Unless I write it down for real, PS

Evening.

It's 10:07 PM and I'm feeling sort of drowsy. Today was sort of boring and I'm happy school is starting the day after tomorrow. Still no word from the Subway manager so I should probably try to call him tomorrow. I'm thinking he might have reconsidered hiring me. Hopefully not, I could definitely use the money, but this quarter is going to be hard and will probably hit me like a ton of bricks by this time next week. 

I didn't do anything remotely academic over spring break. Michael warned me that I should be looking over R which I didn't get around too. I also need to email updated copies of my resume to another couple internships I was looking at for this summer. It's really important that I get that stuff squared away too.. Doing well in an internship will really help me find a job after school and then I won't have to potentially move back into my parent's house after I graduate. 

I also had the intention of briefing the first couple chapters of my finance book to get prepared for what's to come. I actually might have done this had I brought the book back with me to benton city, and the stress of not having it made me want to leave home since Tuesday night. Of course I didn't because my Dad told me how silly that was and that I just needed to relax.

Stress is my biggest struggle. It prevents me from getting a lot done, especially when I'm not diligent about writing down what I need to accomplish in any given day. That structure alleviates a lot of stress for me and when I'm back home I feel like that structure completely evaporates. Whenever I sit down and try to do something productive it doesn't take long to get distracted. Whether it's someone talking to me or talking in the background, some loud TV somewhere, cats meowing at the door trying to get in or out, feeling uncomfortable because I'm in some unusual spot... 

Working out helped my stress a lot last quarter.

Luckily these type of distractions in my apartment are non-existent but I have to learn to adapt to being productive in other environments so I am not so frequently confined here.  Last quarter instead of working out at home using those videos I started using the gym which has been great, I really missed the gym this last week. 

....I've also missed the flipping library! One thing I did do a ton of over spring break was draw and I've got some awesome ones that I'm excited as hell to upload on Monday. Ever since I stopped taking lessons and allowed myself to more diversify my skills my drawing technique has shot through the roof and I'm having a blast drawing anyone I feel like....

peace. 

Successfully Slacked off this Spring break, feeling ready now.

There is no denying that my time spent at home is serious relaxing.

It's Thursday evening and I plan to drive back tonight. As always I'm leaving home with a lot more than I came in with. Earlier this week my Mom and I went into town and bought a couple pairs of professional pants, a few pairs of shoes (two pairs of black heals, one pair of everyday tennis shoes that I needed badly because my other black ones are wearing out) and a couple cute tops and a button up blazer. She has a good eye for things. I feel like my wardrobe has expanded a lot already this year just by being less picky and allowing myself to wear more of a variety of things. 

I've been really lazy about taking care of myself or things that I need to do when I'm at home. Being here makes me feel really unmotivated. Partially because my stuff is strewn around the house, also because I'm not on my normal diet and feel groggy from too much over processed food and aspartame in diet coke that's always around here. I feel like a slob and have for the last four or five days but know that I've needed this time to relax my mind before things get crazy again. 

This upcoming quarter will likely be my hardest yet. I'm taking my capstone class for my economics degree, a finance class that I have a lot of pressure to understand considering I dropped it last quarter (plus I'm trying to get an auditing internship in the summer) and a forecasting class that's not going to be a cakewalk by any means-- the program that I'm going to be learning to use is completely foreign to me. 

Then I might also have a job at Subway which will add more to my agenda. I haven't gotten a call about starting work yet... I did get a new phone at the Sprint store the other day so I'll actually be able to hear if my manager calls. That phone was loooong overdue for a replacement. It's going to be nice to not have a phone that Terry and Kevin can't make fun of anymore.

Having gotten my tax return and these nice new things has been the highlight of my spring break. Most of my time has been spent at home either drawing or practicing guitar while watching videos. I fixed up my resume a bit and need to write a cover letter to finish the application for an auditing internship over the summer. It sounds exciting, I'm hoping what I've done so far is sufficient.

I just get so unmotivated when I'm here. Most days I usually don't shower until hours past noon and don't bother to put on makeup because it's not like I'm going to see anyone except my family. Over time this makes me feel more and more antsy and stircrazy. Feeling this way makes me feel angry and I end up taking it out on people around me because my Dad can be really high strung as it is, obviously. 

So yeah, it's been nice to be back and relax for a week but these next few days will be spent preparing for the quarter and trying to find some sort of routine again back in Ellensburg. 

peace. 

 

Happy Chrimbus Eve!

I hope everyone is of course having an excellent Christmas eve, it is 12:44 PM. Mom's planning on making ham for dinner tonight, we have a pretty massive amount of gifts under the tree, I have all day to practice... All is right in my world.

I even have my sister's chair today because she's going to be with Jimmy over in... I can't remember. Some town far away hanging out with his family. I woke up in a nasty mood again and started yelling about stupid things. I can't even remember what it was I was yelling about, I've honestly been a snit in the morning lately. Oh, I was trying to pack up most of my computer software and my POD. That's kind of a delicate job. Honestly I shouldn't have brought any of that stuff here, haven't used it! 

Mizu last night was interesting. The weather was extremely bad driving to Pasco. Lots and lots of hard rain, which luckily didn't freeze but it felt as though it was on the verge to. I picked up Hannah at about 5:45, right on time. We talked all about the current affairs in Korea. Hannah knows all about how Chinese are using North Korea as a tourist destination. She was shocked at how interested I was in East Asian politics, and she had just taken a class in it the previous quarter so we had plenty to talk about.

I mean we talked about college and stuff too. She's going to a school in... I want to say Massachusetts, where it's extremely cold and snowy all the time. She was actually optimistic about it because she said it snows a lot in Seoul too and it's just as cold. Washington is significantly warmer, thank God. I really like the weather here. Maybe everyone likes the weather from where they come from. 

I kind of miss playing the Sims. Technically I could set up my computer again to play it but I need to get some practice done so that's priority number 1. My goal is to get 120 minutes in today, between the scales and my temporary renewed Songster membership it shouldn't be too hard. 

Last year I went to the Johanson Christmas eve party and saw a ton of people that I hadn't seen in a year. I didn't get invited this year, maybe they're just keeping it more of a family thing. Last year it was really fun, though. We took a ton of pictures that night... I remember looking a lot pastier and feeling more insecure back then. 

I feel like my looks and my self esteem have significantly improved since last December, 2012 has been good to me. There's a picture from that night. I'm wearing the gray tanktop in the corner. Most of the pictures I ended up in were candid and I looked horrible, haha. 

Late December was just about when I started picking up the guitar again. It's about my 1 year anniversary with the guitar. Had it not been for Brendan January would be my 2 year anniversary of not being with anyone, but I honestly don't consider myself "single" right now even if my facebook says otherwise. Me and Brendan are pretty close... like it's gotten passed the point where I would feel right spending time alone with another guy that I might have potential interest in without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

I feel like actual interest in someone should feel that way. Brendan is an incredibly intelligent human being, he's mature and sets high standards in his quality of life like I do. We can talk for hours, he listens to what I say. He's tall, pretty good looking. I think this has pretty good potential... I can't ever say anything in the long run because you just never know how life changes but for now I look forward to spending time with him. 

peace.