Fried brain salad

Hey, it's 1 am and here I am again.... coming down from work, fried.

Tomorrow I have to work from 11 am-7 pm, then Monday I've got another closing shift. These closing shifts in kids are a hassle because the store becomes super busy and hard to keep up with. I've told you guys this before. Tonight was a typical night at JCP... I enjoy closing with Jasmine because she's a hard worker like I am, we get shit done because we know it needs to get done... It's frustrating when you're working with people that constantly whine. Jasmine doesn't whine. Neither does this other girl that I worked with tonight... I can't remember her name. She seems intelligent and I like her though, and she gets things done. She asks me questions that I can't answer occasionally and I feel kind of bad because I'll be like ummm.... 

Anyway yeah, just another shift done... I actually got a decent amount of guitar practicing in because my shift didn't start until 5 pm. I left home around 3:30 because I had to run a couple errand-y things.

No word from Jay for 2 days now. He gets home tomorrow night so maybe I'll hear from him, dunno. I intend to text him tomorrow evening because I know he's coming back into town and I'll just ask how his trip went or something.

I need to read.... There's a lot of things I'd want to do if I had more time but I know I need to sleep because if I stay up much later waking up will be a pain tomorrow. I've already done a really crappy job at maintaining my original goal of reading 10 pages a day of my finance book... I've been stuck in this same section because every time I sit down and try to read it there's some distraction or I don't have time.

peace. 

I've got soo much on my mind right now. It's 12:30 pm, spent a little time BSing on facebook before I decided to write.


I worked until about 11:30 pm tonight. Kids was an absolute mess because of back to school shopping. I'm exhausted. No luck with findmores or credit apps today because I was more focused on trying to work as hard as I could to fix some of the havoc. I have no doubt that my coworkers are trying their hardest. It's just very difficult to keep up with people. I have recently developed a much better knack of locating items on the floor in childrens, which is a lot to remember when I'm trying to help maintain both fitting rooms. Blegh. Lots of running around. Which I like... I keep busy which makes the time go faster. I feel like I do help customers and they generally appreciate my help but I rarely push the credit cards or hassling people to buy shit online.

I saw a few really sweet kids today. A hispanic family walked up and their daughter said "You look pretty" just totally out of the blue. Their were wearing these little matching hair piece things that I'd said looked pretty too. There was also this super cute little blonde girl that came with her parents and her Dad's brother or something that looked about my age. She said "Hi!" to me just out of the blue and waved and I'm like "Hi how are you?" I'd mentioned the family because that guy that looked about my age knocked over a rack of skirts and actually helped me put it back up because the stupid screw wasn't working.

I don't know, in retrospect today was a very good day at work. It might have not been perfect in there when we left but I definitely worked as hard as I could and feel like I'm generally getting better at my job. Good news for me because I'm almost positive I'm going to be in kids for the rest of the month. I mean I realize now that they kind of need me there, I mean it needs help more than the downstairs does, so I just need to stop bitching about not working downstairs.

There. That's the last I will speak of it. I kind of groaned when I learned I was working upstairs today but I know now it's just for my own selfish reasons-- you know I just wanted to work with Katelynn, Angie, Chad, etc... That's not logical, it's just bullshit selfishness. Shame on me, lol.

Okay enough about work...



Texted Jay a little bit today. Well I got one text this morning in response to the one I'd sent him last night. I admit I do feel sort of awkward when I send him a text and I don't get a response at all.. like you know I'll double-read it like "Did that sound stupid?" Ha ha. But yeah I'm not worried about it because for all I know he might not even have a phone charger where he is. He's on a work trip all weekend doing construction, after an entire week of 5-day shifts.

\Here's Patrick, Janell, and Seth D. I've actually talked to Seth somewhat extensively because I was pretty interested in the cross country trip that they took. Jannell is dating Patrick, who worked with Katelynn at Wal Mart. Patrick's a pretty unique guy, I can appreciate his personality but we've never really connected so I've always thought of him more as an acquaintance than Seth who I feel is my friend. 

I try not to think about Jay that much because it's dawned on me how weird it is that we're actually spending time together and don't know if it's going to last because of our previous experience. I honestly thought I had burned my bridge with him completely after texting him that day back like... last August before I moved out. I remember I'd been at Samantha's house that day. Jannell had come up in a conversation, who had just hung out with Samantha awhile earlier. Samantha and Jannell are pretty good friends, Jannell and Jay are also good friends... Me and Jannell however have never really clicked. Anyway when samantha had brought her up it had made me think about the previous radcon and how frustrated the second day had made me when he "bailed" and was raving about it to Jannell that night. Turns out he actually wasn't at the con that day because he was hungover, but I'd taken it like he was doing it to blow me off.

So I texted him all pissed off and was like "I heard you're a player" and yadda yadda ya... it was so stupid. He replied, "... what was the point of you sending me these messages?" lol...


