My lame contribution.

Today has felt pointless.

I didn't want to go anywhere because my gas is below the half again and I want to save that last bit for tomorrow morning before I put gas in. I have about $90 in my checking right now, that's what's left of the $300 a couple weeks ago, not bad. I get paid tonight, this is my second to last full paycheck. I get this one, then another one on the 6th of September. Then I'll get paid for the 7th, 8th and 9th after I leave the company.

I don't want to go to work tomorrow. It's funny, I enjoy being home a lot and not having the responsibilities outside my own (cleaning, guitar, etc..) but being here too long makes me stir crazy. This morning I got up, took a shower, and put on makeup but didn't even do anything except for play guitar.

This is the editted one that I didn't use. I don't really do much editting aside from the coloring. I didn't like this setting versus the other one because it made it look like I'd editted it a ton. 

I don't think this default will last long, it annoys me a bit because you can almost see the four whites of my eyes, making me look crazy. This picture is just pretty enough to not look psycho, but it gives me a headache staring at it.

I just made myself a cup of tea, for some odd reason I can't locate the honey so I'll have to do without. Green tea without honey just tastes half ass too me, but straight sugar isn't that bad of a substitute. Usually when my day feels strange, pointless or unfinished somehow, I make a cup of tea and think about what I need to do. 

It's 8:30 pm, I should try to read for an hour and then play my guitar for the last 40 minutes or so. I've still got to work on a few songs. Today I started Passive by a Perfect Circle, I hadn't had the skill to work on it before so I'm going to try again now. I really need to stop starting new things and really focus on getting significant chunks of songs I've already been working on down. If I only stuck with one song until I mastered it, though, my song library that I have the ability to play would be more limited than it is today.

I know that giving guitar lessons will give me the opportunity to learn many more songs. 

21 More Days

My feelings today were bored and a little fried. I feel pretty tired of this place and want to go out but there's really nothing to do or see. I talked to Kristin about getting on skype and figuring out what we do and don't have, for the most part it seems like we've got pretty much everything.

This is what I've collected so far that we're bringing:
-Coffeemaker (me)
-Dish soap (me)
-Silverware set (Kristin)
-End table (Kristin)
-Futon couch (Kristin)
-Rice maker (me)
-Misc. cooking utensils like measuring spoons (me) and can openner
-Vacuum (Kristin)

Wow, I'm a shlep, look how much I'm NOT bringing. She offered to cover all that stuff though so of course I'm not going to refuse, I'm so thankful she has all of this. I don't have an extra couch or anything.

Personally I'm starting to think of how I'm going to organize my room.

Here's the apartment. I'm going to be in the larger room on the right. I'm wondering how I'm going to decorate my room to make it appealing. 

peace.

I've been spoiling myself, really.

New video I posted today about shopping from ebay. Funny, I've been over the anime/cosplay subculture for a year now but my videos are still talking about it on youtube. 

I went to the mall today and saw a lot of people from school, like David, Kotey, Austin... Those guys are starting to look a lot older, it's surprising, I just remember us all so vividly being in grade school and now they're starting to really find themselves as adults. Or not, they're just goofballs, but they're starting to look older, definately! David has really pretty eyes, he looks handsome with his short hair. He's going to do fine finding girlfriends and stuff.

Michael and I had a really nice chat, walked around and looked in Hollister and other shops but I didn't see anything that stood out to me as being worth $25. I love thrift stores, and I love that Hipsters are in right now because it makes it easier to be a thrifty person. There's no shame in it, if it's prewashed and good quality there's no reason why you can't wear second hand clothes. Of course some things like bras and underwear probably should be new. 

I had my guitar lesson today that was over an hour long. Jacob taught me a LOT in this lesson, but the number one thing was we finally got my hand and arm positioned correctly for playing. He pinned my forearm to the body of the guitar momentarily to make a point. Now every time I play I am reminded of this and have to keep that adjustment, but it's difficult because I'm so used to moving my arm almost freely and picking more from my elbow, it's a very bad habit. I'm going to practice it, though, like anything else and hopefully break this habit.

