Time is funny to think about.
We as humans live with the inevitable. We are given the gift of life and someday we will die, it's something we must accept and learn to live with in order to live a happy, progressive, fulfilled life. If we spend too much time worrying about what's going to come in the afterlife, we're wasting valuable time that we could spend LIVING.
As we grow older we change as people, we get a better idea of our identity and place in society, as well as reflect on how we've grown and changed. Time seems to go by slow, I felt as though I'd never get out of here but here it is.... August 27th, I've now got . . .
I hung out at Katelynn's last night. We're trying to spend as much time together as we can before I leave. I'm probably going to hang out with her again on Tuesday after I hang out with Samantha. Samantha doesn't know about this yet but we've sort of gotten into a routine about when we all hang out. How else would I spend my last two weeks here but hang out with my best friends.
You know what might be fun? (Well, for me) Instead of a typical countdown, I think for every blog entry that I write between now and when I leave I'm going to talk about that year and post a picture from that year (if I have one). I'm going to do this to reflect, and by the end of this I should have a whole timeline from year to year.
I'm not going to start with "16", if I would have had this idea I would have started when I had 20 days left. I guess I'll just do a couple years today and do more of them as I countdown. I hope that in writing these I can someday print my blog and further preserve these vivid memories that swim in my mind. They might not be there forever, as one's mind has a way of forgetting "unnecessary" details in order to make room for whatever your current main focus is.
Project Year Timeline
Age 20, Present
-No longer depressed.
-Found my salvation in the guitar.
-Best shape from workout videos.. no longer sports, running, etc..
..I'm not going to bother talking about myself now because you guys know everything that's been happening in my life lately, this is almost irrelevant.
I honestly find myself much more attractive than back in 2011 when I was trying to be something I wasn't. Well, with my fashion (or lack thereof, can't say trying to emulate what Magibon and Japanese girls wore was much of a style.)
photo taken July 2011
Age 19, 2010-2011
Year of Magibon, Cuteness, and all the Japanese I could swallow
My 19th year started at CBC, this was my first real year of full time college classes because the previous year I was still going to highschool. After not making any friends at CBC when I was in running start, I decided to get more involved and take a lot of Japanese. Because Japanese is a huge challenge and takes a ton of studying, I needed the inspiration to keep going with it. I started making Bento boxes, watched videos by Magibon, and hung out with other Japanophiles.
And I cosplayed! There's the video from Kuro Neko 2011. Though I look cute and might even appear to be having a good time, 2011 was not nearly as fun for me as 2010. Because I was working in the maid cafe I was literally volunteering for most of the con and didn't get to spend very much time with Shawn, Sam and Eddie. I really shouldn't have done it but I thought it would be an amazing time because what could be funner than working in a REAL Japanese emulated maid cafe, right?
Feels silly now that I look back on it.
The truth is that back in 2011 I was still very insecure. My year started out bad when I met Michael K. from Indianapolis and scared my parents half to death that I actually might be with a person loud and obnoxious like that.
Summer 2011. When I took Japanese and went to anime conventions, I tried to surround myself that I felt wouldn't judge me. A lot of people that go to anime conventions are artsy, open minded types-- and typically very friendly! Same with the people that took Japanese with me. Of course there's good and bad people in any situation... But I really can't think of any particularly *mean* people that I've ever met in the Japanese culture/anime loving fanbase. Granted I have met irritating as Hell people as well those that are very disconnected with reality...
2011 was the meat and potatos of community college, I took a lot of my hardest classes and excelled in many. I never took any business classes and just had my mind set on getting my AA in hopes I'd find something I liked.
Looks: Broke away from band shirts when I discovered Magibon, so more femininity which got me more attention from guys than I was getting before, including older men such as Tyson, 30-some year old stoner in my Technical Writing class.
Work: No job, went to school full time and barely got by with what my parents gave me.
Friends: Hung out a lot with people in the Japanese club circle at school. Met Michael Z. and saw him around CBC a lot. I did meet people outside the Japanese club circle but the friendships would fizzle off.
Skills: I learned a lot of Japanese when I was 19. I thought that was something I wanted from my career, but really deep down (though I didn't know it yet) it was really just something I had to accomplish because CBC was probably my only chance in life to do it. Got sick of it by 2012 but continued to study it.
Love: There really was none, I had some BAD experiences with the WRONG guys that were short lived. Guy S. was really the only guy I had extended interaction with, and he was a shady character that for my safety I probably shouldn't have been around. We did have some good times and he kept the beginning of that summer interesting.
The only guy I really had strong feelings for was Josh F. He and I got along very well and had some hilarious times in Mr. Zhang's math class with the masturbation kid that sat in front of us that we'd try and avert our gazes from. It was so funny, Josh used to start gagged and cracking up at the same time and he'd have to leave lecture.
I originally met Josh through Tyson. They'd smoke between classes. I felt really uncomfortable with this notion, but I'd sit with Tyson and talk about all sorts of weird theories in the A building before class with old Professor Commeree. Josh would talk to Tyson, and the next quarter we were in Math 96 together.
June 12, 2011. This was taken really shortly after I met Guy and I remember getting pissed off about the slutty looking girl. I of course at the time had NO idea what I was getting into and probably completely over my head to think I was going to get some sort of.... I don't know, did I want a relationship out of this person? I have no idea.
In that same Math 96 class I met Cory B., who I went with to get lunch and met Guy when we went back to Cory's house. I remember seeing Guy looking perfect with his bronze tan, beautiful smile and perfect white teeth and I was hooked.
Confidence: Not very good because of all of the problems that had occured during the year from choosing the wrong men to be attracted too. I'd sometimes put my foot in my mouth during lectures at CBC before Christian S. told me that I straight needed to SHUT. UP. And. LISTEN. This was a huge step in the right direction for 2012. When this year ended I was happy to have a new start.
I'll do 2010 tomorrow. I now need to start exercising because I just drank a protein drink.