Trying to brace myself

I'm very invigorated by the new year.

Today I got rid of a lot of trash around my house, bagged up some extra clothes that I don't wear for Goodwill, got a few things at the grocery store, practiced about 45 minutes and plan to knock out the other 35 before bed, and best of all prettied up by LinkedIn profile and added some people.

Sipic added me and "endorsed" some of my skills, wheeee : 3 Today was a good day indeed.... My profile is still missing a lot of information but at least I'm getting the hang of it. 

My goal for this break was to get a job and work on that profile so I feel accomplished to some degree. Though I haven't actually been contacted by anyone from the College of business about my application for the office position. I can't put all my eggs in one basket, I need to start applying for other jobs around campus too before long. I'd really rather not work retail again if I can help it. It's exhausting and boring. I either want a job on campus or something that can get me tips for being cute.

My darling Marshall is so happy to be home again where he can relax and not worry about other cats. 

I feel like he hasn't slept in weeks because of the shenanigans that inevitably occurred while we were gone. He stayed at the house with Michiko, Miranda and Marlow when we were in California and this afternoon I noticed some of his whiskers look like they've been cut short. I'm sure it's from Miranda scratching him in this face because he will recklessly annoy the other cats by biting their tails. 

He's been so cuddly and loving with me all day though. He makes me feel less nervous about any upcoming change in my life. Tomorrow school starts and I still have to buy my books. Today I was thinking maybe I'd get them with this guy I like right now but I wasn't able to get in contact with him.

Here are my New Years Resolutions for 2014

1. Make it a goal to practice 80 minutes of guitar a day. Enough to make sufficient progress but not enough to take over my life.

2. Use a squirt bottle to train Marshall not to beg for food. 

3. Study 2 hours a day on weekdays (ex. Friday) and Sundays mandatory, even if it's after a test so I don't end up giving one class more attention than the others. 

4. Absolutely no drinking on Sun.-Thurs., as always, and try to keep drinking on Saturday to a minimum because I need to be fully ready to study on Sundays. 

5. Be confident, damn it. Stop selling myself short, and if I do for God sake don't share it because it only puts you in a vulnerable position. Hold yourself in high esteem while of course respecting and trying to gain knowledge from people who are doing well at what you want to be doing. 

6. Make an effort to dress cute on days that I feel depressed and like shit to motivate myself to get out more. Get out more in general.

7. Don't judge or think badly of someone based on the way they look. Remember the law of attraction and that thinking negatively can effect how you appear to the rest of the world. This will help build new relationships with people. 

8. Moderate time on facebook to be able to use the computer for actual research and schoolwork.

9. Keep up with economics news and pay more attention to names and current events.

10. 100: combination of situps, squats every day. Continue to eat healthy and go the gym if possible. Burning off that energy feels great.

peace. 

Excuse that post earlier....

Honestly you guys, I get so hung up over nothing.

So it's 4:00. Thus far today I've studied accounting for an hour, played guitar for about an hour or so, dinked around on facebook, made myself some lunch... Yadda yadda. Not too much going on. Like I said earlier I have been having some chest pain but I don't think it's anything. I'm going to go to the doctor for it probably in the next couple weeks though just to make sure. It's always better to be safe than sorry. 

I had my second math test today. I feel... alright about it, though I worry that I didn't do certain steps correctly. I probably didn't study for that as much as I should have, a lot has been on my mind lately with my accounting test results and trying to get caught up in my legal class. Speaking of which, I have to do my chapter 12 assignment tonight which is going to be somewhat of a hindrance because I also have to study the packet for the midterm next Monday. It's going to feel really nice to have that out of the way.

As you can see I now have a weekly goal sheet. This is something else that Jacob had recommended I do but I'd never had such a need to monitor everything that needed to get done from week to week. I feel like if I do everything on this list, the time between now and next tuesday will be significantly more stress free than last week. 

Damn, I have to do my math assignment. I'll tty guys later!

peace. 

FUCK, FUCK, FUCKKKKK. Sink or swim, baby.