I'm supposed to do all my playing through my wrist. It's difficult to get correctly, this has taken me four and a half months now. 

He's also given me advice on other things, like that confidence and self worth is really the only thing that matters, especially in appealing to the opposite sex. He also told me that people will tell you what they want you want to know if you ask them. If you ask them how things are going with their boyfriend/girlfriend, they will tell you. It sounds simple but it's something that a lot of us don't do when we're hesitant in meeting a person and though it's good not to be too forward but it really is better to ask someone straight out than not and get confused when things don't work out. 

I should work out tonight, I feel like even if I've been working out pretty often again I'm still eating out too much and ruining my diet. My mom made some ground beef-noodle-"season in the box" dish tonight that was alright, definitely hot so that was nice. Those things contain way too much sodium though and taste/look disgusting just hours after you make it. Makes you wonder what's really in it. Don't get me wrong, they don't taste too bad.

Tomorrow I'm probably just gonna relax and hang out, probably study. I'm not going to go out because I already spent $20 today on a MAC mascara and I'm not planning to spend again until I get paid on Thursday. Not having my lesson on Wednesday is nice, Wednesday had become sort of a hectic day when I was hanging out with Samantha after almost every lesson. Now I can really get refreshed before my work weekend. He he he, only three more weeks to go you guys! 

peace. 

I forgot that my guitar lesson is tomorrow.

I feel a little unprepared again, having my lesson on Tuesday has somehow made me feel like I'm missing a day each week even if it was also on Tuesday last week... I need to practice hard to night to review a bunch of things. I don't feel like I've really accomplished much this week because I was watching Netflix and doing technical stuff versus actually working on songs.



I spent a few solid hours on some songs like.. okay, RANDOM stuff this week but I'm working on 2 Minutes to Midnight, El Dorado, Walking with the Ghost, Pull Me Under (still can't get those f*cking chords, ugh!!)  and Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry. The reason I'm learning that one is because Buckcherry is my roommate's favorite band, she told me this a week ago and when I looked up their music sort of cracked up that they sing that song. It's not too difficult, but it's taking a little work like anything else.

My parents are out for the night. I've got no real commitments tomorrow aside from my lesson and I'm planning to hit up Dani M. for some coffee beforehand. She just graduated recently. I don't know, I've always really enjoyed her company for some reason, she's one of the few genuinely kind people I've met here in the tri cities.

Haven't talked to Jason much this week. He's going on a cruise or something.

I met another girl today that called asking if I needed a roommate. She seemed immediately pretty cool, but I don't think I'd want to live with another guitarist. She plays guitar too and writes her own music, so of course I'd love to jam with her but I'm still sticking with my roommate Kristin. She just seems like the best option for me, she seems very stable, level headed, work-oriented, just the kind of person I would want to live with. I don't know this other girl that called but she seemed really cool and I had her add me on facebook so we can speak again.

I love that I'm making friends already and I haven't even left yet. My network is growing, hehe.

I hung out with Joey A. today. We didn't really talk much, I just invited him over to chill and play guitar, which we did, and had a grand time. I really just wanted to see him play, I remember being so impressed by his skills back in highschool when I saw him playing in his car in the parking lot. He's pretty good at finger picking but was a little rusty on the electric. He thought my playing was impressive too but we couldn't really coordinate. He brought over a Squier because he had to sell his shred guitar.

So sad, I wouldn't ever sell Samara. That guitar is going to be one of my prized possessions as long as nothing happens to it... I love her, even with her imperfections.

I'm also hanging out with Michael Z. tomorrow, that's really good I'm so excited to see him. It's always really interesting to hear about his life in Seattle. I would hate living there, ick.

Oh, it's my parents anniversary! Yay, my parents are awesome for all the support they've given me. I don't think they have any clue what they're doing, my mom said she wasn't in the fancy dining mood. What else is there to do, wine tasting maybe? My Dad isn't really cultured, he doesn't like to do very many fun things. He'll only really go somewhere if it's a room full of weird junk. But he's my Dad so I love him, my Mom puts up with him and gets to live her at times nonsensical spirit Mom life.

