Wellll I slept a lot today and....

Hello, evening everyone. It's about 8:30 pm.

After Money and banking today I came home and took a three and a half hour long nap... Not really what I'd planned for the day, like I dragged my big basket of laundry downstairs and had plans of taking care of that today but that didn't happen. When I woke up from my nap it was about 3:30 and I had to eat something and practice guitar before my lesson with Jacob. 

That went well, I'm excited to be making progress and moving forward with master of puppets. I've successfully accomplished the first 200 measures at around 95% (without palm muting, but because the concert isn't until Christmas I have quite a bit of time to hammer out this imperfection). One reason that skype sucks is because my camera can't usually catch my entire fretboard as well as picking hand so Jake can't critique them simultaneously as well as if we were in person. Also we can't play together because of the camera lag. Still, it was a good lesson. 

We're moving into a finger picked clean acoustic part that is basically a sequence of chords for a solid minute. It's one of my favorite riffs in the song so that's gonna be my project this week. I need to make a new practice sheet.

Tomorrow I have my public finance test which I am feeling so-so about at this point. Today I've only studied an hour, and I should really be getting more done especially when I've got plans to have fun tomorrow night. I saw Abe P. recently in Shaw and gave him a hug, he's always been so nice and cool towards me and I've really wanted a chance to hang out and catch up with him. We're hanging out tomorrow, yay! 

Tomorrow I am also meeting up with one of my classmates to go over this obnoxious article that I have to write a paper on the 15th for Managerial. Blegh the font is so tiny and there's so much jargon it makes me nauseous. I also need to re-read the chapters of my managerial book for my best next Thursday in that class. Not something too urgent now thankfully...

Yesterday I met with Sipic and got my policy analysis subject approved. That's been hanging over my head bad and I want to get it done on Sunday so I can stop thinking about it. Lol Sipic asked me how I liked my classes this quarter and I told him I liked them all but there's definitely a hierarchy of favorites... (yeah somehow I think I just wanted to say "you're" my favorite without actually saying it.... ha ha ha) 

After we made some small talk I stood out to walk out and he got up to open the door and he asked me if I'm going to the career fair thing. I just remember pausing there like a dumbass because he was standing like a foot away from my face..... then of course I have some stupid frantic answer 90 mph like "Well I still haven't figured out who's all gonna be there so you should tell me 'cause I don't know...." (Wtf? God damn it, ha ha ha.... I swear sometimes when I try to talk to him my intelligence and confidence is seriously impaired.) 

Lolll only for my faithful blog readers, here's how I'm looking tonight, insane. 

FLASH CARDS FLASH CARDS CLASH FARDS MOTHA F^%$#AAAAAA.... 

This doesn't leave this blog entry.

peace. 

4/20, not doing much but thinking this year

Yeah not much word from Terry at all this weekend. I'm not going to say that I'm not disappointed, I thought after this week of being pretty friendly with eachother that he'd want to take the time to hang out again. I guess not. I'm not really worried about it but I am a bit disappointed because I got ready tonight and have nowhere to go. I went to Bradley's house for about 20 minutes because I said I'd stop in but I was kind of feeling emotionally drained.

Today I dyed my hair. Originally I was going to dye it BLONDE-- which would have been a nightmare almost inevitably. Better leave that to professionals if I ever wanted to lighten up.

I just took this a second ago and decided to upload it. This is me being a shut in on 4/20, a day I thought for sure I'd be out doing something. OH well at least I have facebook and my blog to keep me company. I'm wondering how Ashley's classes are going, it's about time I give her a call before I start my week. Ha ha she's like my counselling session, I call her and I feel better about my overall outlook on things.

I've had someone on my mind lately. She hasn't responded to my message and it's been a few days so I was like, "Huh..." but then I realized it was her birthday this weekend which makes me think she hasn't had easy access to her facebook inbox. I told her she should text me in the message with my number and I hope she does, I was quite honestly intrigued by our message exchange recently; like I'm excited to get to know this person and I'm hoping she doesn't pull back from me like she did in highschool because I was probably quite loud when she didn't say boo, ha ha ha.

I really more than anything want a chance to listen to her and ask her questions.

Yesterday I got a text message from Abe saying that he apologized for our situation... like, how we abruptly stopped talking after I flipped out on him. I can't really blame him for not wanting to deal with me at the time. I was dealing with a lot of stress, anxiety and baggage that probably made me come off as a more pessimistic person than I am today.

Anyway we kind of updated eachother on what we've been up too and Abe was asking about whether or not I was doing a minor. He said that getting a minor does not necessarily mean having to take a ton of additional classes like I thought it would. I am going to check out the different minors offered one of these days. I should probably also fill out an application to the college of business at some point. Will I take classes this summer? I don't know.

