the professor again.

Not saying I didn't enjoy listening to the professor's lectures at all or participating in the class at the time. There were just some classes that were harder than others and taking the next level up would be dreadful. Like my legal environment of business class. I liked the professor but it was so boring and two hours long.

But yeah Rob Carbaugh is an excellent professor. I try really hard to stay on top of the material outside of class because there's no excuse for not doing well on his tests. He gives students such an overabundance of tools to use to study for that I'd feel guilty not studying for the tests. He also puts a ton of work in his handouts. I printed the required 80 page packet of handouts at the BEGINNING of the quarter this time. Cost me $2 to print in the library (getting the hang of the ugly Mac system). They're double sided and out of order currently but they're all there.

Business Statistics with Sipic
Studied this for TWO SOLID HOURS....

Okay this professor inspired me today. He's AWESOME. My favorite kind of no bullshit professor. He's Croatian, so his accent sounds similar to Russian. It was hilarious today though, every time he impersonated an American coming to talk to him he would go out of his Croatian accent and do this funny sort of "Anglo-"American accent that sounded like the clear eyes guy.

He spent a lot of the class discussing that Statistics is exactly and the importance of data in the everyday world and why you should care about learning it. He said that when he's talked to major companies their supervisors usually say they're looking for employees that know statistics and how to analyze data.

There was sort of lightbulb that went off in my head when he was discussing it today and I finally realized why I'd been doing the problems that I was having such a difficult time conceptualizing in finite math. I really appreciate Dale Width for being such a laid back grader in that class because I realize now that everything that I did in that class was meant to lead up to this AH-HA moment! Yay!!

Public Speaking
This class was PACKED! There were 11 people on the wait list and I was so fortunate to be number 1 so I just got moved over to that class. Because I wasn't on the attendance list for some reason I was stressed out for most of that class. It was really crowded, I couldn't help but notice how many girls with fake tans there were in the room, I was so uncomfortable. Tomorrow I'm going to sit in the front.

I'm going to make it to my classes earlier tomorrow.. especially economics because I want to sit in the front again this quarter, the second row sucks.

I have two hour blocks in between my three classes so I'm thinking of applying for a job. That's all for today.

peace.

By the skin of my teeth, I got a class.

I've had a pretty great day. Surprisingly enough, here we are toward the end of the quarter and this is usually when I'm the most stressed. I'm not that worried about this quarter because of my current circumstances. I've done pretty well on almost all of my tests and assignments in my three classes this quarter-- with the exception of the quiz I took today in English that I forgot to read for. BUT. I got 135/150 on my critique paper!! That's an A-. I'm so happy about that.

I got an 85% on my economics test. Another score. How well I've done in my classes was definitely because of how hard I worked this last week. This week I've been keeping up for the most part but because of this "double-Monday" (as my professor calls it, the day after a three day weekend and everybody feels like they're playing catch up. It's the truth) I've felt like this week is flying by.

Starbucks coffee cake. 

I had my regular coffee and coffee cake with Reina today at Starbucks. She told me for a second time today (I had forgot) that she's leaving after finals. I've had a nice time meeting with her every week. It's been a treat to learn even more about the Japanese culture; but more than anything it really did make life more tolerable when I first moved here and had nobody to talk too. I cooked myself my favorite lunch today as well.

Alright I've really got to get some more work done tonight. I studied with Matthew in the library from 3-5 today like I was assigned (even if the professor isn't making us prove that we're continuing to have these study groups or not) at the beginning of the quarter. It was good to get that done.

 I also lucked out today. I'm #1 on a wait list for a professional speaking class that I'm taking next quarter. Originally I was pretty sure I was taking technical writing but now I'm actually happy that I'm in that speech class. Reason being it will almost definitely take less time to do assignments for that class than for my technical writing class and I need all the time I can get with how difficult statistics is going to be. I think next quarter could potentially be my hardest quarter to date.

