You must be hovering over yourself

Look at these BEAUTIFUL nails....

Ha ha, remembered to buy some sparkly nailpolish the last time I went to Fred Meyer I believe. This is just cheap Sinful Colors brand but a few coats and it's just as sparkly and gaudy as any other brand. This nail polish chips differently than other colors, though, in a way that instead of coming off in tiny specks it peels off all at once. So you have these weird sparkle chips the size of your nail bed that come off randomly when you're wearing this, it's unlike many other nail polishes I've tried.

Today was quite a normal Tuesday. I'll probably move that chair in from the living room to do some studying. Carefully, that is... that bamboo chair Kristin has that I've been continually moving has been coming apart a little bit in the middle and it makes me slightly concerned. Figure I've got a month left living with her, the last thing I'd want to do is break her favorite chair.. It's just so nice to study in and I don't want to take up her domain in the living room.

Skipped speech today. For a good reason, too. Had to drop off a resume to another hostess position which I'm really crossing my fingers to get a call back on. The employees there seemed pretty bored at 2:30 so it was a good time to come in. I met a guy named Tyler who seemed to be getting some on the job training when I got there so clearly they've been hiring new people.

I also picked up a couple applications. This whole thing was a big hassle because I had to go back and forth to print things in the library twice, and it was ridiculously cold out. There was a fierce gust out there and the weather seemed to be down in the low 40's.

I did really well on an economics quiz that I did yesterday, got a 91% because Carbaugh added a point to everyone's scale (yesterday I thought I got an 88%). Terry didn't do very well and we haven't talked much this week, probably because he doesn't want me asking what I got on it like he always asks me... Nope not this time. We've got an economics test on Friday or monday on fiscal policy, government spending, and a bunch of stimulus/retraction junk that I'm planning on studying tonight. Sipic just barely posted the homework and the lecture today was super repetitive.

I have to find some stupid seminar to attend for my speech class one of these days so I can finish that review. Then all I have to do is my persuasive speech and that's it for assignments this quarter for that class I believe. I've loved this quarter so far, really. Last spring I was working at Rite aid and taking my last quarter of Japanese at CBC... a lot less stimulating then life is now.

I have been looking into lucid dreaming and meditating on a daily basis lately and I think it's improved my thought clarity. It's a bizarre feeling to meditate, it's a completely altered state of consciousness that cannot be explained unless you experience it for yourself. And once you do meditation becomes a daily ritual because it feels GOOD... like you're floating over your body. 

peace.

Doing things slowly at home

Here's a picture of me from the recital last night.

You try making a cute face when you're focusing that hard, I look a little disgusted, ha ha. Oh well. For a first recital that was fantastic, I barely made any mistakes... The embarrassment I felt from showing up late and falling over the chairs and pissing off the usher for going and getting my guitar too early has passed. Damn so many mistakes I made last night, ha ha. But at least the playing was good!! That's what counts.

I'm getting a big bruise on my wrist....

Katharine's Dad came over and brought his 1985 Rolls Royce.

It looks like the picture above.

Really beautiful, classy car. The interior is genuine black leather with wool floors. He re-did some of the interior wood paneling on the back doors but it looks very near the original wood. He also replaced the speaker system. 

It only has 66,000 miles.

  

Later: 12:12 pm:

Yeah I really haven't done anything today. I've sat around the house watching TV, and I've  got an exam to study for economics tonight. When I get done writing this I am going to start loading up my things, get all packed up then probably put on a drug documentary and begin packing my things.

I mean aside from having to driven a lot the past few days I feel like my batteries have been recharged. It's been kind of nice in some ways to get away from my apartment. I was telling my Mom about the last time me and Kristin had talked (regarding the dishes) and she told me that was over a month ago. 

So yeah, I'll just be kicking it here for awhile, try to get some good study hours in as well as sort of slowly pack up my things in the car. That's how I like to spend my sundays for the most part...

I talked to Jack super briefly last night, like he was out at the bars with "the guys." I'm assuming people he played lacrosse with. Fun fun... I wasn't doing anything particularly interesting and he told me I should go to a bar. I'm like err.... yeah no. Where, the palm? Eeeeww I would never ever step foot into that place. And I definitely didn't feel like driving. . . 

And I don't have any friends in the tri cities that are over 21 really now that Katelynn is gone.Friends that I would want to drink with anyway. You'd be surprised how many of my musician buddies are completely straight edge.

Going to bars is so expensive, and I'm not a huge fan of drinking, so there you go-- I've honestly gone TWICE since I turned 21. 

I haven't talked to Terry all weekend. I'm guessing tomorrow he's going to be kind of a dick to me because that's always how he acts on mondays, then he'll be really friendly for a couple days then act like I don't exist again on Friday. Lol he works in a pattern when it comes to when he flirts with me and it's so predictable it's funny. Basically I think the next time we'll hang out is when we register for classes together. We want to be in the same classes so that we can study together. Period. I really don't think there's anything more than that in our "relationship." It's just a friendship and we're quite competitive and so is he...

In order to keep up with Terry I have to study twice as hard as what I used too, however, which is why I'm going to make sure to get some studying done today at home. The weather is beautiful maybe I will also meditate outside.

peace. 

Lol if college was a pokemon game Terry would be my Rival. 

Wow I have officially compared him to two cartoon characters... Well again thank God he has no real interest in my life and doesn't read my blogs, otherwise that'd be slightly awkward. 

First Recital! Hotel glass blowing

I am so brain dead, today's been incredibly busy. Feeling accomplished about the recital but also very frustrated with myself.

It doesn't take studying business to know that a hotel wouldn't host a glassblowing contest at midnight.

This morning I woke up at my friend Connor's house at 4 am. He came in drunk and wouldn't stop talking until about 7 about strange nonsense. He told me that he'd been out last night at a glass blowing contest, at the M hotel in Richland. I was like wait, what? Where was this, indoors? According to Connor, yes. Simply imagine a bunch of "hippies" (as he described it), in a contest to see who could create the best pipe in a certain amount of time.... And this contest would be happening at midnight. The whole thing just seemed like a bizarre string of lies...

I was kind of disturbed. I didn't want to ask any questions, I just wanted to get going.

I had forgotten my brush and some clothes that I needed and felt very homeless-y driving home. I took a shower the second I got back before the water got shut off in the house.

I really don't want to recap what happened with the concert because I still feel like I have negative feelings about how the whole thing turned out. Not what I envisioned and it was entirely, 100% my fault. I was late and almost missed my opportunity to play. Jacob was able to get me in, thank God.. And I was on immediately pretty much the second I got in.