I think I just need to get a job. Seriously it's getting a little silly that I haven't found one, I'm looking around and starting to realize this. I'm tired of feeling kind of guilty spending my money which I've been quickly depleting lately because I've been putting more effort into my looks.

If I was earning some money I could buy more stuff... like nailpolishes, makeup, clothes, maybe some jewelry here or there, perfume... I've become more conscious about how I present myself, especially posture. Just having awareness and presenting myself well is going to do me a lot of good. Yet it's somehow not enough for the guys that I'm generally really attracted to? Ha ha, I mean seriously I think Terry's just blowing me off. Maybe he really does just want to study with me on the weekdays and that's it. Maybe he's just totally over spending time with me. Blughhh I can't think about that, it's so stupid.

I just have to remember this-- Whatever happens with Terry, if nothing else from this day forward, it was still an extremely useful encounter in my life because he was part of the reason I switched my major which will highly influence my career setting for the rest of my life. So in the most likely event that we will both graduate, take our own paths and never see eachother again, I'm at least happy for what has occured over these past couple months. It's really boosted my confidence to know that I've really got a clear cut long term goal that I'm working toward.

I was never that excited about human resource management.

peace.

The ups and downs of being home. And Goodbye Abe.

Hello everyone.

Wow, a lot has happened. I haven't had my computer because it broke down, and currently it's sitting fixed in the K Valley shop in Ellensburg. Right now I'm sitting at the kitchen table on my Mom's laptop eating microwaved peaches with sugar, it's delicious-- tastes just like a peach cobbler filling. I haven't eaten much good food since I got here, which is one of the major downsides of coming home. For dinner I had to practically beg my sister to give me some of the fried chicken and rice she was making. It was good, but extremely rich.

I did buy a loaf of black bread that I can make french toast with in the morning. I hate cooking anything here because cleanup is certainly NOT a breeze. The lack of organzation and abundance of dishes in our kitchen makes preparing food a challenge for me. I definately miss my kitchen in my apartment already as well as eating my normal diet.

I might be on break but I've still got a lot to think about. Tomorrow is Saturday and it's extremely important for me to get up early tomorrow to start doing laundry. I'm going to do laundry, play guitar and stay here in Benton city tomorrow unless Allie contacts me about partying. If so I will pack up my stuff again and go to Ellensburg.

I need to buy some stuff tomorrow, get stoked up for Spring quarter. My mom is going to buy me some of that Russian Rhodiolla stuff from Jimmy. I also got my prozac perscription renewed on  Wednesday.

So I had my party! I really want to talk all about it with you guys but I don't have a way of getting the pictures right now. I'm using my Mom's computer and I saved the pictures on my sister's harddrive.

 

Hey look!! It's 2011 Weeaboo Emily, hello!!

Finds on my Mom's computer....

Me and Eddie Schmann. Needless to say I did not upload his on facebook. Taken the weekend of Kuro Neko con at Golden Corral.

 

 

 

There's a lot of stuff on this computer that I've saved as far back as 2008 that I'd like to get rid of. Thanks to facebook there's about 6 of this same picture with slightly different smirks on my face. 

So I will talk about the party another time, maybe tomorrow, who knows. I don't have anything going on tonight and I'm sure there's raging parties all over Ellensburg. I bet Abe is having a GRANDDDD time. Blugh, so frustrating. We're done, he wants nothing to do with me. I probably did freak out on him a little bit after not seeing him for four weeks but all of my friends say it was reasonable.

I'm not looking back. I know that Abe is attracted to me physically but he doesn't want what I want.  He has other things on his mind being 20 years old than having a girlfriend. I wasn't expecting him to be my boyfriend but I like consistancy. My love life is very interesting because I don't seem to ever consistantly interact withone person. Guys tend to like me initially for one reason or another but the circumstances in our  lives are always wrong.

Maybe if I went after guys that had more similar backgrounds as I do I would have better luck. I don't really understand why my choice in men has always not gotten me very far dating wise. I am aware that I have a very strong personality that not many people can fully understand or cope with on a day to day basis, I believe. It's not that I turn people off, actually people tend to gravitate toward me because my problems with relationships are relateable and not many are willing to vocalize on it.

But my own relationships don't go very well. Granted, 2012 was much better than 2011, in every way shape and form and it all boils down to having a higher self esteem thanks to the guitar and having something to funnel my time and energy into. I'm now in my twelveth month playing and I will now be able to tell people I've been playing "1 year ___ months" etc instead of just "5 months" or whatever. I can say that my life has gotten a lot better over the past year, including in my dating life because I've stopped settling for garbage.

However not settling for what I'm not totally attracted to has left me sort of lonely this last year. Of course we're now coming to the end of the first quarter of 2013. 2012 ended hard with stress and anxiety but most of that has alleviated itself by now. That alone is all I can ask for. Prayer has helped me a lot over the past few months too. I've also been trying to meditate more often which can be very challenging.