I'm not saying professional speaking is a class I'm super excited for, but I am just happy that I'm going to be taking a class to inch me closer to my goal of graduation. I have to take a full credit load in order to continue receiving my student loans, which means if I had not gotten this class I would have had to take a class I didn't need. Could you imagine how hard it would be to study for a class that meant nothing?

With my CBC classes I used to always make a check-list of my current progress and with Winter quarter coming to a close I'll show you guys where I'm at:

Business Degree, total 100 credits. 

Pre-Requisite Requirements (pre-admission)
Done:
-Accounting 251 (Winter 2012), 3.4, 5 cred
-Accounting 252 (Fall 2012), 3.0, 5 cred
-Legal Environment of Business (Fall 2012), 3.3, 5 cred
-Pre-Calculus (Fall 2012), 3.0, 5 cred

Total: 20 credits

Current: 
-Econ 201 (Winter 2013)
-Finite Math (Winter 2013)
-English 102 (Winter 2013)

Marginal credits: 15
Total: 35 credits

Spring 2013:
-Econ 202
-Bus 241. Introductory Business Statistics
-Com 345, Professional Speaking

Total: 50 credits

Thus completing half of my total 100 credits at the end of my Junior year. 

This would not have happened had I not done some research today. I actually realized I had made some dumb mistakes while using safari and kept on thinking all the classes were completely closed and full when I would accidently look at "Winter 2013"s stuff. Why would that be the automatic option on the drop down list? It bogs the whole system up.

Oh well, it all worked out. 

Being #1 on a wait list is pretty much a guarantee that you're going to be in the class. Someone always drops and most professors are willing to squeeze in just one more person in an already full class.

Okay talk to you later guys.

peace.

Forgot about Valentines day.

Felt it was necessary to write. I had a minor panic attack a minute ago. On the bright side that was the first one I'd taken all month because of the Prozac. Tomorrow I have to run to Rite aid and get a refill on that. I think the panic attack was brought on by starting to do research for my English paper. It makes me feel panicked because I've somehow started to dread English papers.

Tonight my goal is to get a good start on it though. I studied economics for 45 min as well as my finite but I barely got a dent in the homework. I'm always a day behind in that class. I've figured out what I needed to know in yesterday's class but have really no clue what I'm doing with today's homework. Finite is a somewhat annoying subject. I've been working hard in that class to keep up but over the past couple weeks I've found it more difficult. I think it just gets that way at the end of the quarter, I'm very fortunate that I don't have to take the final.

I got registered for my classes today! I'm taking Carbaugh again for macroeconomics. Why try to change what's not broken, I'm doing really well in his class and his lecture, notes and tests are very straightforward. There's no surprises which are the kind of classes I try to register for. For statistics I'm taking a high rated professor named Sipic. I'm lucky this professor is highly rated because there was only one option... My classes are from 9-10, then an hour break, then 12-12:50. That's all I'm currently signed up for because I am  still a pre-business major and cannot sign up for 300 level classes.

The way things are going, and if I don't choose to take classes in Summer 2014, I will graduate after Fall 2014. That is seven quarters total here in order to get my degree, and after Spring quarter I will be a senior and will have all of my pre-requisites done. I'm really proud of myself for working this hard up to this point. It's taken daily study to get the grades that I want and with the struggle that I went through at the beginning of the year with depression and anxiety I'm satisfied with what I've done so far.

Oh! By the way, you guys might think this is funny. I forgot about valentines day.

Chocolate ganache looks like this. 

I mean I knew it was this week because of RadCon-- which I'm driving home for Saturday morning. But I didn't even take the time to check the calendar to see what day it was on. My friend Reina gave me a valentines chocolate today and I didn't even realize it was tomorrow. It was very sweet of Reina to do this by the way.


Anyway just now I checked the calendar and Valentines day is indeed tomorrow. Woops. I'm not doing anything that I know of. I do have an English paper draft that's due on Friday that I'm going to get started on tonight. I ate dinner at 4:30 so I'm getting hungry again. Waiting for Kristin to get out of the kitchen so I can go fix something. We haven't talked in about four days.

