Metallica is in my soul

Hello.

Well it's 10:25. I had a pretty good day at work and came home and got in some really solid practice time. My practice sessions have become more structured like they were last summer and I am able to fully focus on what I'm working on. Unfortunately there are a lot of songs that I want to play around with but
I should really be focusing on Master of Puppets. I don't know when that recital is but I hope not any time too soon... It's been super fun to learn so far.

Today work was rather tedious and slow paced but it gave me a better chance to get a hang of the register. I got two credit card apps today so I'm pumped. There's incentive for me to do well because it gets me more hours. More hours = more money. My Dad likes to buy his t-shirts at jcpenny anyways so I'm going to have him do a "Findmore" and have it shipped to the store... lol so silly. The way I see it the company doesn't care who's buying the stuff and he'd buy the damn things anyway.

Here's me looking goofy this morning before work. dur dur dur... 

Anyway went into work this morning at like 11'. There's nothing up saying where I need to be so I went to Kids because that's where I was hired originally. I met a couple of the ladies that also worked in kids who honestly weren't as talkative to me as my previous coworkers I've met which is kind of nice. 

No hating though, seriously!! I want to go back to working downstairs in Women's dresses. But being upstairs has let me get used to the register. So that was a good choice today I feel even if I did miss working with my buddy Kevin, ha ha ha.

Lmfao, I need to tell you guys about Kevin.

He's this kid that got hired at the same time that I did. I added him on facebook and this is the picture that stood out to me the most... ha ha ha. Yeah he was a male cheerleader back in the day. That's intense though, that's a real sport. I mean check that girl out on top, that takes major athleticism. Anyway he's 17 and just graduated highschool. Very sweet person and apparently really smart. He's kind of goofy though and we crack eachother up.

ANYWAY. We both showed up to work kind of early so we were just chatting about whatever for about 20 minutes. I told him a little about myself and my hobby and tried to guess what he was into. He told me that he Didn't really have any hobbies because he was always sort of shadowed. I was like seriously? Idk, I guess I was sort of in the same boat. I immediately told him that he should take up an instrument with A sharp and went on about a schpeel about how it's helped everything in my life and yadda yadda yadda...

Seriously when I'm talking about where I get guitar lessons I think people might get the impression I'm trying to get them to join a cult. I'm just so serious about what people like Jake have openned my eyes too. I feel like musicians like Luke Jaeger, John Petrucci, Kirk Hammitt, chimp spanner, John Satriani, Michael Romeo, etc etc the list goes on and on.. All these guitarists have metal running through their blood and it brings together souls that know real pain. And even if it's not metal-- I mean most great guitarists play loads of genres just for the Hell of it.... guitar is just something magical. It's complete euphoria for me to be able to just be able to practice all day lately.

Luke actually lives in Seattle, so there could be a possibility of getting in touch with him.

I don't actually know him aside from through Jake. He's an outrageous guitar player. like Insanely blow your f*cking head off good. I want to know all about his story and how he got to this point and eventually would like to get some lessons from him if I move up that direction. It's not likely that he's going to stick around Seattle for that long though. He gives Skype lessons like Jake but he probably charges higher because I'm sure he doesn't even like teaching.

No, okay lemme back up... I'm not saying he wouldn't be a crazy good teacher. I'm just saying a lot of guitar players actually don't like teaching the basics. I've only been playing for two years and Jake has taught me a ton and still has a lot to teach me. Like before I stop taking lessons with Jake I need to know all the notes on the fretboard like the back of my hand, know way more scales, go back to working on arpeggios, different types of chords... There's still a ton of stuff that we haven't covered that I know Luke would probably be bored with. Luke teaches only other professionals. Jake enjoys teaching students that are more experienced as well. 

I've just been consumed by guitar and work lately. That's it guys. 

peace. 

Week so hard I didn't want to write

I haven't written in six days because I've either been completely exhausted or puking my guts out.