The playing itself went really well and I was complimented.. Just the whole process of getting in late had me so flustered and feeling like I was going to cry because I knew my parents were going to miss it. I ended up playing it again for them this evening so I'm feeling a bit better than that.

I got a certificate... : ) That makes me suppppper stoked, having this physical manifestation of my accomplishment versus say just a grade.. It's just fantastic. Like now that the recital is over and I reflect on how things really did go in my favor regardless I cannot complain. I could have missed the entire concert and that would have just been.... omg.... well I'd honestly be sleeping right now. That's usually all I can do when something so catastrophic happens that I can't comprehend it.

But no that did NOT happen!

I feel like God answered my prayers that I've been making for a month-- Help me do well at this recital, help me do well in my classes. Period.

Seeing Jake's other students tonight made me so inspired to learn more material. I've got guitar pro now, excited to have a clean slate.

Alrighty I'm gonna get to bed here shortly.

peace. 

Feeling silly like I'm 10 again.

Here's a song I've been addicted too.. actually this whole album is catchy as Hell. It's my guilty pleasure right now because the lyrics are painfully obvious. But yeah, fun stuff to listen to when I bike to class in the morning.

I called Perkins this morning and got ahold of their manager. Apparently their hiring manager is going to be there tomorrow so I'm going to call after my economics class. Hopefully if I can get this job I can still maintain my guitar stuff, academic stuff, blah blah blah. I've kind of peaked out on the guitar in some ways though. Once I'm done with this recital I'm going to stop beating this song to death and start some NEW MATERIAL.

I'm pumped  because guitar pro came to me in the mail back home. That was kind of the last expenditure that pushed me to start looking for work. I've probably only got $400 in my savings right now-- versus the $800 or so that was in my account earlier this month. It's just really easy to spend when you try to eat healthy, have to pay for guitar lessons and... other things.

Great news! My studying paid off. Here's some numbers:
Total time studied for stats exam, wk 5: 267 minutes total. That's 5 hours. That's the quantitative value of hours it takes for me to get a good grade on a test.... maybe? 
Grade on test: 28/30 yahhooooo!!!

Right now I've got a total A in Statistics. I really want to keep this up. I'm pretty sure I'm falling between an A and a B in economics right now. That class is a bit of a pain to study because of the mass amounts of information. I have a quiz next monday so I'm going to start nibbling away more at that material tonight. I typically move that chair in the living room back and forth once a day because I don't want to feel TOO greedy with it. I have seen my roommate use it to study... once.

I really don't know how she sits in that arm chair in the living room. It looks kind of like this:

The style anyway. Except the butt cushion is more narrow.

She sits in that for hours. I have admittedly never sat in it, it looks super uncomfortable to me to be quite honest. Or maybe it's the fact that I don't care much for her... and I know she doesn't like me too. As the days go by it's getting more comical to me that wow, we really haven't talked all year.  I never in my life thought I could go so long living side by side with someone and not say anything really, yet at the same time haven't WANTED too. 

circa 2012

Katelynn and Zach are friends again. You guys I hope Katelynn never finds these blog entries because she would probably block me on facebook. I feel like this blog has become sort of my outlet to talk about my feelings with this, and because Katelynn has completely cut me out, but I'm of course still interested in her whereabouts and want to make sure to record things that I remember from Katelynn now so I can remember our time together forever. I don't know if I'll ever find someone that I connect with like her. 

...But anyway yeah, Katelynn's friends again with Zach..Someone on this photo commented, "I think you now look different to me!" He has changed quite a bit over the past few years....

Circa 2010. I've heard of Zach for a long time. Zach is one of Katelynn's best childhood friends, and he's quite an attractive guy. He's got a boyfriend named Steven, likes to party hard, and lived a sort of crazy rockstar lifestyle with Katelynn back in highschool. Because this pic was taken in 2010, that's around the time Katelynn and him were hanging out.

Back in 2010 as well...

Katelynn stopped hanging out with Zach for the most part when she was in a relationship with Jon, then briefly got wrapped up with him again, then met Alan... Zach has always come and gone in her life like I have in some ways. Katelynn had told me that she would NEVER hang out with Zach again but I told her that she would because he cares about her like I do. Back then I really couldn't have imagined we wouldn't be friends now. 

Here's another picture that Zach has on his fan page.

Wow, there's Katelynn in the back with this guy named Greg that I remember she crushed on at the time. She and Greg sort of dated for awhile but she was pretty hurt when he didn't want a relationship. This was very shortly before she met John when she was finishing up school at Hanford. Damn, I look at her face in this picture and it looks like she's having an absolute blast.

Sometimes I think about how hard it must have been for Katelynn to break away from the Zach situation. She's done the best she can keeping things stable in her life with Alan, which probably doesn't compare much to the raging parties she used to go to with Zach. I don't know, it's so bizarre that she's out of my life now... I think it's been more than a month now and it still gets to me.

I'm really excited to see if I did better than Terry on the stats exam tomorrow. First thing he asked me when we saw eachother today was how I think I did on the test. It cracks me up how competitive he is but it's given me so much incentive to work harder this quarter. I'm hoping we can work something out so that we have classes together in the spring.

peace. 

Next hottest truck stop waitress?

Today's been pretty unproductive for the most part. I woke up pretty exhausted because I was up until 3 in the morning last night.. you guys will never guess where I was.

One highlight I want to make sure to mention today is that I finally had the stamina to start calling around online to find a restaurant that was hiring waitresses or hostesses. I found out that Perkins is hiring so I quickly filled out an application on publisher, printed it up at the library and drove over there around 8:30. Perkins is a place that a lot of elderly people and truckers eat at. I'm really used to working with old people from Rite aid so I think I'll do just fine.


So last night Jack and I hung out. Crazy, right? I'd texted him around midnight and he suddenly asked if I wanted to hang out right then. Pretty stoked but looking like absolute crap I told him to give me 20 minutes. I got ready pretty quickly, smoked a little to take the edge off, and headed off towards Chestnut. Jack is such a turd, he told me to go there but he really meant he wanted to meet me at 18th which is in the opposite direction.

He ended up walking all the way to the sidewalk outside my apartment. He hid behind a tree until I met up with him, and he was kind of buzzed and really freezing. I was surprised, he basically was immediately clinging onto me until we walked to his house where his roommate had passed out drunk in the bathroom. I set my stuff in Jack's room and sat there for awhile looking around.

He just finished lacrosse yesterday. Jack always has to be up to something so it's clear that he's taken some sort of interest in me again-- which should always be taken with a grain of salt because I've been down this road many, many, many times. It's crazy that we actually hung out yesterday-- even he said it, we've always never been able to for one reason or another. He was surprisingly open and comfortable with me though so I was pretty happy that there's no like awkwardness between us. We had a lot of fun reminiscing.