I'm pretty content with how things are going lately. I haven't talked to Jessie in my econ class either and our relationship has like... reverted back to being strangers, excuse my friend but it's pretty bizarre. I don't really care though, just like with Kristin I'm not going to push it. If she wants to talk to me, cool, I don't care. If she doesn't want to I don't care. I've actually made some friends so I'm feeling a lot less isolated here which has taken the edge off overall.

So yeah. No plans for valentines day, but I think I'll probably see Abe at some point tomorrow-- maybe. He suggested we hang out before he goes to work. We only recently met eachother so doing something for valentines day would be awkward. I don't know what direction anything is going with us but I enjoy his company and I think he's cute.

peace. 

Unexpectedly found this interesting

Hello!

I'm feeling very good today. Why? Because I found something else I enjoy. I can honestly say I am going to really enjoy my economics class this quarter. I just read the second chapter that talked about the major differences between the command and market systems. The command system is otherwise known as socialism or communism-- just like North Korea and the increasingly Capitalist China. America's market system explains why self interest and competition is what drives the advancement of society as a whole. Our market freedom enables us to grow and change in a land of unlimited wants and limited resources.

In North Korea, the government mandates what will be produced, how the resources will be acquired, what consumers will have access to these products, and who will distribute the products. Imagine if the United States government tried to regulate the millions of products in the market system today-- it would be impossible. These are jobs that are best suited for the individual. 

Communism tries to rely on the government for every decision. Personal freedom to advance and create is stripped from the individual in order to better conform to the group. Freedom to be an individual in the United states is something we truly take for granted. Thank God for the brave soldiers in World War II that literally saved the world from the spread of communism-- which has now proved to be an outright failure.


I don't mean to get too excited about this class this early on (as I've only had the class two days now) because opinions are often subject to change after the first test. However I will say I have a great feeling about it. The professor is really awesome too. His name is Dr. Carbaugh, he's probably about in his mid to late 60's. He's extremely attentive to students and flexible to their needs. I can tell he truly cares about his students and wants us to do well.

My economics class is in the same room as my accounting class last quarter, though I don't feel the same kind of stress that I felt entering Holtfreter's class. Holtfreter cared about his students, too, but he wasn't entirely straightforward on certain things that kept us on our toes 24-7. Carbaugh told us there will be absolutely no "pop quizzes" or anything unexpected. That alone makes me happy. I still plan to read ahead though because I actually enjoyed the first two chapters of the textbook.

Oh!! Talking about this class reminds me... I met someone! Her name is Julie I believe, I suck at names. Maybe she just looks like a Julie... She does kind of remind me of Julie P. in some ways. She has dark hair, pretty cute face, and she mainly wears thick rimmed glasses. She's very "nerd chic" I guess you could say. I might get a different impression as I get to know her better.

Anyway, we now sit next to eachother in two of our classes and she gave me a tour around Kamola hall! She's like "OH YEA it's haunted!" which cracked me up. You guys might remember an earlier entry where I talked about how Kamola Hall is supposedly haunted because a girl committed suicide back in the 1940's. Well she confirmed it, stating that her roommate flipped out when half a bagel she was eating mysteriously flew across the floor.

I've also recently got in touch with Eli, the girl I was originally considering living with at the beginning of the year. I had met her at orientation but we lost touch after she said she had another roommate that she had prior plans with. It was fine all and all because I found my roommate easily. Living with Kristin has been great because I've felt like I've lived completely on my own for the past 4 months. Oh my gosh, this is crazy, Kristin has a friend over. This is the first time this has ever happened. They sound exactly the same, lol I'm tempted to walk out just to see what her friends look like but I look super icky today. I've been smoking, my hair's a wreck, no makeup... And I don't want to bug her at all, lol. She never bugs me.

