Thursday, January 24, 2013

So close no matter how far....

Hello, damn it's quiet here.. I'm going to make sure to get out and do something this weekend.

Tonight I really should have gotten more studying done. I feel pretty confident in my economics because I've been really studying that a lot over the last week. Finite I'm feeling "meh," because it's only 7:30 and I've been dicking around on facebook and sleeping for a good portion of the day I feel I should get about 45 minutes of each subject in before bed.

I just hate studying sometimes because my room is really quiet. Maybe I'll put on some classical music or something just to break up the silence. I thought maybe I'd have lunch with Allie today and she said she'd text me but I haven't heard from her all day. I've been back since 11', and slept from around 1-3 after I made myself lunch. It's not a good idea to take a nap right after lunch, that's how you gain weight... but lately my body just wants me to sleep after classes. It could be partially because of the Prozac and also because it's winter and it's freaking freezing out.

Ha ha I found this recently and I'm probably gonna post it on facebook one of these days. This has to be a Canadian magazine or something. I miss my baby back home so much right now. I know she misses me too. I wish I could move into an apartment next year just to have her here with me... Oh well, I'll have her all summer. 

I had a good lesson with Jacob tonight. He approved my choice on Nothing Else Matters for the recital but he said "it's a hard song." which makes me a little concerned but I've got two months and I'm going to work on it every day. I think it's an absolutely beautiful piece and it will be very rewarding to learn and perform with all my hard work in fingerpicking over the past couple weeks. I'm happy I made this step to try fingerpicking, now that I've gotten the hang of it. 

It's a weird feeling to have not really talked to anyone since 11:00 this morning. I think I'll call my mom before I start studying. I tried calling her last night but she was going to Olive Garden with Avery and Jim for her birthday. I can't believe Avery's 18 now. 

Prozac has been giving me extremely vivid dreams; what's even weirder is that they make sense, they feel so realistic. I had a dream about Jack last night. 

I remember being in a huge Sanrio store, looking in the mirror and he walked in and I stormed out. He followed me outside (somehow we were at the Uptown) and told me he was "sorry." I was like, "What is this?! Answer me!" and he's like, "Nothing just kiss me." Then we kissed, it was all so vivid and I remember thinking "Wow I feel so stupid, what if people see how easily I forgive him.." I then remember my Mom pulling up in front to pick me up. Zoe was sitting in the front seat of the van but she looked a lot younger and Traci's son Wyatt was in the backseat, except he was talking and toddler age. I think this is somehow reflective of how long my feelings for him have lasted over the years. 

I've barely even thought about Jack since he told me he's seeing someone, but apparently he's still buried in my subconscious somewhere. 


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