I'm lucky.

peace. 

Tea girl, you inspire me.

Evening everyone. 

I got a toaster. It's red, $7 at Wal Mart. I bought a bunch of stuff today. Useful stuff that I look forward to using such as some moisturizer for combination skin, Neutrogena grapefruit wash, some boring bodywash that took FOREVER to pick out.

This is what I ended up picking. It smells okay, I'm kind of wishing I would have gone with something sweeter though. I really wanted the smell of pine. It sucks, they don't make pine smelling bodywash! I really love that smell, my mom has this handsoap in the kitchen that smells like it and I adore the smell it leaves on my hands so I decided while walking around in Wal Mart today... "HEY! I want to wear pine body wash. Wait, there is none." 

I was probably meandering around those aisles for 40 minutes before I found all the random junk I realized I needed. Happy I did though. I also got a few school supplies, whatever. I've been picking up things at Rite Aid lately, remembering things I'd need. It's funny, Wal Mart is a lot better about product placement, they really remind you of all the things you'll need versus the little dinky, overpriced sections at Rite Aid. Usually I'll just shop their out of convenience. I'm sooo happy my sister is getting groceries, I'll be able to pack a lunch tomorrow morning. 

10 More Shifts

I think I need to start packing a lunch from now on in general. The food that I buy at Rite Aid isn't good for me at all, typically. Sometimes I'll buy disgusting bags of spanish rice that you cook in the microwave. Everything is too high in sodium and long shelf life like that. God, I need to stop buying stuff, today was the last day I swear to God. Usually I'll also buy fruit or something but today I was in a rush because I'd bought shampoo and conditioner and wanted to get to the break room to text. Texting after dealing with all these people at Rite Aid is nice... 

My job gets old but as I've said before I'm making the most of it. Sometimes at work I think about the "Tea Girl." 

In North Korea one of the highest job titles is to be a tour guide to foreigners that come into the hermit country. The "Tea Girl" is a very pretty North Korean girl that works in a tea shop under the communist regime. The economy in Korea is dead, and goes there to work every day for one visitor every 10 months. You'd have to watch the documentary to understand this, I really encourage you to. 

This is the "Tea Girl" from the documentary by Vice that has caused a lot of comment "thumb ups" on youtube. She's struck a lot of people as both enchanting and well... sad, we all feel extremely sad for her circumstances, and all these other poor, innocent people under the communist regime in North Korea.

I could go on about the regime all day. That's not my point. 

Why she inspires me.

Because my job is extremely tedious. You're stuck all day doing and saying the same damn things under the corporate eye. Nobody is really in charge. This is sort of like North Korea. The Rite Aid (and Wal Mart, for that matter) corporate machine is parallel to the North Korean communist regime when you're working for them. You have to follow a certain protocol, act a certain way, wear a certain thing... it's all atrociously boring. 

So when I'm at my boring job and feel my knees ache or my stomach growl, I think of the tea girl, stand a little straighter, put on my Noh mask, and deal with these people as professionally as I possibly can. Of course she doesn't even get the luxury of customers. It is complete pointless boredom. 

S'okay. Not gonna have to do this again, 10 more shifts. 

4 sunday shifts, 6 hours each.

3 saturday shifts, 6 hours each. 

3 thursday shifts, 6 hours each. 

I'm not going to add up those numbers because it'll distort the truth, I've only got three weeks left! Three weeks until I move! Yahoo, things are getting really interesting. I texted Kristin today about buying the toaster and she said she's got a futon and end table that she's bringing for the front room. I feel like I should provide a chair of some kind then. I'm going to need chairs for my business. 

Deal with it later.

peace. 

Losing your identity and starting a new?

I'm really not a fan of hipsters.

One reason that I choose not to accessorize too much is because I don't want to associated with these people.

Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20's and 30's that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter.