Ha ha, just another funny blurb before I go. I keep on waking up at 5:00 in the morning thinking Miranda is going to be in my room meowing at me to flush the toilet. I suddenly realize I'm back at school and go back to sleep.

peace. 

Let's yell in the hallway like highschool.

Today's been quite a typical Wednesday.

The kind where I know I have the entire next day to get work done but I'm still contemplating if I should get some of that work done tonight. My brain always feels fried after my business classes. It's four hours of extremely dry material, what can I say.

I never really watched Fresh prince, but I enjoyed this meme enough to save this picture last night... 

I'm starting to sort of get the hang of Chapter 12. A guy came to deliver the new stupid accounting textbooks that we've been waiting on since the beginning of the quarter. He asked us if we preferred these new "custom" text books or the original textbooks, and almost everyone in class agreed that they'd rather pay a higher amount up front and being able to sell it back later.  Apparently this wasn't the answer this textbook sales guy was looking for, he stormed off after he realized he wasn't going to change our minds that the new textbooks suck. I mean we wouldn't of had this problem had we had the whole textbook in the first place. Anyway, I've now got my NEW accounting text book, with Chapter 15 that looks like it's almost all formulas.... whew!

Formulas are easy, I've just got to write down the formulas and practice them with flash cards over and over.  I just added that to my goal board for this week.

I had an odd run in with Jared today. I was sitting outside my law class and he walked by, not noticing me sitting there initially. I'm like, "Jared?" and he turned and immediately responded "I just texted you!!" I'm like, "What? No you didn't." He just kept walking, yelling back "YES I did!"

....What the Hell, how old are we, in highschool? ...Oh yeah. He texted me saying "Heyy" tonight, I responded Hello and I don't think he knows what to say. Lol. Yeah, very silly for him to be yelling at me in the business building where it's typically pretty quiet.... There's sometimes open classroom doors. That and I'm pretty sure it was an outright lie. Granted it's a white lie, but still, when it was so blatant and lame like, What? 

Katelynn's going to call me here in a few minutes when she finishes her pizza lunchable. The past week has been weird... every day here is a story for me, I swear. Someday I'm going to be so happy I wrote these entries so I can reflect on all the crazy crap I dealt with.

peace. 

KILLED that test, pot legalization..

Good evening to anyone that's bored enough to read this. 

It's 7:00 PM, which isn't horrible time wise even if I've still gotta few things I need to make sure to get done tonight. I've been sort of slacking on guitar, yesterday I only practiced 30 minutes because I was so tired from getting work done. Tonight's been sort of the same way, I skipped my legal class today so I could come back to the apartment to study for my math exam earlier. I've been working on those math problems off and on all day. I also studied a bit last night. I've improved, but at the point that I'm at right now I think I'd be sitting on a D grade for tomorrow's test unless I get another couple hours in tonight. Maybe just 90 minutes and refresh tomorrow morning and I should be able to bump that up to a C+/B- area. What can I say, I'm not great at math you guys. I'm trying my hardest but it's hard to remember the rules. Montgomery understands though, he knows we all just want to pass and gtfo. 

I'm officially registered for my classes for next quarter! This quarter has been quite a challenge up to this point, I've had to work harder than any other quarter I've taken. I'm wondering how my next class load will compare.

Here's my list:

English 102, Arlo Fleming. 8:00-8:50 MoWeFri Bouillon Hall (math building, interesting location for an English class)
I couldn't find a teacher review on this one. Burnadette told me the reason for this is because English 102 is typically taught by graduate students. This could be interesting. I'm hoping for the best on that one.

Econ 201, Robert Carbaugh, Principles of Economics Micro, 9:00-9:50 Mon-Fri in Shaw

Luckily Shaw is pretty close to Bouillon so I'll be able to walk there on time.

Math 130- Finite Mathematics, Dale Width, 10:00-10:50 Mon-Friday in Bouillon

My professors for finite math and economics are rated very high, so that's a major plus. That alone makes me excited for next quarter because two of the professors that I took this quarter were rated on a ":|" or mediocre scale. I don't want to say that they're mediocre professors at all, I really like my legal class... it can just get really boring..