So yeah that's what's new with me. I've got some studying to do tonight. It's 9:30 but I just had some coffee at Perkins so I'll be able to stay up for a little while. Figure if I hope back and forth between guitar and homework until midnight I should be peachy.

peace 

I'm tired of waiting for Kevin Swanson to give a shit hahaha

Hola.

Alright today is Sunday and I've been home practically all weekend. I mean yesterday I must have gone out to go to Fred Meyer for like... I don't know, an hour and then I went to Bradley's house for 20 minutes. Today I spent practically all day studying and practicing my guitar. I got up early enough that I got my playing done by around 2', I think I played approximately 65 minutes.

I started studying pretty early-- like I did my first 20 minute chunk of economics at 10:30 which sort of revved up my brain for the rest of the day. I'm pretty sure I did about 3 solid hours of studying which is all around impressive.

At around 4' I started looking through my phone and noticed the text I'd gotten the other night from an unknown number. I started investigating when I got on facebook and I realized it was Jack. I realize that I had yet again asked him "Who's this?" when he texted me. I always, always delete Jack's number after I get frustrated with him because of the emotional ups and downs with him. He has this tendency to text me out of the blue after not talking for months and act like we're going to spend time together and then... well, not. Or like this last time where he came over and we played guitar together-- sort of, I couldn't improvise what so ever back then but I was really happy to be able to play in front of him.

But yeah when we hung out there was no flirtatiousness between us. This was back in like October. Then around January he started texting me saying we should hang out when I was dating Brendan and at this point I was so fed up with him that I said no. I just felt like he was just going to blow me off again and because I was already dealing with major anxiety and depression that quarter I didn't want to lose this sense of having someone to lean on with Brendan.

The relationship with Brendan of course only lasted what... a week after I returned from winter break? Not long. I'd tried getting ahold of Jack again but by then he had found a different girl that he was interested in. And then Abe started talking to me and I sort of started hanging out with him for awhile.

I don't know, finding someone that fits right with your personality is a huge challenge in life. Jack is someone that has come in and out of my life at random times for six years now (literally, since I was a sophomore in highschool).. and whenever he gets ahold of me now I can't help but just wonder, okay what is your deal now? lol. He apparently finished his last season of lacrosse recently. I'm wondering if he's graduating after this Spring or what. Anyway, we'll see if I get the chance to catch up with him or not, guess it doesn't really matter either way he'll text again in 3 or 4 months guaranteed lmfao

I'm still not even friends with Terry on facebook even if I notice he's on there before class all the time.  He's so wrapped up in what his friends and teammates are doing, drinking, etc.. to seem to want to give any attention to getting to know me at all and it's wearing thin quickly. The only times he seems to get excited about talking to me is when we're talking about his life or I'm helping him get something for economics.

LOL!! I figured it out, Terry's personality is just like Kevin Swanson! He's just too attractive and talented.... completely confident, stubborn as Hell about the validity of his opinions, and seems to be entirely non-conflicted about where he's going in life. Why wouldn't I be attracted to that.

But yeah no word from him all day-- I texted him a couple times throughout the weekend but he barely responded. Terry and I could be done hanging out for awhile. It doesn't matter, we're going to have so many classes together here in the next year I just want to be friends with him and have him respect me. I think I've done a very laid back job attempting to get to know him but if he's not down to actually put in any effort to get to know me why would I bother...?


Alright well it's bed time, this weekend's been slow but I feel recharged for tomorrow.

peace.

4/20, not doing much but thinking this year

Yeah not much word from Terry at all this weekend. I'm not going to say that I'm not disappointed, I thought after this week of being pretty friendly with eachother that he'd want to take the time to hang out again. I guess not. I'm not really worried about it but I am a bit disappointed because I got ready tonight and have nowhere to go. I went to Bradley's house for about 20 minutes because I said I'd stop in but I was kind of feeling emotionally drained.

Today I dyed my hair. Originally I was going to dye it BLONDE-- which would have been a nightmare almost inevitably. Better leave that to professionals if I ever wanted to lighten up.

I just took this a second ago and decided to upload it. This is me being a shut in on 4/20, a day I thought for sure I'd be out doing something. OH well at least I have facebook and my blog to keep me company. I'm wondering how Ashley's classes are going, it's about time I give her a call before I start my week. Ha ha she's like my counselling session, I call her and I feel better about my overall outlook on things.

I've had someone on my mind lately. She hasn't responded to my message and it's been a few days so I was like, "Huh..." but then I realized it was her birthday this weekend which makes me think she hasn't had easy access to her facebook inbox. I told her she should text me in the message with my number and I hope she does, I was quite honestly intrigued by our message exchange recently; like I'm excited to get to know this person and I'm hoping she doesn't pull back from me like she did in highschool because I was probably quite loud when she didn't say boo, ha ha ha.

I really more than anything want a chance to listen to her and ask her questions.

Yesterday I got a text message from Abe saying that he apologized for our situation... like, how we abruptly stopped talking after I flipped out on him. I can't really blame him for not wanting to deal with me at the time. I was dealing with a lot of stress, anxiety and baggage that probably made me come off as a more pessimistic person than I am today.

Anyway we kind of updated eachother on what we've been up too and Abe was asking about whether or not I was doing a minor. He said that getting a minor does not necessarily mean having to take a ton of additional classes like I thought it would. I am going to check out the different minors offered one of these days. I should probably also fill out an application to the college of business at some point. Will I take classes this summer? I don't know.

I think I just need to get a job. Seriously it's getting a little silly that I haven't found one, I'm looking around and starting to realize this. I'm tired of feeling kind of guilty spending my money which I've been quickly depleting lately because I've been putting more effort into my looks.

If I was earning some money I could buy more stuff... like nailpolishes, makeup, clothes, maybe some jewelry here or there, perfume... I've become more conscious about how I present myself, especially posture. Just having awareness and presenting myself well is going to do me a lot of good. Yet it's somehow not enough for the guys that I'm generally really attracted to? Ha ha, I mean seriously I think Terry's just blowing me off. Maybe he really does just want to study with me on the weekdays and that's it. Maybe he's just totally over spending time with me. Blughhh I can't think about that, it's so stupid.

I just have to remember this-- Whatever happens with Terry, if nothing else from this day forward, it was still an extremely useful encounter in my life because he was part of the reason I switched my major which will highly influence my career setting for the rest of my life. So in the most likely event that we will both graduate, take our own paths and never see eachother again, I'm at least happy for what has occured over these past couple months. It's really boosted my confidence to know that I've really got a clear cut long term goal that I'm working toward.

