The intensity and anxiety of today has left me unable to write much, but I'll talk about what happened for a little while.
I went to my Grandma Ruby's funeral and because she was 95 years old it was rather small. I hate to say it but funerals for the very elderly people tend to be sort of small because a lot of their friends and family members in life have already passed on. Ruby was really beautiful. My mom told me people in our family have always said we looked similar, and I can see some slight similarities between us. I'd post a picture but I don't have service on my phone.
My family was all there. It was almost all close relatives like Todd, my uncle Terry, Ty, Terry, Traci, and my Grandma Fran. Kelly's parents were there too, but they sat towards the back with the handful of other local people that knew Ruby. The whole environment was extremely sad, but not because of Ruby's death necessarily but what has happened to our family. I felt like everybody knew; there's no hiding what's happened since my Grandpa died and that's what made everyone cry today...
Everything has gotten so cold between us, nobody really knows what to say. I have tried to act like nothing happened around Grandma because that's what I have to do. Grandma thought she was doing the right thing by letting my uncle Ty have the farm but the way it was handled somehow drove our situation to everyone barely speaking to us. My Dad had a really hard time in the funeral and we had to go.
I was completely blown away by an incredible performance of "Ava Maria" sang by Rebekah Norman. I actually almost laughed it was so good, it was like WOW! NOT expecting that.
That's all I can really write about it, I'm going to go out to lunch with Grandma this upcoming Wednesday. Just one more time I've gotta do before I get out of here. It'll be nice, though. Grandma and I really do need to catch up.. I think she'd really appreciate it, too, we haven't really had the chance to talk in years aside from the phone conversation I had with her recently.
I just have to make amends with her more than anyone because I feel like she's one of the main reasons I'm alive. My mom can go on not talking to most of my Dad's family because of the circumstances and it's perfectly reasonable but because I was never directly involved in the farm situation I should at least try to make things right with Grandma.
I'm still never talking to Ty again though, he tried to fire me for God sake, ugh.
10 more days!
4 more shifts!!
Today's shift was easy enough because it was just Jodi and I. It's funny, she actually brought up the fact that working at Rite Aid is extremely repetitive.. This is the first time anyone has brought this in the year I've worked there. Yeah, it's horribly repetitive, I'd pull my hair out if I had to work their indefinitely like many of these women.
Tomorrow I'm actually going to be working the floor from 7-2 instead of 7:45-3, we're going to hang an epic amount of tags which is LOVELY because I won't be dealing with customers all day. Traci is. :o) Hehehe.
Poor Miranda has no idea that I'm leaving yet. She's been really loyal to me lately, as she tends to do at the beginning of fall after spending her whole summer outside. She's curled up so sweetly on my bed right now. I'm probably not going to cuddle up and go to sleep until 1 or so tonight, though, because I haven't played my guitar all day today... I've just been too pooped.
Gotta play, gotta practice, it cleans and clears my spiritual chakras and gets me ready to face the next day. My head feels absolutely clogged right now. I feel sort of anxious (even after a nap) from earlier and I hope playing can calm me down.