Like I said I skipped it today, for the first time this quarter. I'm probably going to end up re-reading the chapter he lectured on today as well as Chapter 13 for this stupid quiz that's due tomorrow. Hypothetically, I could wait until after my math test and accept a 10% penalty and it wouldn't be the end of the world. But I'd rather just get it done tonight if at all possible, even if math really is my top priority right now. 

So here's my plan for the night:
Right now it's officially 7 sooo...
7:15-8:00, read over legal chapter 12
8:05-8:40, guitar
8:45-9:30 more math
9:45-10:45 read chapter 13, take stupid quiz
10:50-11:20 MORE math....

Then bed. only 35 minutes of guitar today ughhh I'm gonna have to play a solid few hours tomorrow before Jacob and I's lesson. What's even cooler is that he's going to be able to send me files via skype and I'll be able to print them from my printer in my room... This is gonna be so cool, I'm so excited. Just have to get through this stupid math test. 

OH. Big news!! I got a 96% on my accounting test!! WOOO!!! I'm so happy!!! These last three chapters in that class are going to be difficult but I know I can get through this now. Just gotta make sure I don't bomb the last test and I'm home free. I knew the flash cards would help me.

Oh. And pot's legalized. And Obama is still the president. It's the last thing on my mind right now I gotta study. There's been so much rehash about it, I don't even really feel like going into my feelings on the election. I will say that I'm very relieved that Obama is still president, he won by a landslide in fact. Europe is happy, the intelligent people are happy, we're all happy. Our world is in a fragile place right now and the last thing we need is someone like Romney to come in and start building up our military and sending our men into countries we have no right to be in. 

I'm also happy that Obama will be president at the time that communism will inevitably fall in North Korea here in the next four years. That is a VERY fragile and dangerous situation when it all collapses, mainly because these people have been brainwashed since birth to fight US imperialists to the death... But with the population being as starving and in desperate need for help as it is maybe they wouldn't be so quick to shoot at us. They're almost all military trained, though, because their entire economy is their "army" and putting on these rally's where they march around and give speeches about how much they hate the US. 

So if our troops were to storm into North Korea we'd be ambushed by these famished North Korean soldiers that have literally been waiting for their entire lives for this so called attack on Korean soil. It shouldn't be an attack at this point, it should be a rescue mission, with the help of the entire world. They could be saved just as easily (if not easIER, considering they really need food more than anything) as Japan after their tsunami when the whole world pulled together to help them. Korea is roughly the size of Mississippi for God sake.

Anyway I gotta get going, gonna start on that list.... blegh, gotta play some Opeth or somthing.

peace. 

Neat! I live close to a haunted "hot spot."

I studied for five solid hours today....

I only had to spend an hour on math, function graphs aren't terribly difficult after all. I actually skipped class this morning because I was tossing and turning all night because of the stress. It was awful... I thought the stress would have alleviated somewhat after hanging out with my new friend Kevin but it didn't. I just have this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach that my score on the test tomorrow is going to be a flat out bomb, I mean 30%.... THAT. Horrible. It was the hardest test I've ever taken and it's going to make the rest of this quarter a fight.

I know what I have to do now in that accounting class-- flash cards, flash cards, flash cards. I'm going to memorize the formulas to prepare for the test instead of memorizing the concepts. Even the concepts on the test though, everything felt so fuzzy to me...

Which is making me rethink participating in a certain habit of mine as frequently as I do. I'm going to cut back majorly in order to better retain this information that I'm trying to memorize every day. It just sucks, there really isn't a break from this nonstop study regime and now that I had a blow from that test it's going to become even more of a struggle to catch up.

The next accounting test is over chapters 13, 8 and 11. I'm working on 11 right now, dealing with turnover ratio and margins and how they relate to a manager's performance. I'm going to have to work so hard on these chapters to raise my grade in the class.