I was never that excited about human resource management.

peace.

Bloodhounds a good option for a first dog..?

Would it be hilarious if I bought a bloodhound and named her Ladybird? Ha ha.

I would really like to get a dog someday when I get my first place. I always grew up with cats and I love my Miranda to death, but whether I would like to get another cat or not is undecided. I feel that living on my own and being independent it would be nice to have a dog around. Of course that's pretty far into the future so I cannot predict what my circumstances will be like. I just need to focus on graduating now. 

It would be my first dog ever, though. I'm a pretty relaxed person so I would like a more sedentary breed of dog yet friendly and loyal. 

Alright gonna go meditate and sleep...

Just wanted to share this awesome idea.

peace. 

There's always shit to do

I've had a pretty fun week, mainly because I've had a lot of people over lately. I honestly get so much satisfaction out of making people feel welcome around me. When I like someone or want to get to know them of course, or have invited them to spend with me. I love making food and drinks for people, smoking, and really talking/getting to know someone. I haven't hung out with Terry since Monday so I'm wondering if I'll see him this weekend. If not it's cool, like Jake said to me yesterday...

There's always shit to do.

It's true, so regardless of where I go or who I end up with everything's gonna be okay.

I guess I just really like Terry.  He didn't do very well on that test, he got a 72%.. So he goes to Carbaugh's office and asks WHY he missed the questions that he did. He's always getting clarification from Sipic on things we learn in statistics as well. It's natural that I would want someone who is also as driven as I am. I'm pretty sure I'd frustrate a super laid back guy because he wouldn't understand my I'm so focused on my routines. I wouldn't want someone that would take me away from that, either, and when I see how engrossed Terry is in his sports, fitness, academics and job I'm extremely impressed.


But does he actually like me? Maybe. He likes me enough to go out of his way to try to spend time with me at least once a week for the past four weeks or so, and we're gradually getting more friendly with eachother.

There's a really tall basketball player girl that sits next to me in Economics and next to Terry on the right in Stats. She bought him a coffee today, I wouldn't be surprised if she likes him too. There's also this annoying redheaded bimbo in my stats class that tries to get his attention. Blegh, I'm not saying I'm intentionally paying attention to other girls that are looking at him, it's just obvious that he's never had a problem with it. Which is why I have to continue to act very coy toward him and play the cat and mouse game.

I feel like I've been playing the cat and mouse game since I've started dating. In my life I only recall really having feelings toward two other guys-- Chad and Jack, both of which I was in sort of this back-and-forth, frustrating game with for a long period of time but never ended up in a relationship. It's like they liked me enough to let me stroke their ego but they didn't like me enough to take the step to actually be seen with me, which was extremely frustrating and painful at the time.

I cannot say things have gotten that much better for me with this new guy that I actually like, but there's a huge difference in the amount of self esteem I had then versus now. That and I don't care as much.

Anyway yeah,  I'm hoping to find a job here in Ellensburg so I can work and take classes over the summer. He's planning on taking international economics which was what I was planning to take too. I would much rather have the opportunity to take classes this summer and graduate at the end of next spring then go to school NEXT summer which is what I'm inevitably going to have to do based on my credit standings now.

If not so be it, I can understand why my Dad wants a break from student loans this summer...

Class registration is on the 6th. I'm going to turn in an application to Happy Market today, I'm hoping I can get a job soon if I start applying every day. I really want to start making some money and as I'm getting my academics more under control it seems more plausible. I'm getting used to the pace of college classes.

I ordered guitar pro through Amazon and it should be arriving home shortly. I'm considering taking a trip to Benton city for said purpose this weekend if it arrives, (it should be..). I told my Dad to keep an eye out for it and he said he'd call me when it comes in the mail. I'm probably going to double check with my Mom today. If so I could be driving back to the tri cities tomorrow if I feel up to it, who knows. 

Gotta study excel

peace.

Oh my dreams, Come back to me, back to me

Morning everyone.

Just got back from economics. Today I got an 86% on my first exam, which is definitely acceptable. I'd say my score is probably in the top 15 percentile in the class because most people got in the 70's and low 80's. It's probably lame of me to say that I was actually expecting/wanting a higher score in the 90's after the amount that I studied the material but that's what I get for skipping out on studying the multiple choice questions.

I already sort of feel myself getting lazier academically which means it's time to re-evaluate what is important right this second. On my whiteboard I wrote three columns to start recording the amount of hours that I spend studying on my most important exams. I'm hoping that at the end of this quarter I can look at the data I obtain from this and see if I can make an estimation of how many hours I have to study to get certain grades. Something like that would be good to know, I feel like I spend so many hours studying but I've never actually recorded it.

Here's what's on my mind currently:

1. Next Stats test (Tuesday), next econ quiz. I'll be studying for these every day.

2. Guitar Recital (April 27). I've been making a lot of progress on my piece. The solo is coming along and I've been working with the track directly to get the lick timing exactly.

3. Informative speech. Have to start watching Korean documentaries again and start putting together a slideshow. I have to have a visual aid for my presentation.

4. My new friend!!! Sort of. I knew her back in highschool because she dated my friend Caleb at the time. The reason I say new is because I never really got a chance to know her back then, and it's been so long that both of our personalities have matured so dramatically that any prior judgement and memories are obsolete. Hell I think the last time we were communicating people were still using MySpace... 2008? 

I've never disliked Arwen. She's always seemed very mysterious, interesting and deep to me. Back when we were younger I had sort of tried to be her friend when Caleb and I were playing tennis and Arwen would occasionally show up to practice. I remember asking her if she wanted to hang out sometime and she told me her mom is extremely strict and doesn't let her do hardly anything so I didn't ask again. I sort of got the vibe that she didn't want to be my friend at the time. 

That was back in highschool though-- when I was a sophomore... Back then I was playing sports, was super outgoing and loud, and pretty sure I had practically bleach blonde hair. Arwen dressed pretty "scene" at the time (as was Caleb) and they usually hung out with other scene kids. She always did her makeup and hair really well and clearly didn't come from Benton city so I found myself fascinated. 

Anyway she added me on facebook recently so we've been talking. She's clearly intelligent just based on the few messages we've sent back and forth and I am looking forward to hopefully getting a chance to hang out with her when I have my recital. 

5. grass. lol guess that's always on my mind.

6. Terry. We did study the other day in the library for a good hour and a half. When I was getting my test out of the pile I spotted his. I did do better than he did but I still think both of us could have done better. 

7. math

Which I'm gonna study now.

peace.

I love purity ring, lol. This is one of my favorite songs from this lovely album some guy at the computer repair store told me about. 

First time bars in eburg, busy a## mondays

Hello to anyone who reads my blogs. As you can see, it snowed this morning.