I'm almost sure I failed my first accounting test, but at least I now know what to expect. That was the hardest test I've ever taken, I didn't show my work on practically any of it, and I know what I have to do.

The test was huge, all multiple choice, 75 questions.... I almost immediately knew I was fucked when I looked at how the questions were worded and how you had absolutely no hints on how to perform the calculations. I probably would have done much better had I the time to really think about each individual question, considering I only had an hour and a half. Worst of all, you have to show your work, so for all the questions that I didn't show my work even if I guessed correctly I still got it wrong.

OH. And worst of all, I forgot my four-function calculator on my fucking desk at home so I had to work with  the professor's ancient calculator that didn't work for shit and had sticky keys and a sideways 6.

So today was not my day. I just need to remember that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it now, and all I can do is study harder and move forward.

What I need to do is find a way to make sure I do a solid 2 hours a studying each day for each class so that I'm not focusing all of my energy on one class one day and then sort of spacing on other material. I think if I do that from here on out I'll be guaranteed to survive this quarter. I just don't know how to find the time to do anything besides study lately.

I've just gotta stay up later, wake up earlier, try to conceptualize the material, TRY to stay relaxed, try to find time to EAT.... Because literally I barely even make time for that anymore which is why I've been losing weight.

So this, again, is a sink or swim situation. My new day-to-day schedule is now going to look like this, every day:

1. 2 hours accounting
 -
 -

2. 1 hour math
-
-

3. 2 hours Legal
-
-

4. 2 hours Guitar
-
-

For every day that I don't have Legal and accounting class. I can only set my goal for math at 1 hour a day because realistically I know that I won't study math for two hours. If I can stick to this I can guarantee I won't fail my classes.

I just thought last week was enough.... But I gotta work harder. Five hours a day is do-able, it's like a full time job.

peace. 

Even if I experience it, not believe I did it? xD

My mind works in funny ways.

It's Saturday, 9:00 pm... haven't got an idea what anyone is doing tonight, nor do I *really* care,  though if someone did bring it up I can't say I wouldn't go out. I saw Josh a couple times at work today and he insisted I swing by his house after work but he couldn't guarentee he'd be there because he had to run his nephew home or something. I don't really know, but he wasn't home, which made me look creepy to his mom who was outside watering the plants. He's going out of town tomorrow. Errk, he's busy like I am, so I don't want it to seem like I'm coming onto him too hard or something. Idk, best lay low for awhile. I am really starting to like him though. He's chill, really easy to talk too.. likes the same kind of music as me, huge plus.. doesn't take himself too seriously but isn't insecure. Also major plus. Meep.

Alright so guitar! Fourth day of this bootcamp schedule and going strong. I almost find it hard to believe that I've already gotten in two hours of solid playing today. I measure this by setting a stopwatch online.

This is what the stopwatch looks like. It's so ugly I can't help but love it.

http://www.online-stopwatch.com/world-games-running/

I also usually have a songsterr tab up as well as a metronome. I've yet to figure out exactly the proper way to use a metronome, but I've been doing the picking exercises for 80 minutes a day... they're extremely tedious and unsatisfying.. and I'm hoping it's benefitting me in some way because it gets so painful, too.

The hand gripper IS helping, though. Like my left hand feels a little stronger than yesterday and my fingertips aren't hurting as badly when I play. I know it sounds silly to worry about this, but it really handicapped my ability to play for long periods of time. The impulse purchase is becoming pretty handy.

I'll continue working at it.

Tomorrow I also definately need to study some kanji, vocab, etc etc.... I'm not gonna lie guys, I'm getting pretty tired of Japanese. I just feel like my mind is now openning up to other things that interest me more, like music and exercise (what I've been doing in practically all my spare time for a couple months now). I'm also getting really excited about my new discovery, the Human Services major that is. I think it might also be wise for me to pick a minor that more specializes my degree and puts me ahead of the game for hiring purposes. Like if I specialized in drug and alcohol dependency. Very excited for things to come, and as this old chapter in my life ends a new one will begin. Still going to have a little bit of trouble getting rid of the bento stuff, and if it comes to it finally cutting from the Japanese thing once and for all.

