Saturday, June 30, 2012

My emotions in a blender.

Posted a status today saying "So happy and excited today. Can't believe this is actually happening. <3"

It's not a lie, I am happy and excited. The heart is a little misleading though. I'm just stoked as Hell that I've actually gotten skilled enough at the guitar to play the Master of Puppets solo.. or at least I'm working on it-- it's definitely achievable.

Haven't heard from Jack in a week and I think it's time to call it quits again. I don't really know what fuck he's up too but he certainly doesn't care to talk to me so whatever. My mom actually had the nerve to suggest adding him on facebook last night... again!! Immediately I'm like NO. Why the fuck would I add him right now? Another day of loneliness and wondering what the Fuck, another day of the nasty feeling in my stomach and feeling my face cringe when he crosses my mind. I hate him for this shit he puts me through, this waiting game is stress and sadness that I don't need, and it never ends.

Work today was... work. Nothing really worth mentioning. Leslie and Linda were my managers today and we got a lot of stuff done, no catty bitchiness to deal with so that's good.

Took the status down. No use misleading people, what's the point. There's no need to post any status today; I usually write one a day but there's nothing clever on my mind. It's simply a depressing day. I took Bronkaid so I feel very awake and emotionally numb. I feel very humiliated for some reason. I don't know why. . . I just need to stop thinking so much about things.

Such a mix of emotions--  with the stress from work and the god damn loneliness yet happy because I'm doing well at guitar. I don't even know what to do with myself lately. At least I look nice, Witch hazel has worked wonders on the remaining acne scarring that I had on my skin. I think the acne has finally ceased, I might not even have to get another bottle of Differin for awhile.


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