Are you sucking because I'm listening? Stop that.

Found out today that Sleep Terror is playing Feb 28th

This damn solo, that's all that's been on my mind since school got out because I've got a recital in only two days.

Jake and I had a lesson today and having apparently not warmed up adequately (or just being really stressed out..) I couldn't play that solo for shit for him today. He's like "Are you sucking because I'm listening? Stop that. Stop being so nervous... Slowww down.." All stuff I've heard time and time again. I know the reason that I was nervous today was because I didn't practice enough the previous week so I felt ashamed about that. I'm lucky that I have tomorrow and Saturday to really practice. I have to take advantage of it as much as possible to make up for lost time.

It of course has to be perfectly memorized, I have to get those damn slurs right on the high frets without it sounding screechy or get dead notes, I have to NOT THINK when I'm up there and end up losing my place and getting messed up. The more I practice the next two days the better. Tomorrow I'm going to do at least three hours if it kills me. 

School has been over for a couple days. It was nice getting my finals done on Tuesday, and not having to take my Managerial final because my grade was high enough that I didn't need to drop any of my tests. My public finance final was hard, it had a ton of writing and I was of course one of the last ones in class to finish (and went over the time limit, which of course he was really cool about, as always.)

I think I did well this quarter and I'm trying to feel proud of myself for that but until I see the grades and how it effected my cumulative I can't tell you.

I was able to sell all three of my college textbooks back and got $180 today which was really nice to put away before I head home on Saturday and was able to do some Christmas shopping without having to ask for money (sort of defeats the purpose...). I went to Grocery outlet earlier and got some Christmas gifts, primarily makeup and stuff. Like I got my sister some face wash, my aunt a couple mascaras, my mom a Revlon nailpolish set, and a perfume set that I'm debating whether to keep myself or give to my cousin. It's a playboy set which I thought would deter me from wanting to open it but I really do need some perfume... My Halle Berry stuff from Rite aid spilled in the move and I've wanted some new perfume since.

I also stopped by Shavonne's house earlier to visit and brought her a little eyeshadow set as well and she gave me some treats for Marshall. They're dried cod with catnip treats, he ate some of it but tonight he was more interested in the gristle I'd thrown away in the trash can.

peace. 

Wellll I slept a lot today and....

Hello, evening everyone. It's about 8:30 pm.

After Money and banking today I came home and took a three and a half hour long nap... Not really what I'd planned for the day, like I dragged my big basket of laundry downstairs and had plans of taking care of that today but that didn't happen. When I woke up from my nap it was about 3:30 and I had to eat something and practice guitar before my lesson with Jacob. 

That went well, I'm excited to be making progress and moving forward with master of puppets. I've successfully accomplished the first 200 measures at around 95% (without palm muting, but because the concert isn't until Christmas I have quite a bit of time to hammer out this imperfection). One reason that skype sucks is because my camera can't usually catch my entire fretboard as well as picking hand so Jake can't critique them simultaneously as well as if we were in person. Also we can't play together because of the camera lag. Still, it was a good lesson. 

We're moving into a finger picked clean acoustic part that is basically a sequence of chords for a solid minute. It's one of my favorite riffs in the song so that's gonna be my project this week. I need to make a new practice sheet.

Tomorrow I have my public finance test which I am feeling so-so about at this point. Today I've only studied an hour, and I should really be getting more done especially when I've got plans to have fun tomorrow night. I saw Abe P. recently in Shaw and gave him a hug, he's always been so nice and cool towards me and I've really wanted a chance to hang out and catch up with him. We're hanging out tomorrow, yay! 

Tomorrow I am also meeting up with one of my classmates to go over this obnoxious article that I have to write a paper on the 15th for Managerial. Blegh the font is so tiny and there's so much jargon it makes me nauseous. I also need to re-read the chapters of my managerial book for my best next Thursday in that class. Not something too urgent now thankfully...

Yesterday I met with Sipic and got my policy analysis subject approved. That's been hanging over my head bad and I want to get it done on Sunday so I can stop thinking about it. Lol Sipic asked me how I liked my classes this quarter and I told him I liked them all but there's definitely a hierarchy of favorites... (yeah somehow I think I just wanted to say "you're" my favorite without actually saying it.... ha ha ha) 

After we made some small talk I stood out to walk out and he got up to open the door and he asked me if I'm going to the career fair thing. I just remember pausing there like a dumbass because he was standing like a foot away from my face..... then of course I have some stupid frantic answer 90 mph like "Well I still haven't figured out who's all gonna be there so you should tell me 'cause I don't know...." (Wtf? God damn it, ha ha ha.... I swear sometimes when I try to talk to him my intelligence and confidence is seriously impaired.) 

Lolll only for my faithful blog readers, here's how I'm looking tonight, insane. 

