Today was a pretty good day.
Even if I'm getting really nauseous for some reason and I'm wondering if I'm getting sick. There's something going around, Allie told me she was feeling nauseous and hadn't felt like eating lately and I can relate. I had a big dinner tonight of a fried chicken breast and mashed potatos. I didn't even care, I was feeling so optimistic because I literally felt happy today for the first time in two weeks.
I'd texted Allie last night asking if she'd had plans for lunch. She said she didn't and we ate together in this side dining area called... Hogue I think, that I didn't even know about. It was a buffet style side of the SURC that served a bunch of stuff. I only got a vegetarian plate of stir fried veggies because I had already eaten a little something at home. I was too hungry to wait until 1:00 after econ got out at 10:30.
Anyway I really enjoyed talking to Allie. She's very sweet, a great listener, and asks more questions than a lot of people I've met. Like she seems genuinely interested in what I had to say. I found it hard to not go on and on about my struggles with Central and feeling isolated here. I didn't want her to think I was socially inept or something and that's why I'm in this predicament.
She seemed to understand. In fact, she has been through some similar stuff-- wanting to get out and try things but hasn't had anyone to do it with. We talked about clubs, a few of which I got the information for this morning. We're considering joining a Christian group together. It's funny, I'd initially mentioned it jokingly and then she's like, "Would you ever want to go to one of those? I didn't want to go alone." I was like, "Oh yea definitely let's go sometime." Ha ha ha.
I would really like to go to a bible study group before I would make a transition to go to church. Never in my life have I actually studied the bible so I need help to figure out where to start and it's much less intimidating to have someone my age show me than a much older person.
I haven't smoked in two days. I haven't wanted too, at all. I'm proud of myself for this reason. Initially I wasn't even trying to stop but now that I've come to the realization that smoking was half of my problem when it comes to this anxiety I don't want it. I did go through a little anxiety today in my economics class but nothing significant.
One day at a time. I just have to keep telling myself that this anxiety will be something I will fight to overcome every day. I refuse to give up. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, harder than years of depression even. I feel like having a friend here will help things.
Okay I've got my first economics test tomorrow and have some material to go over.