Week so hard I didn't want to write

I haven't written in six days because I've either been completely exhausted or puking my guts out.

Seriously though, I got so sick a couple days ago. Luckily I didn't have work that day but I am still feeling the aftershock of it and it sort of sucked my energy out today. JCpenny has not been easy for me to work at because I've felt really stupid the last couple days... their register is kind of difficult and there are soo many things that customers need besides just buying the damn clothes. It makes me miss Rite Aid.

All my coworkers are pretty nice. They've been extremely accommodating to this learning curve. I never feel like I'm doing things correctly unless I've mastered it so it's been very uncomfortable for me using the register for the past few days. I've felt really panicked and horrible... I'm planning on writing myself a cheat sheet so I won't have to be as stressed out on Tuesday.

My back has been killing me. I can hardly remember anyone's names that I've met in the past week but they're all seeming to try to get to know me and be super friendly. I generally don't give people an inch about my personal life in the work place... but because I'm working with all of these people that are around my age I've felt like I've needed to be more talkative... It's been really hard. I'm usually really confident but it's hard to not think people are judging me when I'm fucking up.

I've cried a lot the past couple days. I mean for one thing I was completely unable to sleep the other night and wasn't able to sleep again until the next day at 9:00 pm. I think I hate my job right now and it's freaking me out because I'm going to be there the rest of the summer and I have to figure a bunch of stuff out or it's going to be miserable. 

It's going to take awhile to get the hang of working there, that's all I'm going to say. I know what I've written is pretty vague but I don't want to go into individual scenarios because I don't even want to think about it. I mean I need this job obviously and I'm going to do everything I can to figure it out but I just hate it right now and want to quit.

But I can't. I'm stuck. I know I don't have enough motivation to go out and find another job. I also know that it's how difficult it would be to get an employer to take me on when I'm moving in two months.

Alright I'm going to play guitar. Today's been awful.

peace.

Lol look it's Miranda's nazi cousin Franz.

Another all day shred session.. yawn

Sup?

Tomorrow I start work. 12:00 pm for a 4 hour shift to get trained on how to do things.

Excellent. I wouldn't care if tomorrow I was starting a shift at Wal mart pushing carts around as long as I'm getting some hours because it's the truth. Being broke has been such a b*tch all summer I seriously wouldn't care at this point... I mean as long as I'm not a stripper or dressed like the statue of liberty waving signs in the road or something. There's two jobs I would never do, ha ha ha.

Yesterday was bad because I was really emotional and it was bothering me. I haven't been smoking because I'm broke so that's made it a bit harder to get through the day without just wanting to say f*ck it and go back to bed for a couple hours. All this rest the past few days has actually been helping my lower back heal a lot. I'm beginning to think that's why I've been so tired and unmotivated is the back pain but I think it's going to be completely painless by tomorrow.

Yesterday I did play my guitar for over three hours which was awesome. I can feel myself improving so much lately because I've had nothing else to really focus on. I've been really trying to correct some picking habits as well as started a couple other songs that I've been making quick progress on. I'm going to give Jake little samples of each song that I'm learning tomorrow so we can make the decision on what to focus most on. I'm pretty sure I'm still doing master of puppets, which is going surprisingly well.

Today I'm going to continue to work on that and my other pieces and should have a peaceful day. New things are ahead tomorrow so I'm excited about that.

Really all I have to say.

peace.