I don't know now that I look back on it, it seriously sounds doesn't even sound like me. I have enough confidence that I'm a different person than I used to be to some degree. But I still think back to some of the things that Jay said to me when I was younger about how much my personality bothered him which still makes me think he's not going to stick around long. So I try not to think about it either way and just let things roll. But yeah, of course I have to write everything out to make sense of my thoughts lately.

peace.

Guess who doesnt have to find a new job. Patience.

Evening everyone. Technically goodmorning because it's almost 2 am.

I had such a fun day at work with Angie in the dresses department today. I don't know if I've ever mentioned Angie before but she's this super pretty Mexican girl that lives with her husband and son. She moved up from Mexico a few years ago so an accent that makes her really entertaining for me to listen too. Having friends that I'm working with downstairs is super nice..

I got home from work at 11' and practiced guitar for an hour before calling it quits a little while ago. I browsed around facebook to see what people have been up too. Didn't find anything interesting really and have seen the news feed a number of times today because I was bored in the break room at work. I really shouldn't waste time but sometimes it's very relaxing to do so.


Working in Kids was difficult and made me prepared for anything honestly. I'm not saying working in Kids is harder because there are annoying ass, tedious tasks in every department... what makes kids more frustrating is the little pieces. Folding little teeny shirts and stacking them on short shelves. The racks are shorter too to cater to younger critiques.

Baby clothes are the worst because they have three pieces per set on special hangers. Luckily most people don't try to cart their baby into a dressing room and put clothes on it before purchase.

So I forgot to mention this. A couple days ago when I'd hung out with Josh H. and some of his buddies after work (Josh is rarely in town so I went over to Travis's house after work. This was the first time I'd talked to either of Josh's friends honestly.) at around 12:30 am. I hate late night phone calls but they're especially bad when they come from really creepy automated voices.

It was a "CWU Alert" calling to inform me of the following: "On July 20, 2013 at approximately 10:45 pm a male who appears to be in his early 20’s   was found lying in the O5 parking lot on the campus of Central Washington University. The male had what appears to be multiple stab type wounds and medical aid was notified. The male was transported to the hospital." 

That's exactly what the message said. These guys that I was sitting with were joking around like "Wow by the look on your face that looks like a call I'd want to get!" They were kind of drunk... I think they meant the other way around. Anyway after that disturbing phone call I'd decided to not think about it but later I opened my email to find it again and now I'm wondering what happened. It's actually really weird for something like this to happen in Ellensburg, and I'm sure scared the hell out of the lucky few that are living there this summer.

If I was communicating with Terry I could ask him if he'd heard much about it but we haven't talked since the night I texted him saying I'm done trying to see eachother. I know that he doesn't take me as seriously as I am but I meant it. I'm literally likely not going to talk to him the rest of the summer. That's Terry f*cking S. for you. And then we'll see eachother in the fall and act like that didn't happen and that not seeing eachother all summer should have been expected. I can't say it wasn't... But he still did get in touch with me off and on so I didn't know. He's so weird, I don't get him.

I've honestly really had my mind on someone else. It's never worked with us so I don't know why this time would be any different but I would just really like to spend time with him. But yeah I'm not going to contact him. He needs to show initial interest in me because the last time we'd tried going there he basically told me that doesn't like my personality. I could see why, at the time I'm sure I acted pretty crazy. I just really liked him and didn't know how to act right yet. But I was 18-- and so torn over the Jack thing at that time that I'm sure I was looking for someone to latch onto. The guy that I'm referring to is very laid back, independent and kind of a no-BS kind of guy and that's what I've always been super attracted to. 

We'll see.

peace. 

Who cares

Yo.

Let's see it's almost 1:30. Actually got up at 12:30 because I was too tired to stay awake after breakfast. Miranda was laying there so cutely, how could I resist. Uhm let's see I've got work, AGAIN, at 4... That's the forth day in a row. I know, nobody cares because everyone has to work-- most people have more stressful jobs than I do. I actually really like that this job lets me do a lot of walking around because I felt kind of stuck at the register at Rite Aid. That sucked and was quite boring.

Some shower thoughts:

I realize now that in my life I've always expected instant manifestation of my wants because that's what I've always demanded. I feel this is one of the reasons I never had luck with men growing up, is because deep down I thought so highly of myself and was so spoiled that I wanted to get "all attention right now right this second" which would throw guys off. Like that's the only way I can explain it. I just wanted the instant gratification of having someone there when in actuality that's something that has to be worked for. 

In the past year I have learned to be much more patient in school, work and life and try to live as independently as possible in the present. I do what I have to do and if I'm busy being alone no longer bothers me at all. 

I've been feeling pretty emotionally stable lately. Work has gotten a lot easier and they actually put me on the schedule in dresses yesterday so we'll see if that's permanent. Kids is annoying to work in but the people that I work with have been pretty nice so it doesn't matter. Shoot I just realized I don't have much time to write, I'll write again later after work maybe I've gotta eat lunch right now though... I've had a lot on my mind lately that I want to remember later... I'll write for sure tomorrow.

peace.