I need to play more guitar. Jacob gave me an entire hour and a half lesson yesterday which was awesome because he was really able to help me with Invention. It's a brilliant piece, I'm super excited to have it learned. Jake told me that if I get this down my playing will improve immensely. He's such an incredible teacher I really hope give my own students the same quality Jake has given me.

peace.

Last difficult steps.

Hi!

I am speaking to you from probably the pinnacle of difficulty in the quarter. The few days before my final tests that I'm like ugh, hang on to your grade for dear life. This quarter one of my finals has particular importance to me, and that's my finite quiz that is happening on Thursday. I'm planning on studying for it another solid hour tonight. I've already done one and made little progress on where I feel I should be, but every time I sit down and look at it I'm making improvements. Youtube videos help, too, if I'm not getting a concept. The last hour I basically spent just trying to figure out what the assigned section he's having us work on now is talking about. I missed class today because I felt I'd be better off just coming back and cramming than trying to sit through an hour of lecture where I have no idea where he's talking about.

Matthew is very sweet, he brought by the final midterm review which is basically an introduction to statistics and it is HARD you guys... I'm not gonna lie, I'm having a hell of a time with this and I know other kids in class must be too. The girl that I sit next to in class with the blonde hair got the same low score on the half-credit quiz last Friday so I know this isn't just really difficult for me. Actually I know it's not. The reason that I want to get a good grade on this last test is just to finish the quarter well, and bump my grade back up to an A-. Right now I have an 89.5% or something like that because of the last quiz, and my last grade will be this Friday's midterm so it's really that or B. I know that he does drop a couple of the lowest scores, but I'd assume his gradesheet that he passes around reflects that.

I've worked pretty hard in that class but I don't know if I deserve an A, ha ha ha. I really didn't get most of it. Statistics is going to be so hard. Spring quarter is going to be one of the hardest I've ever taken I think. Then I've heard that the management classes aren't that hard.

Still I'm excited because there's only two more days, really. I'm done with Finite and Econ on Thursday-- which means tomorrow is going to be another day of epic studying and the more I study tonight the easier I'll make it on myself tomorrow. I've also got my English research paper due on Friday, which I started the first two paragraphs of my final draft today.

Do you guys like my studying set up?

I dragged the ikea table in from the living room to be able to sit on the floor. My heels have been hurting because I've been sitting on the floor a lot lately. I've got my econ stuff on my bed so that I switch back and forth between putting strain on my lower back and thighs, ha ha ha. Blah, it's a lot of work. I'm doing good, though, it's only 7:45 and I've spent a total of four hours studying today, played on guitar pro for 20 minutes (It's sad to say that's all the practicing I can ask for on a day like this), did some crunches and a little exercise, cooked a good dinner... It's been a relatively good day.

Aside from the fact that I'm pretty sure I've f'ed everything up with Abe with my own wackiness. I don't really know. I haven't talked to him since I pretty much flipped out on him last night for having not hung out in three weeks. I really shouldn't have done that. I know he's just as busy with his classes that I am. But I guess my own needs more more important to me yesterday. I don't really know. I hope I get to spend time with him again but I don't know if it's happening. 

I'm honestly too tired to stress out too much about that now. Granted I miss him a bit, and I have for the few weeks that we haven't spent time together and I only see him for about 3 minutes between classes. I'll update you all on how that plays out later. 

And to be honest with you guys I don't know if I'm super excited to move back home in a little while. I'm excited to see Katelynn and take a guitar lesson from Jake but I might not spend my whole time there. I just realized that I didn't sign up for any scholarships and I know my mom is going to ask me about that. Maybe I'm ungrateful for not taking the time to do stuff like that. Or maybe I'm just very exhausted.

peace. 

Didn't want to just go to bed

This blog is going to be short. It's 1 am. The fact that I've only practiced my guitar for an hour today and it's a Saturday is a little bit tragic, but I had a good day today.

I've felt a little icky looking the past couple days. I'm going to go to the salon and get a bang trim tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to find one open early on a Sunday. Tomorrow I also have a quick English assignment to do. Maybe start looking at economics chapter 11. That's my last chapter and there will be a last test on Thursday. I've done very well in that class. I don't think I'm going to show up on Friday just so see how I did on the test and make sure I passed the class. I know I passed. My last finite test will also be on Thursday, which will be about the statistics stuff that I told you about yesterday. 

English... I have to write that research paper on exotic animal ownership. The english assignment that I'm doing tomorrow requires using the sources (that I already found in the quick lab day, mind you. There was a "seminar" by some librarians that actually proved to be very helpful. I was able to find some articles on Ebscohost that I'm going to read and use in my research paper. I asked my professor for clarity on everything. She just nodded her head, like yes, yes, that's all fine. It was kind of funny. 