The Hipster subculture is certainly more bearable than others such as the rave/candy kids that grew out of the now almost completely dead "Scene" phase. I've been friends with some hipsters, but most of them that I've met have been really lazy. Like they've got an attitude like they're too cool to work unless it's at some coffeeshop or bookstore for a few hours a week. 

Yeah, not a hipster. Makes me happy I'm not going to Bellingham, these people would have pissed me off.

Blegh. When this becomes a known trend of my time, I can say here and now that I was never a part of it.

I don't really have a concrete look or subculture that I belong in, though I do seek the approval of other musicians. I think all musicians do, it's really important because there's no better judge of your playing than someone that's more skilled than you. It's also fun to of course be better than the next guy, so that approval is also a plus. Hipsters must get approval from other hipsters on how thrifty they look. 

I've never followed any clothing trends necessarily or tried to be something I'm not for an extended amount of time. I feel like these kids that get really into different scenes end up losing a big piece of their identity once the scene ends or goes out of style. I personally would never want something that I identify with to "die," it would be horrifying, especially if you take it really seriously and felt accepted by the other people following the trend. 

There are still stragglers to the scene trend, like this girl. 

I think Scene pretty much ended when MySpace did back in 2008. 

Gonna play guitar until me and tyler hang out.

peace. 

I would like you to know, when you see the simple things

It's 12:22 AM, Thursday is usually the day of the week I stay up latest.

My evening shift was pretty lame, all the menial activities that I feel sum up to nothing. It's so boring to work day in and day out, and the manager's jobs are not much better. Actually most of their job is looking for stuff for us to do, at least it seems that way. Leslie runs around like she's super busy for eight hours straight and I see her constantly, but my other managers tend to disappear for long spans of time and I have no idea what they're up too. I don't really care.

I'm just happy that my shifts worked out for me the way that they did. I've never had to work with Jay, my manager, for an entire shift. I would absolutely hate to have him breathing down my neck, tensions are always higher when he's around and I am ultra professional. Well, I usually am. A guy said I sounded like an automated phone service today. That's the goal with corporate, "With us, it's personal" gets too personal when the cashiers make friends with every customer that comes in. I recognize some people, many customers enjoy seeing me because those that come in every day see mainly see Claudia. Claudia is Jay's ideal dedicated employee.

She takes her job so freaking seriously. She told me today that she found a $50 bill by the register on the ground by the candy and actually LOGGED it into the register. No comment.

Again, Noh mask. Just gotta get through this. Smile and nod.

There's a song called "Different World" that really spoke to me today.

Don't wanna be here 

Somewhere I'd rather be 
But when I get there 
I'm afraid it's not for me 

That's really it. I don't want to be at Rite Aid today, I'd rather be home playing because that's all I want to do lately. 

Tell me what you can hear 

and then tell me what you see 

everybody has a different way to view the world 

I would like you to know, when you see the simple things 

To appreciate this life, it's not too late to learn 

I need to appreciate the little things of what I'm experiencing here. I have to take things day by day and learn from them. I get frustrated with this job and these people but I will never work at Rite Aid again in my life. I am going to count out how many shifts I have left....

11

Eleven shifts, oh my God! That is so awesome, 11 more shifts cashiering. Ugh, never again. I swear if this guitar gig works out I'll always have a backup plan if I don't have a job. I will never cashier again.

But I still do try and appreciate the little things that I do at my boring day job. I try to be friendly and professional to the customers that come in. I oftentimes get flirted with which is pretty awkward. Like today this guy asked me if I wanted to go to a Kiss concert with him, it was bizarre. 

I talked to Peter Z. for the first time in forever. Occasionally I like to catch up with him just to see what he's been up too. He recently moved to WSU so I'm very excited for him. He had a crazy ride with the rave scene but now he's totally straightened up and ready to go on with his life. I think it's awesome, he's going to do really well. I'm happy he never got sent to prison or anything. I always feel some weird nostalgic connection with him because he was my first childhood crush, ha ha. 

I should probably get to bed so my day isn't completely destroyed tomorrow. Got all my minutes today, that's strange for a Thursday. 

