Dynamite start to this month.

I got a crazy amount of stuff done today and for that I'm proud of myself. I got up at around 10 am and uploaded a drawing of Johnell H., her fiance Justin and his daughter that I finished last night. I thought it turned out really good, definitely more realistic then some of my previous work. Yesterday I was very sick so I didn't bother to take a shower and barely got out of bed so getting this early start was nice.

I took a shower after I uploaded the picture and put away all of my drawing junk. I then started the long process of redoing my chapter 3 finance homework yet again to solidify the information in my mind as well as figure out the problems I'd gotten help from Tenerelli on. I was able to get through that pretty smoothly. I took breaks throughout the day to clean... I got my floors mopped, bathroom scrubbed down, and even did the laundry. All of course while watching Family Guy and tending to Marshall's crying every hour or so.

Here's a picture of Marshall and I that I took this morning. His face in this picture cracks me the hell up, he looks so peeved. I captioned it "Here's us not watching the Superbowl!" It was superbowl sunday and the Seahawks lost. Apparently there was a lot of unprofessional bullshit that happened like one of the hawks mooned the crowd and there was a fight that broke out on the field. You can't really blame them though. All that build up and leading almost all of the game by a small margin and then Patriots score in the last quarter to win the game.... But no, I didn't watch it, this was just information that came up on my newsfeed.

This week I have my first finance exam and I've still gotta read the 4th chapter for it. I plan on doing that tomorrow. I also need to submit an essay for my marketing class which I hope to god I didn't somehow miss the deadline for. I wasn't in class on Thursday because I went back to Benton city for a doctor's appointment that turned out to be a complete fail. Again. Apparently these last 3 weeks wasn't enough to get the THC completely out of my system and I tested positive once again.

Luckily though I was actually able to fill a past prescription that had only been half filled last time I was in. So that'll help me get by until I can actually pass a pee test and get the prescription I really need. The longer I'm away from marijuana the less I miss it. But part of me wishes it wasn't off limits to me completely on the days that I feel I "deserve" it for all the hard work I've done. But if I'm smoking during that time how much of that information will I actually retain?

That's why I'm going to continue to stay away from it entirely this month. At the end of the month I plan to once again return to the benton city clinic to take another pee test that'll hopefully come out clean. After two months there shouldn't be any reason it's still in my system. Of course I was semi-confident it'd be out of my system when I went in for an appointment this last Thursday. Ugh. Reminder to self, make an appointment for Wednesday afternoon next time so I don't have to miss my marketing class again. It's only the third week of classes and I've already missed twice. At least I did good on the first exam, 13/15.

I'm getting tired... I'll tty guys later!

peace.

God damn I've had a day.... And it's only 2:42

 I'm really happy  right now because I'm done with what I literally thought I wasn't going to finish. As you guys know I didn't get shit done this weekend... I mentioned that right? Well I've had this ethics paper hanging over my shoulders for the past couple weeks, I somehow managed to put it off until the last minute because I was so freaking determined to beat Terry on that macro test. And it worked, I got 92%. Beat him by a whopping 10%.

I walked into class and we just looked at eachother and laughed. I knew it was stupid of me to bet on the Broncos, which I'd realized the second I found out the 49ers whooped em last time Broncos were in the superbowl. God that was almost a hard game to watch there toward the end.... Seeing those Colorado boys red faces.

...So yeah, I guess going on about the superbowl with Terry in class yesterday was kind of fun.. I was completely unable to give him the cold shoulder as originally anticipated. He has that affect on me. He drove home this weekend like I did to watch the game with his Dad. I owe him 5 shots of whiskey. I would have today but I'm too damn tired.

I haven't slept in about 30 hours. I started RESEARCHING for that paper yesterday at 5... That's how much of a turd I've been about this. I came back to my apartment and spent the next couple hours reading with Michael. I didn't actually start writing the paper until about 9 pm, and it took me the entire night to just finish the damn introduction. By about 4 this morning when I finished the introduction and had a solid idea what I was writing about I decided to try to get two hours of sleep.

Come to think of it, had I slept two hours this morning I wouldn't have finished. Marshall was the reason I got that paper done and won't automatically get a C- in my management class, alright!! 

I'm never procrastinating again I swear. 

I laid down on the couch and Marshall was still wide awake running all over. I was still wide awake too but was trying really hard to meditate or something. Marshall jumped up on my coffee table, to get my water of course... knocked it over, broke the glass. So now my carpet is covered in broken glass and I have to get up and clean it. At this point I decided sleeping was probably futile, especially with the amount of stress riding on my shoulder about the enormity of work I had to do to complete this paper.

I just plowed right back into it... until about 9 am. By that time my hands were shaking and I felt sick from exhaustion. I then called my Mom in the midst of a panic attack and she was somehow able to bring me down enough that I was able to finish.

Oh yeah she told me that every assignment she did in college was like how I felt today... That cracked me up.

I think I'm going to bed...

peace. 

But now it's time to kiss your ass good-bye!

This is a song that really hits the spot when you've been dumped again. 

It's 11:21 pm and I just got home from the tri cities. I listened to metal almost all the way home, I found it hit the spot more than the hip hop I've been listening a lot too over the past couple weeks. I tend to do that when I have a new crush, I break from the metal cycle for a little while because the attention is making me feel more sexy and happy. Ha ha it's unfortunately usually quite short lived. 

Okay I can't say that I was "dumped" necessarily because we weren't in an actual relationship and the words that he's not interested never came out of his mouth. But I think 5 days of no communication what-so-ever is a good sign Ryan is done in my life. 

I know that he's avoiding talking to me right now because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me he's not interested in where this is going I made things easier for him a second ago by just asking him if that's why he hasn't texted me straight up. He said that is what he's been feeling but the reason that he hadn't texted me is because he's been under a lot of stress. Right, no, more like you didn't have the balls to tell me we're done and make me do it.

It seems like relationships in my life have been these continual self fulfilling prophecies of disappointment. Men act in the exact patterns I expect them too. The fact that Terry is dating a complete idiot still makes me sick. We made a bet with Terry on the superbowl that I lost today (but I was rooting for the Seahawks, obviously... And they SLAUGHTERED the Broncos!!) and I'm sure he's going to bring that up to me tomorrow. 

The second he does I'm going to be like, "Ohh did you watch it with Claaay-er?" lol... God just thinking of her cakey makeup, fake tan, bleached hair, bonehead major.... It's so incredibly frustrating to think that's who's got what he wants. 

Alright I'm done ranting about this. I'm going to workout a little bit before bed just to work off some of this energy. I don't feel sad or depressed, I feel more of a combination of pissed off and determined. I'm a strong, intelligent, sexy, talented individual. I could give a f*ck whether I "like" someone or not, I need to surround myself with people that are going to help me advance closer to my goals instead of people that are just going to drag me down by causing disappointment. 

peace.