Monday, September 1, 2014

Last night run turned nightmare.


Today's September 1st, the Monday of labor day weekend. Every year of school I recall this being the 3 day weekend to follow the first week of school or the last day of summer.. In both cases it was usually kind of a melancholy feeling knowing I was about to enter another arduous year of having to spend 8 hours a day at Ki-Be surrounded mostly by people I never felt comfortable around.

Luckily now that I'm in college I look forward to Fall, it's my favorite season. This fall is going to be unlike any other in the past 18 years of my life because I'm not going to be going to school full time but instead working and keeping my brain active by taking an online accounting class. The fact that it's not going to be frying hot out anymore is more than welcome, especially now that I'm not going to take any more night runs.

Okay what you're looking at is actually a picture of a picture on my phone of my leg after an accident while out running last night.
 ...because I am too lazy to log-out of this account to log into my gmail.. stupid Google accounts. 

This is what happened:

I was up by Maeleena's house and there was a creepy car parked idling on my side of the street. I didn't want to run passed either side of the car on the sidewalk and decided to just run on the other side of the street. On the other side there is no sidewalk and not wanting to ride on the side of the road I decided to run on the land by the curb, assuming it was part of someone's yard.

I'm sure it was because my leg suddenly dropped into a 2 foot deep hole full of goathead plants. Shocked, I quickly pulled my leg out of the hole, feeling my other knee dragging against the ground. I got up and looked down and not only saw my leg bleeding but also some little bundles of bristles stuck to my shoes and other knee.

How this looks now, after cleaning and adding Neosporin to reduce the pain this morning. 
You can clearly see how my other knee was used to pull myself out of the hole because it also shows having been irritated by the poison in the thorns of the goatheads. 

For those of you that aren't from the desert, these are what these nasty little bastards look like. They grow in green weeds that grow in bunches on the ground and require very little water to thrive. So just imagine a 2 foot hole full of these plants and that's what I fell in last night. It was not a pleasant experience. 

My mom said it was bound to happen because running in the dark I'm just asking for problems. I know she's right but all August I was doing it anyway because it would always be too hot and muggy during the day-- that and it was always the last thing I wanted to do before bed to avoid late night calories. Unfortunately the exercising itself caused me to be so hungry when I arrived home that I'd normally eat too much anyway! 

This fall I'm going to really work on having a healthier lifestyle and getting in better shape instead of just trying to maintain my current shape. Jared and I got together the other night and he actually managed to make me feel like shit about my body because he's obviously into girls that are obsessed with their physique. Like he always "likes" female bodybuilding models on facebook and never even compliments my looks or body. That and he's so obsessed with his own physique and fitness that he makes me feel lazy or that I'm not doing enough even if I run 3 miles a day 5 days a week. 

I wish I could afford a damn gym membership but I can't right now so I'm just doing what I can. But seeing him reminded me that I should be doing more. The more he talked about working out and showing me pictures of girls with perfect bodies (like not just perfect washboard abs and muscles but ALSO big butt and/or boobs... like how do you know those aren't just implants?) the more insecure I felt and wondered if he was even attracted to me at all or if I'm secondary in his eyes to these girls? 

Another thing that bothered me is that he acted like I was somehow hindering on his time. Like he made it very clear to me numerous times that I had to leave early in the morning because he had to buy military gear and that was the main reason he was here. Not that he was happy to see me after 2 weeks of zero communication, but more that he was doing me a favor by seeing me. 

Yeah if that's the case don't do me any f*cking favors, lol. I realize if I continue to pursue this it will only lead to pain and disappointment because he doesn't seem to care about me at all. In fact after the vibe I got during our last visit I almost doubt we'll even talk again. As a little experiment to see if I'm right and he'd welcome the chance to no longer talk to me I will not text him from this day forward unless he sends me a text or Snapchat first. If he does my perception might have been distorted by my own insecurities during this last visit. 

I just don't know or really care right now, whatever happens happens. I've gotten to know myself well enough to not let some guy's standards modify who I think I should be.


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