Seriously though, I got so sick a couple days ago. Luckily I didn't have work that day but I am still feeling the aftershock of it and it sort of sucked my energy out today. JCpenny has not been easy for me to work at because I've felt really stupid the last couple days... their register is kind of difficult and there are soo many things that customers need besides just buying the damn clothes. It makes me miss Rite Aid.

All my coworkers are pretty nice. They've been extremely accommodating to this learning curve. I never feel like I'm doing things correctly unless I've mastered it so it's been very uncomfortable for me using the register for the past few days. I've felt really panicked and horrible... I'm planning on writing myself a cheat sheet so I won't have to be as stressed out on Tuesday.

My back has been killing me. I can hardly remember anyone's names that I've met in the past week but they're all seeming to try to get to know me and be super friendly. I generally don't give people an inch about my personal life in the work place... but because I'm working with all of these people that are around my age I've felt like I've needed to be more talkative... It's been really hard. I'm usually really confident but it's hard to not think people are judging me when I'm fucking up.

I've cried a lot the past couple days. I mean for one thing I was completely unable to sleep the other night and wasn't able to sleep again until the next day at 9:00 pm. I think I hate my job right now and it's freaking me out because I'm going to be there the rest of the summer and I have to figure a bunch of stuff out or it's going to be miserable. 

It's going to take awhile to get the hang of working there, that's all I'm going to say. I know what I've written is pretty vague but I don't want to go into individual scenarios because I don't even want to think about it. I mean I need this job obviously and I'm going to do everything I can to figure it out but I just hate it right now and want to quit.

But I can't. I'm stuck. I know I don't have enough motivation to go out and find another job. I also know that it's how difficult it would be to get an employer to take me on when I'm moving in two months.

Alright I'm going to play guitar. Today's been awful.

peace.

Lol look it's Miranda's nazi cousin Franz.

Another all day shred session.. yawn

Sup?

Tomorrow I start work. 12:00 pm for a 4 hour shift to get trained on how to do things.

Excellent. I wouldn't care if tomorrow I was starting a shift at Wal mart pushing carts around as long as I'm getting some hours because it's the truth. Being broke has been such a b*tch all summer I seriously wouldn't care at this point... I mean as long as I'm not a stripper or dressed like the statue of liberty waving signs in the road or something. There's two jobs I would never do, ha ha ha.

Yesterday was bad because I was really emotional and it was bothering me. I haven't been smoking because I'm broke so that's made it a bit harder to get through the day without just wanting to say f*ck it and go back to bed for a couple hours. All this rest the past few days has actually been helping my lower back heal a lot. I'm beginning to think that's why I've been so tired and unmotivated is the back pain but I think it's going to be completely painless by tomorrow.

Yesterday I did play my guitar for over three hours which was awesome. I can feel myself improving so much lately because I've had nothing else to really focus on. I've been really trying to correct some picking habits as well as started a couple other songs that I've been making quick progress on. I'm going to give Jake little samples of each song that I'm learning tomorrow so we can make the decision on what to focus most on. I'm pretty sure I'm still doing master of puppets, which is going surprisingly well.

Today I'm going to continue to work on that and my other pieces and should have a peaceful day. New things are ahead tomorrow so I'm excited about that.

Really all I have to say.

peace.

Some random fun. weird body aches. New recital piece

Yo.

The last few days have been pretty good. I hung out with Ashleigh E. and we ended up going to this bar called the Parkade for their karaoke night. Ha ha you know me I don't sing but I still had a good time getting drunk and hanging out with them. We went to Denny's afterward and I ended up eating half a grand slam and getting sick shortly after. I did not wake up with a hangover though which was a plus... but I was freaking exhausted most of the day. Not that it matters, STILL NOT WORKING....

I called JCpennies today and talked to Katelynn's manager Thomas about the non-responsiveness from my employing manager and hoping to get some answers on when I could expect to start work. He told me that Amy is working and he would write down my name and number to make sure she calls me back in a couple of hours. She didn't. What the Hell, seriously. I would have gone to the business by now if it wasn't for my gas money situation. Ugh this whole month of being broke has been the pits in some ways but I've been getting REALLY good practice time in.