I will also get this started tomorrow if I'm not already seeing Abe. Oh wait.. I already did start it! I've been working very hard this past three weeks. I haven't had much... I guess distraction. But I have had a sense of longing. I like Abe, and I've had to wait for him for 3 weeks now. Originally we made plans on Thursday. Reina wanted to have lunch with me on Thursday. 

Well, I thought to myself, going to lunch with Reina would be a better option because she's my friend and she's only going to be here for a little while longer. Even if I really badly wanted to see Abe, I held off. He said "tomorrow". I.e. Friday, yesterday. He told me he was getting off of work at 6. I was busy enough on Friday. I did get some practicing done, gave a guitar lesson to Hassan, etc.. But I didn't get a chance to see Abe like I'd anticipated. He texted me saying he had a bloody nose. That he got hit in the face or something and it was going to take him awhile to get out the door. I didn't hear from him for an hour and a half or so. By about 8:30 I was like okay, what's going on here... I need to get ready. 

This girl named Emily invited to go to with her to a party. Well, she actually needed a ride to this party. No problem, I never know where these things are at so I wasn't too worried about it. I picked Emily up after getting Allie and we drove to this party. Emily had convinced us that instead of going to the barbeque we should go this place because there are going to be "way more people" and "way cooler." I didn't really care either way. I liked the idea of the party in town because it used less gas. I pushed the idea on Allie a bit for said reason and she said she was cool with doing whatever. We went to this party and it was packed full of people. 

I mean packed wall to wall. I have no idea who any of them were. I don't think Emily knew either but I guess that's just how these shindigs are. People get dolled up and get drunk with college kids in these houses that are pretty much used exclusively for partying. Blegh, what a life. 

Neither Allie or I were feeling it. I was feeling depressed because I wanted to see Abe that evening. I took this picture because I had told Allie earlier that I was talking my camera. She told me that I'm not allowed to tag her in photos because she could get in trouble. Fair enough. I just laugh because nothing about this picture would make her look like she's doing anything too devious. We were totally sober in that picture. I just wanted to get out of there. 

Right now, I'm quite frustrated because I haven't seen Abe and he might be out partying tonight, who knows. It's 1 in the morning on a... technically Sunday now. Ugh, my makeup feels gross with this much eye product on. I put on my makeup and this is one of those icky nights where I have to take it all off because nothing happened. I thought for sure after this hospital nonsense Abe would want to see me but apparently he's doing his own thing. Goodnight. 

peace. 

Late night study blues. Don't even read.

Good evening all. It's getting late. I've pumped my brain with some caffiene at 9:00 so I know I could stick it out for another couple of hours and still be just fine in class tomorrow without wearing myself out.

I shouldn't be worried about wearing myself out anyway, tomorrow's Friday and there isn't even a finite midterm exam. That's going to be next Thursday. For our last chapter we've been working on very introductory statistics. Note to self: (Note to any of my readers, skip this useless crap)

We're using median, range and mean in a set of values. With these values we can find the Z score and standard deviations from the mean the point is located. There is a formula to get the variance which you take the square root of to get the Standard deviation of a sample. The formula is Sum of X squared (so add together all X values after squaring them)-(Sum of X*Sum of X (or sum of X squared)/n) (number in sample i.e. "10 consecutive nights) ALL divided by n-1. So number in the sample-1. If the values in a set of data is mound-shaped, 68% of values in the data set are between X bar- S (sample mean-1 standard deviation) and x bar+1. 
Empirical rule: Approximately 95% of the values between X bar - 2 S (sample mean and 2 standard deviations from the mean). Virtually all data is between 3 standard deviations of the mean. This has to do with Chebyshev's Theorem. This rule provides a quick way to approximate a standard deviation. Because all data is within 3 standard deviations on either side of the mound shape, or within 3 standard deviations of the mean, the span of the range between the largest and smallest point should be about six standard deviations from the mean. Take the largest value minus the smallest value, but then you must figure out what to divide by. In the last case we would use six because there's 6 standard deviations, but this only works with sample sizes over 200 for some reason. So n >/ 200, Range/6= Range Approximation for S. 50</n</199=Range/5. 16</n</49=Range/4, N</15=Range/sqrRt N. This is to get the value S, which is the sample standard deviation. When you are just given a set of values you can still find the variance which can then be converted to the standard deviation by using the formula Sum x^2 (add together all X values after squaring them)-(Sum of X*Sum of X/n))/n-1 N being the number in the sample given. You can get percentages for probability frequency by dividing the total in the sample that correspond to each value divided by the total number of values (typically given in problem. i.e. 52 sizes of jerseys total and your looking at the set of values for 15 of them selected randomly)

And THAT... is what I've learned over the past few days of studying this stuff. I'm still two days behind. Luckily, because there's no "midterm" tomorrow I've got some time to get caught up. The test tomorrow should just be over what I just described to you, and nothing in later sections that he's gone over the past few days but have me completely lost. I can't skip econ tomorrow like I have the past couple fridays. I've got a quiz tomorrow.