FLASH CARDS FLASH CARDS CLASH FARDS MOTHA F^%$#AAAAAA.... 

This doesn't leave this blog entry.

peace. 

Ears ringing teeth clicking ears ringing teeth clicking

My 22nd year is off to a good start.

I'll back up a little. My Mom came over for my birthday and we had dinner, talked, laughed,.. had a really good time. She also brought Miranda and I got to see how'd she react in my apartment. She was fine of course, it's definitely a good place to own a pet (if it was allowed) and she'd probably even be safe going outside and playing down by the river. But yeah, no, not gonna happen. I realize that I don't want the responsibility of having a pet here either because it's just one more thing to distract me.

Classes went well today. I've got an upcoming quiz in money and banking, which is luckily the class that I'm feeling the most confident in aside from still behind on the wall street journal articles. Tomorrow I plan to cut the articles that I need out and paste them somewhere for easy reference. Something about messing with a newspaper makes me frustrated.

I had managerial econ with Ghosh today and I guess we're not going to have lecture for a couple weeks so I'll have even more time to understand all of this reading material he's assigned-- excellent. I also realized today that I'm going about his classes wrong-- I need to print out his overheads that he explains in class so I can spend my time actually listening instead of trying to keep up with him with notes. It's impossible, he talks too fast and changes subjects frequently. Now that I understand this I'm actually looking forward to his next class (Thursday the 17th) to actually hear everything he's trying to tell us.

Fan 4ever. 

Terry of course sits by me in that class and I've noticed that he gets especially bored and likes to draw ugly pictures of weird muscle guys and write things to me on my textbook. Today he also started a tic-tac-toe game with me. I lost and he wrote "Rookie". I responded "I didn't waste time playing that stupid game growing up" and he's like "You missed out." I'm like "Bullshit. Pokemon is awesome." Ha ha ha.

Oh speaking of Pokemon! That X and Y game is coming out soon... Damn I didn't even play Black/White, can't believe they're coming out with a new gen already. I'm over here still playing SoulSilver because of my painstakingly slow method of playing this game (I take elite four training with exp. share to a new level... I'm pretty sure I've been through that shit 115 times) that I'm still partially convinced might be my last because of changes that will come in the next few years....

Anyway Pokemon X and Y graphics are sooo beautiful, in battle you can actually see the moves being cast. Charizard apparently now has a 4th evolution which I am indifferent about but hey.

I did an hour of successful meditation today after my economics class and afterward studied Managerial for a solid 30 minutes and practiced guitar for so I was happy about that. Usually I'm unable to get anything done between classes. I either sleep or waste time on the internet.

Some people (or just my friend Wiley, not sure yet) are driving up to Ellensburg tomorrow and we're going to hit the bars around here. Should be fun. Wiley brought it up to me out of the blue and I'm like Hell yea if you're willing to drive up here please do. I'm hoping he does bring some people along because I always enjoy a crowd but if it's just us that's fine too. Wiley's such a chill and enjoyable guy to talk to, Hell if he's the only one that comes I'd have no problem just bullshitting over some beer at the Tav. Sounds like a great time to me.

Guitar lesson went really well. Jake said I've improved significantly since I've started forcing myself to memorize music. He also send me this article:

http://www.wikihow.com/Use-the-Law-of-Attraction

Law of Attraction. He'd mentioned this before and I thought it was just supposed to be used for attracting the opposite sex but it's WAY more than that. It's so incredible and simple, I feel enlightened by reading it but cannot describe this further until I try to experiment with it tomorrow....

peace.

Listened to Purity ring on a couple of my bike rides today. Lol I don't know what it is about her music, it's just enjoyable yet creepy and alluring and weird at the same time-- kinda like me. : )

YES, YES, total happiness is an UNDERSTATEMENT right now...

I finally figured it out... the solution to my problems.

It was right in front of me all along. Why the Hell don't I just live alone? I called the housing office first thing this morning and will be able to get switched immediately. I know living alone might not sound exciting to some but for a creative introvert like me there's nothing better.

I'm just imagining the possibilities:

-I'll have my OWN kitchen-- cooking videos on youtube with no worry of interruptions.

-My OWN bathroom-- shower and bathe whenever I want without worrying about my roommate needing to use it.

-Use my AMP!

Absolute privacy. 

..And the best part is that I've got it, even this late in the game. The only studio apartment left is a "remodeled apartment in Brooklane." For some reason when she said this it made me think of the most ghetto place in the world-- like the "apartment-that-was-just-messed-up-and-we-just-had-to-fix-it" and thus hadn't been rented out yet. Regardless I do not care what so ever, I am very happy with my circumstances.

Now I know exactly what I'm bringing and can look forward to styling the apartment any way I want. I need to get some stuff out of Dad's shed to figure out what I have and what I want to bring.

And don't tell anyone you guys but I might be bringing a certain someone... 