Jake and I had a really good lesson yesterday and he convinced me to play master of puppets in the recital. I showed him a couple songs I had printed-- Gone away by the Offspring and a Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria. He doesn't really like Coheed and the Offspring is supposedly a piece of cake skill wise and wouldn't really showcase how far I've come. So Metallica it is. It's a freaking epic song and I'm willing to take the challenge.

Tomorrow is going to be a really busy day because I'm going to Shavonne's wedding and might be going to the movies later that night. My sister's boyfriend Jimmy apparently knows this guy that invited him to a movie (yes, invited Jimmy to a movie) recently and asked if I wanted to go so that it wouldn't be as awkward with three people. This guy is really cute and I added him on facebook but haven't actually heard from him yet. Still, if this works out it'll be cool to meet him.

Tonight I got invited to go to a club with Ashleigh and a few other people and since I've already got my practice time in I figure why not. Might as well have some fun before I get worn out with work.. which I'm praying is soon.

I don't really know what my deal is but lately by body has been aching really bad. I think it might be going through some kind of shock from the medication so I'm a little sore and could be for awhile. I've been feeling kind of bloated and my lower back has been very sore. I actually have been wearing a heating pad all day and took a long nap hoping it would go away. Going to take my second shower here in a minute.

peace.

This week has been my real vacation

I hate being broke.

This morning I called Rite aid and apparently my drug tests haven't come in yet. Fabulous. I wasn't able to get ahold of Amy at Jcpennies either but I did leave a voicemail message that sounded pretty good. I want to start working so bad because I've been kind of stuck at home. My days have consisted of a lot of sims and practicing guitar lately.

A couple evenings ago I got invited to go to a party at Raquel D.'s and Travis's house where I've never been before. Brian Q. invited me and I was like sure, why the hell not, ha ha-- don't really know any of these people but hey, felt like getting kind of drunk. It wasn't a bad time. I think I was friendly, but being off my medication for a few days and drinking was a weird combination.

I did see the doctor yesterday and I'm happy to be back on my medication again. I feel like my mind has been going through the shock of it being back in my system so I've been sleeping a lot the past couple days. I don't feel stressed out or bad about anything which is a good feeling.

I honestly feel like I could give a f**k about a lot of things right now. I feel like I'm finally over Jack... This last girl just really broke the camel's back for me. The fact that we were close for a couple days and then BAM, he's got this new girl and he's posting pictures with her continually.... It's just immature and I'm done with it. I feel like all of this emotion has just been complete waste over the years because he doesn't actually care about me at all. It's all just about what he wants in that current moment.

So the only reason Jack came into my life after all was really just to motivate me to play guitar. I feel like I can now accept this and move on. I've said this time and time again but this time I'm serious. I don't want him back around in my life because my trust is entirely gone and I don't think I could ever take anything he says seriously again so there's no point.


okay moving on....

After this I'm going to watch Bob's burgers and practice guitar.

Some of the things they say in this show are like "Oh my God I can't believe they just said that..." like it does kind of push your comfort level even for a cartoon-- Not as grotesque as Drawn Together, but some of the dialogue is like woah, awkward. Still, I've totally enjoyed this show the past few days and it's kept me entertained while I've been not working. This week has been my vacation of doing nothing really, it's been nice. I feel like when I do start working I'll be really refreshed and ready to go. 

Me right now. Not a very glamorous day as you can see. This is after a three hour nap. Ha ha my bedroom is so gloomy.

peace.

New job and buying junk out of boredom

Well I've got some good news, guys.

For those of you that don't know already I got the job at JCpennies so that'll be starting here in a week or so. I'm really hoping both of my jobs will start soon because I am bone broke. Still haven't gotten word back from Rite aid about the drug test or when I'd be starting so hopefully that's around the corner as well.