I'm also lucky that the quiz is on chapter 10. Here it is 11:16 and if I get in a solid hour on this, make up some flash cards to take with me in the morning and sneak them in English.. I should be golden. I should also exercise tonight. I feel like I've been so stressed out lately that I've been eating more. Food just tastes good to me lately, and the last time I went grocery shopping I got a sufficient amount of delicious munchies that have me going through my cabinets more frequently.

I'd like to keep this picture for later. I posted it to facebook today as well. Look at that, all the guitar shapes. I intend to own at least one of all of them someday, is that wild? He he he. What guitarist does not fantasize about having an extraordinary collection? 

I also had to revise and write up a works cited page for first English arguement paper. I think it's pretty good. I didn't really utilize the articles as much as I stated my personal opinions on the matter based on common knowledge.. which I hope she won't mark me off for. Really the only thing I used the articles for was for the studies.

I've been working very hard today to have the ability to see Abe tomorrow and be able to relax with him for awhile, as well as go to a bonfire I got invited too. I also intend to practice my guitar, of course. Jake gave me this sick new song tonight. It sounds so cool, guys, it's going to be a challenge. 

This is the song, 

J.S. Bach Invention No. 8 in F Major

 Apparently this is "Neo-classical"

So I've still got this economics to study. I don't want to do it. At 12:30 I'm going to bed whether I feel like it or not cause if I stay up later than that my whole day will be groggy tomorrow.

peace. 

..Flat. Out. Not talking to me now...?

Today's been uneventful.

Though successful enough I suppose. After I get done writing I'm going to do none other than (drumroll) play guitar and watch NETFLIX! Wooo!! Yeah I really haven't played much guitar today, nor did I study econ like I'd intended. I did study about an hour friday and saturday though so it makes up for it I suppose. 

As hard as this is to admit to you guys because I hate seeming like I need a man for anything... I've really had a hard time focusing today because I've been thinking about Abe. We haven't hung out together in two weeks. Caring this much about seeing him is a good sign... for Abe, that is if he actually wants to continue spending time together or not. I feel like he's barely been texting me because he doesn't know when to break it to me or something if he's not interested. We just haven't been texting hardly at all. He either doesn't respond to my texts or takes hours to reply. For said reason, and the fact that we haven't hung out for weeks, makes me think he's reconsidering spending time with me. 

I have three weeks left of classes before finals week. I'm so happy that I do not have a final in econ or in finite. The only final for English that I'm aware of is my research paper that I'm doing on exotic animal ownership and how it should be illegal in all states. I'm HOPING I'll be able to find recent articles on the issue. I need at least 2 that were published in 2013. That's only 2 months of articles. 

So I might even be lucky enough to get an extra week of spring break if I don't have any finals! That would be sick, I'm excited to get all my shiz packed and go home. 

peace. 

RadCon tomorrow, stress free and relaxed.

Hello!

 I'm excited because RadCon is tomorrow! Well, technically it started today, and I really could have gone had I planned earlier. I plan to go home tomorrow morning. Originally I was planning to leave this evening because I thought Abe and I were hanging out but he ended up going home. He's going to go snowboarding this weekend. It wasn't a flakiness situation, and in all fairness we hung out yesterday so it doesn't matter.

Lol. I ended up having a very nice valentines day, actually.

Abe came over after he got out of his chemistry lab. I was so flattered, he got me a rose and chocolates. Ha ha I drank a monster that evening and had the weird idea to cut the rose and stick it in the can. I can get a little weird when I'm home alone. 

Uhm yes, Kirsten and I have not talked for a week. Woops. I give up guys, ha ha. It was so funny, I talked to Samantha on the phone earlier and when I told her I hadn't talked to my roomate in a week she's like "WHAT?" But luckily it hasn't affected me what-so-ever because she never really talks to me anyway. Like we have zero communication unless I talk to her first. To prove this point this week I saw if I didn't talk to her at all if she would talk to me. She didn't. The only time we talked is when I told her I was buying butter at the store. 

I can understand why she might not like me. I haven't been the absolute friendliest, I've had people over, practiced guitar for hours on end... etc. Speaking of which I might as well play once more. I invited this one girl named Ashley over that I'd met at a party I'd been to with Abe. I haven't gotten a response from her on it yet, but I'd really like it if she did come hang out with me. Tomorrow I'm going home, gonna see Katelynn and go to radcon-- hopefully have a blast. I'm going to make it a blast regardless of the circumstances. 

