Just when I thought this fiasco was over.

My mom whips out fucking Netflix.

This morning I had to call customer service, AGAIN, for the third time. This morning, thinking everything was going to work, I ran "Bon Voyage" and it told me to INSERT FUN WITH PETS. Fuck!!! Because of course Fun with Pets doesn't work. I call customer service, again, explain to them my situation, and they tell me to delete Fun with Pets and they'll give me a free download of it... which means another lovely 6 hour long download depending on how my computer's internet bandwidth is feeling today. They ended up transfering me to a guy that says that they don't have Fun with Pets in their system because it's so old, but they do have apartment life that they could send me. So I deleted fun with pets, good ridance, and decided to have apartment life and have the game running would be JUST FINE with me-- and if I ever get a new disc drive I'll download the other two expansions later.

Regardless, I was HAPPY the problem seemed to be almost solved. I am very convinced that when this is finished loading, it will work.

BUT IT'S NOT LOADING.

Because my mom is using fucking NETFLIX IN THE LIVING ROOM TO FALL ASLEEP. I was SO FUCKING CLOSE to getting this thing to work, and she's like "I don't care, i'm so tired of hearing about you bitch about this game! I can't believe how over dramatic you're getting about a game!" Well I had to jump though about 12 flaming hoops and NOW I finally have it figured out and this thing would only take an hour to load if I had the proper bandwidth. But no, now shes in there with a movie that she's not even watching, and it's hogging the entire bandwidth.

Why the fuck is it that my computer doesn't have first priority with the bandwidth and her computer can run snail pace ass slow?! Because my computer is a stupid Dell desktop computer that has only caused me issues and frustration since I bought it.

This game says it has 9 hours left to download. I can't leave the computer because once it becomes idle it stops downloading. So I'm going to try to sit here, and study, and not obsess on how long the game is taking to load. When my mom falls asleep i'm going to go out in the living room and turn it off.

Today, my dad threatend to kick me out of the house because of my anger problems.

It's so funny that my dad has chronic anger problems and continually screams at everyone, then yells at me and acts like he never does it. Because of the amount of anger and depression that i've been going through I've started to scratch my own arm with my now long nails. I scratch into it like a cat would do if it scratched you. Fast, hard, and digs into the skin enough that it leaves a mark. I would never be able to take a razor blade to my arm, and to tell you the truth I don't know why I do this. When they asked about it I said it was a dog attack, but it's actually from me trying to calm myself down. Because for some reason, when I'm extremely angry or frustrated or depressed and feel like screaming at everyone, when I scratch into my arm it calms me down, and I now understand why people cut themselves.

I wish I didn't have anger problems. I wish I didn't have a personality disorder. I wish I didn't have to put my family through this, and I wish the tension would get better. This has been a domino effect. My dad's family abandoned him, my dad is going stir crazy, therefore my dad screams at us on a regular basis, creating tension in the house. This tension leads to me feeling angry, thus yelling at my mom and sister. This then leads to isolation, thus going stir crazy myself and causing self mutilation.

I need to stop this before it gets out of hand.

Yours,

Emily