I went to the mall with Katelynn yesterday and spent a bunch of money on stuff I probably didn't really need, like a new bra, an eyeshadow palette from Sephora and a ton of jewelry at Claires for their 10 for $10 sale. If I was smart about how I spent my money I would have bought some black slacks for work... nope!

Whatever, things like this really add a little extra joy to my day...

Onigiri earrings. I have a bunch of little sushi earrings with smileys on them like this and I look forward to wearing them to work. Sort of a blast from the past for me, but what the hell they were a dollar.

I've been off Prozac because I've been unable to get my prescription refilled without meeting with my doctor. I'm going to my appointment on Monday at 9:15. Prozac has really worked for me so it's irritating to not have it for the weekend because I will inevitably be feeling lethargic and headachey... like today I slept about 4 hours after I'd eaten breakfast, what a waste! Regardless of this I've been feeling pretty good the last couple days because of my recent success in getting the job so I'm just hoping to kick back this weekend and not worry about anything. 

But yeah haven't been up to much aside from working on getting my job, playing a ton of guitar and hanging out at home. I feel pretty content lately, and for that reason don't have much to say. Goodnight all.

peace. 

Seeing things more optimistically

I try anyway.

Well right now I'm in the process of probably killing my poor computer again by downloading the Sims 2. I just got a new hard drive with higher capacity so I have noticed that it is running faster now then it did before.  That could be kind of short lived if I start in with the Sims junk, but whatever I'm going to enjoy my computer. This game is from what, 2006? It should be easy to download and play without problems. I'm in the process of creating a whole new town with new residents (which are always quite accurate if I do say so myself). I've got to be careful with the downloading custom content because that's what always leads to problems. Trusted sources only.

Today's been a pretty productive day, but there is no telling how this will turn out.... I went to rite aid this morning to talk to my manager and she got me set up in the computer. I can't remember her name, but I do know she's from Toronto, Canada and likes math. I already like her more than I initially liked Dana to be honest with you. Dana was always kind of feisty but I never had any real issues with her. Anyway, got into Rite Aid, met up with her.. She told me that I needed my drivers license and social security card to scan in the computer before going to get my drug test. Alright, no problems, those two things are always in my wallet, right...? NOPE. Had to run home and get the card, I knew exactly where it was too because I had just applied to JCPennies yesterday. Dad's office. If it would have been on my bedroom counter I would have spotted it this morning and wouldn't of had to make the extra trip but hey, whatevvvvver.

Coming home did give me a chance to deliver my Mom's cell phone back to her office and give my sister the debit card to go grocery shopping. I'd told her this morning that I was planning to go even though I didn't want to and my sister was like "No I'M going grocery shopping, I always do." I'm like Hey, no problems!! ha ha, sooner I could get done with my drug test the sooner I could get home and practice my guitar and enjoy a little relaxation.



Yesterday I played tennis with this guy named Lois that I've never mentioned. My mom has says numerous times that he's chill and I had heard that he was really athletic so I invited him to play tennis with me yesterday. This was of course after some brief conversation about guitar and some other things. He just graduated but he's 19. Anyway it was chill hanging out with him and like I expected he picked up tennis immediately. Some people are just good at sports in general and I was dying to get out and play yesterday.

My a** hurts... and my calves. Tennis is pretty strenuous on the body but I had a blast playing yesterday. Lois and I played a few games but didn't even finish a whole match because we both got tired. But yeah I'd never even met him before, I mean obviously because he was in my sister's graduating class and that seemed a lot younger than me but as I've gotten older I've stopped worrying about it. I'm very non-discriminatory about who I talk to and hang out with as long as they're not dangerous or very stupid.

That's all I have to say, really. Hopefully the test went well... I really do enjoy my job and what I do in my personal time should not dictate my position in the working world. I am a very hard working, honest, responsible person that gets shit done and that's what employers want. If this doesn't go well I'll have to keep looking.

peace.