No stressing out about stupid shit for me anymore. I've grown to appreciate the time I get to spend not studying and try to have fun. I've grown to relax a lot more and I feel myself starting to enjoy my life again. For awhile there I was so depressed but many things have changed and my mood feels elevated. 

I had a good week academically too. I studied econ for a good chunk of time twice and figured out the material for my finite math class. I think I did okay on the test today and I thought I was going to bomb it because I literally didn't get the material until last night. 

Four more weeks of classes people! Until finals week that is. I don't think I'm going to have any finals this quarter. I have a research paper to do for my English class. I am also very pleased that I completed my synthesis last night without problems. Hardly anyone was in class today for peer reviews but me and the Mormon guy that sits in front of me got through it no problem and got checked off for full credit. I now have to think about a controversial issue to write about for my research paper. Because I had no trouble writing my last persuasive paper, the research paper shouldn't be that difficult.  

Yeah, Ashley went home this weekend, too. Nothing was meant to happen tonight for some reason. Maybe I should go to bed early and get a really solid night sleep because tomorrow is going to be so hectic. I'm going to leave early tomorrow morning. I plan on hanging out with Katelynn during the day then going to Radcon at about 3 or 4'. That will give me enough time to see everyone, hang out, yadda yadda.

Alrighty goodnight everyone.

peace. 

Forgot about Valentines day.

Felt it was necessary to write. I had a minor panic attack a minute ago. On the bright side that was the first one I'd taken all month because of the Prozac. Tomorrow I have to run to Rite aid and get a refill on that. I think the panic attack was brought on by starting to do research for my English paper. It makes me feel panicked because I've somehow started to dread English papers.

Tonight my goal is to get a good start on it though. I studied economics for 45 min as well as my finite but I barely got a dent in the homework. I'm always a day behind in that class. I've figured out what I needed to know in yesterday's class but have really no clue what I'm doing with today's homework. Finite is a somewhat annoying subject. I've been working hard in that class to keep up but over the past couple weeks I've found it more difficult. I think it just gets that way at the end of the quarter, I'm very fortunate that I don't have to take the final.

I got registered for my classes today! I'm taking Carbaugh again for macroeconomics. Why try to change what's not broken, I'm doing really well in his class and his lecture, notes and tests are very straightforward. There's no surprises which are the kind of classes I try to register for. For statistics I'm taking a high rated professor named Sipic. I'm lucky this professor is highly rated because there was only one option... My classes are from 9-10, then an hour break, then 12-12:50. That's all I'm currently signed up for because I am  still a pre-business major and cannot sign up for 300 level classes.

The way things are going, and if I don't choose to take classes in Summer 2014, I will graduate after Fall 2014. That is seven quarters total here in order to get my degree, and after Spring quarter I will be a senior and will have all of my pre-requisites done. I'm really proud of myself for working this hard up to this point. It's taken daily study to get the grades that I want and with the struggle that I went through at the beginning of the year with depression and anxiety I'm satisfied with what I've done so far.

Oh! By the way, you guys might think this is funny. I forgot about valentines day.

Chocolate ganache looks like this. 

I mean I knew it was this week because of RadCon-- which I'm driving home for Saturday morning. But I didn't even take the time to check the calendar to see what day it was on. My friend Reina gave me a valentines chocolate today and I didn't even realize it was tomorrow. It was very sweet of Reina to do this by the way.


Anyway just now I checked the calendar and Valentines day is indeed tomorrow. Woops. I'm not doing anything that I know of. I do have an English paper draft that's due on Friday that I'm going to get started on tonight. I ate dinner at 4:30 so I'm getting hungry again. Waiting for Kristin to get out of the kitchen so I can go fix something. We haven't talked in about four days.

I'm pretty content with how things are going lately. I haven't talked to Jessie in my econ class either and our relationship has like... reverted back to being strangers, excuse my friend but it's pretty bizarre. I don't really care though, just like with Kristin I'm not going to push it. If she wants to talk to me, cool, I don't care. If she doesn't want to I don't care. I've actually made some friends so I'm feeling a lot less isolated here which has taken the edge off overall.

So yeah. No plans for valentines day, but I think I'll probably see Abe at some point tomorrow-- maybe. He suggested we hang out before he goes to work. We only recently met eachother so doing something for valentines day would be awkward. I don't know what direction anything is going with us but I enjoy his company and I think he's cute.

peace. 

Tacky is fun.

Here, some tacky yet admittedly somewhat pretty "artwork" from a facebook app.

On nights light tonight with no real responsibilities facebook browsing is always entertaining. 

Here's another one, whee!

Anyway, I could have gone out tonight but decided not too because I had a really bad headache today and a runny nose and if I go out I know I could easily wear myself out and get that bad cold that's been going around that I've managed to dodge somehow. So after my classes ended I've been at the apartment for the most part, aside from my last counselling session that I attended at 4. 