Very cold, uncomfortable walk to economics class. Did Terry offer to give me a ride back? Of course not. ha ha ha. 

I didn't end up seeing him all weekend. He texted me first thing Saturday morning and we sort of threw around the idea of seeing eachother but it didn't end up happening. He asked me if I wanted to study economics with him last night but postponed it until today because he had to finish writing a paper (tomorrow we have a test in economics). He didn't really seem interested in talking to me in class so it could go either way tonight. It doesn't matter and I am not worried about it, I will get the work done either way. 

 I had a really good weekend because I had my first experience going to bars in Ellensburg.

The bars were actually a lot nicer than I expected. Much nicer than the ones in Richland, and there were hardly any older adults-- it consisted primarily of 20-somethings so I did see some girls from my classes. I also saw a couple of Allie's friends, like Oscar and some guys that live with him. I talked to them quite a bit and danced with Allie's Puerto Rican friend once I got a little more drunk. At about 1:30 I really wanted to get the hell out of that place though (Called The 301, I'm pretty sure).. Not because I was uncomfortable necessarily but because it was loud and alcohol has a way of making me tired.

The cute guy in my professional speaking class is a bartender at the starlight. He's a really attractive, "heart-throb"-y guy, like he's the kind of guy that that gets fan girls from acting sweet to being borderline sappy. On one of the first days we'd talked about the guitar because he'd talked about it in his personal introduction, but now that he's come to realize how serious I am about it he doesn't want to come around me. I had asked him about it and he's like "Yeaaah I need to practice.." lol. Ha ha, he's just so pretty to look at, I enjoy catching glances from him and watching his speeches for that reason alone. 

I had a nice visit with Katharine. It was good to get a chance to catch up with her. It seems like things in LA are going fine, she's living with Brian and his roomates currently and he is planning to leave his current job. I'm pretty sure Katharine told me that Brian works for a restaurant which his father helps supply the fish too. He just finished writing a book recently. Katharine is coaching track and working somewhere other than the wedding column. I can't remember where she said she was working exactly but I believe it has something to do with doing secretarial work or proofreading for a private firm.

Today I have a lot to get done so I'm considering taking a Rhodiolla here in a minute. I've drank two cups of coffee and one glass of tea which has kept me going but I feel myself getting more tired and worn out feeling. Usually happens around 5'. 

Anywhere here's what I have to get done or else I'll have quite a frustrating day tomorrow:

1. Start statistics chapter 5 homework

2. move laundry, get that done...

3. practice guitar for an hour, play nothing else matters 8-10 times

4. write my chapter 18 speech which I have to do in class tomorrow.

My classes have been pretty fun lately. I've been under little stress so far but I know that things are going to get more difficult. That's why I have to keep on top of it on a daily basis.

peace. 

Well the crazy lady's gone

Hello everyone. What do you think of this font? It's called "Trebuchet." Maybe I'll set this as my preset font. I can't tell if my eyes can get used to this font or not. 

Yeah probably not. 

Alright so, let's see, haven't written in a few days. It's Friday and here I am in my scrubby clothes at 5:30 pm. I just had dinner a few minutes ago. I had whole wheat pasta with vegetables and chicken on top. This is what I like to eat almost every day lately, it's so healthy. 

I'm staying in Ellensburg this weekend after all. I had my lesson with Jacob last night and he told me we weren't going to do an actual practice run-through at the pre-recital. It's more of a way for Jake to figure out the seating arrangement, which is cool-- but yeah not gonna drive back to the tri cities for a 10 minute run-through. 

My lesson was really good last night. Jake sent me the Nothing Else Matters backing track that I need to be able to play with perfectly. I realize now that I'm not actually playing with the TRACK in the background... Gah, I'm a noob. No, it's going to be just a little track in the background... for 6 minutes. Why the hell did I insist on picking such a long song. 

Jake wants me to practice it 8-10 times with the track per day until the 27th. I plan on doing so. Today I've been working on adding some tab to the sheet music that I ordered. The way that it's laid out shows different guitar parts in pieces so I've been unable to use it. I don't know, it's hard to explain, I'm getting it taken care of.

My visit with my friend Evan went well. He came over a couple nights ago around 7:30. We went down the Surc to meet up with a friend of his, came back and took this pic. Our visit was really fun but pretty brief. We basically hung out and watched netflix for a bit then I had to study. He crashed on the futon. I noticed Kristin hasn't slept out there since. 

Evan  said he might come up and hang out with me next weekend! That's awesome, glad to see I have a new person to hang out with on the weekends. 

Right now I'm not entirely sure what my plans are this weekend. I know that Katharine is going to be in Ellensburg at some point but I probably won't get a chance to see her until tomorrow. To be honest I'm kind of happy I'm not driving back to the tri cities, that would be such a huge pain in the ass right now. Now that Katelynn and I aren't best friends there's not much reason to go back... I mean anyone else I could just communicate with on facebook but Katelynn was someone that I always wanted face time with to get away.

That being said there is a chance Terry and I could see eachother this weekend. Yesterday I texted him asking if we could plan to sit next to eachother in lab and he's like "Yea we can probably do that." So today we sat next to eachother and I think he anticipated being the one to help me but it was visa-versa. He told me that he had years of experience using Excel but today he didn't know how to move the table around... Lol. Okay I'm definately not an expert at this crap either but it wasn't him sitting there holding my hand to get me through the homework today like I think he expected.

Numerous times he asked me, "Are you getting this?" Like asking if I need help. I'm happily said, "Nope!" and would then get ahead of him and he'd ask me to get caught up. It's felt great being on top of my academic game lately. 

There's this really cool guy in my stats class that helped me get through some of the final steps of the lab. I can't remember his name but he reminds me of Will Ferrell. Anyway he helped me finish the lab, then I helped Terry, then again we were a couple of the last ones out of there. Maybe because we actually get the lab done in the time allotted. About half the class leaves just 10 or 15 minutes after Sipic finishes explaining the material. 

The crazy older lady is gone from my classes I think. Damn it, she was providing some regular entertainment-- but not having her there has made it easier for my professors to get through there lectures so that's a plus. Okay if you guys haven't read about the crazy lady yet, she's this woman in late 30's to early 40's who was in both my Statistics and Economics class this quarter. In both classes she would continually raise her hand asking these asinine questions that are so irrelevant that people would just roll their eyes any time she'd raise her hand.