Oh! I'm excited because I'm hanging out with Tyler D. tomorrow for the last time before I leave. We're going to have a lot of fun, he says he's going go come pick me up after work and we're gonna swim at the apartment complex and play video games or something. Should be a good day.

peace. 

Zen Guitar Studio

Hola.

I found my roommate, and I'm super stoked. Her name is Kristen and she's alright with my weird musician lifestyle. She's a transferring Junior like me and she's majoring in psychology. She seems serious in her studies like I am, which is a major plus and it's even her first time moving out from her parents house too. I don't know what she'll think of me, but I'm hoping we get along well. I'm sure everything will be fine. She's an athlete, so maybe we can play sports together occasionally. I haven't played basketball in forever and I am in no mood to ever be competitive with anyone anymore so it might actually be fun. She'll probably kick my ass.

I finally posted my Fear of the Dark video. I'm stoked that it got such a positive response, 50 hits in the first couple hours of upload! I'm assuming that's just my youtube subscribers, so cool. I feel like I have my little piece of fame, even if it's silly. I'm hoping it can get me more clients in the long run, make some money with lessons to buy food and not cut too terribly into my savings.

Okay I have to promise myself here and now that I will allow myself to spend money in Ellensburg. I have too, it's going to be expensive to move out and this is why I've saved so much this summer.

Here's my freaking amazing logo. I don't really care if it looks like a massage parlor, it's mine and I love it. 

I guess my main sales pitch with the logo is that guitar can help you relax and center yourself. Jacob saw this and said it made me sound like a hippie, or something, I don't know. Katelynn said if she saw this logo she would expect the instructor would be Asian but my name is very clearly printed under the logo and Emily Wilson is definitely not an Asian name.

It's only 3:45 pm, Katelynn was over yesterday and we hung out and had a good time. I told her that these days are going to be the days that I miss living here. We walked through town and I realized how much I really do despise living here though. Though it's always been a safe place to live, I feel like I should get out in the world. It's funny to think that I'm going from a small town to a place that isn't by any means huge but I don't think I would want to live in a big city, either. 

Yup, things have been going really good. I've got 28 days until I get out of here and I can't believe how much this year has flown by. It was a pretty good year at CBC, definitely easier than my first year there. I really wore out my interest in Japanese culture and language. I will always have some connection with that subculture, but I'm so over it. 

I go through pretty drastic phases in my life that take over my spare time. I guess the guitar is my new phase, but I can't let it take over to the point that it interferes with my studies and what's important. The guitar is really important to me too, though, because it's going to make me some money if I'm able to get students to teach. 

Jacob recently hired his old bandmate to be an accountant. He he, with my business I'll be my own accountant and I won't have to pay anyone! But still, it makes me excited that Jacob now has an employee. I want his business to do very well after I'm gone, I hope that my videos can help him get students. I'm sure he appreciates that I'm taking the time to make the progress videos. 

My lesson yesterday went really well. We sort of B.S.'d about stuff that we don't normally talk about. I told him that he's been a huge benefit in my life because his lessons have helped me so much, and he responded, "How?" I didn't really know what to say. He continued, "Because you know Emily, when it comes down to it everything in life is about impressing others. It's depressing but true... Why are you learning this? Why do you put on makeup in the morning? It all boils down to this."

It's so true, though I don't know if it's necessarily depressing. Man is responsible for his or her own life. I feel like by learning a skill I am trying to portray my discipline as a human being. I don't know how much it is to impress people, but I suppose every musician has a number of reasons that they do what they do. 

All I know is right now, I have practiced a total of 351 hours since I started getting lessons. That's 14 days in four months. 

You hit your first milestone at 1,000, then at 5,000 something else will "click," then at 10,000 you have successfully mastered the guitar. I want to someday get 10,000, but it's a long road and I will just chunk away at it as I go. 

I need to find some songs to learn! My goal this week is to learn a few easy songs to better prepare me for giving lessons for wide ranges of music. I don't know what I'm going to learn though, ugh I need a random song chooser or something.

peace.