After the "Pathways" group counselling sessions I was debating on if I wanted to attend the follow up. Today it definitely didn't feel nessasary. I was in overall pretty good spirits after this week, even if this wasn't a fantastic week for me academically. I did okay (81%) on my econ quiz, I probably did the worst I've done so far on a finite quiz today so I'm going to re-do some homework to better prepare for next week tomorrow, and I know I did pretty crummy on that english essay. So tomorrow I intend to get some work done before going to Bruce's kickback thing. I plan to drink a little there but it's not going to be an all night ordeal for me because of my health. I have a bit of a rule against drinking two nights and a row. I always feel like such crap after I drink the previous night that it messes me up almost the entire next day. 

And I knew that if I went out tonight and did get icky feeling tomorrow I definitely wouldn't want to go to Bruce's party, which would be lame as hell. I take pride in sticking to my plans. 

Abe is the one that invited me out this evening. He's out there having a good time somewhere, ha ha. I feel good about my night. I made some major progress on my recital piece from using guitar pro for about 20 minutes of the almost three hours I practiced. I'm thinking I'm going to work out for awhile, then take a shower, then probably practice guitar again and maybe play sims. I don't think I'll be able to go to sleep early tonight but it's Friday so I shouldn't have too. 

I'm just taking this night to enjoy myself because I know I've got a tough week ahead so I might as well make things easier for myself and get prepared this weekend. 

Back to facebook browsing.

peace. 

Should be easy to sleep tonight

Ha ha, this is a picture Reina took yesterday and posted today. 

The last couple days have been exhausting for me so this picture already feels like it was taken a week ago. I finally got that horrible critique paper done-- which I had to pretty much entirely re-do from scratch because my first attempt at it was an absolute fail. Good thing we did peer reviews otherwise I would have been in for a rude awakening. Granted I don't think my paper that I wrote is outstanding by any means but it at least follows the assignment guidelines. 

Today I also had an econ quiz which was a little stressful because I haven't been keeping up with my econ studying as well as the first part of the quarter. I'm happy to say that I did barely pull a B on that quiz (I got 4 wrong, so 81%). Tomorrow I've got a finite quiz that I'm pretty prepared for and spent a solid hour studying for tonight. 

I haven't been playing guitar as much as I'd like too... Now that I know the precise day of the recital however and will be starting a new week tomorrow I'm feeling good about using guitar pro this week. That's basically what Jacob told me at our lesson tonight. He's like, "You've got the right piece now, it matches the one on guitar pro, break it up into little chunks and keep working on it." This week I didn't get nearly as much time to practice as I would have liked too but that's how it goes when it gets to this point in the quarter.  It starts getting more difficult. After tomorrow I'm pretty sure there'll be four more weeks of class. 

At least I'm done with accounting, ha ha. Any time I complain about this quarter I think of how much MORE stressful last quarter was. Last quarter that accounting homework would take me at least an hour and a half a day. I'm thinking statistics is going to be just as hard. Maybe I'll pick up the text early and start looking it over during spring break.. whatever it takes to make this class easier on myself. I also of course have to make sure I register early to get a decent professor. 

I had to do some reading for english tonight, too, but after spending hours on that paper my brain feels completely fried. I'm back to drinking coffee again, by the way. Wasn't doing that for a couple weeks but I'm back to drinking it again. I've been kind of getting back to feeling "Normal" again regardless of the fact that I'm here. For a long time I didn't feel like myself because I was so pessimistic about this place but things have been improving. 

Getting the hell out of my apartment has helped a lot. I don't have a job, though, and I'm kind of nervous to check my balance because I've been eating away my student loan money. Surc food is so f'ing expensive but I've really liked hanging out with Bruce and Trent this week and have met a lot of new people just by hanging around there. Just having two people that I feel comfortable around has made a world of difference for me. I was trying to make friends with girls when I first got here but I've gradually given up. I just feel more comfortable around guys generally; or at least they're easier to hang out with. 

My roommate and I still don't talk, really. I'm sure it's predominantly my fault. I haven't been as friendly as I could have but I still have difficulty talking to her for some reason. My friend Abe has come over a couple nights and he usually talks to her but I can't get into the brief conversations. 

Jessy and I have stopped talking. We don't walk to finite together because I've been walking to Abe instead. Honestly he's more entertaining to talk too, Jessy and I don't really click and since we saw eachother at that party it's been kind of awkward. She's started sitting next to this guy she knows in our finite class. This guy always wears really trendy looking clothes, blegh. Not my thing. I don't know why, I can't take a person seriously if they seem to take way too much time coordinating their outfits. Maybe because it's something that doesn't concern me what so ever. 

I like the way I dress though, honestly. I feel like when I'm ready and have more time I'll incorporate more into my look but for now it's so comfortable just being simple. 

peace.  