Will I ever regret it? I don't know. It's a second language, should I just continue to take it just because the knowledge will benefit me later in life? As my interest for the cultural aspects, anime, cosplay, whatever.. gets thinner and thinner, it's harder for me to learn it. Shit.



I'm not stressing guys, no worries. I feel fine, very good in fact. I'm gonna work out for awhile.

peace.

Making goals tends to work really well for me from a day-to-day basis.

It seems to work best for me to make every day count by making goals for each day. It's the best way to stay constructive regardless of how much or how little I have to do. Yesterday I spent most of my time at school but because I met up with a tutor I got what I needed to get done for the most part. So, here's my goals for today:

Goals for 8/11/2011

-Take one pretest in math for one of the three chapters, probably chapter 6, the hardest one and try to figure out what I missed. 1 hour

-Play my guitar for an hour. 3rd day in a row I've managed to spend an hour doing this. I really want to learn Welcome Home and get it down really well. 1 hour

-Get ahold of some small boxes to mail the boxes. My mom said she'd go to the post office tomorrow, and if she doesn't I should probably try to get some cheap boxes so it doesn't cost much to send. Unfortunately I can't use padded envelopes because they'll smash and break. Could take a couple hours depending on how many I do.

-Take math quiz 30 min

-Spend 30 minutes getting rid of stuff from my room. Cleaning up.

Maybe to-do's if I get other stuff done....

-MAYBE make a little youtube video if I can think of anything good to talk about. 1 hour, about.

-Maybe get ahold of a friend and hang out this evening if I get bored. Might hang out with Mitch but I'm more in the mood to hang out with a girl again. I haven't seen Samantha in ages because it's impossible to get ahold of her without a facebook or a phone. I think she might of just got her internet back on though.

I'm gonna get on that stuff now. I'm gonna start my taking a shower and getting pretty. I feel sort of yucky right now, haha.

Yours,

Emily

Heyy sexy girl ;)

Very rarely do I feel happy or sexy about the way that I look, but I can honestly say that right now I am feeling very good about the way that I look and feel about my body.

No, this isn't my body, but honestly my abs are getting pretty close. No, I'll never have thighs like that-- I'll always have curvy thighs but I accept it and I actually accept how my body looks.



Today I got a spray tan, and the women I went too did an excellent job. It was $30, but I'm planning on maintaining the tan by spending time outside. I feel very pretty. I have been doing pilates every single night and so my body is pretty well toned, and along with the tan now, I think my body looks bangin'. Like I feel like I could enter a bikini contest and not lose miserably! So maybe the tan look is good on me, and if I do get this job, I might want to keep up spray tanning. I don't know if this will benefit my chances of getting the job, but with my new found confidence it can't hurt anything. I also bought a new outfit for the interview and a new pair of slacks. Spending money to make money? Yep... I'm going to make it an early night tonight after I do some pilates. I'm already getting sort of tired from running around with Lindy tonight.

I have to do a lot of schoolwork tomorrow before my biology class. I've got a worksheet for math and have to get my biology labs proofed. And this is after the interview. I'll probably just go straight from the interview to CBC so I can get a chance to study for my math test next Tuesday as well as the biology test on monday that is going to be REALLY hard. Reason being, I really don't understand the biology material right now.. like it's all really new to me. We're talking about proteins, again, but this time using proteins from goats to help cure a disease.

Ugh, my eating habits still aren't as good as they should be, and I need to keep trying to improve. I am so hard on myself and even if I try hard to eat healthy I know it's not good enough. I need to make goals.

GOALS for 7/27:

-Drink water throughout the day.

-Eat one serving of dark leafy greens

-Eat a yogurt and a whole wheat bagel for breakfast.

-DON'T GET FOOD FROM THE VENDING MACHINE. Pack food from home for lunch!

All I can do is do my best, but today I didn't do my best. I ate a small piece of pizza, some pad thai from the mall, and even a small kids size ice cream cone from Dairy Queen (ended up throwing away most of it because of the guilt). That's BULLSHIT. That stuff will make me fat and it's not worth it! 

Yours,

Emily