4/20, not doing much but thinking this year

Yeah not much word from Terry at all this weekend. I'm not going to say that I'm not disappointed, I thought after this week of being pretty friendly with eachother that he'd want to take the time to hang out again. I guess not. I'm not really worried about it but I am a bit disappointed because I got ready tonight and have nowhere to go. I went to Bradley's house for about 20 minutes because I said I'd stop in but I was kind of feeling emotionally drained.

Today I dyed my hair. Originally I was going to dye it BLONDE-- which would have been a nightmare almost inevitably. Better leave that to professionals if I ever wanted to lighten up.

I just took this a second ago and decided to upload it. This is me being a shut in on 4/20, a day I thought for sure I'd be out doing something. OH well at least I have facebook and my blog to keep me company. I'm wondering how Ashley's classes are going, it's about time I give her a call before I start my week. Ha ha she's like my counselling session, I call her and I feel better about my overall outlook on things.

I've had someone on my mind lately. She hasn't responded to my message and it's been a few days so I was like, "Huh..." but then I realized it was her birthday this weekend which makes me think she hasn't had easy access to her facebook inbox. I told her she should text me in the message with my number and I hope she does, I was quite honestly intrigued by our message exchange recently; like I'm excited to get to know this person and I'm hoping she doesn't pull back from me like she did in highschool because I was probably quite loud when she didn't say boo, ha ha ha.

I really more than anything want a chance to listen to her and ask her questions.

Yesterday I got a text message from Abe saying that he apologized for our situation... like, how we abruptly stopped talking after I flipped out on him. I can't really blame him for not wanting to deal with me at the time. I was dealing with a lot of stress, anxiety and baggage that probably made me come off as a more pessimistic person than I am today.

Anyway we kind of updated eachother on what we've been up too and Abe was asking about whether or not I was doing a minor. He said that getting a minor does not necessarily mean having to take a ton of additional classes like I thought it would. I am going to check out the different minors offered one of these days. I should probably also fill out an application to the college of business at some point. Will I take classes this summer? I don't know.

I think I just need to get a job. Seriously it's getting a little silly that I haven't found one, I'm looking around and starting to realize this. I'm tired of feeling kind of guilty spending my money which I've been quickly depleting lately because I've been putting more effort into my looks.

If I was earning some money I could buy more stuff... like nailpolishes, makeup, clothes, maybe some jewelry here or there, perfume... I've become more conscious about how I present myself, especially posture. Just having awareness and presenting myself well is going to do me a lot of good. Yet it's somehow not enough for the guys that I'm generally really attracted to? Ha ha, I mean seriously I think Terry's just blowing me off. Maybe he really does just want to study with me on the weekdays and that's it. Maybe he's just totally over spending time with me. Blughhh I can't think about that, it's so stupid.

I just have to remember this-- Whatever happens with Terry, if nothing else from this day forward, it was still an extremely useful encounter in my life because he was part of the reason I switched my major which will highly influence my career setting for the rest of my life. So in the most likely event that we will both graduate, take our own paths and never see eachother again, I'm at least happy for what has occured over these past couple months. It's really boosted my confidence to know that I've really got a clear cut long term goal that I'm working toward.

I was never that excited about human resource management.

peace.

Remember when I was so strange and likeable.

Sigh...

I'm sitting here in the living room at Carmin and Chad's. I watched Tori this evening, who was super well behaved. I was texted right after I got out of work. They should be pulling in here any minute but you know how it goes; I told them they could stay out as long as they want.

It was incredible to watch Tori today. She's gotten so much bigger and she looks adorable, I love her very much. It tripped me out because I watched her so many times as a baby and then to not see her for a year.. She's got her own little personality! She's so cute and bright, it makes me actually look forward to having kids someday.

As expected, I'm suddenly in contact with Jack again, what a huge surprise. He's not going to be moving back to the tri cities this summer though so I don't see us spending any time together. I've been sort of bitchy at him, honestly. I just find it almost impossible not too after my angst and frustration toward him in the past. At least we're on a communication basis to where I'm not trying to avoid him anymore.

Because I guess you could say the reality of Western is setting in with my whole family, and I just don't think it's in the cards for me. It's 8 hours away, which is a long ass drive that I don't know my car can handle. I probably couldn't transfer my job because its in an entirely different district. I could potentially feel quite isolated there, and the depressing weather doesn't help. Speaking of which, I JUST got over my depression, making the Western situation seem so overwhelming...

Central really is the best option. I know this, and I've known it all along but I was so worried about not having my own experience because the fear of Katharine "showing me the ropes" and not being able to figure things out on my own. Well, Katharine is leaving down to LA soon and if I ever need some advice on how Central works she'd be a great person to call, and I can still have my own experience even if I do know some people there. My Dad knows a lot of people in the business department at Central. I'd be majoring in business administration with a specialization in Human Resources.

I wanted to go to Western when I was so desperate to get away from everyone, but I've realized that maybe I don't want to leave Katelynn, Samantha... these people in my life in the tri-cities that I love so much. Granted, yeah I'm not going to be around nearly as much but going to Central will allow me to return home for the holidays when Western probably wouldn't of. Driving over the pass is dangerous as Hell, so scary.

This is a brief reminder to myself that I got a video request. I'll probably do it in one of my cosplay wigs. I've got four days to do this:

Cosplay Interview Questions

How would you define cosplay?

What factors led you to start cosplaying?

When and where did you first cosplay? What was your first costume? How did others react? Was it a positive or negative experience? How old were you?

How have you changed since you started cosplaying?

How do you obtain costumes? Do you make them? Buy them? Alter?

What do you understand as understood rules of cosplaying?

How do you feel about other cosplayers?

Who do you look up in cosplay? Why?

Do your friends cosplay? How do those you know react to your hobby?

How do you feel about cosplaying? Is it a social taboo?

What has been your best experience with cosplay? Your worst?

How many costumes do you have?

Do you prefer doing costumes by yourself or in a group?

Do you have any other interests/hobbies?

How do you think people who don’t cosplay view cosplay?

It's for Khillian, she's doing a school project. Great excuse to make a video.

It's 12:00 am. I'm getting tired. I should probably try to get a little shut eye before they get home.. I've got work tomorrow but I feel restless. My head is just swimming right now.

peace.