On Monday she was especially bad in economics. That day in statistics during our review for the test Terry and I were chatting more than usual and trying to help eachother out. Needless to say, I do not include the crazy lady in my conversations regardless of the fact that she sits next to me and tries to butt in continually. Terry and I were looking at something trying to figure out a step and the crazy lady tapped on my shoulder and said "Well here's my answer!" and points to it. I'm like, "Oookay.." Shortly after she shoots up her hand and asks another stupid question and I finally just cracked up.

Like I chuckled out loud, I'm not going to lie. I think I was facing Terry and said something along the lines of "Oh my God..." and she said "Is that a stupid question?!" and I'm like "No, no, I'm just laughing at something my friend is doing.."

The next day she moved to the row behind me, and for the rest of the week she didn't show up to economics. If she's been in stats it's only been for a couple of days because I haven't heard her ass backwards, kind of "showy," jargon-filled but obviously NOT knowing-the-context-of-the-word questions. Older students that act like they have something to prove piss everyone off. Ha ha university level college is a lot better than community college because you don't have to deal with that as much.

But yeah I think she's done. For some reason I'm having a feeling I drove her nuts. I bring out the crazy in people at times... 

peace. 

First tests, check. new friend!!! : )

I've had a pretty good couple of days.

Oh, look it's about time for my roommate's nap in the living room. This morning she snapped at me again when I knocked on the door to the bathroom. Lol, I am going to have no problem not talking to her for the rest of the year. Then when we move out at the end of the year I will say to her, "I hope you had so much fun here!" Fun watching TV and doing nothing all day.

Yesterday was my first econ quiz and I got 35/36, that's way better than I've ever done on one of his tests, I'm pretty sure the best I did last quarter was an 88%. I'm also almost certain that I did well on my statistics test. Doing well on tests makes me feel like my time was spent productively this past week.

Today I have an impromptu speech in my Speech class. I'm in a good mood today so I feel I will do well. The topics are really broad and basic, like what are you going to do this summer, talk about your favorite music, etc... These topics are unfortunately extremely broad so it's almost harder for me to come up with something specific. I'm bringing my index cards and will have almost the whole class period to look it over before I have to present. I just have to pretend that I'm talking to a webcam and I'll be fine.

I also have that Chapter 18 speech and an interview project that I have to get done. This is exactly like the speech class I took at columbia basin college. I'm just hoping I can pull a better grade this quarter but to be honest I've barely read my speech book at all. After I get offline here I'm going to read the section on impromptu speeches and see if I can pick up some tips on it.

That class is just annoying to me sort of like English 102... I tend to put writing assignments off until about the last minute to avoid having to rewrite it several times. I'm too much of a perfectionist to really enjoy a speech or a writing class because it's impossible to know what the professor is going to think of your work. There's no concrete right or wrong answers.. Like with my stupid Exotic animal final that apparently got me a B (not even a B+) in my English class-- I thought it was good!! 

Terry continues to impress me. Today he skipped economics class to study for his statistics test. That shows me that it means a lot to him and that he's very good at managing his time. I lended him my 4-function calculator today but Sipic was super nice to bring a bunch of extras anyways. Ha ha in so many classes I've been in it's like, forgot the right kind of calculator? Well you're SOL! hahaha

I met this pretty badass guy named Evan A. yesterday. I've basically been texting eachother and talked on the phone for about 2 1/2 hours. We have a ton in common and I think we're going to be really good friends. He drives and isn't working currently so he's really excited to come up here and hang out with me. He's sang in some bands before, plays a little guitar, and is best friends with Aaron M.

Lol, Aaron and I aren't friends on facebook. I'm pretty sure I've tried to add him before but either got denied or deleted, some people keep their facebook friends lists kind of exclusive. I don't, I find too many people fascinating and I don't delete anyone unless they're spamming continually and I don't know them. Basically I'm sure Aaron's only memory of me is that I am Mrs. Wilson's daughter and that I took lessons from him and didn't practice.... lol.

But anyway!! YEAH, me and Evan!!! lol We're going to be good friends!! We know similar people, on top of it, so we'll always have stuff to talk about. 

That's a blessing, definitely. Ever since I lost Katelynn I've felt like there was something missing in my life. A best friend to smoke with? Perhaps. Katharine and Samantha aren't smokers, though I consider them my best friends as well. And Ashley B. is one of my best friends... but also my councilor in a lot of ways. Like because she's older than me she's been through a lot, and has taught herself coping skills to deal with a lot of the difficult emotions that I've been through such as depression and anxiety.

So I'm pretty blessed for friends.. I'm so lucky and I always have to remind myself that when things get hard.

peace. 

Look it's baby Reese! Lindy had her baby, he's lovely. 

Lindy's always been an extremely sweet person, she was a very good friend to me back in highschool and we've really lost touch since I've gone to college. I know she knows that I care about her. I'm really happy for her and her new family. Lindy is now engaged to a military guy named Kc. This is him.

His mom seems crazy about Lindy! She loves her, Lindy clearly loves Kc and seems very accepting of the military circumstances. 

It's kind of funny, Logan is actually going into the military too. Logan's someone else that was really part of my life back in highschool. Lol he was so stubborn at times and we were all so competitive with eachother. I feel like Logan will be really good in the military, he's always seemed like the type to really benefit from that career path. He wasn't necessarily a superb student but he's smart enough that he'll be able to operate machinery and take orders well. Who knows, maybe I'll meet him again someday and he'll be a high ranking military official. 

I love facebook... It's such an interesting time in all of our lives and to be able to see people's lives transition so rapidly over the past few years has been pretty astounding. 

I posted this picture on facebook today. I think it's hilarious, I captioned it, "This'll be my kid."

I feel like I'm still pretty far away from the point that I will want to be parent. I feel like everything has been coming to me in good time and hopefully I see myself having my first baby when I'm 25. My Mom was like, "What? You better get on that then.." meaning uh, Emily you haven't had an actual boyfriend for two years now, how the hell are you gonna have a baby in 4 years? 

Today was a pretty rigorous study day for me, exclusively in economics because I have a test tomorrow. I studied for about 2 1/2 hours before Terry texted me at 4' pm asking if I'd studied, lol. Honestly it was the first time I'd really sat down and looked at my economic material for more than 20 minutes all week so I was down to study again. freaking statistics is incredibly time consuming and it's going to dominate some time tomorrow too for our first test on Tuesday. 

Anyway Terry and I met up at the library at 9:30 pm. He was working on doing some revisions to his philosophy when I first got there and we ended up going upstairs to study at some tables. We quizzed eachother on concepts and a lot of the vocab and I was surprised at how many of the questions I knew. I feel confident on tomorrow's test, learning about taxes these past couple weeks has been relatively straightforward.

The study session went really well, it was very productive. We definitely have the same feeling about tests where if there's even one problem that you're like "What the f**k" you just feel like crap. Like walking into a classroom when you don't know the material for a test is the most daunting feeling in both of our opinion so I hope we'll be studying a lot more together. 

