Almost all men are horrible people and I wish I was gay.

The only thing that men my age want is ass. That's it. Yes, there are some girls that somehow are lucky enough to find good boyfriends, yet I seem to have the most atrocious luck EVER. I need to get the fuck out of Benton City. I'm going to BEG my mom to start up at Central in the Fall. I'm just so done with this stupid place. I feel so alone.

Something happened. Something that really makes me want to just crawl in a hole and die. I'm not going to post it here, but all I can say is it was, once again, a reality check. My taste has once again led me to being hurt and fucked over.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not attracted to any guys that my parents seem to classify as "normal", mainly because I always think I would never have a chance with them anyways. So obviously, this is part of my self esteem issue as well. So then I settle for this guys that aren't doing anything with their lives, or players that I THINK are actually something better than they are, and get fucked over. Again and again and again and again. I refuse to be someone's booty call, and I refuse to be with someone I'm not physically attracted too.

So what the fuck am I going to do. I'm going to continue to stay single, until I get out of here once and for all. I fucking hate benton city. I don't even understand why we live here anymore because of this farm situation. My dad lives in benton city to be closer to his family and be close to the farm. Well gee, after all this has happened with the family issues, there's really NO REASON AT ALL that we live here in the first place.

Someday, I hope everything that is happening now will be entirely insignificant. It must be.

I'm tired of being depressed.
I'm tired of being fucked over.
I'm tired of Benton City, and all this booty call garbage going on at CBC.
I'm tired of being unlucky.
I'm tired of feeling alone.
And worst of all, I'm really fucking tired of wanting to hurt myself.

yours
Emily