made my spine tingle.

 It's been one of those days that the anticipation for something else has made me lazy. Right now I'm waiting for some water to boil, I'm going to make a great cup of tea and study statistics and economics tonight. Sometime this weekend I have to read that Speech book, seriously even if that class is the biggest challenge for me to pay attention to, I need to at least try. I'm sure that book can give me some really good tips on professional speaking...

I've really been trying to get the most out of that speech class. I know that it's going to help me out a lot in the real world because going into business you continually have to communicate with people. The lectures in that class are just awful though because I found that by this point in the day my mind is completely wrapped up in what I'd listened to or experienced earlier and it's hard for me to focus on something that seems less relevant to me because it's from the Comm major.

I should really be happy that I'm getting that opportunity to experience that class that's out of my major though. I'm having a feeling I'm going to meet a lot of interesting people in that class if I could just stop judging people. I know I mentioned the crazy fake tans in that class earlier. I have to try very hard not to do that because it only hinder's people's progress.

And there's nothing wrong with being tan. I mean look at this photo, if I were to get spray tanned on a regular basis that would be about the skin change difference. But it's expensive, lasts a short amount of time, and streaks everywhere... At least on me. 

I think I just associate it with bad times. Like in middle school where my Mom would try to help me present myself decently but I would end up with ridiculous looking streaky half-orange arms from tanning lotion. My Mom and sister have always been able to put that stuff on flawlessly but with my skin it just doesn't sit well. People have actually told me that my tattoo is fading and I need to get it touched up. 

....That makes my spine tingle, I'd like to go do that to feel the needle again.

Is that weird? I just really liked the adrenaline rush from getting a tattoo. I associate it with new beginnings, yet now my tattoo also holds the scar of a lost friendship.

Clint told me he's started talking to Katelynn again, so she's opening back up to people (Alan's friends). Except for me, clearly. That's her choice and I respect her for it, if she wants me out of her life I'm not going to bother her. I was just very worried about her so I was happy to hear that she's talking to Clint again because I want her to have friends. When she deleted me from her facebook she also deleted almost all of her other friends too (Al's friends) but I'd like to think that she's going to be friends with them again and everything will be normal in her life again. I mean minus me. 

I want her to be content. We have so much history together I will always care about her and it scared the shit out of me when she deleted everyone. 

peace. 

Another old friend starts his new family..

Caleb O. is going to be Dad. I just got done working out and pulled up facebook and this was the first picture that came on. There are a lot of people that I know that are deciding to become parents. I hope the best for them.

I haven't seen or spoken to Caleb in a long time. We were pretty good friends during my sophomore year of highschool back when he was pretty into the "scene" and dating Arwen M. Arwen used to hang around our tennis practices at times. I think she now has a child as well. Again, I just wish them the best. I just thought that was interesting because I really enjoyed talking to Caleb back in the day.

I worked out after I drank some wine. Counterproductive, I know. But it can't hurt to work out some energy. My skin has cleared up a lot since I got home, probably because of this great dry weather. I had an excellent guitar lesson with Jacob today even if I was really shy because it was the first time I'd seen him in person in awhile. It's actually easier for me to play well via skype then in person... In person I feel my hands tense up and feel rigid in my playing even if I've been practicing something all week.

Like the pentatonic scale in A minor!! I have been working SO hard at getting it all week... played almost two hours prior to lessons... Still couldn't play very well in front of him today. I know he knows I can play and that I've been working at it. He wrote up an entire packet for me just to learn these scales. Based on how large this packet is, it looks like he put a great deal of time and effort into it so I'm going to really, really work hard on that this week. I'm sure he'll use the packet for future students as well.

I'm going to get to bed here shortly. I did everything I wanted to do today. Tomorrow, well... Hmm, depends on if my Mom pays me for the organizing or not. If she does I intend to go into town, pick up Samantha and maybe do a little Christmas shopping. I'd like to get something for my sister. My parents told me not to get them anything but if I find a couple little things that they might like I'm going to get them. Even if it's something silly and inexpensive I'll make sure to make it thoughtful.

The rest of the money will probably go right back into my gas tank. Gas is an important luxury when I'm visiting home because I want to go see my friends as much as possible but it can take so much driving living out here. 

peace. 

If I weren't leaving I think I'd be with you. [5 days!]

My Grandma and I had lunch today, which is an enormous burden off my shoulders because she hadn't really heard from my family in a couple years and wanted to know how we were doing. I told her how Avery and I are doing very well, and that neither of us are mad at her. Though the situation is extremely frustrating and my Dad has felt lost without the farm things just happen. We're all still in good health and I should at least make an effort to visit once and awhile.

I've never actually watched the show Bob's Burgers. I'm just... not interested, the animation turns me off. 

We went to Bob's Burgers and I got fish and chips. I only ate a little of it because I wasn't super hungry and wanted to save the leftovers for later but my mom ate them a few minutes after I stuck it in the fridge. Sigh.. I thought she'd at least leave some of it for me, I think I actually said I didn't want any more of it. Probably for the best that I don't eat two big servings of fish and chips in one day...

This morning it took me awhile to get out of bed and I've only practiced the guitar 40 minutes today. I'm going to need a new motivation now that Jacob will no longer be teaching me. I was thinking of starting a new reward system where if I practice my three hours (which will probably shorten to 2 once I start with school) a day I'll put a sticker on my sheet. At the end of the week, for every sticker on my sheet I'll earn $5.  I'll take the cash directly out of the bank and spend it on absolutely whatever I want/need with it.

Better a reward system with cash than food.

Katelynn and I hung out today for a bit. It was a quick visit because she drove out here and had to leave because Alan needed his car. I read her the crazy Trisha/Dylan blog entry, it was the first time she'd gotten the detailed story. They texted me again recently when Dad and I went to Hobby Lobby asking if I wanted to let the "past be the past" and hang out again. Uhm, no thank you...? Just thinking about them makes me shake with anxiousness. I've never been with anyone that finds and points out my flaws so readily.

Katelynn mentioned that she saw Josh K. recently at Albertsons or something. I'm sad that he never really comes into Rite Aid anymore. I don't know if it's because of me because he feels obligated to make small talk or if it's because he can't drink monsters anymore... Or maybe he just doesn't drink monsters and smoke cigarettes anymore. OR he is buying them but found a better deal than Rite Aid. Either way, I haven't seen him in weeks, and I probably won't get a chance to say goodbye.

I'll spend the majority of my shift wondering this tomorrow. The funny thing about Josh is this... I think he is s attracted to me as I am to him but he has never wanted to start something because I'm leaving. This is also probably why  we haven't spent any time together since then (he's messaged me drunk a couple times wanting me to come out there but I don't want that right now... even if I would have liked too). He's been my only interest this summer. He's always been really respectful toward me which is huge. He's confident, nice, AND smoking hot.. all good qualities. I imagine if I weren't going to college, Josh and I would be dating.

But things aren't going to happen that way because they weren't meant too. For some reason God wanted me to have some major alone time this summer, apparently.

5 days!!!

Check it out I finally got a new default. 

Giggity.

It's been awhile since I've been able to get a decent webcam shot. I like my facebook picture to be pretty nondescript like this. 

Shoot it's almost 8:00. I stayed up late one night last night and woke up with worse acne than yesterday, even if the one on my face on the left disappeared I've got two more now near my chin. I need to order differin again but it's so expensive and that'll take a good chunk from my last paycheck but oh well, it's an $80 rescue product that I always should have on hand with my skin issues.

Tomorrow is my last Saturday shift. I have to go into it with a good attitude like I did on Thursday to make it through as quickly as possible.

peace.