There's only a total of three tests with an optional cumulative final at the end of the quarter on December 5th. So technically speaking, if I completely f*cked this last test, which I'm sure I did, I can take the final and drop that low score. That means, however, that I will have to work extremely hard to RETAIN the information that I'm learning from the chapters. I think flash cards will help me a lot. I'm going to make flash cards for the old chapter's formulas too.

I. WILL. PASS. MY. CLASSES. 

But it's going to take a lot of work. I'm going to set a mandatory study amount of four hours a day, including weekends. I'm hoping if I do this I'll be able to sometimes have Saturday open, like this Saturday for instance  Katelynn and I are going to the bars in Richland. This is going to be my first time going to a bar so it'll be interesting. I have to go back to the tri cities and see my family this weekend I decided, I get really tired of Ellensburg really fast.


Wow, I've only been here a month and I'm sick of Ellensburg? Okay, it's not THAT bad here... it's just annoying when there's nothing to do just like there's nothing to do in the tri cities. You see other students that are going to Western and they're always posting pictures of all the crazy, fun college nonsense they're going and it makes me wonder how the Hell they're keeping up with their classes with all those distractions. University classes go FAST. At least the ones I'm in, and I'm sure it's just as intense in other majors if not more so... I can only imagine the crap Jason is having to do right now. Physics makes me cringe.

So get this, while looking for a random picture of Ellensburg to spice up this wall of text I located this article:

http://www.hauntedhouses.com/states/wa/central_washington_university.htm

I guess a girl hung herself from the rafters of the top floor when she got news that her fiance died in the war and there's been reports of hearing noises and knocking on doors. 

http://www.dailyrecordnews.com/news/article_81f5e264-ff54-592c-a6ad-2220080e4179.html

Here's another article on this. How eerie, that building never really stood out to me but now I'm excited to hopefully get a chance to go in and check out the top floor. Probably not this week because I broke my bike chain and won't feel like doing any extra walking but I'd like to get a chance to check it out. I don't know if I can walk into the residence hall without a key though. 

Bahh, it's 10:30, I've still got accounting to do before bed or I'm going to be bumming tomorrow. There was an ABSURD amount of homework even if we JUST had a test yesterday... ugh.

peace. 

6 hour study day.... go!

I decided today is going to be my BIG study day, my goal is SIX hours total.

My to-do list today is pretty crazy so I've got to get started early. Math has me extremely paranoid and frustrated because my instructor never writes out the steps of anything-- I have to annotate everything he says and I end up missing other steps. It doesn't help that the textbook is completely useless.

But if I do these six hours of study today I should be a lot better off for next week and I'll feel more prepared than I did this week. Most of my first tests are in this upcoming week as well so I should definitely be re-saturating the information in my brain, getting a chance to sleep on it, and re-studying it the next day to get a better understanding than the previous day.

This has been working with my legal class. I've been studying that for a couple hours each day and I've already got a better understanding of the court system than when I started. I printed out one of the old legal tests for the first unit-- 108 problems full of legal terminology and rules, it's incredibly difficult and if I don't prepare for this diligently I will inevitably fail this test. So wish me luck on that.

So today's goals are:
- Do laundry
- Annotate ch. 2 of my legal textbook
- ...Then take the Ch. 1/2 quiz for my legal class.
- Math for at least two hours, going to meet up with Patrick and he's going to help me out. Maybe we'll also hang out this evening after I get everything done, who knows.
-Annotate chapter 2 of accounting book.

As you can see, lots and lots of work, but if I get done with this I'm going to be SO proud of myself. I don't know when I'm going to be able to squeeze guitar in today. Yesterday I only got to play a half hour, it sucks! But I guess that's what I expected coming here, I was so blessed to be able to sit around practicing for 3 hours a day back home but here I have to earn that time.

peace.


Later....

Patrick came over and helped me with my math for almost two hours, AND brought me a bag of bagels when I asked him to pick me up one on his way back from the SURC. That was super sweet of him and he got major brownie points to spend time with me again if he wants too. 

