Tuesday, March 20, 2012

How could I be THIS stupid?

Well, probably the most disappointing thing in months just happened to me.

As my friends (well, anyone who knows me at all) know, I'm an extreme perfectionist. Extreme. I have a compulsive OCD that makes me study for hours on end and write every little fucking detail down so that I don't forget anything. Well, obviously I've let my work slip to the point that I forgot to write down the time of my Japanese final. I ended up showing up to the test late and almost having a panic attack when I forgot half the grammar. the sad thing is, if I had only gotten a chance to look at the study guide, even for a couple minutes before the final I would of undoubtably aced it.

I don't even want sensee to see the damn thing. It's atrocious proof of the fact that I need to work harder, I need to stop smoking so much pot because it's probably effecting my memory, and I need to stop having so much fun because it's distracting me from my studies.

That being said, I'm going to tie the rope around my neck a little tighter. This next quarter I need to study more hours, not smoke so much weed (especially on the weekdays), probably do a better job writing things down... It's just hard even writing this because I feel like this quarter I really did do my absolute best and didn't slack or procrastinate better than I ever have.

I don't know, it just comes down to the fact that I made a mistake, and all I can do is wait for the grades to come out to see if I maintained a 4.0. Sensee knows how much this means to me, how hard I work, and that I've never been good at writing kanji compounds..

There's really nothing to say on here that will make me feel any better about this situation aside from the fact that I'm happy I didn't completely MISS the exam. That and my finals are now over and now all I can do is wait in anxiousness for my grades to come out. Maybe my mom will make me feel better if I call her.


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