I'm not that nervous about moving Miranda to the new environment. She absolutely loves me and she's a really smart cat so I couldn't imagine her just running off. She's probably not going to like the harness training but I'm going to do it as a way to get her outside. I'm sure I'm not allowed to have pets at student village but I know that other people have pushed the rule as long as everything is kept clean. If anyone gives me any lip about it I will gladly say I have a history of anxiety and need my pet there to help alleviate it. It's the truth.

Alright now I need to get to work. I do have a guitar lesson later so I need to practice too and somehow get a copy of "In Keeping Secrets Silent Earth." I've been working on that for about a week but I've already got most of it done. Now Jake can't give me shit for not focusing on one song. He's gonna want to play master of puppets today more than likely so I need to get shred ready.

peace. 

The ups and downs of being home. And Goodbye Abe.

Hello everyone.

Wow, a lot has happened. I haven't had my computer because it broke down, and currently it's sitting fixed in the K Valley shop in Ellensburg. Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my Mom's laptop eating microwaved peaches with sugar, it's delicious-- tastes just like a peach cobbler filling. I haven't eaten much good food since I got here, which is one of the major downsides of coming home. For dinner I had to practically beg my sister to give me some of the fried chicken and rice she was making. It was good, but extremely rich.

I did buy a loaf of black bread that I can make french toast with in the morning. I hate cooking anything here because cleanup is certainly NOT a breeze. The lack of organzation and abundance of dishes in our kitchen makes preparing food a challenge for me. I definately miss my kitchen in my apartment already as well as eating my normal diet.

I might be on break but I've still got a lot to think about. Tomorrow is Saturday and it's extremely important for me to get up early tomorrow to start doing laundry. I'm going to do laundry, play guitar and stay here in Benton city tomorrow unless Allie contacts me about partying. If so I will pack up my stuff again and go to Ellensburg.

I need to buy some stuff tomorrow, get stoked up for Spring quarter. My mom is going to buy me some of that Russian Rhodiolla stuff from Jimmy. I also got my prozac perscription renewed on  Wednesday.

So I had my party! I really want to talk all about it with you guys but I don't have a way of getting the pictures right now. I'm using my Mom's computer and I saved the pictures on my sister's harddrive.

 

Hey look!! It's 2011 Weeaboo Emily, hello!!

Finds on my Mom's computer....

Me and Eddie Schmann. Needless to say I did not upload his on facebook. Taken the weekend of Kuro Neko con at Golden Corral.

 

 

 

There's a lot of stuff on this computer that I've saved as far back as 2008 that I'd like to get rid of. Thanks to facebook there's about 6 of this same picture with slightly different smirks on my face. 

So I will talk about the party another time, maybe tomorrow, who knows. I don't have anything going on tonight and I'm sure there's raging parties all over Ellensburg. I bet Abe is having a GRANDDDD time. Blugh, so frustrating. We're done, he wants nothing to do with me. I probably did freak out on him a little bit after not seeing him for four weeks but all of my friends say it was reasonable.

I'm not looking back. I know that Abe is attracted to me physically but he doesn't want what I want.  He has other things on his mind being 20 years old than having a girlfriend. I wasn't expecting him to be my boyfriend but I like consistancy. My love life is very interesting because I don't seem to ever consistantly interact withone person. Guys tend to like me initially for one reason or another but the circumstances in our  lives are always wrong.

Maybe if I went after guys that had more similar backgrounds as I do I would have better luck. I don't really understand why my choice in men has always not gotten me very far dating wise. I am aware that I have a very strong personality that not many people can fully understand or cope with on a day to day basis, I believe. It's not that I turn people off, actually people tend to gravitate toward me because my problems with relationships are relateable and not many are willing to vocalize on it.

But my own relationships don't go very well. Granted, 2012 was much better than 2011, in every way shape and form and it all boils down to having a higher self esteem thanks to the guitar and having something to funnel my time and energy into. I'm now in my twelveth month playing and I will now be able to tell people I've been playing "1 year ___ months" etc instead of just "5 months" or whatever. I can say that my life has gotten a lot better over the past year, including in my dating life because I've stopped settling for garbage.

However not settling for what I'm not totally attracted to has left me sort of lonely this last year. Of course we're now coming to the end of the first quarter of 2013. 2012 ended hard with stress and anxiety but most of that has alleviated itself by now. That alone is all I can ask for. Prayer has helped me a lot over the past few months too. I've also been trying to meditate more often which can be very challenging.

I need to play more guitar. Jacob gave me an entire hour and a half lesson yesterday which was awesome because he was really able to help me with Invention. It's a brilliant piece, I'm super excited to have it learned. Jake told me that if I get this down my playing will improve immensely. He's such an incredible teacher I really hope give my own students the same quality Jake has given me.

peace.