Jason hasn't talked to me all day, this is the second day in a row. I had told him earlier this week that my birthday was this upcoming monday, asking if he wanted to spend time together. I mean obviously, why wouldn't we? He told me he's got other plans this weekend and that he'll let me know if he can get out of them. 

I've already got plans, my parents and Katelynn are coming up on Sunday, we're probably going to have dinner and it'll be a chill time. I'm not worried about if Jason's involvement anymore, I just always feel like I'm an inconvenience to him now and I don't want to feel that way about anyone. I want to feel like that person is enjoying spending time with me, doesn't everyone? 

So because Jason told me that he is going to let me know if he can get out of plans or not, I'm going to wait it out. If he seriously has no regard for my feelings what-so-ever, he will text me AT ALL this weekend. If that is the case, that will be the end of Jason and I's run. So if he's like almost every other guy that I've been involved with romantically, he will follow that hypothesis, ignore me, and I'll have to cut things off which I really don't WANT to do because I like Jason but I can't just wait and wait if he's just going to blow me off like that. 

I'm satisfied that I now have a verdict on this. I'm not going to text Jason first this weekend at all and we'll see what he does. Until then I've got a lot of stuff going on so it doesn't really matter. 

peace. 

Even if I experience it, not believe I did it? xD

My mind works in funny ways.

It's Saturday, 9:00 pm... haven't got an idea what anyone is doing tonight, nor do I *really* care,  though if someone did bring it up I can't say I wouldn't go out. I saw Josh a couple times at work today and he insisted I swing by his house after work but he couldn't guarentee he'd be there because he had to run his nephew home or something. I don't really know, but he wasn't home, which made me look creepy to his mom who was outside watering the plants. He's going out of town tomorrow. Errk, he's busy like I am, so I don't want it to seem like I'm coming onto him too hard or something. Idk, best lay low for awhile. I am really starting to like him though. He's chill, really easy to talk too.. likes the same kind of music as me, huge plus.. doesn't take himself too seriously but isn't insecure. Also major plus. Meep.

Alright so guitar! Fourth day of this bootcamp schedule and going strong. I almost find it hard to believe that I've already gotten in two hours of solid playing today. I measure this by setting a stopwatch online.

This is what the stopwatch looks like. It's so ugly I can't help but love it.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/world-games-running/

I also usually have a songsterr tab up as well as a metronome. I've yet to figure out exactly the proper way to use a metronome, but I've been doing the picking exercises for 80 minutes a day... they're extremely tedious and unsatisfying.. and I'm hoping it's benefitting me in some way because it gets so painful, too.

The hand gripper IS helping, though. Like my left hand feels a little stronger than yesterday and my fingertips aren't hurting as badly when I play. I know it sounds silly to worry about this, but it really handicapped my ability to play for long periods of time. The impulse purchase is becoming pretty handy.

I'll continue working at it.

Tomorrow I also definately need to study some kanji, vocab, etc etc.... I'm not gonna lie guys, I'm getting pretty tired of Japanese. I just feel like my mind is now openning up to other things that interest me more, like music and exercise (what I've been doing in practically all my spare time for a couple months now). I'm also getting really excited about my new discovery, the Human Services major that is. I think it might also be wise for me to pick a minor that more specializes my degree and puts me ahead of the game for hiring purposes. Like if I specialized in drug and alcohol dependency. Very excited for things to come, and as this old chapter in my life ends a new one will begin. Still going to have a little bit of trouble getting rid of the bento stuff, and if it comes to it finally cutting from the Japanese thing once and for all.

Will I ever regret it? I don't know. It's a second language, should I just continue to take it just because the knowledge will benefit me later in life? As my interest for the cultural aspects, anime, cosplay, whatever.. gets thinner and thinner, it's harder for me to learn it. Shit.



I'm not stressing guys, no worries. I feel fine, very good in fact. I'm gonna work out for awhile.

peace.