He's taken accounting 252 with Holtfreter too so that was pretty hilarious to talk about. He said that class was HARD for him too so it wasn't just my imagination, ha ha. 

peace.

I wish I could focus for 7 hours

Yo everyone, it's 4:15 pm on a Saturday.

I have so much work to do today, so much information to try and grasp and I'm really going to work on my solo. I feel very invigorated, probably because I just drank my second cup of coffee today and to be honest I haven't eaten much aside from a couple pieces of toast and a little at a BBQ Hassan invited me too. I also got a text from Abdull about being ready for his lesson so I've got some preparations to do. Tomorrow the library will be open so I intend to get their stuff ready tonight, e-mail it over and print in the library before Abdull's lesson.

Today I would like to do a solid 2 hours of statistics AND a solid two hours of economics AND play the guitar for 2 hours AND read my speech book.... Is that too much to ask myself in one day? Probably but I have nothing else planned and I'm interested to see if I can do it. Let's see, that's 7 hours of work. It's 4:18, that means I'd  get done at 11:00.. yeah that's probably too much.

I'm just going to do an hour of each subject at a time and write on my white board when I finish things. I've stopped writing my daily to-do list on my whiteboard because it stresses me out more than it's worth.

I saw Terry for a little while today. He came over and I showed him my filing cabinet and guitar hour log, he told me it was really cool. He went to a bar last night with his friends so we hardly texted eachother and I kind of got the feeling he was blowing me off. Nope, guess not. He told me today he's not a big fan of long texting conversations which is nice because neither do I. It keeps things interesting too.

This is a video that Terry showed me the evening I hung out at his place. 

 My mom said  it's kind of ironic that Jack's brother is James Otto who's famous and Terry's cousin is Kurt Cobain. Terry does a lot-- he plays sports, cooks, gets really good grades, is really attractive and plays music. We're a lot alike in a sense that we  both really like to get stuff done and we're both competitive.

I'm looking forward to the weather warming up so we can play tennis together.

So yeah, I'd like to say this situation is looking okay. This is the kind of consistent cat and mouse that I was looking for. It's definitely interesting and it's nice to have a crush on someone. Not having a crush on anyone is the pits because you feel like there's something missing yet at the same time I want my complete independence so I really can't complain.

Today I also went to a BBQ that my guitar student Hassan invited me to. I invited my friend (who I met through Allie) Kala to come and by the time she got there it was freezing cold and pouring rain.

I've been praying... so much lately. Probably 3-4 times a day, and usually it's to ask for the mental strength to understand my schoolwork, lmfao. That and to be happy and live in the present. Prayer helps me a lot, especially when I feel like there's nobody to talk to in my house. My roommate clearly doesn't like talking to me. Since I've started praying I've noticed a lot of improvements in my life, both academically and mentally. Whether or not there's a God listening, something clicks in my brain when I say it in a prayer. It's like my mind identifies it as something I need to do.

Hard to explain I guess.

I have officially have my recital rehearsal in one week.

peace. 

Roommates. Thinking about next year.

Evening everyone.

Well it's almost 9:00 pm. Today's been a relaxing, entertaining Friday for me for the most part. I'm wondering if I'm going to do anything tonight but it's not looking like it. I'm not worried about it, it's been a good week academically and I'm proud of myself for getting so much done.

I've completely given up talking to Kristin. Fuck it, seriously. She never talks to me unless I talked to her first and today she snapped at me when I apologized for leaving some dishes in the sink. I'm just trying to be courteous. She's been sleeping out in the living room a lot lately. Like I get home from my stats class and she's out there sleeping with her blankets in set up like her bed. I really don't go out in the living room anymore. Whatever, I do not care at all either way, it's not like her and I have been buddy-buddy at all since day one.

I am probably going to live in student village again next year. Allie H. asked me if I'd like to live with her and Kala next year. I really don't know if I'd want to live with someone that I'm friends with, it would take away from my independence. That and I feel like 3 people living together is a lot messier than two. The reason being is that if there's two people if one makes a mess than it's obvious who to blame. With three it's much easier to just leave dishes around because you can't pin it on someone.

Not saying these girls would be like that at all. There's a number of other reasons, such as the convenience of living at student village with the laundry thing, easy parking, etc etc... It just works for me, I feel like it's the best circumstance I could have at CWU and for that reason next year I'll probably just have a different room, same apartment building.

My guitar playing has been kind of lazy lately. Like I've only been averaging about an hour a day, that's not great... in fact lately it's even been worse, like two days this week I've done less than an hour but that was mainly due to my acoustic not functioning. I feel like I have to get through this hump of the recital before I can really dedicate myself to anything else. I really should learn more songs though, I've just been so swamped with school I usually don't want to focus that hard. I'd rather just screw around with the pentatonic scale.

Hmm, let's see what actually happened today.

Nothing really worth mentioning aside from volunteering for AUAP again, which was really fun! We had pizza and I had a piece of this delicious chicken and jalepeno with white sauce, yummm! Dominoes is good pizza, it's my favorite of all the pizza fast food branches I've decided.

Alright I've got my everything bagel and a big glass of wine, gonna be a relaxing evening.

peace. 

made my spine tingle.

 It's been one of those days that the anticipation for something else has made me lazy. Right now I'm waiting for some water to boil, I'm going to make a great cup of tea and study statistics and economics tonight. Sometime this weekend I have to read that Speech book, seriously even if that class is the biggest challenge for me to pay attention to, I need to at least try. I'm sure that book can give me some really good tips on professional speaking...

I've really been trying to get the most out of that speech class. I know that it's going to help me out a lot in the real world because going into business you continually have to communicate with people. The lectures in that class are just awful though because I found that by this point in the day my mind is completely wrapped up in what I'd listened to or experienced earlier and it's hard for me to focus on something that seems less relevant to me because it's from the Comm major.

I should really be happy that I'm getting that opportunity to experience that class that's out of my major though. I'm having a feeling I'm going to meet a lot of interesting people in that class if I could just stop judging people. I know I mentioned the crazy fake tans in that class earlier. I have to try very hard not to do that because it only hinder's people's progress.

And there's nothing wrong with being tan. I mean look at this photo, if I were to get spray tanned on a regular basis that would be about the skin change difference. But it's expensive, lasts a short amount of time, and streaks everywhere... At least on me. 

I think I just associate it with bad times. Like in middle school where my Mom would try to help me present myself decently but I would end up with ridiculous looking streaky half-orange arms from tanning lotion. My Mom and sister have always been able to put that stuff on flawlessly but with my skin it just doesn't sit well. People have actually told me that my tattoo is fading and I need to get it touched up. 