Pokemon Colosseum and partyyyy, big updates.

Hey, damn I haven't been on in a good while. Last week things got a little hectic. I thought I was going to have some major issues with insomnia but it turned out I just had a very bad stomach bug that was making it hard to sleep. I'm happy to say the wind has calmed way down, too, so no more annoying wind noise at all hours.

It's 4:25 pm, probably going to start making dinner when I finish writing this. Things have gotten better since I've last written to you. When my stomach problems improved I had an easier Pathways session on Thursday. The one that I'd gone to on Tuesday I was shaking nearly the entire time because of my upset stomach and I'm sure I appeared on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I sort of was, considering I had barely eaten anything in days nor had I slept in 48 hours. I'd talked to my mom on the phone and she told me to drink one of the smoothies from the surc to at least get something in my system then try to sleep. I had a pretty hard night of tossing and turning but I was actually INCREDIBLY thankful when I just got a few hours of sleep. I was so nervous on the third night of not sleeping that there was something actually wrong. So yes, Thursday ended up being a really good day.

This is Trent. On Thursday I decided to eat in the surc and after grabbing my food asked to sit with him. He was of course fine with it, and we started joking around and he actually made me laugh for the first time here in quite awhile. Like I haven't met many people with a sense of humor I can really get but he's pretty hilarious. His friend Bruce also walked up and we all talked for about a half hour or so. I was really happy to have met some new friends and we decided we'd start having lunch together more often. We actually had lunch together today and some other people sat down with us. Trent knows a lot of people because he's been going to school here for a few years. He's a history major and he's from South carolina.

Then Friday was VERY interesting... 

At lunch I sat with Daniel H. and met a few of his friends too. I ended up playing pokemon Colosseum with Daniel and his friend Tavis. Not gonna lie, my inner child was so excited I couldn't believe we were playing this. We had to walk all over the place to pick up the N64 and the game but I plan on hanging out with Tavis again. He was really fun to play retro video games with. I hope we can do that again. 

Also not that this is anything to brag about but I won alllll my battles. Woops! 

That night a guy from my economics class named Abe invited both me and Jessy (the girl I sit next to) to a party that was happening at his friends house. I'd given Abe by number so that he could get ahold of me about it. Originally I thought I was going to go with Jessy and her friend but I'm now happy I didn't because coordinating plans with them could have been really difficult. They didn't show up until 11:30. By then it was packed and I was pretty drunk on hard cidar. I byob, I can't stand beer or shots. 

Alright, not the most flattering picture of me, I'm aware.

This was a picture posted by this girl Emily that I met at the party, along with this other chill girl named Elizabeth. Me and Emily danced a LOT, ironically enough because I had told Abe earlier that I didn't dance at all. We were like the only ones dancing and other girls would jump in and out but we didn't really care. There were a bunch of people funneling in and it was getting so packed. 

Brendan actually showed up there at around 11 or so. I kind of closed mouth smiled and he smiled back. It only felt a little awkward having him there. It actually felt more awkward when Jessy showed up and I felt like her friend was giving me "looks." I was like, alrighty then that just sucked my fun a bit. Abe drove me home, which probably wasn't the greatest idea in the world... I think next time I'll just walk, my parents would absolutely kill me if they knew, even if my place is right down the road.

And then I went home this weekend! Had a really nice night with Katelynn on Saturday and even stopped at Samantha's that evening. Samantha and I had a pretty good chat, and I left to Katelynn's around 6:30 to go pick her up. She spent the night at my place and actually stuck around the next day until 12:30 when Al picked her up which is pretty unusual for us. She usually goes home first thing in the morning because when she's at other people's house any little noise wakes her up.

Unfortunately for her this time my Dad had the  TV on all night long (wasn't watching it of course) and it was blaring show tunes. She didn't get any sleep Saturday night but we still had a nice time hanging out, doing what we do. 

Sunday... SUPER BOWL Sunday. Like I really care about the superbowl. It's just like the Grammys or any other big television event that I don't watch, it's just noisy and I always end up walking out of the room if I try to watch it because I get bored easily. I was working on this atrocious "critique" paper that took my mom and I hours of hard work and determination. It was such a nightmare to write. Luckily I've got to peer review from one of the more intelligent students in my class and he chose the same article as me. Hopefully I can get enough inspiration from that to fine tune, extend and edit my essay. Also, note to self, the bibliography part is copied from the back of the coursepack.. That's what he told me today.. I have to add my MLA bibliography to my final draft which I think is due on Friday. 

I've got an economics quiz this Thursday that I'm going to start studying for tonight. I think I'm going to put together one of those weekly assignment sheets. I've been feeling pretty calm all day and don't feel intimidated by doing it, which is why I haven't done my goal sheets in a couple weeks. The social interaction has helped me a lot.

peace.