....That makes my spine tingle, I'd like to go do that to feel the needle again.

Is that weird? I just really liked the adrenaline rush from getting a tattoo. I associate it with new beginnings, yet now my tattoo also holds the scar of a lost friendship.

Clint told me he's started talking to Katelynn again, so she's opening back up to people (Alan's friends). Except for me, clearly. That's her choice and I respect her for it, if she wants me out of her life I'm not going to bother her. I was just very worried about her so I was happy to hear that she's talking to Clint again because I want her to have friends. When she deleted me from her facebook she also deleted almost all of her other friends too (Al's friends) but I'd like to think that she's going to be friends with them again and everything will be normal in her life again. I mean minus me. 

I want her to be content. We have so much history together I will always care about her and it scared the shit out of me when she deleted everyone. 

peace. 

Switching my major around, sort of

Hey all.

Let's see, it's 1:26 pm and today's been really good. This morning I woke up realizing why I'd been angry all day yesterday. I was really emotional about nothing. Terry and I talked today, everything's cool. I don't know if he's interested in me or not but I've decided I don't really care because it doesn't matter. Terry and I are the same major-specialization so I'm going to see him around for another year.. well that is, if he stays at Central. Since his family is from Aberdeen he might want to go to school closer to his family at some point. Or maybe he'll get picked up by some other team, who knows.

But it's all good. Seriously. If I do hang out with Terry again it will hopefully be to do the second attempt of our statistics homework that is due on Monday. I did the first attempt at that today. It took an hour and I was feeling VERY confident about my answers but was shocked when I got about a D on the assignment score. Luckily Sipic gives us 2 chances (again, I like his class, there's a lot of resources to learn the material including online questions which is a plus. Working online is nice, too) on the assignment.

So because I've liked my Stats and economics classes so much this quarter I've been considering changing majors. Oh that and I can't stand my comm class. And something tells me the Human Resource Management specialization classes will have similar gender distributions as my comm class that has a bunch of Public Relations majors. Lots of females. Now I have nothing against women, obviously I am one! But now that I've started to get a better understanding of economics and statistics and my mind is like-- OH HEY, I CAN kind of do this, I would like to go into Finance and Supply Chain management!

But how do I know if my brain is ready for this? I have to work especially hard. I never anticipated to be taking on this incredible challenge. Finance is a much more difficult choice in regards to the amount of math than Human Resource Management. Professor Sipic really inspired me when he said "Statistics is hard. Math is hard. Get used to it because it will be like that for the rest of your life."

It's so true! And I realize now that my brain has no disadvantage to any other student in class because math is hard for EVERYONE. Granted I do not want to take any more accounting. There is a lot of accounting that goes into this stuff but the finance major is much different:

okay this looks like crud, just copied this onto paint...

This is all the classes needed to get the bachelors in finance. These are the classes that I would take after this quarter, so next year is going to be by no means easy, which is why I'm really working hard in statistics currently to understand this and have a better grasp of what's to come in the upcoming months.

I am really excited to take more econ classes-- especially international economics which I will definitely take with Carbaugh. That will be my third class with him probably. I just really like how his classes are set up, they're easy to follow and his lectures always make sense. Plus he's a kind person and doesn't act like he wants to fail all of us. 

I do not like professors that deliberately act like assholes, honestly. I've been lucky enough to not get any of those.

Because I was not in the greatest mood yesterday I did not do very well on my speech. I feel like I did not act very friendly in a matter of engaging with the audience, so I plan on acting friendier toward people today. Like this poor girl asked me a question about where I got my shirt and I answered that I had no idea and that I didn't care much about fashion. Shit, she was just complimenting my shirt, I need to learn to take a compliment and not take myself so... excuse my wording here, damn serious. Lol just kidding, it's not that, I just honestly didn't know the answer to her question and my nervousness compounded on top of the nervousness of being up there.

Not that I'm afraid of my class or anything. It's just a different group of people. All of the comm majors. It's something that I'm taking to avoid taking technical writing because I already suffered through that at CBC. Lol that was Spring quarter, actually, that was a fun class. That quarter I hung out with Josh F. and Tyson B. before class. Then I met Corey B. and of course Guy.

Speaking of Guy!

I added him on facebook the other day. We're cool. He's doing shows, has a girlfriend and his baby that he probably see's on the weekends, and I'd assume he lives at least somewhat close to his ex.

But yeah, uh professional speaking class. Honestly yesterday I was sitting in class trying to study stats but my calculator buttons were too loud. I need to be a good listener in that class to get a good grade but when I'm the last one on the list and I'm so bored with anticipating for my speech that I wanted to do something productive.

It's just boring. It's nothing against the professor, he seems like a super nice guy and he's trying to make this as interesting as possible by letting us pick our own topics and such. Speaking of which I have an informative paper that I need to do... I'm considering talking about the recent change in affairs with North Korea and how they are basically threatening the US and the South right now. 

don't even read the next three paragraphs, seriously. This is for my own personal reference later.

I think that would be interesting. And specific enough. I will spend part of the presentation talking about the Juche philosophy, and the "Father Figure" and "God" Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Un. I will talk about how both of them have passed away, and how Kim Jong Un is leader to a country in a desperate situation and in order to draw attention to themselves to make changes have called for war. Of course people have to encourage this in order to not be sent to death camps.

The end of the last remaining command system, communistic regime is coming close to an end! My friend Ethan is currently stationed in South Korea and he doesn't even seem too scared about it because he knows the lack of resources North Korea has. However these people have been so far indoctrinated that even with starvation, lack of electricity, and brainwashing in this secluded country, perhaps soldiers will fight.

The question is what will become of our military? Now what would be CRAZY is if something actually happens between now and the point that I make my speech. Granted it's not likely but literally the North Korean media has been broadcasting it's serious decision to go to war with the US (...oi vey) and South Korea to achieve "Reunification" and the worldwide spread of Juche philosophy. Now, any moron, especially the son of the "Greatest Godlike Surpreme Military Commander that Ever Lived Kim Jong Il", Kim Jong Un will know that the likelihood of this actually happening is worse now than ever. The Juche philosophy and insane dictatorship was barely conceivable in the 1950's when North Korea was actually ahead economically of it's South Korean counterpart, let alone today where the DPRK has been hit with massive floods, starvation and death of probably a third of it's population by this point (I will definately double check this when I am doing the presentation. Unfortunately because North korea is so secretive this information will more than likely not be available. It's not like North Korea has a census, individuals in their society don't matter!)


Alright anyway, tty guys later. Gonna go to my speech class now... blarggg

peace.